"You're lucky I was here late, kid," the owner of the dry cleaners said as he unlocked the door for Felix. He was obviously irritated.
"Yeah, I know. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it." Felix apologized as he squeezed through the narrow opening the owner left for him. The owner grunted as he swiftly locked the door again. The owner went behind the register. Felix came up and dropped the books he carried on to the counter.
"Ticket?" The owner asked. Felix dug into his pocket. He brought up a mound of change, keys and bits of trash. He plucked the claim ticket from out of the middle and handed it to him. The owner looked at the ticket for a second, then grinned with a mouth of rotten teeth.
"Oh yeah! I remember you!" The owner exclaimed, shaking a finger at Felix. He turned to the small computer behind him and entered the ticket stub number. The rack snapped to life and presented Felix's suit, in pristine condition, inside a thin plastic bag. The owner snatched if off the hook and draped it over the counter. Felix smiled and took his credstick out of his pocket.
"That'll be six hundred." The owner said, hardly able to contain his enthusiasm. Felix looked up, befuddled.
"What?" Felix asked is disbelief. He glanced at the window behind him, then back at the owner. He pointed over his shoulder. "Your sign said sixteen ninety five to clean a suit! I saw the guy painting it four days ago. Why six hundred?" The owner leaned forward slightly.
"Look, kid. I know what you did in that suit. I mean, blood, a bullet hole, buncha other repair jobs dat are also obviously bullet holes, you don't get dat from studying." He said, cocking his head sharply at Felix's books. "Now, yous can pay da seventeen nuyen, but I calls Lone Star, and let 'em know what da address is on yer ticket. Or you can pay me six hundred and I keep quiet. Who knows? I may even repair other 'mishaps', know what I mean?" Felix growled, but still stuck his credstick into the pay slot and transferred six hundred nuyen into the store's account. Felix snatched it back, scooped up his books and his suit and walked to the door.
"Hey, who knows? Maybe I call the Star anyway?" The owner chuckled. Felix stopped, clinching his teeth. He turned around, dropping his suit and all but one of his books. He looked at the owner straight in the eye, and when he was sure he held his gaze, Felix made his eyes flash quickly with light; a spell his picked up that afternoon. The owner jumped slightly.
"Can you see what's in my hand?" Felix asked in a barely calm voice, holding the book in front of him, the title "Volume XXVII: Spells of Combat and Defense" towards the owner.
"Uh, I don't know," the owner said, looking around him. "A book."
"And what does it say?" Felix said, approaching the counter.
"Hey, frag your magic! I'm calling da cops!" The owner said, reaching for the phone. Felix stepped forward and hurled the book at the phone sitting behind the counter, knocking it on to the floor with a clatter. Felix then jumped for the owner and snatched his collar. Felix landed with his stomach on the counter, pulling the owner onto his knees, nose to nose with him. Felix flashed his eyes again.
"Now listen to me, you puke. What's six hundred minus seventeen?" Felix growled through his teeth.
"Hey, man, just…"
"WHAT… is six hundred minus seventeen!?" Felix roared.
"AAAA! Five hundred and eighty-seven, man!" The owner exclaimed. Felix leaned far over the counter and picked his book up that lay open beside the phone. He stood up and let the owner go.
"You keep that on my tab. You hear me? When I come in with my suit, weather it's wrinkled, or it's torn to freakin' shreds, you subtract that from my total."
"Y… yeah. Okay."
"And I swear to you, if you call the cops, I'll pay my fine, come back here and scramble your brain inside your skull without leaving a scratch!" Felix turned, scooped up his stuff, and stomped to the door. "And it's not even seven o'clock yet! How could you be closed!" He raised his foot with his last step and kicked at the door, fully expecting it to break the lock. It didn't. This irritated Felix to the boiling point.
"Unlock this door!" Felix yelled. The owner ran up to the door, unlocked it, and let Felix out. Felix stormed out with a pile of stuff in his arms. He stomped down the street for a few paces, but suddenly stopped. He leaned against the wall and started to laugh, totally surprised with what he did.
"I can't believe that." He said to himself. He looked around and laughed. "Wow, I'm vicious!" He adjusted the books under his arm, slung his suit over his shoulder and walked home whistling.
As Felix was walking up the stairs to his apartment, it was obvious that someone on his floor was smoking marijuana. It didn't phase him a bit until he realized that the smell was coming from his apartment.
