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Dedicated to Jenzy. Without her story I would have never seen Yuffie in a different light. Thanks Jen.

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I don't know what it is about the pain that I like so much. Maybe it's watching the light dance off my skin as the knife moves. Perhaps it's the feeling of control that I have over my miserable life. I don't know what it is, but I also don't really care. The scars run up my upper arm, just below the shoulder. Nobody can see them there and I hide them as though I'm ashamed of them. If people can't deal with it, well they can simply fuck off for all I care. Longer sleeves are able to cover them when I go out in public.

Staring down at the blade I can almost feel my heart quickening. In my mind I can hear the screams of my father, telling me what a horrible daughter I turned out to be. Not that I care what the old man thinks but I do everything for Wutai. For my fucking city and nobody gives a damn. Daddy dearest can just sit on his little hill grow fat and die while I do everything.

Three years ago he had actually given a flying fuck about me. Called me his "Ninja Savior" he would. Always wanted to show me off to the public. Because I had went out and risked my neck to save this miserable excuse of a planet. Of course those days were long gone and all my supposed friends had forgotten about me. Pulling away from my miserable thoughts of the past I return to the present.

My room is in shambles as I perch on my bed. The blade is poised as I contemplate my next scar. My leg or my arm, the choice is always so difficult. Biting my lower lip a position the knife above my upper thigh and pull. Its over quickly but the pain remains. That's what I wanted to feel the pain. Deep inside myself a little voice is saying something. It never say's to stop but to continue. Perfectly fine with me, I'd rather continue than stop.

My legs are a mass of scars and it reminds me of being alive. These are things that nobody can take away from me, things I have complete control over. My life may be in shambles, my future a dark and empty one, but this is now. This is my control, my escape. My body is moving, dressing to cover my shame. Everything is so automatic now I don't even have to think. I move towards Turtle Paradise where I work without even having to think. It pisses daddy off so it's a perfect place for me.

Every time I pick up a bottle in that bar I want to add another scar to my body. Another reminder that my life is hell. The sound of the drunken laughter makes me angry. Angry with myself that I can no longer laugh like that. As though the world doesn't exist and my pain is just a figment of my imagination. But when I walk back to my lonely room I know its real.

Life moves on without me. People come and go in my life but rarely remain. But the scars remain and my doubt always grows. I want to scream and cuss out the world. No, I want to scream at myself, tell myself to be stronger. But the pep talks never work and there is nobody in my world to tell me to cheer up. When they do say something it is always fake.

"Yuffie cheer up" or "Don't worry Yuffie, tomorrow will be better".

But tomorrow is never better it just always gets worse. Sometimes putting myself out of my misery would be best but I can never drag myself into doing it. I'm not afraid; I just don't want to leave. I would miss the blue sky that always brings me down. But why give up all this control for only one moment? Not worth my effort.

But the scars are my escape. Perhaps one day I will beat them. Give up my lonely days for fun filled adventures.

I'm losing control.

Losing self.

Losing hope.

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Authors Note: Short angsty Yuffie stuff. First time I've ever written a story focused on Yuffie. Don't know how else to explain it. If you want in depth explanation e-mail me.

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything mentioned in this fic.