It's an odd thing to see you, Sirius, after so many years…him in Azkaban…myself in Azkaban…but never seeing each other now isn't that mad? My own cousin, my dear cousin Sirius…my filthy blood traitor of a relative who I despise because he threw in his lot with them, those propriety neglecting fools! Such an immense amount of talent and blood…all utterly wasted and thrown away…and for what? A bit of freedom, cousin of mine? Was being Heir of Black not enough for you? Was commanding one of the purist and wealthiest names in Wizarding Britain not a high enough achievement for you? What was it about this life that you sought so reverently to escape?
What was it about a blood traitor, a werewolf, and a filthy coward that made you defile the Black name like so?
What was it about that foolish red and gold house whose own arrogance blinds them from their many faults?
What was it about that muggle loving headmaster that made you respect him so? More so than even your own Grandfather Arcturus?
What was it, cousin?
Did we not offer you enough? Was there an ounce of anything that we ever denied you? You, our heir - the one who would control the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black one day…did we somehow forsake you?
Oh, you had everything handed to you upon a silver platter did you not, cousin? Grandfather Arcturus fawning over you…Grandfather Pollux lauding you…your own Uncle Cygnus, my father, praising you…did that mean nothing to you at all? You were the perfect heir, my filthy little cousin…the perfect one to overtake this glorious house…but you know as well as I that something in you just couldn't possibly handle it, hm?
Was it weakness? Was it that trickle of Potter blood from our wretched Aunt Dorea's husband? That muggle loving piece of filth - that Charlus Potter? Was it that blood that caused you - one of our very own - to be a troll minded forsaker of family and blood?
Toujours Pur.
And perhaps it's a bit of my foolhardy girlhood seeping into my veins but I can't help but feel a teensy, weensy…upset when I see you, cousin. Surely you must understand that!
Look at you! Protecting that dirty half-blood! That son of a foolish mudblood girl! The son of the Dark Lord's enemies…the son of your friends.
Humph.
Where are your beloved friends now, Black? Where are they now? Dead and gone! Gone and gone and gone! Because they were weak and they were foolish and not an ounce of true, Wizarding blood ran through their veins - all of them, each of them, unworthy to wield the forces that surround us! We - the purebloods - the ones that the Dark Lord seeks to protect, to preserve, and to exhalt…we live, Sirius! We live in triumph while those who dare to oppose him die…that flash of green light is easy to produce, cousin.
And so perhaps that's why when I see you now, protecting that half-blooded child like he's your own - as if he himself is somehow a Black - I get a little angry. And when I get a little angry, I also get a little mad. And when I get a little mad, I get a little…
Bloodthirsty.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Your dead, cousin, dead! And I'm still mad…because your death should have released me from that very part of myself which somehow still clings to childhood dreams…
"Bella, you're not supposed to set the tablecloth on fire, you doofus!" Eight year old Sirius Black mocks with affection at his younger six year old cousin…at his baby cousin, Bellatrix Black.
She's toddling on her feet and there's a defiant scowl upon her face as she crosses her arms as if she's Queen of the Universe.
"Well how else are you supposed to play, Siri?"
Sirius rolls his eyes as he walks over to his cousin, "you're supposed to try and hide and I'm supposed to try and find you, dummy."
"But that's what I'm trying to do! If you set something on fire, nobody is going to touch it, idiot." Sirius raises a brow and Bella pouts, "except you, stupid. You're not supposed to go and look at what's burning."
He grins at her cheekily, "well, I'm one a of a kind, Bella."
"You're stupid." She says, sticking out her tongue childishly.
"So's this game. Wana try exploding snap next? I promise I won't beat you too badly…"
She snorts and then darts from where she's standing, ducking under a stunned Sirius.
"Gotta catch me first, slowpoke!"
"Go away, Sirius." Nine year old Bellatrix hisses - or, at least she thinks she is hissing and most certainly is not pouting.
But of course her dummy eleven year old cousin ignores her and pushes open the door. He's all decked out in his Hogwarts uniform but his mask of Black arrogance isn't on his countenance. He walks towards her even though she turns towards the window and crosses her arms, eyes fixed firmly on the marble fountain in their backyard.
"C'mon now, Bella. I'm leaving in a few minutes…don't you wana say g'bye?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Cause you get to leave and I don't and you're going to forget all about me, doofus."
A wry smile appears on the handsome Black heir's face.
"That's my word, dummy." He starts as he goes to stand next to her, "but I'll let you have it for when I'm away."
She rolls her intense, violet eyes. "You can't give somebody a word, Sirius." The very idea is utterly ridiculous but it's that that brings a smile to the young Black heiress's face and it's all Sirius ever really wanted.
"Yeah, well, like I said - I'm one of a kind."
"You're an idiot." She retorts, giving a wince but then a small smile follows as she turns to face her cousin. "But even idiots can be missed."
Bella hugs him fiercely at the train station, not caring that her father and mother, her Uncle Orion and Aunt Walburga are slightly embarrassed by her open display of emotion but she doesn't care - she won't get to see Siri for an entire year.
"G'bye, Siri."
He squeezes her tight.
"Bye, violet."
"Promise you won't forget about me?"
"I promise."
"Crucio!"
That's when I look and I see a weak Crucio Curse coming at me and I have to hand it to the itty bitty baby Potter because look at him! Trying his hand at the Dark Arts, hah!
Fool.
Some part of me wonders why I didn't dissipate as soon as my foolish cousin fell through the veil and I wonder why I don't feel that intense pleasure I feel when I make a kill…but that's all technicalities because I have just been freed from Azkaban and I'm just getting my footing done.
Lucius still acts like a frozen stone statue after murder, after all.
I cackle and I lunge forward at the baby Potter and he takes a few steps back.
"Murderer!" He cries, "you killed Sirius! You killed my godfather!"
He was my cousin first, brat.
I want to retort that.
But that would be foolish.
And I'm just mad.
There's a difference.
Bah, who cares? He's just a traitor and another unworthy vessel to carry pureblood…such a deranged lunatic my cousin Sirius is.
We gave him everything.
But he threw in his lot with them.
He didn't think we, the purebloods, the perfection of society, were good enough for him.
He didn't think I was good enough for him.
So I stand and look a little forlorn after the kill, but then I cackle and I smile. Because I've just killed another unworthy traitor and that's all that walks on the world, correct? Traitors and traitors aplenty.
But my Dark Lord will never betray me. Not like him. Not like my cousin.
Not like Sirius.
"G'bye, Siri."
He squeezes her tight.
"Bye, violet."
"Promise you won't forget about me?"
"I promise."
A/N: I'm just churning out the HP oneshots because I finally got around to watching the fifth HP film - Order of the Phoenix. And Bellatrix's expression after she killed Sirius is just heartbreaking - it's like she's forcing that mad, insane part of herself to rejoice after that tiny shard of her - the part that's still just Bella - is stunned at what she's just done.
This is my little oneshot at what one Bellatrix Lestrange might be thinking when she sees her former favorite cousin, Sirius Black, fall through the veil. She narrates all this with a deranged, high pitched and quite insane voice...except the flashbacks are innocent - they're a part of the girl with violet eyes and dark hair, with a curious smile as she bids her cousin goodbye for when he attends Hogwarts...
Nostalgia? Bittersweet memories? Who knows what Bellatrix truly feels when she remembers those emotions...
Review, please!