"You're not doing what I think you're doing…" Felix sighed to himself. He pushed the door open. Felix saw, across the utter disaster that was his apartment, Bones in the kitchen mopping. He was singing along to something blasting his brain from a pair of enormous headphones, a crooked joint bouncing up and down on the side of his mouth.
"Bones!" Felix exclaimed. He dropped his stuff on an unoccupied spot on the couch and walked up to him, avoiding the trash on the floor. He snatched the joint out of his mouth and slapped him across the back of his head.
"Ow! What the hell, man!" Bones exclaimed. He pulled his headphones off and saw Felix. "Damn man, you're getting violent lately."
"I've got nearly eight thousand bucks tied up in a security deposit, man! I'm not gonna lose it because my friends wanna blaze up while they're cleaning up after themselves." Felix tossed the joint into the sink. It hissed slightly. Bones gasped.
"My god! That was obscene!" Bones choked, his hand clutching the shirt above his heart.
"Yeah, yeah. You've probably got a pound more of it at your place." Felix said, walking back into the living room. He pushed a trash bag off the couch and sat down.
"I don't know why you're so uptight. I'm the landlord." Bones said, pushing the mop around. He paused and dug around in the pocket of his red and green tie-died sweatpants and produced another crooked joint. He straightened it out, leaned over the stove and lit it from the burner. Felix rolled his eyes, knowing his effort was futile.
"No, you're just the dude who takes the money. It's the rich bastard that owns the building that comes in once a month who decides if I get my deposit back." Felix replied over the back of the couch.
"So what did your lazy ass do today while I was slaving away, trying to make this place conform to the strict standards of Mr. Page?" Bones said, wringing the mop out in the sink.
"Studied. Same as the last four days." Felix sighed. "Oh!" Felix sat up and turned to Bones. "I think the dry cleaners on the corner of Eighth and University is gonna have me locked up for assault."
"Yeah? Why's that?" Bones asked, leaning against his mop.
"That bastard tried to bleed six hundred nuyen off me. Said he was gonna tell the Star about my suit with the hole in it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I said I would kill him if he did." Felix said.
"Hell, you are getting violent, aren't you?" Bones remarked.
"It's them damned combat spells I've been studying. They alter your personality a little. You should have seen me during my second quarter. When I was learning healing and detoxification spells, I didn't speak for a week and slept nearly fourteen hours a day."
"You don't say." Bone replied, resting his chin on the end of the mop. "Well, that same dude tried sticking me for two grand when he found a fistful of sniper rounds in my jacket." Felix laughed.
"Don't those cost, like, ten nuyen a piece? Why did you leave a fistful in you pocket?"
"Fifteen nuyen, but eh, I've got a poor memory sometimes." Bones continued pushing the mop across the floor.
"So what happened?"
"I punched him the face and told him to shut up about it. He scares easily."
"No kidding." Felix said.
"Say," Bones said, cocking his head at the pile of University library books. "Don't they have that shit on a computer?"
"Yeah, but I can't stand learning spells off of one. This way is easier. Well, in my opinion, anyway." Felix explained. He pointed at the garbage bags on the couch and next to the door. "You think you'll be done tonight?"
"Yeah. Got most everything taken care of. Had to replace the mattress, though."
"I told you!" Felix growled, pointing his finger at Bones but smiling. "But no, 'all I need is a hair dryer and it'll be fine'. Bah! Now my entire room smells like Heineken."
"Not any more. Got a dozen of those NoMoFunk bombs. It's a little foggy in there, but it doesn't smell like Germany's finest lager."
"Heineken's brewed in Holland."
"Whatever. Get up a sec. I think there might be something under the couch." Bones said. Felix got up and Bones went to the end, bent down and tried to pick it up. After a few seconds of grunting and gasping, he let go and sat on the end of the couch.
"Christ, man! What's up with your couch?" Bones exclaimed. "Weighs a goddamned ton!"
"It does not. You're just a skinny pothead." Felix said. "C'mon, get down there and try it again. I'll show you something I picked up my junior year." Bones shook his head slightly and bent back down to grab the couch from the base. Felix cast a strength augmentation spell on Bones; a relatively small one, since he didn't feel like suffering the drain effects. Suddenly, Bones straightened rapidly, and lifted the couch completely off the floor. It flipped one hundred eighty degrees in the air, tossing cushions and debris from between the all over the apartment. It landed upside down with an incredible thud.
"Fucking shit!" Bones exclaimed. "What the hell?" Felix was leaning on the wall, laughing as hard as he had ever laughed before.
