Kim and Daniel are walking down the hallway. Daniel is upset because he has no money. They're meeting up with the other freaks later.
Daniel
Kim, get off my coattails, all right?
Kim
Okay! I'm just saying, the reason you have no money is because you spent it all on drugs! Stop smoking pot, and you wouldn't have this problem! Stop complaining like a five year old!
Daniel
Listen, nutcase. I don't need you lecturing me on money! Didn't your mom blow her rent money on a $300 bottle of wine?
Kim, looking hurt and about to cry
Screw you, Daniel. (Runs away in tears)
Fade out. Theme song
The geeks are the cafeteria. They're talking about the dance in five days.
Bill
So fellas, are we going to the dance stag?
Harris
Judith said if I didn't ask her to the dance, she was going to ask out my younger brother, Marris.
Neal
Marris?
Harris
My parents wanted us to have rhyming names, but nothing rhymes with Harris.
Sam
I'm going ask out the new girl, Linda Danes.
Neal
Linda? She's gorgeous, smart, and sweet. You don't stand a chance. (jokingly) I'm aiming a person less likely to dump me.
Bill (chortling)
Who would that be? Cross-eyed Cathy?
Neal
As a matter of fact, I'm going to ask Jenny Williams.
Bill
How on earth is she below you? She's a cheerleader.
Neal (with a big smile on his face)
Yes, but she's at the bottom of the pyramid.
Gordon
You have a seriously over inflated ego.
Fade out.
The freaks are near the bleachers, without Daniel. They're also talking about the dance.
Nick
Did you hear about the stupid Valentine's Day dance thing at the end of the week?
Ken (agitated)
My parents said I have to go. They say it's good for my "self esteem", (air quotes) but they really just wanna get me outta the house. Plus, Amy wants to go.
Kim (looking disappointed)
I was gonna go with Daniel, but he called my mother an irresponsible alcoholic.
Lindsay (surprised)
That doesn't seem like him at all.
Kim (looking embarrassed)
Well, he didn't say it outright. But after I told him off for spending all his money on weed… (Nick and Ken looking ashamed) he mentioned the fact that my mom once spent all our money (she winces)
Ken
Well, you were kinda being a bitch. Besides, you call your mother a witchy old druggie all the time.
Kim
That is so not the point!
Nick
By the way, where is Daniel?
Fade out.
Daniel is at a grocery store. He walks up to the general manager. He is old and fat, with a southern accent.
Daniel
Helllooooo? Anyone here?
Manager
How d'ya do there, son?
Daniel
I need some money.
Manager (confused)
What… does this have to do with … me?
Daniel
I need a job. (pleadingly)
Manager
Well, an extra set of hands never hurts. How does bag boy sound, how about 5.50 an hour?
Daniel (relieved)
That would be… good. Thanks man.
Manager (smiling)
You're welcome, "man."
Fade out
In between classes. Lindsay and Nick are talking.
Nick
Linds, I have a question for you.
Lindsay (stops walking)
Yeah, Nick?
Nick (hemming and hawing)
I was wondering if maybe… you would... like to..
Lindsay
Spit out, Nick.
Nick (really quickly)
Doyouwannagotothedancewithme!
Lindsay
Ahhh, you know we're broken up, right?
Nick
I know, but my parents don't and they really liked you, so if told them we went to the dance…(trailing off)
Lindsay
Oh, well then (brightening), sure!
Nick
See ya tomorrow.
Fade out.
Sam is going to ask out Linda, and Neal is going to ask Jenny out.
Sam
Hey Linda.
Linda
Oh, hi Sean.
Sam
My name is Sam.
Linda (embarrassed)
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Sam
It's okay. Listen I was wondering… Do you want to go to the dance with me?
Linda (considering it)
You know what, I would love to go with you.
Sam (eager)
Really?
Linda
Really.
Sam
I'll pick you up at seven.
Neal
Showtime. (calling across the hallway) Hey, Jenny!
Jenny (snapping gum)
Whaddaya want?
Neal (muttering)
I can see why you're the bottom of the pyramid.
Jenny
What?
Neal
Nothing. I was wondering if you would want to go to the dance with me on Friday.
Jenny
Will you pay?
Neal
Uhh, yeah.
Jenny
Sure, I'll go, Nat.
Neal
I'll pick you up at seven. By the way, my name is Neal.
Jenny (dismissively)
Whatever.
Fade out.
Lindsay and Amy are trying on dresses and Kim is giving advice. Ken, and Nick are trying on suits, and at a different department store, so are Sam and Neal.
Amy (in the dressing room)
I'm so excited that Ken is taking me. I know he's not too excited, but I'm jumping out of my skin. (comes out of dressing room) What do you think? (tries on a knee length, dark blue dress)
Lindsay and Kim (in unison)
Perfect.
Amy
Okay, Lindsay, try on your dress.
Lindsay
I wish I could go with a guy who's taking me for a reason besides parental approval.
Kim (snorting)
You believed that lousy excuse? He's still totally into you.
(sighs) I wish Daniel wasn't such a jerk.
Into the men's dressing room. Ken and Nick are talking
about the dance.
Ken
I can't believe Lindsay fell for that "my-parents-made-me-do-it" crap.
