Diego woke up to the sound of weeb shit he ran into the room he could not stand the sound of such an awful language. He shouted "There are only three numbers in the american alphabet U, S, and A and you used none of them." Shrek quickly retaliated, about to flame the uncultured swine standing before him. "Just kidding, what are you retards watching?" Before any of them could answer Howard announced that they had reached their destination. "The planet we have arrived at is a very populated one, maybe too populated. We are going to meet up with someone very important at the main strip club." All four of the big-dick crusaders rejoiced at hearing these news, Howard waited for them to quiet down before continuing. "Please make sure to be very respectful, and don't get carried away with the hookers, they're still his property whether you pay them or not." The excitement died down a bit upon these news being heard, but either way the big-dick crusaders hadn't gotten any coochie since their encounter with Donkey Kong, and with pythons as big as theirs it was hard to keep their urges in check. One by one, they left Howard's ship. Howard would stay inside the ship waiting for them and making sure no intruders would come in, if the crusaders needed his help all they would need to do was pinch their left nut-sacks and Howard would come. The big-dick crusaders looked at the city that surrounded them, it had bigger buildings than any other civilization on earth. They looked around themselves, and then they went to look for the main strip club.
There were many different stalls that sold items that the crusaders didn't even recognize, their fashion was extremely strange, or simply too advanced for any earthling. Diego aw what looked to be some extremely technologically advanced anal beads, he wondered whether Dora would enjoy experimenting with it, or whether it would be enough to satisfy her. "Diego stick with the rest of us, it is easy to get lost in such a crowd." Diego quickly caught up with the rest of them and apologized. They had been looking for the strip club for a little over 20 minutes, too long, Shrek thought, so he decided to ask one of the shady shopkeepers where the strip club was. Jesus followed his green ogre daddy, and Diego was still just looking at the many different technologically advanced sex toys, wondering whether he should get them as presents to Dora. Donkey was doing the same thing, but wondered whether he should use them to help his dick recover from years of slavery. "Excuse me sir, where can I find the 'main strip club?'" The shady shopkeeper was wearing a cloak over his whole body, and as he slowly turned around the face the ogre and his son Jesus got ready to retaliate, the man's face was completely shadowed by his cloak, but a hand came out of it, and he pointed right behind him. "Over here boys." Shrek started to walk away, thinking that whoever was under that cloak was a senile old man, but Jesus stopped him. Jesus didn't say anything, but either way he walked straight towards the wall the shady shopkeeper had pointed to, and he was surprised to see he could phase right through it. Shrek saw his son go through the wall, and called the other two crusaders. "We found it!" Donkey and Diego quickly catched up to their comrades. What they found was… Not exactly what they predicted.
The strip club had some extremely obnoxious music booming from every direction at the same time, and the dancers were all small and yellow, wearing goggles, some with one eye and some with two. Up until now all the crusaders had been somewhat erect, but now their dicks had become extremely small, except for Donkey, who's dick was making it hard for him to traverse normally, as he kept on bumping into objects and people. The other crusaders looked at Donkey in disgust, they couldn't believe that he was actually erect from the yellow creatures. But at the same time, Donkey hadn't gotten any pussy for the past ten years, he was feeling quite desperate, and so were the other crusaders for the matter. When blessed with a body as gracious and perfect as Dora's it is hard to ever feel satisfied by anything else, and even creatures like these, if desperate enough could satisfy the crusaders' needs. Donkey didn't exactly find the short creatures attractive, but either way he had been deprived of any pussy for too long. The crusaders sat down at a table, drinking some kind of alien alcohol. One of the yellow creatures started giving Shrek a lapdance, Shrek instantly retorted and pushed it off. "What the fuck are these things?" he said angrily. The bartender answered his question. "We call them… Minions, they're a very odd group of people, these specific ones are failed experiments. They're meant to be extremely smart creatures, instead all they want to do is fuck." The Minion started giving Donkey a lapdance, and he didn't resist it, he hadn't gotten any pussy in so long. The bartender resumes his conversation with Shrek. "this is Norbert, our most prominent stripper she has a great ass." Norbert turned around trying to stroke Donkey's weak dick with his tits. Donkey looked down at Norbert, he saw a giant bulge where her vagina is supposed to be. "IS THAT A DICK!?" Donkey quickly pushed the stripper off his lap. "I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT IS A DICK IM SHOOTING UP THIS WHOLE FUCKING CLUB." Norbert whipped out his dick and revealed a good 9 inch punisher, right after putting his dick out in the open he nutted all over Donkey's face. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?" Donkey had regained energy into his dick for only a split second, and used that split second to slap Norbert's shit-eating smile off his face. "WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU I WAS GAY?!" Donkey was about to keep on attacking the minion, but the rest of the big-dick crusaders held him down. "Calm down Donkey! Have you forgotten that we are guests here?" Donkey kept on struggling. "I DON'T FUCKING CARE, THAT LITTLE SHIT JUST NUTTED ALL OVER MY FACE!" Donkey had gained a sudden surge of strength, he got out of the grasp of the crusaders and was about to attack Norbert, but then a skinny and clumsy figure entered the room.
