Created: July 20th 2006
Revised: March 18th 2011
Author's note: Warning! This fic is utterly random and possibly stupid. I initially created this story when I was delirious due to a bad case of the flu. I revised this story after being dreadfully deprived of sleep.
Disclaimer: Does it look like own Buffy? No.
0000
It was just another typical night at Sunnydale...or so it seemed.
Dawn was up watching TV. Tara and Willow were upstairs doing some "naughty" things. Giles and Anya were discussing magic. Xander was sleeping, and Buffy was out patrolling.
Why can't the vampires just stake themselves? Buffy thought. It would make life so much easier. Why did I have to be the chosen one anyways?
Buffy was so occupied in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed Spike walking around with a empty bottle of whiskey.
She walked straight into him.
"Oof!"
"I am sotally tober Luffy, I am not as thunk as you drink I am. There's no blood in my alcohol system. Now, take me drunk, I'm home."
Buffy rolled her eyes and slapped Spike.
"Spike, I know you're not. What do you think you're doing? 5 words or less."
"Out. For. A. Walk. ..Bitch."
Buffy was about to punch Spike's nose, but then something (or someone) appeared from behind two trees.
Buffy gasped.
"Angel!"
Angel revealed himself in the beautiful moonlight.
"Buffy..."
"Angel...what are you doing here?"
"Buffy...I'm here to confess my undying love for you."
"Oh...Angel..."
"Oh bloody hell!"
Spike tackled Angel. Angel retaliated by throwing punches at Spike. They fought brutally. What a vicious battle it was! But in the end, Spike stabbed Angel with a shiny metal dagger that appeared from thin air! Angel groans.
"I've been defeated.."
Angel looked at Buffy mournfully and then ran away. Spike turned around to see Buffy's reaction... expecting a nice gift... but what he received was a nice, welcoming punch on the nose.
"Bloody hell woman! What was that for?"
"Why did you attack Angel after he confessed his undying love for me?"
"...Well?"
"..I...I..."
"You...?"
"Bloody hell! I love you Buffy!"
Buffy gasps.
"I love you too!"
"Let's go tell everyone!"
"Okay!"
Buffy kisses Spike.
0000
Damn! There's nothing to watch! thought Dawn. Might as well go to bed...
As she got up, the front door opened. It was her vampire slaying sister, Buffy! Surely something interesting will happen now.
"Dawn, can you go get Willow and Tara and tell them to meet us at the Magic Box?"
"Sure. Can I come too?"
"Of course!"
Dawn grinned gleefully as she ran upstairs to wake the lesbian couple.
Finally! Something to do! She thought.
0000
Buffy and Spike left the Buffy house.
"Let's stop by Xander's. Xander and Anya might be there."
"Okay, Love. Anything you want."
Buffy smiled. Spike smiled back.
When they reached Xander's place, instead of knocking, Buffy just kicked the door open. She found Xander on his bed sleeping. She went over to him.
"Xander?"
"Goo...afay..." Xander mumbled sleepily.
"Xander...WAKE UP!"
Xander bolted straight up from his bed in a defensive position. Whatever made that awful banshee noise must surely be a demonic alien! He blinks his eyes once or twice. Oh.. not a demonic alien. Just Buffy. He thought. He blinked his eyes once more. Buffy?
"Xander, get dressed and come with us."
I never did like it when she bossed me around... now I know why Anya doesn't like her."Do I have to?"
0000
Everyone was now at the Magic Box. Buffy and Spike looking unusually blissful. Dawn attempting to scratch her scarred eyes out but failing. Willow and Tara exchanging apologetic, guilty glances at the poor girl. Xander looking half asleep. Anya worrying about Xander while casting dark glances at Buffy. And Giles, looking a bit more perturbed than usual.
"Buffy, why are we all here?" asked Giles, rubbing his eyes from annoyance.
"I have some great news for you!"
"And you couldn't wait until morning?"
"It's too great to wait!"
Sighing, he asked, "...What is the news?"