Nick
It's not crap. My parents LOVED Lindsay. They said she was sweet and smart, and maybe her sweetness and smartness would rub onto me… (dazing off)
Ken
Earth to Andopolis. You gotta focus. Does this suit even fit me?
Entering Sam and Neal's dressing room.
Sam
I'm really excited about taking Linda to the dance.
Neal
I'm not. My date's evil.
Sam
Then, why are you going with her?
Neal (matter-of-factly)
'cause she's hot! Are you stupid, Sam! (tries on a smoking jacket) What you think of this. I was going for handsome, dashing Jew.
Sam
You listen to your brother way too much. Besides, you look more like Hugh Hefner than anything else.
Neal
Shut up.
Fade out.
The Weir House. Lindsay and Sam are getting ready. Jean is maniacally taking pictures, and Harold is laying down the ground rules.
Harold
…. And no drinking, and no drugs, be home by eleven, and no hotel rooms, especially you, Lindsay.
Lindsay
Dad, I'm not gonna have sex with Nick
Harold
(yelps) That what they all say. Until that one sappy Led Balloon…
Lindsay (groaning)
Led Zeppelin
Harold
Whatever… song comes on the radio….. ( trailing off)
Lindsay
Dad, do you know this from experience?
Harold (snaps)
Doesn't matter how I know it.
(doorbell rings)Nick comes in with a corsage. He is wearing a tux and looks excited.
Lindsay
Hey, Nick.
Nick
Hey, Lindsay. Ready to go?
Lindsay
Yep.
Jean
Wait! I have to take one more picture! You two are just so cute.
Lindsay (groaning)
MOM!
Jean
What? I'm a mother, I can't help it.
Nick and Lindsay leave the Weir house. Sam goes to pick up Linda. Neal goes to pick up Jenny.
Sam rings the doorbell
Linda
Hello Sam
Sam
You look gorgeous.
Linda
Thank you Sam. You're so sweet.
Meanwhile, Neal's mom drops him off at Linda's house. Her house is huge. Neal is mad because he hates Jenny.
Neal's Mom
Wow! Who's your date, Stella McCartney?
Neal
I wish. Can I get out, please?
Neal's Mom
Okay, okay, ladies man. Can you give your mom a kiss?
Neal(sighs)
Fine (kisses her)
He rings the doorbell. Jenny answers the door, snapping gum, looking annoyed.
Jenny
Oh, it's you. You bring tha cash?
Neal
Yeah, I did. You look beautiful.
Jenny (vainly)
I know. Let's blow this pop stand. I have to home by ten.
Fade out. Everyone is at the school dance. The DJ is playing "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA. Ken and Amy are in the corner, making out. Lindsay and Nick walk in.
Daniel and Kim are not there.
Nick (trying to make chit-chat)
Soooo… this is nice.
Lindsay
Yeah. Nice.
Ken (yelling over the music)
THIS DJ SUCKS! WHO THE HELL TOLD HIM THAT ABBA WAS COOL! HOW"S YOUR NON-DATING EX?
Nick
SHUT UP, MAN!
Lindsay
You wanna leave?
Nick
Like, leave to go where?
Lindsay
Just outside the school.
Nick
I'd love that.
Sam is at the punch bowl with Linda.
Sam
I can't believe it! You're the only girl I know that likes Animal House.
Linda
Are you joking? John Belushi was comical genius in that movie! My favorite scene is the exploding zit.
Sam
If you've seen that, then you've gotta see The Jerk.
Linda
What's that about?
Sam
It's about this guy, who was raised in Mississippi, and….
Linda
Sam.
Sam
Yeah?
Linda
Please kiss me.
Sam (surprised)
Really?
Linda
Yeah.
They kiss. Neal is slow dancing with Jenny.
Jenny
You're not holding me right, midget.
Neal
How am I supposed to hold you?
Jenny
I don't know, but different, dwarf!
Neal
I am not a midget! I'm just short!
Jenny
Coulda fooled me, nerd!
Neal
You know what? You're a jerk, and I'm dumping you right NOW!
Jenny
You can't dump me, hobbit. I'm a cheerleader!
Neal
Yes I can! And you're at the bottom of the pyramid!
Jenny gasps and whines. Neal storms out. Fade out.
Nick and Lindsay are walking down the street, and they're talking.
Nick
By the way, I threw out my secret pot stash.
Lindsay
Really? Nick, that's awesome! I've telling you to stop for months!
Nick
I got sick of being in this haze, you know? It's like I couldn't think or enjoy anything.
Lindsay
I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it!
Nick
The reason I'm mentioning this is because I couldn't do it without you. This might come as a surprise, but I only dated Sara to make you jealous.
Lindsay
Nick, I bet the President of the United States knew that.
Nick (laughing)
Was it that obvious?
Lindsay
Ah, yeah. Don't worry, it was really adorable.
Nick
I'm glad you think so.
They start to kiss. Fade out.
Kim is sitting in her room, doing her homework. She hears a knock on her window. It's Daniel. He has a corsage, a prom dress, a record, and cans of Pepsi.
Kim (crying)
How do you afford this?
Daniel
I got a job as a bag boy.
She changes into the prom dress. He puts on the record. It's Jealous Guy by John Lennon. They start slow dancing in her bedroom,
Kim's Mom
Kim? What are you doing? If you're not studying, you're gonna flunk end up a loser like your father.
Fade out. End credits.