Title: Fanfiction

Author: Mercury

Summary: The Las Vegas Crime Lab discovers something unusual on the Internet - what exactly is this 'fanfiction'?

Rating: As of now, PG, but with later chapters it will probably progress to a PG-13.

Author's Notes: A challenge given by keskin_snape from Under the Bridge. This is just silly, harmless fun, so have fun. It will be continued with a different kind of fic each chapter. Enjoy!

"Given up on your bugs, have you?"

Grissom looked up from the computer in the breakroom where he had been sitting for the last thirty minutes, searching through what seemed like endless amounts of information. He had been trying to find more on a new kind of crossbreed, something a scientist had recently attempted. Normally he ignored the people that tried to screw with evolution, but the prospect of a grasshopper/fruit fly hybrid was . . . well, intriguing.

"What do you mean?" He asked innocently.

"Well," Sara said, pulling up a chair beside him, "You were working on that theory of bugs leaving their larvae in the vic's food as cause of death. But that theory never checked out, did it? "

Grissom sighed. "Miss Sidle, I was the incorrect one. Blame me. But never the bugs."

"Fine. But I think your obsession with bugs is bordering on fetish." She replied, stealing a glance at the screen. "What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That." Pointing to the screen, she moved the mouse to highlight the summary given to it by the search engine. "Grissom, why are our names there?"

Gil gazed at the summary before reading it out loud. "My latest piece of fanfiction! Grissom finds love in someone other than Sara Sidle. Slash."

"Hey guys." Greg said as he entered the breakroom. "Whatcha doing?"

Sara turned to face Sanders inquisitively. "Greg, what's fanfiction?"

Greg stopped his coffee cup just before it touched his lips, bringing it down and placing it on a nearby table instead. "Fanfiction?" He asked. "Why do you guys want to know what fanfiction is?"

"Well," Grissom began, "I was doing this search and I got this result." He read Greg the summary and looked to him for an answer. "Any idea?"

"Did you say 'slash'?" Upon receiving a nod from his supervisor, Greg broke into maniacal throes of laughter, slapping his thighs and quickly putting his coffee cup down again to avoid spilling it.

"Is there something funny, Greg?" Sara asked, irritated.

He managed to eek out a "Grissom . . . reading slash . . . " amidst his giggles before he left the room, still laughing hysterically."

"Well, that was helpful." Grissom said, clicking on another link. Somehow the word 'slash' itself wasn't terribly exciting, but he vowed to revisit it once he had a better understanding of what fanfiction itself was. This summary described the fanfiction as "nicky finds tru love at the lab w/ a new grl!1 plz r&r!!!"

Apparently the page was part of a site called "fanfiction.net" (whatever that was) and it was taking ages to load.

Catherine entered a moment later, her countenance mirroring confusion. "I just ran into Sanders," she said, pointing towards the direction she had come from. "Any idea why he's cackling like a banshee?"

"We asked him what fanfiction was and he just started laughing." Sara replied.

Catherine's reply was cut short by Grissom's sharp cry of "A-ha!" The page had loaded and he was beginning to scroll down towards the Author's Notes at the beginning. The blonde CSI pulled up a chair of her own and poked her head in between Sara and Grissom. They all began to read.

umm no title for now!

by ~*~*~*~*~*georgesgrrl4eva~*~*~*~*~

"Who's 'George'?" Nick asked, appearing out of nowhere to pull a chair up next to Grissom and read.

"Beats me." Replied Sara. "The one thing we're wondering the most, though, is this: what the hell is fanfiction?"

"Ssh!" Said Catherine. "I'm trying to read."

pleeeeeez r7r its my first fic!! and b kind or elz! I like looooooove george eads and wanted him 2 have a prrfect match so here gos!!!!!11!!!111oneoneone

"This looks promising." Warrick said, catching sight of the rest of his team clustered around the computer and joining them. "How do people actually read this stuff? You'd need a translator."

chapter 1- density

Catherine tried to stifle her giggle unsuccessfully. Grissom smiled and said, "I guess we can assume her IQ is equal to the number of asterisks in her username."

"That would be nine." Sara informed him. "Could we continue, please?"

nick was in the lab. he was sad cuz he had no 1 2 b w/. sara and grissom were in love. warrick had his g/f angie. and catherine didnt have any 1 b/c she was 2 mean (I hate hur!!1)

"Well, she's certainly got your personality down, Cath." Teased Sara, whose cheeks were still red after reading the line about her and Grissom. How did some spellcheck-ignorant bimbo find out about her relationship with Gil?
"Aww, poor Nicky." Warrick added, punching Nick softly on the arm."