"S-Sorry I'm late everybody, did one of my Minions misbehave..?" Everyone had completely frozen in place, nobody responded for a few seconds until Donkey spoke, still enraged at this stri club's terrible customer service. "This little faggot Norbert over here whipped out his big yellow dick and unloaded himself on me, without my consent of course." Norbert pulled his panties back up, and walked away in shame. "Sorry, none of them have a specific biological gender, they have both types of genitalia, so preference is completely up to them." Donkey spat on the floor, completely disgusted. "So they're all traps aye?" the skinny figure nodded. Donkey was still angry, but he tried to resist the urge to shoot up the club… At least for now. The skinny figure took a few more steps forward towards the crusaders, and they could now see that it seemed to be a marionette come to life. "M-My name is Pinocchio, I may n-not look like much, but my abilities may be of some use to you..?" The crusaders looked at each other, silently asking the same question, Shrek decided to take the role of leader. "What exactly would those abilities be?" Pinocchio looked around, made sure that no one was spying on them, honestly he was quite embarrassed about this ability, but either way he knew it could be of some use to the three heroes. "Being a furry isn't gay" said the marionette, and a giant bulge of formed inside of his pants, around twenty meters long. "Every time I lie, my dick grows bigger, because I'm a crazy nig-" Donkey shoved his furry dick down the marionette's throat before he could finish the last word. "I don't think this guy is needed, not only did he almost say the [n] word, his dick is only twenty inches long. I don't even think he could reach 30 fps." Pinocchio felt completely underestimated, although he may look like an introvert at first glance, the last thing you want to do is piss him off. Pinocchio spat Donkey's dick out of his mouth, he screamed the biggest lie he had ever told. "I'M ALREADY TRACER!" Pinocchio's dick grew fifty times bigger, now posing a challenge to the weakened Donkey. "Now I'm pissed, first you upset one of my most reliable and beautiful strippers, and now you call my dick small. Degenerates like you belong on the cross." Pinocchio rammed his wooden cock into Donkey' stomach, Donkey spurted blood from his mouth due to the impact, and was then launched backwards all the way to the other side of the bar. "You son of a bi-" Pinocchio teleported in front of him, ready to finish his weakened dick off, but Shrek got in front of Donkey, covering for him. "Out of my way, smelly cunt." Shrek didn't move a muscle, Pinocchio didn't feel like hurting his guests any longer, so he made his dick retreat using honesty. "Saying you love and appreciate your homies isn't gay." that shrunk his dick by quite a bit but it did not finish the job. "All women are queens." His dick like the twin towers fell from its graceful position to a small pathetic pea sized dick. Shrek and Diego now understood what Pinocchio was capable of, and decided that despite his young age, he was worthy of being a part of the crusaders. "We're sorry we underestimated you. If you are really up for it we will let you join us in our journey, but you must be sure about this, by coming with us you put your very own life at risk." Pinocchio understood this, and had already made his decision. "Sorry about Norbert, but please don't be so hard on him, you really hurt his feelings." Donkey scoffed and felt no need to feel bad for such a horrendous creature. Diego pinched his left nutsack and Howard appeared before them. "Alright, I think we're ready. All that is left to do is to find Donkey Kong's whereabouts." Diego had become impatient, he had just gathered a bunch of sex toys for his wife and was walking around town with them, he wanted to try them on Dora as soon as possible. "Sorry to disappoint you, Diego, but as of right now we do not know Donkey Kong's exact location." The shock Diego had felt at that moment could've given a sixty year old man a heart attack. "But... We might know where he is going to be." The End (of chapter 3)