Fandom: Loveless
Title: Substitute For Love
Pairing: SoubixKio
Rating: R (sexual language, mild shota implication)
Timeline: Episode 5 and on, but a bit AU
Summary: Kio wonders if Soubi thinks about the boy when they have sex
AN: I've always felt that, beneath the surface, Kio is desperately in love with Soubi. I wanted to do a story in which he comes to the realization that his affection will never compare to the bond Soubi shares with Ritsuka.
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Substitute For Love
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Kio sat up in the bed, smoking and staring into space. His body was covered by a thin sheet that did very little to conceal his anticipation.
The smoking was a habit he'd picked up from Soubi; he still preferred a lollipop to a cigarette, truth be told, but with each drag that filled his lungs, he imagined himself becoming closer and closer to one with the object of his obsession.
They had started fucking shortly after Seimei died. Kio winced at the word, not wanting to accept the lack of emotion behind it. But he also knew that what they did could hardly be considered making love. Because that would imply... love.
And such a thing did not exist between them.
They had an unspoken arrangement- literally. Soubi would arrive at his apartment and they would fuck for hours, during which time they would not speak. No kissing, no cuddling, no words of endearment, only the frantic grunts and groans of meaningless sex. When they were finished, they would each smoke a cigarette. Only after all of that would they start a trivial conversation about something mundane, such as an art assignment for one of their shared classes.
And all the while, Kio would wonder if Soubi was merely using him as a replacement for Ritsuka.
He clearly remembered the first time he had begun to suspect that Soubi thought of the boy while he pounded himself into Kio's body. It was the night that Soubi left his company to stand out on the balcony and read a text message from Ritsuka. Sure, Kio had banged on the sliding door and made all of the quirky comments and remarks expected of a supposedly jealous best friend But what Soubi didn't see that night was the look of absolute hurt on Kio's face as he watched Soubi's gaze fill with adoration and love over whatever Ritsuka's text message had said.
The memory of sitting inside of Soubi's apartment, waiting for him to come in from the dark, was still fresh in his mind. Being cast aside, made to wait because a little boy beckoned...
What was so special about Ritsuka?
Why did the boy captivate Soubi so much?
Kio took a long drag on the cigarette and exhaled with a small frown.
Why couldn't Soubi love him??
At first, Kio had thought it would be enough- not only to be touched by Soubi but to be able to lay his hands on that breathtakingly spectacular body in return. During their first few times together, that alone was enough to make him come almost instantaneously, before Soubi was even inside of him.
But as the weeks turned into months, the young artist began to suspect that there would be no magical epiphany in which Soubi would realize that he was a fool not to want to be with Kio, no life-changing realization that no one else would ever- could ever- possibly love him as much.
For reasons Kio could never begin to fully understand, Soubi truly loved Ritsuka; it was almost as if he belonged to the boy. Kio had nothing against the kid personally, but he was jealous all the same. He wanted to be the one Soubi lived for.
And the one that Soubi would die for...
A soft knock broke through Kio's thoughts. Without waiting for an answer, Soubi opened the door.
Kio's heart ached to see him. His body ached too, but for different reasons.
The tall, blond man gazed down at Kio with the most stunning blue eyes that he had ever seen. He stood just inside the doorway and waited patiently for permission to enter the room.
There would come a day, perhaps soon, when these encounters would no longer occur. In the meantime, all Kio could do was drown himself in as much of the lovely creature standing before him as he could, until Soubi found whatever completion he was seeking in Ritsuka and no longer needed to use him.
With a small nod of the head, he beckoned to Soubi.
Soubi silently removed his glasses and closed the bedroom door behind him.
The End