Nicole knew that fraternizing was forbidden in the office. Although the staff spent 17 hours in close proximity, daily; sleeping with a co-worker was strictly against the protocol. Somehow she couldn't deign to care. Her traumatic childhood and tumultuous career had given her enough emotional baggage and physical pain that she saw this affair as some sort of recompense. She deserved Antonio. And in her mind he almost deserved her. She repeatedly told herself to never give a man more that he gave in return; to make him love you more, and want you more. That was her code of ethics or mode of operation rather. But above all; it was a defence mechanism which left no room for her to be hurt.

Those years in Phoenix, Arizona where they tasted what it meant to be in love, truly, for the first time. She had never known anything better. In the back of her mind, she wondered if he had. Reminding herself of his divorce she remembered that he couldn't have. Could he? He described a suspect as "hot" more than once, and she was very familiar with his sexual innuendo in the office. It was discreet yet detectable. Sometimes standing next to him was enough for her to feel his warmth and reminisce…No wonder why she had been feeling more violent than usual. The punching dummy felt it as well. With every strike, punch, kick and impact; she was letting out her sexual frustration.

As tough as old boots, she was still a woman; as well as an agent. It seemed that Antonio was the only man who understood that. She thought back to when she nearly shot him in Phoenix while undercover as a gang member. The Untouchables, they called themselves. They were holding the daughter of a pharmacist hostage; a street pharmacist. "Dr." Warren Hutt was a drug baron who worked at a medicinal distribution company. He conspired with the powers that were to import crack into the country under the guise of a "trial cure for blood pressure." He had employed the gang to deliver the "cure" across town and gave them a measly 3 of the profit. When they got wind of his fortune, Nicole found herself in the thick of it all. She used her knowledge of guns and other street weaponry to become one of them. By the time the FBI busted in, Nicole was face to face with the love of her life and had to shoot him. Antonio took two bullets in the vest and Nicole was "arrested."

Their Director put a 7 year sentence of Nicole's record (easily accessible to the gang's hacker.) The little girl saw her father for the last time, in handcuffs. He and the gang are currently serving twenty to life. Nicole got a promotion. Antonio got a raw deal. As they rode out of town, Nicole felt the weight of guilt descend upon her. She knew that she did her duty, but she couldn't rebuke the responsibility. She sat in the back of the police car consumed by what she had done. Antonio refused to see her at the hospital and Nicole was devastated.

One week later they were reunited and it didn't feel so good. There was a tense silence for the hour-long drive they took together. Every time Nicole tried to muster up an explanation; she failed. There were no worthy words to be found. She blamed herself for everything wrong in his life; her emotions were reminiscent of those of her childhood. She felt out of place; the problem child who caused everyone else's heartache; the one who deserved what she got. Antonio felt Nicole slipping away as though they were only connected by space. He knew that it wasn't her fault. His pain was physical but he knew that hers wouldn't go away. He broke the silence.

"I forgive you Nicole." His words were simplistic; he thought it would be better that way. They didn't need words to add more complication.

"You forgive me?" Nicole said in a tone Antonio couldn't comprehend. Was it an indictment? Was she accepting? Was she grateful?

"You conceited bastard!" Guess not, Antonio thought.

"What makes you think I need your forgiveness? My God, Antonio! Have you come to grant me peace? Your Almighty forgiveness will take all of this away. I can't believe you. Pull over."

Antonio abruptly pulled over on a deserted cliffside. Nicole opened the door.

"Where are you going?" Antonio called as she walked out of the car. He rolled down her window.

"Somewhere. Anywhere."

Antonio knew that Nicole was adamant at times and this was one of them. There was no way to coax her back inside. She was leaning on the car smoking a cigarette. He gave her a lighter.

"Thanks." Nicole said as she lit up.

"I'm trying to quit," Antonio said in hopes of making light conversation. Nicole gave him one of her, "Don't fuck with me" looks as an answer.

"Fine, give me one." Nicole obliged in silence.

After ten minutes and six silent cigarettes between them, Nicole broke the ice.

"I shouldn't have called you a bastard. Conceited, yes. But that was unnecessary."

"You've called me worse."

"Don't remind me. Why do I do this to you?"

"Do what? Shoot me? You had to, to show your loyalty. I understand."

"You do?"

"Nicole, I get it."

"Well, can I see the damage?"

Antonio unbuttoned his jacket and shirt showing her the blue and purple bruise that took over his right peck.

"Damn! I'm a good shot."

"Thanks, Nicole."

"I mean, I aimed for your right side. Not for your heart."

"I noticed. So did the nurse who checked me out. I mean over."

Nicole looked to him with slight jealousy. He could feel her personality coming back; as though the person inside was being poured back into the vessel. Giving her life and warmth. He soon forgot the cold reception she gave him earlier. Nicole felt less tense, her shoulders relaxed and she felt less burdened. She remembered how she could forget her guilt by looking in his eyes. And how he didn't hold things against her. Even when she held them against herself.

"The nurse? They should have given you some old, sagging, spotty woman who sang hymns during your check up."

"No, instead they gave me a twenty-year-old candy striper with the softest hands."

Nicole stepped closer. She was leaning against him and he had his back to the car.

"How soft?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Nicole kissed him, trying not to lean so close that his bruise hurt. Antonio put his hands around her waist and she felt them sliding downwards. She leaned back.

"Did the nurse say anything?"

"What about?"

