A Waltz Around the Worlds

by Laughing Lord

The protagonist is gifted with powers for the amusement of a powerful being, but ends up with even more than intended.

"So," Mr. Myxzptlk began, "how would you like superpowers?"

"Sure." I responded. This was the least strange part of this dream so far.

"What kind?"

"Does magic count?"

"Why not?" He sounded amused. "Hell, I'll do you one better." He gave me an inhumanly wide grin and snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, I was awake. I didn't have any time to waste on grogginess, because my body and mind burst into an agony beyond anything I've ever felt before.

I magine you've stubbed your toe. Now imagine your entire body feels like that. Now imagine someone dipped your entire body in gasoline and set it on fire while this is happening. At this point, I was praying for the pain to only hurt that much. On top of all that, I had what was less a headache, and more the kind of thing I would imagine it would feel like if a grenade exploded in your head, and you survived.

There was a vague sensation of falling, and just like that, the pain was gone. At least, most of it was - I still had a splitting headache and dull ache all over my body, but it was practically blissful compared to what I had felt before.

I opened my eyes, and then immediately clamped them shut again when they met bright sunlight.
And then I realized that I was lying on the ground, the grass tickling my neck and legs.

I sat bolt upright and opened my eyes, looking around wildly. I was in what looked like to be a public park, with a sparse amount of trees around me, in what seemed to be the late morning.

Then it started raining frogs.

Yep. It's raining toads.

At first, it was just a few. A toad would land around me every few seconds, get up, and drunkenly hop off. Then it started picking up; every second was another toad or two. One even landed on my head.

"Well," I said, reverting to my default coping mechanism of bad jokes. "at least it's not cats and dogs."

I looked around for shelter, and spotted the nearest one: a somewhat outdated brick bathroom. I made my way over to it, and reached to open the door, but when I twisted the door knob, it ripped off of the door.

I wondered, for a moment, if it was simply old and faulty, but then I looked at the doorknob in my hand. It was crushed and bent, like if I had squeezed an empty Coke can. After a few long moments of standing there with all sorts of thoughts running through my head, I decided it would be a good idea to go inside. After all, even without the frogs, I was still what appeared to be a crazy guy, standing in a park with nothing on except boxers and a T-shirt, in the middle of the day.

I needed to gather my thoughts and come up with a plan, preferably without getting arrested for public indecency. So I walked into the bathroom, which smelled and looked about like what you'd expect the inside of an outdated, outdoor public restroom to. Walking over to the sink, I intended to splash my face with water, but got sidetracked when I looked into the mirror and saw a stranger staring back at me.

The first thing I noticed was my hair; where before it had been unruly and light brown, it was now straight and jet black. My entire face was different, too. Before it was slightly round and large parts of it constantly red, it was now all sharp angles and even more fair-skinned than I had been before. I was taller, too - nearly half a foot or so, I'd say.

I could feel the numbness that had taken hold of me start to slip, and my mind started rushing as I took deep breaths, attempting to calm down. Think. What happened? Was I kidnapped? Maybe I was drugged, which could have caused the pain and the frog hallucinations, but why would I be kidnapped? And then dropped in a park? And what's with my apparent super strength and physical changes?

Maybe I'm hallucinating, or I just finally snapped and finally decided to start ignoring reality completely.

Or maybe... Could I really have been granted super powers by a reality warping midget?
Well, I can't think of anything else to do but play along for now, whether this is insanity, or drug-induced hallucinations, or a Random Omnipotent Bastard.

Didn't I ask for magic? A part of me thought. And with that thought, it all came to me in a flood of memories and a spike in headache pain. The memories of a life that wasn't mine, the life of a warrior, of a sorcerer. Of a god. Of an Asgardian.

I burst into a fit of giggles.

"Holy shit." Was all I could manage to say, which was fine, because that summed up my feelings perfectly.

I'm Loki. I'm Loki. I'm Loki.

It dawned on me just where I'd seen the person in the mirror. It wasn't quite Tom Hiddleston, nor was it the classic comics Loki, but somewhere in between.
I'm "teen heartthrob Loki". I thought with a snort of amusement.

Ok, after managing to somewhat calm down again, I decided to actually try sifting through some of the memories in my head. Upon actually doing so, I realized that the memories weren't really "mine" - not that any of the memories would be "mine", but they were more like I'd read them from a book in first-person perspective, as opposed to actually experiencing them myself.
I suppose that makes sense - if they were actually "my" memories, who's to say my personality wouldn't have been overwritten by that of the millenia-old god?

Ah well, doesn't matter, because now it's time to maliciously abuse my magic for my own gain and entertainment. I reached into my new memories, searching for the instructions on how to actually do anything, and found the basics. Holding out my hand, palm facing up, I went through the mental exercises of drawing on my pool of life force, then focusing it with my will, a small flame burst into being above my hand. I could feel it -not just the heat on my hand, but the flame itself; it was my will made manifest, and it would take only a slight effort of that will to alter it.