"Oh, god, how I love you mundanes!" Felix gasped. "A constant supply of amusement!" From the floor, something thumped four times.
"You kids better knock it off! I'll call the police!" A man's voice called.
"Randall!" Bones called. He got on his knees and shouted at the floor. "You better shut up or I'll come down and knock you out!" He got no response.
"Okay, now you wanna put my couch back?" Felix asked. "The spell should still be working." Bones grabbed the couch, lifted it over his head, flipped it around and dropped it back on the floor.
"Hell yeah. I should go back to boxing." Bones said. "But I bet they outlaw shit like this." Felix nodded.
"I'll help with the rest of this. I'd like to be able to sleep in a clean place tonight." Felix said. Both Felix and Bones continued cleaning the apartment until nearly three in the morning. By the time Felix said "good night" to Bones, the place was in pristine condition. One would never know that a raging party took place a week prior. Felix tossed his clothes onto the floor and dropped into bed as soon as the display on the clock read 3:01. At 3:02 AM, the phone rang.
"You have got to be kidding me..." Felix groaned. He reached over to the phone. "Uh, hello?"
"Fletch?" Circumstance asked. "That you?"
"Circumstance?" Felix asked. He sat up, instantly awake. "Um..." He ran his fingers straight back across his head through his hair, searching for something to say. "I didn't know I gave you my phone number."
"You didn't. Say, can I ask you a favor?" Circumstance asked. Felix swiveled to sit on the edge of the bed.
"Uh, yeah, I guess."
"Can I stay at your place tonight?"
"Tonight? Why?"
"My apartment's been fumigated." Circumstance replied.
"Oh. Well, sure. I guess. My address is..."
"Can I get a ride, too?"
"I thought..."
"My car was fumigated, too. Thanks!" The phone clicked to the dial tone and an address rolled out of the bottom of the phone, along with a quickly hand drawn map to Circumstance's apartment. On the side, she wrote "Thanks!" with a heart at the bottom of the exclamation point. Felix fell back on the bed.
"Criminy." Felix sighed to himself. "Of all the things I don't feel like doing at the moment..." He got up, put the same clothes back on and went into the bathroom.
"Why are you even doing this?" Felix said to himself standing in front of the mirror. He smeared toothpaste on his toothbrush and stuck it in his mouth. He smiled slightly. "You know why. I don't even know why you do it, Page old boy. She's probably already got a relationship." He chuckled to himself slightly. "A drug running troll with a gun grafted into his head. 'Urrgh. Me troll. Will kill itty-bitty magician. Rarrgh!'" He was rather amused with his imitation of a rabid troll.
Felix locked his apartment and walked a few doors down to Bones' apartment. The door was open. Felix saw him on the couch, a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. A zip-lock baggie nearly depleted of grass laid on the coffee table Bones had his feet on. Across from him was a television with what appeared to be scrambled porn.
"Why don't you just order it?" Felix asked, leaning against the doorframe. He studied the bent negative image, trying to figure out if he was watching a foot or an earlobe.
"I'm too damn cheap." Bones replied, his eyes glued to the screen.
"Why don't you steal it?"
"I'm not that stupid."
"Ha!" Felix exclaimed. Bones looked at him, pointing to him with two fingers, the joint pinched between them.
"Stealing trid programming is a whole different barrel of shit than stealing other stuff. The junction box is locked tighter than a... well, it's locked pretty damn tight. And I don't need a fine bigger than the payroll of the last job I did. I'll stick to this." Bones placed the joint between his lips and turned back to the screen as soon as the image straightened out. For four seconds, a negative image of an orgy came across. Then it flickered and scrambled again.
"Now that's entertainment!" Bones exclaimed between his lips and around the joint, pointing at the screen. Felix couldn't help but laugh.
"Bloody marvelous. Say, can I borrow your van?" Felix asked.
"Yeah, I guess. Why?" Bones said, digging through his pocket and tossed the keys at Felix.
"Gonna pick up Circumstance. Said she needs a place to stay tonight." Bones looked back at Felix.
"Really? Circumstance? I busted my zipper upon first sight! Man, some guys have all the luck! Hey, bring her here, and we can party." Bones said.
"It's not like that. Her apartment is not livable, so she needs a place to stay tonight."
"Translation: I'm gonna hump her 'til she can't see straight." Bones said sternly. "Hell, forget this." Bones waved his hand at the television and stood up, mashing the remains of his joint in a saucer. "Let me get my video camera. You won't be scrambled while you and her are making like mad weasels."