"Sex. Is it forbidden? Until you get better, that is."

"No, why?"

"When I fought that crooked D.I. and I got that bruise on my thigh, I couldn't until it was healed. So maybe it's better if we don't."

Nicole opened the car door and got back inside. Antonio was amazed that the woman who shot him no sooner than one week ago, had cheated him out of sex and made him love her for it.

"To hell with the bruise." He said sitting in the driver's seat. "I want you Nicole."

"I know."

Nicole could feel the warmth of his words on her neck as he kissed her. She ignored where they were; in her mind his car was a king size bed and the cliff was the presidential suite. His kiss travelled down her body from her lips to her chest to her stomach. She loved her some him. His touch played with her nerves. She knew where to kiss his collarbone and how to hold him in a way that spoke how she felt. Before she knew it, she had her legs wrapped around him. This wasn't sex. This wasn't some rudimentary or mechanical act; this was communication. This was the prelude. This was foreplay. Nicole wouldn't reach for his buckle without a condom in sight. Reading her mind; Antonio pulled out a Trojan from his pocket. She kissed him with gratitude because she didn't want anything to stop them from having each other.

She felt him inside her and loved it. She had missed him and was telling him how she felt. Her body gave the explanation. The morning after, he woke up with her head on his chest. He kissed her forehead and knew that they were back together; for real this time.

As Nicole stood in the full length mirror, admiring her curvaceous body made for lingerie, she couldn't deny that history was repeating itself. Their glances, suggestions and other behavioural hints echoed their want for each other. She contemplated which dress would drive him insane but opted for a trench coat instead. She'd never had a man say no to her before and tonight or this morning rather, would be no exception. Sometimes she would hear the voice of reason, Pollock to be exact. But that didn't serve as a deterrent. She was a grown woman who knew what she wanted and the manual wouldn't dictate that. At other times, she felt as though the secrecy was the wall that stopped her and Jess from being closer. Did she trust her? Yes. But since revealing the past proved to be most difficult, Nicole couldn't figure out where to start about informing Jess of the present. She put her worries out of her mind for long enough to drive to Antonio's place with a bottle of wine in hand.

"Nicole?" He asked as he opened his front door. The beautiful woman on the other side was enough to wake him up; despite it being 3a.m.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" She asked as he let her inside.

"Very." Antonio slammed the front door shut and his hands gripped her body.

"Ooh, I guess so." Antonio was kissing her neck, her spot but she stopped him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I have wine." Antonio's relaxed laughter showed his understanding on Nicole's games. He led her to the kitchen by the hand and lifted her onto the counter.

"Was that necessary?" She asked, wearing a girlish smile. Antonio ran his hand up her thigh and Nicole took off the trench coat.

"Damn." That was enough for Nicole. Feeling his hot breath between her breasts was enough. Kissing him passionately was enough. Sliding her hands down his back was enough. Making love to him was more than enough.

He kissed her intimately in the kitchen. She reciprocated in his laundry room. She straddled him on his leather chair. He rode her in his bed. Together they didn't have to hold back; they were open and honest, both getting what they desired and giving in return. It didn't feel like the old days; it was better. Nicole was everything she wanted to be and Antonio had matured like a fine wine. That thing he did with his tongue still drove her crazy. He could hear his name in his ears as she called for him.

They laid in a comfortable, sweaty, almost breathless sleep. Antonio dreamt of Nicole carrying his baby and his ex-wife coming to kill her for it. Nicole dreamt of being fired by Pollock and becoming a Mary Kay saleswoman to survive. Nothing unusual there. The alarm clock rang; screaming and shaking. Antonio leapt out of bed and Nicole cursed him for it.

"What the f…?"

"Nicole; it's time for work. It's 6a.m."

"We start at 9, Antonio." Nicole mumbled, half asleep.

"I have forensics to do, as well as the Gothman file."

"When don't you? The Gotham file can wait."

"Gothman. And you know how I…"

"…am about work." She interrupted, "Nothing's changed about that Antonio."

"Good, so why don't you join me for a shower? There's room for two."

"Sounds good but no. I'm tired; we just finished an hour ago."

"Nic," Antonio said with his hand on her face, angelic at this time of morning.

Nicole sat up, holding the sheet to her bare chest.

"You're serious about that shower, huh?"

"We used to share a shower in Phoenix, what's the difference?"

"We used to drink wine out of cans."

Antonio's coercion worked. He held Nicole's hands above her head while he caressed her body, cupping her breasts, holding every curve. Nicole was awakened by his touch and initiated steamy shower sex like they were back in Phoenix.

"Give me a reason to go to work Antonio." Nicole said he rocked her slowly, touching all five senses.

"Forensics." He replied flippantly; giving her body his attention. She laughed lightly.

"Why does it have to end?"

"Pollock will have our asses."

"True. But why can't we do this more often?"

"Apparently, there's only room for one at your apartment."

"I like my privacy Antonio."

"And I like my solitude. Problem solved."

"I was just saying; can't we find more time for us?"

"Nic, if I could; I would give all my time to you."

Nicole looked at him and laughed.

"What's funny?" Antonio asked, pissed off that another woman would make jest of his honesty. Nicole kisses him.

"Nothing. I guess if I could; I'd give you…a key to my apartment."

Looking into his eyes; he understood the significance of her offer. She would invite him into her life and space despite her past. He knew that she loved him; and he couldn't ask for more.