Caroline sat at the kitchen counter feeling utterly exhausted despite having just woken up. She wasn't sure how much she slept; it had been a long night without Nicola by her side. She wanted a lie in since she had an open calendar for the day but gave up any hope of being able to fall back asleep when she heard the trash collector barrel up the street. Once she realized she was irrevocably awake she began her usual morning routine.

Realizing she was slouching over the counter more than usual, she sat up straight in an effort to do a gentle stretch. Her lower back ached and her joints were stiff; she was long overdue for a massage but didn't have the drive to find her phone to call to schedule one. At least she had a cup of black coffee within arms reach to perk her up. She was so tired she wasn't sure if the silence in the house was comforting or disconcerting.

Flora was in her final term at university and would be off to America for graduate school within a few short months. With Flora's plans to go even further away to school, it cemented Caroline's belief that she would never really live at home again. Although she was prideful about Flora's independence and capabilities, Caroline was generally feeling unsettled. She didn't know why because she loved seeing Flora get everything she worked hard to achieve but she still hated the idea of there being an ocean between them. She wondered where Flora's life would take her after graduate school. Would she stay on the east coast of the States or be swept even further away from England? Caroline had a nagging suspicion that regardless of the answer, Flora wouldn't return to her homeland for more than just a holiday anytime soon.

Nicola was away on an extended business trip; she was taking fewer of them every year, thanks to her ability to delegate some to Marcus, but the ones she had to take seemed to keep her away longer than they used to do. Back in the days when her boys were little and John was often even more underfoot than they were, Caroline reveled in the rare times she had the house to herself and would have killed to send John away on extended business trips. She prided herself that she didn't gripe about Nicola's traveling like Pat did, but with Flora no longer living at home, Caroline grew to detest her absence and had a harder time keeping it to herself than she used to do.

Perhaps it was her age, but more likely it was her contentment with Nicola, that made her dread their time apart; Caroline loved their life. But Nicola was talking more and more about retiring and Caroline wasn't sure she was ready for such a monumental step, despite how ready she was for Nicola's business trips to end.

Retirement seemed like such a final step, in part because she still defined herself in many ways by her work. Work had always been the one constant in her life and she wasn't sure who she would be if she wasn't working. When it came to big decisions like this, she had to admit to herself that she missed her mum. Even though there were times their relationship was fraught with tension, she loved her fiercely and missed her wit and wisdom and Caroline found herself wanting some of her insight now.

For all her shortcomings, Celia embraced growing older better than Caroline seemed to be doing at the moment; she simply wasn't sure she was ready to transition to retirement like Nicola was and wasn't sure what to do about it. She looked at the clock and thought about calling William to meet for lunch but was concerned he needed more notice to be available; he was her best sounding board after her wife.

The sound of her cell phone ringing roused Caroline from her thoughts. She smiled at the name that flashed up on the screen as she slid the bar to answer the call. "Morning."

"Morning Caz," her low-life trailer trash step-sister perkily responded. Gillian was rolling a toothpick between her thumb and index finger as she fidgeted with anticipation.

"You sound perky for such an early hour," she replied as she raised her cup for another sip. She wrinkled her nose when she realized it had gone cold; while she could drink cold tea, she detested cold coffee. "What's up?"

"I feel like treating myself to a couple of days away from the farm and wondered if you fancy some company." Caroline smiled at the cheekiness of Gillian to invite herself; she was glad Gillian was comfortable doing so because they didn't see enough of each other since their parents passed a few years ago.

"Absolutely. From when to when?"

"I'm thinking I could catch a train down in a bit and be there tonight in time for dinner and return the day after tomorrow. Would Nicola mind?"

"She's in the States and gets back Saturday so you'll miss her. I'd be glad for the company but how can you get away?"

"Raff arrived late last night. He and Ellie had another one of their bust-ups and he wants to camp here until things cool down. I thought I'd take advantage and get away for a change."

"You'll have to tell me what it was this time when you get here. Just text me the time to meet you at the station and I'll be there," Caroline said, relieved at the idea of having company for a few days. Feeling a little better than she did before Gillian rang, she called her secretary to tell her she was taking a few days off since she had nothing pressing on her calendar.

She grabbed a notepad and pen after refreshing her cup of coffee and putting some bread into the toaster. Forgetting her earlier thought about trying to connect with William, she settled back in at the counter to make a list of things she needed to do before Gillian's arrival. The first thing on her list was to change the sheets on the bed in the guest room; second was to check the fridge and make a shopping list. Hearing the toast pop up, she stood to grab it and felt a twinge in her back. She grabbed the almost empty container of pain relievers on the counter and fished two out to take after she finished her breakfast. The last thing she did before heading up to shower was add pain relievers to her shopping list. It was just below the reminder to buy more wine.