"Cut it out, man." Nick replied. "I still want to know who this 'Angie' babe is."

then he saw the new girl come in. her hair was shinging like a princess's or britney spears, and it was red like he had never seen be4 except in carrots and handbags (like my new prada bag which I love just like nicky!!!!11!!). her eyes was deep and green and blue and beautiful. he went weak at the nees when he saw her mouth, which was read like her hair (exsept her hair was more orange bcuz if it was 2 red that would look wierd! lololol) which was

"How much longer do the descriptions go on, Gil?" Asked Sara, checking her watch.

"A couple of paragraphs, I think." He answered, scrolling down past the endless streams of horrible spelling and grammar.

'work!' catherine yelled at the new grl. nick went up to cath. 'WHATS UP WITH YOU?!?!?' he yelled at her. 'that new girl has to get to work or we wont get this killer!' catherine yelled back at nick. 'ur 2 mean 2 her!' nick said back. 'r u ok?' he asked the girl who was doing stuff with fingerprints.

Sara looked over at Catherine and grinned.

"Catherine Willows," announced Warrick in a mocking tone, "CSI 3 and the lab's official Nazi."

Catherine stared at the screen. "Who am I, an evil stepsister?"

"Well, you and Nick certainly do a lot of screaming in this story." Grissom added to the conversation. "Although I do admire the author for constructing such a complex case for us. We're looking for the 'killer'. She was doing 'stuff with fingerprints'."

the girl looked @ nick. 'hi' she said shily. 'hi' he said back. 'the boss is kinda mean.' she said. 'yeah' said nick.

"I thought I was the 'boss' around here." Grissom interrupted angrily.

"I probably killed you for the position." Replied Catherine. "In this story, I mean." She added, noticing the wary look she received from Gil.

'i think ur pretty' he said. 'me too'. she said.

Warrick shook his head in confusion. "Does she mean she thinks she's pretty, too? Or does she mean she thinks he's pretty . . . ?"

Nick patted his friend's arm in consolation. "Warrick, I don't think we're that focused on logic right now. In fact," he gulped, "we're just worried about making it through the rest of this as quickly and painlessly as possible, with as little emotional scarring as we can manage."

'so' he whispered. 'guess you should be doing prints'. 'no' she said 'i want 2 talk 2 u'. 'y?' he asked. 'bcuz i luv u' she said. 'me 2' he said. 'prepare thyself, nick' she said and then kissed him. There kiss was beautiful (and omg i wish i waz kissing nick!11) and went on before nick and her were on top of the table kissing and gettin it on (lol if u no wat i mean).

Horrified, Nick gaped at the screen in front of him. "Making out - in the lab? On the layout table?" His voice reached an almost comedically high pitch as he squeaked out, "on top of the evidence?"

"Nick!" Sara exclaimed, bemused. "I thought you would at least have learned her name before you took her to your favorite hot spot."

"Oh, man." Warrick groaned. "Thanks, Sara. I don't know if I'll be able to look at that table again, let alone touch it."

"Ooh." Grissom said. "It appears everyone's favorite Crime Lab Nazi has returned!"

Catherine glared at him.

'WUT R U DOING?!??!?!' catherine yelled when she walked in and saw nick and her. 'UR FIRED BOTH OF U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!21111111!!!!' 'I QUIT!!!!!!!!!' yelled nick and he grabbed the girl (whose name was jenna mackenzie sam madeliene summer katie adriana jones) and left. and they lived happily ever after and catherine was kicked out and nick and his wife came back to rule the lab.

"Our lab is not a medieval kingdom." Grissom muttered through clenched teeth. "You cannot 'rule' a lab."

"Chill." Catherine said, patting his arm comfortingly. "You may be nonexistent, but at least you're not Superbitch."

Nick shook his head in disgust. "I don't like this fanfiction thing."

Sara took the mouse from Grissom's hand and clicked on the 'back' button.

"There are more of them?" Warrick asked incredulously. "I don't believe these people. Don't they have better things to do?"

"I guess not." Grissom replied, having calmed down about the 'ruling of the lab' incident. "So I'm guessing fanfiction is basically . . . writing stories using people you've heard of before?"

Catherine nodded slowly. "They did do an article on us in Time a few years back."

"It seems popular, though." Grissom scrolled through his search results. A number of them were part of the site fanfiction.net. He clicked on one of the links and then on the 'category' button labeled 'CSI'. He was taken to a page filled with stories - all with summaries containing their names.

"Hey," Warrick said. "We still don't know what 'slash' is." He pointed to the link leading to the slash fic Grissom had originally stumbled upon.

"All right." Catherine said. "Let's find out."

How will the lab react to their first slash fic? To be continued . . .