A/N: Just a dramatic, angsty little onesided Shoone drabble. This version is very different from what it used to be before I rewrote it. It also has a different title. It used to be called Bleeding Mascara, because of the use of that song. Please review with your input! It would be much appreciated. The first part is sort of cryptically from Shannon's point of view, and the second half from Boone's, so you're not confused (which is doubtful).
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or the song Bleeding Mascara by Atreyu.
Perfectly Imperfect:
Look how pretty she is, when she falls down.
Now there's no more beauty in bleeding mascara.
Lips are quivering,
Like a withering rose.
She's back again.
They all think she's perfect; aren't aware that, in fact, she's screaming inside. Her, she knows better. If anything, she's perfectly imperfect. It is heart breaking that all dreams can't come true, but that's the way life is. Like many people, Shannon has had to learn this the hard way.
Now, don't get her wrong—perfect is something she'd love to be. Something she'd kill to be. She'd used to believe that it was possible to get almost anything, if you wanted it badly enough, but now knows this is unrealistic. Shannon is growing up. She's got a cell phone now, has had boyfriends, tries her best to make herself more pretty.
Makeup doesn't completely cover the signs of her hurt, but it does a decent enough job.
Makeup pretty much defines her now, actually. At least, this is what almost everyone thinks. She's always had lots of it, and with age has come the knowledge of how to use it best. See how carefully she applies her eye shadow? Her lipstick never fades, her mascara never smudges. At least, not when she's around people-Shannon only allows those trails of black, caused by the tears always ready to fall, when she thinks others aren't looking.
Now, usually there's no beauty in bleeding mascara, but she somehow makes it work.
Ever since the one person who loved her above any and all things other left, not to return ever, she's felt hurt and all alone. She hides behind a façade of cheerfulness, busying herself with parties and superficial friends, but he notices when, even if only slightly, her lips quiver behind that golden smile. Her smile always looks so painful. Knowing her current sadness, honestly, it probably is. Forcing oneself to pretend to be fine when really icy cold dread spreads more every day through one's body would be painful to anyone.
Since the funeral she's been distant. Sabrina, her step mom, hasn't noticed, but he sees her slip Bailey's into her coffee every morning before school without fail, watches her when she picks at her food at dinner, has even accidentally walked in on her forcing herself to throw up. She says that she had a stomach ache at the time, was only trying to make herself feel better, but why then does the bathroom always smell like vomit after she has been in there?
The answer to this really isn't a big mystery.
Shannon now gets angry much more easily. Sabrina, her step mom, wore her red scarf the other day without asking, and she threw a tantrum. Boone can't help thinking that this isn't like her. After an hour of shouting she finally broke down crying, but all the while still continuing screaming that she hates them both. Her moroseness is understandable, her step brother muses—she has just been through a tragedy.
This doesn't, however, make him worry about her any less.
She is no longer ever happy. She is now only ever angry or depressed.
Obviously, she is still grieving, but it has been six months. Shouldn't she be accepting the fact that her father has died, by now? This probably isn't a very reasonable assumption, though. She is, after all, Shannon. Shannon has never been very talented at letting go.
There she goes again; mascara bleeding again. Wiping her eyes, she erases all evidence of tear tracks, looking over her shoulder to reassure herself that nobody has seen. Boone hides in the shadows, miserable that she's miserable, wishing there was something, anything, he could do to help. Suppressing a sigh, he gets up and leaves, stealthily, before Shannon can discover that she has been being watched. Not forever, but just for now, he's giving up, because as much as he wishes the opposite, Shannon has long since made it quite clear that she neither needs nor wants his help.
Most of the time, there's no beauty in bleeding mascara. He's in loves with her, though, and she is and always will be beyond beautiful in his eyes. So, in Boone's book, Shannon will always be able to make it work.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review!
xox Sacha