"Yeah, right. I don't 'release the beast' on every woman I meet, and it isn't going to happen tonight either. Hell, I hardly know her, man! You're gonna have to learn that virtue." Felix said. He held the keys up. "Thanks. Be back in a few." Felix walked down to the parking garage under the apartment complex. Bones' van looked, as usual, much like his apartment. Felix spent ten minutes clearing enough trash to make room for Circumstance to sit down. Eventually, he got in and drove off towards Circumstance's directions.
The surrounding environment changed as Felix drove. The buildings progressively looked worse. More trash lined the streets. The street was falling into worse stages of disrepair. The address Circumstance provided seemed to point to the worst part of all Seattle. Eventually, he found the address Circumstance lived at. Circumstance was standing in front of the decrepit apartment complex, quite possibly the worst one in the neighborhood. She waved her arms over her head as she saw Bones' van. She was dressed in flannel pajamas, big, poofy purple slippers and a rather large overcoat. She did not look comfortable.
"Oh, you're such a lifesaver!" Circumstance exclaimed as Felix got out of the van. "I have to get some stuff. C'mon." Circumstance headed back into the building. Felix followed. He was nearly knocked back by the smell of filth and urine in the lobby. A few people were curled up anywhere they could find a spot to sleep. The pool table seemed to be a popular spot; four people laid across it, like sardines in a can. Felix went to the elevator door and punched the "up" button.
"Yeah, that's it." Circumstance grunted. "That's never worked." Felix sighed and followed Circumstance up eight flights of stairs, which also seemed to be a popular place to sleep. Circumstance then walked down a hall and stopped at a door that looked, quite literally, like Swiss cheese.
"Wow. I like their fumigation technique." Felix commented as Circumstance unlocked the door. She didn't reply as she walked into her apartment. Felix followed her for a few steps and stopped in his tracks. The walls, the furniture, the ceiling, and everything else in the apartment were riddled with bullet holes. Even the floor had been punctured by slugs. Looking through the holes, he could see that the apartments below and around her apartment were currently vacant. Circumstance proceeded into the bedroom. Out of instinct, Felix went for the couch to sit down. However, when he got a good look at it, he decided to stand.
"So, uh, if I may ask, what happened to your apartment?" Felix shouted into the bedroom down the hall from the living room.
"You ever say 'no' to a horny Yakuza boss?" Circumstance shouted back.
"Yak… a what boss?" Felix asked. He had never heard the term before.
"Japanese Mafia."
"Oh. Uh, no."
"I did." Circumstance said, coming out of the bedroom. She held a blue dress in front of her. Beams of light from the shattered apartment window passed through it. "Bloody savages." She tossed it to the floor. She went back into the bedroom and got a small white duffel bag with a tired looking panda on the side. "Okay, let's go. At least they left me a few clothes." Felix and Circumstance went back out the same way they came in and climbed in the van.
"So where's your car?" Felix asked.
"There." Circumstance said, pointing out the window to a lump of twisted metal parked on the street that looked slightly like a vehicle. It smoldered brightly in the shadows of the apartments. A couple of men warmed their hands by it.
"Nearly twenty-nine thousand big ones for that car. Paid in old-fashioned paper cash. Took half a year of runs and saving like mad." Circumstance sighed, shaking her head. "Forget this joint. Let's go." Felix nodded and drove back to his apartment complex in silence. When they arrived, Felix trudged up the stairs and Circumstance followed. He unlocked his door and pushed it open. Circumstance walked straight in. Felix flicked the light and Circumstance stopped.
"You smoke weed?" Circumstance asked, turning to Felix with a look of disbelief.
"No, I do not. That's horrid smell is Bones' doing." Felix sighed and exclaimed at once. Circumstance silently said "oh", then wondered if she should apologize for assuming such a thing.
"You have a really nice place here. I can tell you've been cleaning." Circumstance said, looking around the house. She laughed slightly. "That's the second sign you're not a runner. Most guys I know sleep on top of a foot of garbage. You… you live nice." Felix retrieved a blanket from his room and dropped it on the couch.
"Thank you. It's a shame I'm not a very good example to the other vermin. Like Bones, for example. I'm going to go to bed." Felix yawned. "Help yourself to whatever in the ice box. Good night."
"Thanks for letting me stay here for the night." Circumstance said. "You're a lifesaver." Felix smiled.
"You're always welcome." Felix closed the door, shed his clothing, climbed in bed and fell asleep.