"Well...me and Spike - "
Buffy was interrupted by Spike when Spike locked his lips with Buffy's. Everyone was in complete shock! Giles and Xander pulled them apart and dragged Spike outside. They started beating him up. Everyone inside the Magic Box ran outside to see all the action.
"Stop it!" Buffy cried.
Giles and Xander then moved away from Spike, satisfied at their masterpiece. Spike was beaten to a bloody pulp.
"Buffy...my love.."
"..Shhh...don't talk baby. You're gonna be okay." She cradled his face.
"But Buff-"
"SHH! I SAID DON'T TALK!"
Suddenly, the sun rose. Its intense sunlight burned Spike to ashes.
"No!"
As if on cue, the wind blew his ashes away, leaving Buffy to stare at the now vacuous space where Spike used to be. She then started crying hysterically. Picking up an abandoned dagger from the ground, she cried, "Spike! My Love! I'm coming!"
She plunged the dagger deep within her heart.
A second later, she died.
Everyone, shocked at what they had just witnessed, started mourning.
0000
2 minutes later...
"Hey! Let's go to Buffy's place to have breakfast and then mourn," suggested Anya, wiping tears away from her eyes.
Everyone agreed.
0000
Angel was at Buffy's house. He had made waffles, but added in an extra ingredient: POISON.
.
As soon as Spike eats this...he'll die and then I'll have my Buffy back! thought Angel. He grinned. He went upstairs to hide as he heard the back door creaking open.
Little did he know what had occurred less than five minutes ago...
0000
"Oooh! Look! Waffles! And best part is, they're already made!" said Willow gleefully, forgetting the loss of her dear best friend.
Everyone had already taken a single bite from the waffles when Angel made his grand entrance. He dramatically ran through the doorway, as if on Babe Watch, and yelled, "Nooooo! Don't eat it!"
But it was too late. Everyone had already swallowed their first bite. A faint laugh escaped from one of their lips (probably Xander's), who was obviously amused by Angel's arrival, before they all fell down and died.
At least Buffy didn't eat it. Angel thought. Where's Spike?
Angel took one look at the dead corpses. This one look seemed to be enough for him. It triggered his emotional breakdown.
"How could this happen to me!" cried Angel. He fell on his knees.
"Angel...I am your father," said an unknown voice.
"What..?" responded Angel, clearly startled. His eyes searched the room crazily as they tried to identify who the voice belonged to. Maybe Xander's. I never did like that guy... thought Angel.
"Luke...I am your father."
Angel whipped his head around to see the television was on, and the movie playing was Star Wars. He decided to go watch it.
0000
Somewhere in the afterlife...
"Yeah? Well, I never liked you either Mr. Babe Watch!" huffed Xander, as his spirit freed itself from Xander's body. Now, off to find that genie!
0000
Back to Buffy's House
"Hello!" said a voice.
Angel jumped. He recognized that voice...
"Buffy?"
"The one and only!" It was Buffy!
Angel pulled her into a hug.
"Are you a vampire?" asked Buffy.
Angel gave her an odd look. What a strange question for her to ask... "Yes...are you feeling okay Buffy?"
Buffy pulled out a stake with lightning speed and staked Angel.
"Why?" Angel gasped before he burst into ashes.
Buffy jumped up and down and bounced around with joy.
"I staked a vampire! Yay! Buffy would be SO proud of me! Me...The Buffy-Bot!" the Buffy-Bot exclaimed out loud - to no one in particular.
The Buffy-Bot was so happy that she unintentionally exploded... taking Sunnydale with her.
Sunnydale was annihilated.
The Hellmouth destroyed.
The Earth, saved at last.
And who was to praise?
A little robot..
named..
Well, in all truth, most people had forgotten.
But some still remember. And they continue to praise that little robot that had saved their lives.
In fact, if one opens his ears enough to listen to all the sounds of nature, he will faintly hear the praising echos, chanting,
"Wall – E!"
Fin.
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Final Word Count: 1302