Author's Note: Greetings, fair citizens of Midgard. This story was born when my friend and I were discussing the headcanon idea that Natasha swears in Russian. As can be seen in this story, Natasha often swears in her native tongue. I am going to keep this story centered on Ms. Romanov while also including the other Avengers and various other characters who I believe will work well with the story. I know I'm horrible at reviewing fanfictions, I hardly ever remember to, but if you're the sort of kind individual who leaves a review I would appreciate it greatly. If I have made an typos or grammatical errors feel free to PM me to let me know, I've proofread this but sometimes I just don't catch all the mistakes. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!
BTW, I am pretending as though the events portrayed in Thor: the Dark World have not occurred because they would complicate things far too much and I don't like the idea of Frigga being dead. I need her for my story.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers or any of these characters, they all belong to Marvel, Stan Lee, Joss Whedon and others.
Chapter One
Natasha rolls her eyes, suppressing the impulse to bang her head into the plastic table she is sitting at. These Avengers Meet-and-Greets are becoming increasingly infuriating; having to attend them almost every week is beyond tiresome. Watching Tony glowing with pride and smiling flashily every time some little snot-nosed kid runs up to him screeching, "Iron Man! Iron Man!" is sickening. Seeing all the over-enthusiastic teenage girls coalesce around Steve and Thor, attempting to squeeze their biceps and fawning over them, makes Natasha want to retch.
The first one she had ever gone to had been somewhat entertaining, but the novelty of the activity soon wore off and she eventually began to hate the odious fan-gatherings. Sure the meet-and-greets are fine and dandy for Steve and Thor and Tony and maybe even Bruce but they're superheroes, she's an assassin. Her job isn't to save people, it's to kill them. She despises the idea that little girls and boys idolize her. She doesn't deserve to be worshipped or looked up to, she is a lame excuse for a human being. It isn't that Natasha doesn't like herself or who she is, she just doesn't want people to see her as something she's not. And these events are catering to exactly that. She's asked on multiple occasions to be exempted from the meet-and-greets but her pleas were always met with protests such as, "But, Natasha, we're a team!" and "Nat, you have to be there. They love you!"
So Natasha usually sat at the events moping, half-heartedly signing the posters, lunchboxes, sketch books, comics, and various other Avengers merchandise fans handed her. Today is no different. She knows she looks awful sitting here with a dejected expression upon her face, but she is sick and tired of giving people superficial smiles and pretending to be happy. Natasha just wishes she could go back to Stark Tower and read. She's been reading Anna Karenina for the past two days and she yearns for the novel whenever she has to set it down.
The unhappy assassin checks her watch. Seeing that there's only five more minutes until this cursed meet-and-greet is over, her mood lightens considerably and she even manages a small, sincere smile for the little girl with blonde pigtails who bounces up to her seeking to have her Black Widow comic signed. As soon as she's written her neat script across the intro page of the comic and the little girl has retreated to her mother's arms, Natasha rises from the uncomfortable chair she's been seated in for the past two hours and stretches. She catches a young man a few feet away leering at her and she throws a dirty look his way. He blinks a few times, turn beat red, and hurries away. Natasha chuckles to herself, grabs her purse and saunters out of the hotel lobby into the busy Manhattan street.
She hails a cab and climbs into the yellow car when the driver pulls up to the sidewalk. "Stark Tower, please." The lady driving the cab nods once and pulls the vehicle back out into the stream of traffic. Natasha gazes out the window at the tall buildings, ambling pedestrians and the shop fronts as they speed by. She catches sight of a construction site where a row of semi-destroyed buildings are being repaired and she cringes. Reminders of the battle with Loki and the Chitauri are littered across the city, they sadden Natasha whenever she encounters them and force her to remember the horrible events of two years ago. In order to avoid seeing any other reminders, she switches her attention to her iPhone.
Natasha sends a brief text to Clint inquiring after his current state. He'd been sent off on a mission two weeks prior and although she dislikes to admit it she misses the archer. He's her closest friend and she feels rather lonely without him. She is also rather envious of the fact that he has been spared the agony of the infernal meet-and-greets. The assassin wonders what her friend is up to, of course he cannot tell her – classified information and all of that but she still wishes she knew.
The cab comes to halt in front of Tony's enormous abode and Natasha hurriedly pays the cab driver before stepping out onto the sidewalk. She ambles through the front doors and as she's crossing the lobby she's suddenly confronted by two photographers who immediately begin snapping pictures of her.
"Natasha, smile for the camera!" one paparazzo says cheerily.