With a thought and a moment of focus, I turned the flames blue. With another, made it suddenly grow from the size of a candle to a large fireball in my hand, grinning all the while. I changed the shape into that of a bird, and had it fly around the room. The small Phoenix came to light on my hand, and I snuffed it out.

So, what else should I do? Clothes. Clothes are a good idea.
I searched for another set of Loki's memories, drew a mental picture in my mind, snapped my fingers, and found my self wearing what I normally would: blue jeans and boots, along with my same blue t-shirt. I doubted Loki would approve of it, but eh, whatever.

So, lets think: where am I? Am I still in my universe? Then what about the rain of toads?
The grin still plastered on my face wavered as a thought occurred to me.
What if I'm in Marvel?

Marvel would not be a good place for me to be. Setting aside the fact that Marvel Earth has enough apocalypses and eldritch horrors to make Buffy blush, I'm Loki. Half of the good guys still think even teen Loki's a villainous asshole and most of the bad guys probably aren't too happy about him going turncoat. And what if the real Loki is here?

Setting aside those thoughts, I made a decision. No point in huddling in a bathroom, worrying over where I'm at anymore.

I strode to the door, reached for it, and ripped it off the wall.
"Goddammit." I sighed.
With a quick effort of will, I repaired the door and the doorknob I'd ripped off earlier.

I seriously need to work on controlling that, before I accidentally turn someone's bones to powder during a handshake. Reaching again, more carefully, I opened the door without destroying it, and walked outside.

It was still raining toads, but the bathroom's tin roof extended slightly out past the door, so I wasn't getting pelted with amphibians. From where I stood, I could see two men who appeared to be talking and putting toads in a bag.

One of them was short, but stocky and wide-shouldered, and wore a simple gray jogging suit. The other was tall - like, look down at NBA players tall - and wearing a much more worm set of sweats and a raggedy t-shirt. They stood next to an old, blue Volkswagen Beetle with a mismatched Hood and similarly mismatched doors.

Oh.

So that's where I am.

My grin was back. I was in the Dresden Files. That's Harry Fucking Dresden over there. I almost giggled again, at that thought. But I didn't. I'm a Norse God now; I can't go around giggling in public.

I thought about going over to where they were, but quickly decided against it. This would be the beginning of Summer Knight, and if wasn't careful with my butterflies, I could easily fuck up the plot and doom the entire world.

So that option goes out the window. "What to do, what to do?" I muttered to myself. My stomach answered with a growl. Sounds like a plan.

I wonder if I can conjure food. Loki's memories showed that I could, but it would taste like shit. Sifting through memories, I began trying to decide what the best way to abuse my powers for my own gain were.

Walking away, I went over some simple spells that came to mind. I could create gold and pawn it off, but I'd have to find a pawn shop. I could pull off what amounts to a Jedi Mind Trick, but I'm really not comfortable with messing with someone's mind - at least, not yet. Reaching the edge of the park, I decided on petty theft.

Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, I cast a simple veil over myself, and started following the street. It was a strange feeling, almost like jelly sliding over my body. Glancing down, I could still see myself, but I knew no one else could - not unless a wizard used their Sight, or something along those lines. I idly wondered if I could manage better veils than Molly.

The first thing I reached was a small gas station with only four pumps. I walked up to the door, and slipped in after someone else walked out. I walked along the two small aisles of food, and picked up several candy bars, and a bag of chips, willing the veil to cover them as I touched them. Quietly pulling open one of the glass doors to the freezers, I grabbed a coke, and headed towards the door. I stopped at the door, waited for someone else to come in, then slipped out again.

Walking along the street again, I spotted a 3 story office building, and decided where I'd be having my lunch. I've always wanted to do this. I thought as I drew on Loki's memories, braced myself, and vanished.

Reappearing on the roof, I nearly retched what little I already had in my stomach. The memories told me that I'd get used to it eventually, and the side effects would go away. I fucking hoped so.

Walking over to the center of the roof, I conjured a wooden chair and a table with an umbrella over the top too block the ridiculously bright sunlight. I never liked being out in bright sunlight, and apparently that was something that hadn't changed. I sat down, opened my bag of chips and my drink - carefullly, so as not to crush them - and began eating.

I idly wondered if there was something I could do to make my food and drinks last longer, and the memories gave me an answer. It's relatively simple to continuously replicate them, but the quality will lessen as you repeatedly do so. Oh well, should be more than enough to make these last a while.

So I sat there, eating my junk food and planning what to do and how to do it without pissing off Faerie Queen, dooming the world, or getting branded a warlock - or worse, an Outsider.

I'd decided that I needed a place to stay, so I went out and found an abandoned warehouse. It was about what you'd expect: one fairly big, wide open, room with tall ceilings, no windows and lots of dust. A lot of nonfunctional lights hung from the ceiling. The place had been completely dark beyond the few feet in front door I'd opened, until I searched the memories for a solution. Bending down on one knee, I had traces a rune on the concrete floor, carved it in with my magic, and activated it. The room suddenly lit up from no discernible source - far too bright for my taste, until I reached out with my will, felt the mental link to the rune, and dialed the light down.

