Disclaimer: Aziraphale, Crowley, and Good Omens are created and copyrighted by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. This is a fanfic, intended only in the spirit of fun. Tons of love and thanks is owed to the amazing and wonderful Daegaer, who provided tons of feedback for the first half of the fic, and then ended upsomehow volunteering herself as a beta-reader and a proofreader, and who helped me correct many of my Americanisms with proper British English. And thanks to y'all for reading!

Ordinary Miracles

by Nenena

Prologue

Matthis, Raimund E. and Taylor, Desmond. 1971. Adopting the Library of Congress Classification System: A Manual of Methods and Techniques for Application or Conversion. R.R. Bowker, New York. Z695.98.M33

"You could, if you wanted," the seraph Nathanael said primly, folding his divine hands in his divine lap, "make a very lucrative career out of appearing in bowls of porridge, cups of tea, French pastries, and tortillas."

"Er--" Theo shook his head. "Um, isn't it supposed to be Jesus that does that?"

"Christ is a very busy man," Nathanael answered stiffly. "He sometimes needs helpers to appear in his place, but... I'm not sure that such would be an appropriate assignment for you..." His eyes glazed for a moment; he was ruffling papers in his head. "Ah, here we go! We don't have nearly enough angels in the Guardian department. In fact, we have a few openings that we desperately need to fill. Would you be interested in being someone's guardian angel?"

Theo shuffled his feet nervously. "What sort of openings, um, are you talking about?"

"Well, we have a NASCAR driver over in the States who very much needs a guardian angel. Also on the waiting list, we have an investigative reporter doing very good and just work in Libya, a Hollywood stunt man, and a marine biologist studying sharks around--"

"I'll pass," Theo said quickly.

Nathanael stiffened even further. He did not appreciate being interrupted. "I'm afraid that we're running out of options for you, then. You know, little boy," he said, instantly slipping into monotone lecture mode, "Being an angel is a higher calling. You will sometimes - often - have to put up with jobs that are challenging, frustrating, discouraging, or even at times, boring. But such hardships are your lot to endure, in exchange for doing the greatest work of all and being invited--"

"--to spend an eternity in God's loving, holy presence," Theo whispered under his breath as Nathanael droned along. Yeah, some loving, holy waste of time this was all turning out to be. And it wasn't fair, Theo was still convinced, deep down inside his gut, it just wasn't fair. He'd been in Heaven for quite a while now and still hadn't seen God and hadn't felt even an instant of that supposed loving, holy presence. He hadn't seen his family at all, either, not in all that time.

All four of them - his mother, his father, his little sister, and him - had been in the car the day that it had plunged into the river. Theo hadn't understood exactly what was happening to him until he was standing in front of a pair of pearly gates and being made an offer he couldn't refuse. You could choose to spend an eternity in paradise with all the other dead souls, that angel had told him, or you could earn a pair of wings of your own. God says that you're special. God says that you've been chosen. God only offers this option to one in a million human souls.

Theo had been stunned. He hadn't even believed in God. He had been thirteen years old, and a Buddhist. Not that he'd ever bothered to really study or to learn much about Buddhism, but he had been certain, at the time, that Buddha was a much safer and more benevolent thing to believe in than God.

Well, things had changed a bit since then.

Theo knew that God existed now - at least, he had seen reasonably strong evidence to persuade him so, even though he had yet to meet the guy.

What Theo hadn't expected, however, was that other angels would turn out to be such pricks.

Nathanael was still droning on. "--Often treated with ingratitude, met with suspicion and fear. And humans will hardly even believe in you anymore, you understand. And sometimes this thankless job is even dangerous, and you're out there risking your halo every day, and do humans ever appreciate it? Noooo, they--"

"Dangerous?" Theo's ears perked up. "Like when?"

"Oh, our field agents have to deal with thwarting evil and smiting demons all the time. But you--"

"Why can't I do some field work?"

Nathanael blinked, divine lashes fluttering down and lightly touching divine cheeks. His divine eyebrows arched up in surprise. "Well, we only rarely allow apprentices as young as yourself to go back down to Earth. It hasn't been all that very long since you left, has it? And furthermore, field work is very complicated, very dangerous work. We only post a few angels at a time down there, and most of them don't last very long before they're ready to retire and take a different job, either. Most, that is, except..." Nathanael actually trailed off, his gaze turning inward again, pondering some memory. "Except... Hmmm..."

"But that's the job that really counts, right? Being down there with humans, right?" For the first time since the whole death thing, Theo found himself excited about being able to finally do something meaningful with his afterlife. "And, and danger, just like you said! If there are demons on Earth, then they have to be thwarted and smited and all that, right?"

"Yes, but--"

"And I bet you always need more workers down there than you have available. Right?"

Nathanael sat, cold and silent. He had been interrupted three times during this exchange. That was a new record. "An angel does not," he said icily, "seek out a particular job because it seems exciting. Field work is neither exciting nor glamorous, I can assure you. In fact, most of our angels hate doing it. Living among human beings takes its toll upon an angel's soul." And then again, that funny inward look, as if he were remembering something long forgotten. Something, or someone. "That having been said, though..." All of a sudden, there were papers in his divine lap, and he was shuffling through them, looking for something. "We do have one field worker that's been down there consistently from the beginning. A thick-skinned chap, really, and a bit thick-headed, but those traits can be advantageous for a field worker. And if my memory serves me," Nathanael said darkly, "this particular one has been shirking his duty to take on apprentices for the past six thousand years."

Theo's heart fluttered in his chest. "Then I suppose it's about time he did his duty, right? Am I right?"

A funny, strange little smile was starting to creep across Nathanael's divine lips. It was the type of smile that anyone accustomed to angelic expressions would have found slightly odd, and slightly disquieting. However, Theo was still too green to notice.

"Of course," Nathanael breathed, thinking aloud, "You are right, little boy. It is about time, isn't it? And... You'll really love London, I think. There's even a demon in that city."

Continued.