"Kакого черта?!" She shrieks, reverting to Russian in her surprise. If only the man and woman standing in front of her, their mouths now hanging open at her sudden outburst and apparent rage, weren't civilians! She'd knock them unconscious and fling them out on the street.
"We just want a few photos. You're looking gorgeous today, Natasha!" The man says as he lifts his camera again. Natasha glowers at him, disgusted by his attempt to flatter her into submission.
"Get out of my way." She says icily and trundles passed them, leaping into the awaiting lift. Thank God JARVIS opened it for her. As the lift doors slide closed she flips off the photographers. Let them publish that in their damned gossip rags. It's been two years, why aren't they done harassing her yet?! After calming down slightly, Natasha makes a mental note to inform Tony of the occurrence and to request tighter security in the tower.
The lift dings and the doors open with a swoosh once the box carrying her reaches the top floor. Natasha walks into Tony's vast living room, dropping her purse on the couch as she passes it. She makes her way to the bar where she pours herself a glass of frigid, refreshing water. She glides over to the ceiling-to-floor windows surrounding the room and frowns down at the city below, happy to be 1,138 feet above it. Toy-sized cars and ant-like people scuttle across the street beneath her, painting a surreal picture that gives Natasha the impression that she is a god looking down from the heavens.
That thought naturally segues into thoughts of Thor and, unfortunately, Loki. She scowls as her mind conjures up an image of the dark-haired, leather and metal-clad devil. She remembers how he smiled evilly at her from his glass cage and how his face fell ever so slightly when he realized she had tricked him. She recalled angrily the nasty name he called her and swore under breath, "будь он проклят!" The words of her native language role off her tongue smoothly. She'd never felt more relieved than she did that day when Thor had taken Loki back to Asgard; nothing pleased her more than seeing that muzzle covering his mouth. She never wants to hear a single word from that vile tongue ever again.
Natasha is forced to desert her unsavory memories when she hears the sound of the lift arriving and Steve and Tony tumbling out of it. She turns to face them, assessing their appearances. The two men were flushed and hiccupping suggesting they had been laughing uproariously, most likely at one of Tony's cynical jokes that Natasha hardly appreciates but Steve seems to enjoy immensely. Steve becomes aware of her presence first, "Hey Tasha, what's up?"
"Not much, I'm just happy to be away from that hellish meet-and-greet." Natasha replies grumpily, taking a sip of her drink.
Tony sniggers, "Does the itty bitty spider have her knickers in a knot?"
"Shut up, Stark." Natasha growls before stalking into the lift and slamming the button that would guide the lift to her floor. The doors won't close though, she presses the button that is designed to close them but they remain open. Tony walks towards her reaching out his hand, an apologetic look on his face.
"I'm sorry, Nat. I didn't mean it, come back here." Steve beckons encouragingly from where he stands at the bar and Natasha grimaces before reluctantly stepping back into the room. She figures she was being a little too testy, Tony is only been himself after all despite the fact that "himself" is rather annoying. The irritating yet charming billionaire sits down on one of his luxurious leather couches and pats the place beside him. Natasha promptly seats herself on the opposite couch just to spite him. She grins as his eyebrows come together in a frown.
"So where's Pepper?" Natasha asked casually.
"She's at a conference in DC, left this morning." Tony responds as Steve hands him a drink before sitting down next to Natasha.
"Ugh, dammit." She groans and Tony throws a questioning look at her. "I hate been the only girl around here." She knows she's been childish but she likes having Pepper to chat with while "the boys" watch football and act like the imbeciles they are.
"You're a girl?! Oh my god, that's scandalous!" Tony starts laughing like a maniac and Natasha reaches across the small coffee table to smack his mirth-filled face. He pouts and brings his hand up to cradle his wounded countenance. Steve chuckles and Natasha pokes him.
"Ouch, spy girl. That hurt!" Tony whines.
"Can't say you didn't deserve it." Steve says and Tony scowls at him.
Natasha sits back and finishes her water before proceeding to the bar where she places the soiled glass in the dishwasher. As she makes her way back to the couch she wonders where Bruce is. She and the soft-spoken genius had agreed earlier to discuss East of Eden, a book they had both recently read. She enjoys Bruce's company because he's polite, intelligent and dignified unlike another certain mega-mind she has the pleasure of knowing. The man in question is fiddling with some piece of equipment that seems to have appeared out of nowhere and Steve is watching him diligently.