A quick spell vanished the dust that the place was coated in, and then I began making the place comfortable. A bed, a chair, and a table were conjured into existence near the center of the room, and I was satisfied. Next, I searched the memories for other things I could do, and found more runes similar to the light one. One regulated the temperature, and I could control it in the same way as the light one. Another created what is essentially a perception filter - making people not notice the warehouse unless they were trying to, or were particularly observant. The last one would alert me when other living things entered the area.

With that taken care of, I sat down in the chair and began to contemplate my options. My first thought was Vadderung, but as cool as he is, I have no idea how he'd to react, and trying to lie to Odin the All Seeing didn't strike me as my brightest idea. I thought about trying to join the White Council, but quickly dismissed the thought with a snort of derision - even if I didn't hate the organization (though I recognized that they were a necessary evil) they're far too likely to realize I'm not really wizard, or even a human, for that matter. I could try getting a job working for Marcone; I actually liked the man, and respected his personal ideals of protecting innocents.

I decided to go for a walk. At this point it, was late afternoon, and the sun was starting to set. I just walked for a while, noting the locations of some places I may want to visit in the future, until I found a pawn shop. I searched the memories and focused my will, and there was a fairly expensive looking diamond ring my hand. Sticking it in my pocket, I walked in the shop - careful not to destroy the door - and past the various things that must be one man's treasure, but mostly looked like junk to me.

The man behind the counter was balding and somewhat portly, and he frowned at me as I approached. I asked him what I could get for the ring, and after examining it for several minutes, he offered me $800. I was probably getting ripped off, but it would be a bit hypocritical to complain about it. I agreed to the price, took the money, and turned to leave.

I stepped outside, into the night, and began to walk down down the sidewalk. I made it a block or so before someone stepped out of an alley and stuck a big-ass revolver in my face.

For a second, my eyes widened to saucers, but the surprise quickly vanished, to be replaced by a grin as a laugh escaped my mouth. The man currently pointing what appeared to be a .357 Magnum at my face, on the other hand, was not smiling.

He was wearing a balaclava with a mouth hole, a black t-shirt, and a worn pair of blue jeans, and stood maybe two inches shorter than me, with a barrel chest and shoulders wider than most football players - a poster boy for intimidating thugs everywhere.

"Okay kid," He said, in a hard-to-place accent. "Hand over whatever you got on you and we can both walk away. And wipe that smug-ass grin off your face."

I laughed. "Or, and this is just a suggestion, you can turn around, and try to run." The amusement in my voice seemed to irritate him, and he swung the gun at my face in an attempt to knock me out with a pistol whip.

My instincts kicked in and my right hand shot up to grab the gun with beyond-human speed.

Surprised showed on his face and he tried to pull the gun from my grip. Surprise turned to shock as I squeezed it and crushed the barrel of the gun in my hand. He was apparently smarted than he looked, because he let go of the gun and tried to turn and run. My other hand shot out before he could and seized him by the shoulder, then released a powerful - but probably not fatal - electric discharge into him. He jerked, and fell onto the ground.

I stared at the unmoving but still breathing would-be mugger on the ground at my feet and thought about polymorphing him into something unpleasant, but ultimately decided against it.
I decided to just leave the asshole lying where he was. Someone would find him and probably call the cops. Or a vampire would find him and definitely not call the cops. I didn't really care either way. I hit him with a weak sleeping spell and left him where he was.

Stepping over his body, I walked a few more blocks down the street, spotted a McDonald's and realized that I could go for a light snack - or at least what's a light snack for an Asgardian. I ended up with a burger, two large fries, two apple fries, and a large coke. Sitting down in a booth near a window, I enjoyed my snack and watched as the traffic drove by outside.

Finishing the last of it, I disposed of the trash, walked outside, and found a dark area, with no lights shining into it. I stepped into it, braceed myself, and teleported.

I appeared inside my makeshift home, standing near the chair I'd conjured before. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was merely somewhat disorienting, as opposed to making me want to vomit as it did before.

Walking over to the bed I'd conjured before, I took off my shoes and collapsed on the bed. Eventually, sleep overtook me.

"Aha! Finally found you!" An irritatingly familiar voice said!

I looked at the annoying little bastard, mildly confused at what he said. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I lost you when you made the jump from your world to here, but I managed to find you again when I felt your mind dreaming once again."

"You didn't even know where you were sending me?" I asked, incredulously.

"I didn't send you here - you did that on your own." Before I could speak, he continued, "While I was *ahem* gifting you with your abilities, the shock Ignited a Spark in your soul, and you randomly jumped away from your world."

My eyes widened. "Wait, wait, wait, hold up. Spark. Ignited. Are you telling me that...I'm a Planeswalker?"

He smirked. "Apparently so. Boy do I know how to pick 'em, or what?"