"Guys, I'm heading to my floor to get something. I'll be right back. Don't blow anything up while I'm gone." Steve pretends to by offended by her statement and Tony laughs, making an explosion-like noise with his mouth. Natasha chooses to ignore him and hurries into the lift which brings her to her quarters.
Needless to say, Natasha actually is pleased with the floor Tony gave her. He'd left it mostly unfurnished, leaving the decorating to her. It was equipped with a kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room, two closets, and a spare room. Natasha had made a library in the blank room; she ordered the bookcases from Ikea and assembled them herself. She'd also bought a large, comfortable armchair for the library which she sat in while reading. That's where she heads now after having changed into a pair of yoga pants and a fitted purple tee.
Natasha picks up the Tolstoy novel from the chair where she'd left it that morning and then returns to the top floor. Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Thor, the latter two having arrived while she was downstairs, were playing BS. The new arrivals look up to greet her as Natasha enters the living room.
"Greetings, Ms. Romanov." Thor utters in his booming voice and Natasha smiles, the god's formality making her blush.
"Hey, Natasha." Bruce says as he places three cards on the table. "Three fours."
His claim seems fair enough to the three other men and Steve goes next. However, before doing so he asks Natasha if she'd like to join them. Despite having intended to read, Natasha can't pass up an opportunity to play her favourite card game so she accepts the hand of cards Steve bequeaths her and plops down next to the blonde man. Steve then proceeds with his turn, laying two cards on the table and murmuring, "Two fives."
God bless the poor man, his honest personality and expressive face are detrimental to his ability to succeed in this game of lies. The four people in the room cry out simultaneously, "Bullshit!" Steve cringes both at the foul language and his failure to deceive the others. Natasha pats his arm consolingly as she carefully drops three cards onto the table in front of her.
"Three sixes." She says in a clear voice, her tone giving nothing away. Tony scrutinizes her face while Bruce cogitates for a few moments but it's Thor who says solemnly, "Dung of a male cow." Tony and Steve begin to laugh uncontrollably at the god's odd phrasing of the word 'bullshit' and Natasha swears loudly in Russian before picking up the entire pile that has accumulated on the coffee table.
"дерьмо!"
"What does that even mean?!" Tony asks once he stopped laughing.
"Shit." Natasha says glumly. "It's Russian."
"Oh. I might use that. Could you say it again?" Tony requests, his eyes twinkling mirthfully.
"дерьмо." She repeats. Tony tries to pronounce the word as he puts one card down on the now blank surface of the glass table. "One seven." Everyone seems to believe him and it's Thor's turn next. The god's enormous fingers dwarf the cards in his hand as he meticulously picks four and places them gently on top of Tony's.
"Four of the cards that are marked with the number eight." He articulates. No one dares to challenge him for two reasons: one, he never lies and two, they're all still scared of Mjolnir. Once Bruce has put down two nines Thor's handsome face breaks out in a delighted smile, "Peanut butter!" he shouts and everyone's attention suddenly focusses on him, their faces making evident their surprise.
"But you never lie, Point Break!" Tony cries indignantly.
"I seem to have adopted the skills of deceit from my dear brother." Thor replies merrily. Bruce and Steve shake their heads in disbelief. Natasha's face darkens at the mention of Loki but she quickly adjusts her features so as not to upset Thor, she knows the god loves his brother even though he's an evil fiend.
Steve tentatively lays three cards on the table and says, "Three tens…" Natasha pities the poor fellow so she covers Tony's mouth with her free hand just as he's about to utter the incriminating word and then slaps two cards on the table. "Two jacks," she says before removing her hand from Tony's mouth and wiping it on his shirt. Steve shoots her a thankful look and while she's distracted Tony takes the opportunity to tackle her and drag her onto the floor.
The switch in Natasha's head flips to attack mode and within seconds she has Tony pinned to the ground and just as she's about to punch the asshole, Thor pries her off him and sets her on the couch. She looks around and sees that Bruce has his head in his hands while Steve is looking at her disappointedly. She feels the need to defend herself verbally and says petulantly,
"He started it."
"Oh my god, Natasha, no I didn't!" Tony shouts from where he's sitting on the ground.
"I was trying to be nice to Steve, you didn't have to attack me!" Natasha cries in response.
"Okay, guys, shut the hell up." Bruce says commandingly. "You guys seriously need to grow up."
Steve nods in agreement and begins to clean up the cards, sensing the game is officially over. Thor has his hand over his mouth, trying not to break out in hysterics; leave it to him to find Tony and Natasha's antics humourous. Natasha let's out a "humph" before going over to Tony and pulling him up.
"I'm not apologizing because I am not sorry." Natasha spits at Tony. "I'm only doing this 'cause I don't want Bruce or Steve to kick my ass." Tony sticks his tongue out her and Natasha has to fight down the urge to hit him again. She succeeds and flings herself back down on the couch next to Thor.
Steve leaves for the restroom and Bruce gets up declaring he has to do something in the lab leaving Thor, Tony, and Natasha alone. Thor watches Tony and Natasha as they glare at each other across the small distance that separates the two couches and shakes his head, murmuring to himself.
"If you have something to say, say it, lightning boy!" Tony says, his tone accusatory.
Thor looks up and begins to speak, "I have just been thinking: you and Natasha remind me of Loki and I when we were younger. We used to fight one another constantly. It angered our father greatly but our mother found it to be rather funny. I now see why she found it so comical."
Loki just keeps popping up again and again today, Natasha thought to herself. Would she ever be able to escape the bastard? She glances down at her well-trimmed nails in order to avoid Thor's gaze. She decides to change the subject because she's starting to feel uncomfortable.
"How's Jane?"
"Jane is very well. She often voices her desire to meet with you again." Thor smiles fondly at the mention of his girlfriend. Natasha had met her once last year and had taken an instant liking to the astrophysicist. She admired the woman's ability to handle Thor as well as her impressive intellect.
"I'd love to see her again, too. Is she thinking about coming to New York anytime soon?"
Thor thinks for a moment before replying, "She has not spoken of journeying here but I shall ask her when I return to her homeland." Natasha nods in response before whipping out her phone and dialing the number of the nearest pizza joint. When one of the employees answers the phone she orders 5 large pizzas and requests that they be delivered to the tower. The lady who takes down her order tells Natasha the pizzas should be there in 20 minutes and hangs up before saying goodbye.
At the mention of food Tony perks up and is suddenly no longer angry at Natasha. He stands up and pats her on the head before walking into a different room where he can be heard conversing with Pepper over the phone.
Natasha smiles furtively, she's secretly glad to be back on good terms with Tony; even though he's a real pain in the ass, she loves the guy. She loves all the Avengers as matter of fact, despite how corny it may sound they are the family she's always lacked. Even though she prides herself on her ability to suppress emotion and remain stoic at all times she is human and she does crave the company of others. At first, Natasha hadn't been terribly supportive of the whole "team" thing, she just wanted to spend time with Clint but over time she'd grown accustomed to the four other men. Sure, they often aggravate her and sometimes she wants to kill Tony but she does care about them.
Steve comes back into the room and starts question Thor on Asgardian battle tactics, a conversation Natasha chooses to tune out – she'd like to forget about Asgard and gods and well, Loki, for a little while. Suddenly her phone emits a bird-like sound, notifying her that she's just received a text. Natasha unlocks her phone and discovers a text from Clint. It's short and rather disappointing: all's well. Can't talk right now. I'll try to text tomorrow. Natasha groans internally, damn Clint and his stupid mission.
JARVIS's clear, British-accented voice sounds throughout the room, "You're pizzas are here, Avengers." Tony, having finished his phone call with his wife, dashes to the lift which opens revealing a young man holding five huge pizza boxes. The poor guy looks ready to collapse and he sighs with relief when Tony takes the load from him. Natasha hands him the cash she owes and quickly ushers him out before he starts getting excited about being in the presence of the Avengers and asks for their autographs or something of the like. She knows it's a little rude but she's hungry and she wants to eat. Now.
Bruce, having been made aware of the arrival of dinner by JARVIS, arrives five minutes later and the whole group settles down to eat. Natasha consumes three slices of pizza voraciously, ignoring the look Steve is giving her. Tony hands out beers to everyone but Natasha refuses, stating that she'd rather imbibe water. Thor is just commenting on how much he loves this "Midgardian delicacy" when a certain mischievous deity appears out of thin air.
Loki grins and Natasha drops her pizza.
Author's Note: Kакого черта means "what the hell?" and будь он проклят means "damn him!" I used Google Translate for the Russian so if anyone happens to speak Russian I apologize profusely if any of the Russian is incorrect. I hoped you found this first chapter to be entertaining, I shall attempt to update by Friday of this coming week. Oh, and just as an FYI, East of Eden by John Steinbeck and Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy are wonderful novels that I recommend to anyone who likes to read.
*Important* I have decided that this fic shall include BlackFrost, however, the relationship between Loki and Natasha won't start to develop until later and I promise that it will not become the entire focus of the story. Also, I intend to include canon ships such as Pepper/Tony and Jane/Thor.