Hi, it's been a while since I've written any type of fanfiction. I've been thinking about writing this story for a couple years and I'm sorry, but I've abandoned my other stories, for now. I've grown as a person and writer and wanted to tell a more serious story.

Basically all events are the same from Naruto; Sasuke has left to train with Orochimaru and Naruto with Jiraiya. Sakura makes a decision to take on a very dangerous mission while they are away. She's doing this mostly because she has extreme guilt about all that has happened and wants to change.

This will be a more mature story, just because of suicidal thoughts, depression symptoms and even drugs in the future. And language! So don't read if this type of stuff bothers you.

Naruto and the characters do not belong to me. Just using them for fun :D

Enjoy!

Sakura stood outside the green gate, giving Naruto a long hug. She could feel how tense he was, but then he squeezed her even tighter. She didn't know when he was going to return, and she didn't know how she felt about everything. She felt numb.

There was a gentle breeze that blew against her hair and it made her shiver. Naruto brought her closer to him, seeing goose bumps form on her bare arms. He buried his face into her neck and sighed heavily. He wouldn't be seeing her for a while and it was a bittersweet moment for both of them. He could sense Jiraiya's impatience; it must be awkward for the older man watching them.

Just days ago, they were running after Gaara's student, Matsuri after she got kidnapped. It wasn't a hard mission, but an important one, since Suna and Konoha were now allies. The mission was a success, but Naruto and Gaara were injured and had to stay at the hospital. Now just shortly after, he was leaving.

She slowly let him go, looking him in the eyes and giving him a small smile. She didn't want him to worry about her, or let him notice how unhappy she was.

"I'll get stronger, Sakura," Naruto promised. "I'll bring him back."

Her heart sank and her stomach hurt. She hated this feeling. The way he was looking at her made her feel even worse. He was staring so intensely at her that she felt so bare, like he could read everything about her. He only thought she cared for Sasuke, but that wasn't true anymore.

Sakura breathed heavily, trying to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. She wanted to stay strong in this moment. For him. She didn't want to burden him with anymore.

"I…" She couldn't form into words how she was feeling. What was she feeling exactly?

She just knew it wasn't supposed to go this way.

"Naruto, we have to get going," Jiraiya said stoically. The older male saw the pain in Sakura's eyes, but he didn't want to interfere. He wasn't good with that type of stuff anyway. He leaned on one hip as he watched the two say their drawn out goodbye. He missed being young. He saw the way Naruto had his arms around her. He really missed the old days, especially when he pressed his face against a woman's chest for the first time. He smiled, lost in his thoughts, a little bit of blood running down his nose. The soft, squishy, big-

"HEY, PERVY SAGE!" Naruto kicked him in the leg and Jiraiya went jumping up and down.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"You know why, you were thinking about naked chicks again! I can see it all over your face!" Naruto shouted proudly, pointing at the old geezer.

Jiraiya's face turned red and he rubbed the back of his head and laughed sheepishly. The old man was never going to change. "You have no idea what you are talking about, honestly." Jiraiya said shaking his head.

Naruto looked back at his pink hair teammate. "Can you imagine me being stuck with this perv for almost three years?" Naruto complained, already starting to regret the decision.

Sakura giggled, her eyes becoming a little brighter, "Please don't turn into him."

"Nah, I got better restraint than that! You hear that, old man, you can't corrupt me!" Naruto was then smacked in the head and a red bump appeared and he groaned in pain.

"Keep that up and there'll be more of that," Jiraiya stated irritated by his young student, his hand still folded into a fist over Naruto's head.

Sakura kept giggling; she was going to miss moments like this. Naruto always had a way of making her laugh.

Naruto then turned serious and looked at her straight in the eyes. "I'll miss you, Sakura."

She was stun by his open feelings, and blushed a little. Oh Naruto. "I'll miss you too," She wanted to say more. She wanted to express how he was her best friend, how she didn't want him to go, that she didn't care about Sasuke anymore, that she didn't want to be left alone, but before she could, the blond interrupted her.

He gave her big thumbs up and a toothy smile and turned to his older companion. "Let's get going! We got training to do! I'm going to become stronger then ever!"

Jiraiya sighed, watching the blond walk away from the village. He turned to Sakura, giving her a soft smile. "Good luck, kiddo." He then left her by herself.

She watched as they went farther away from the gate until they were nothing but specks in the distance. The sun was starting to set and she looked up to see a hue of orange and yellow mixing with the deep blue sky. There were almost no clouds in sight. Shikamaru must be disappointed.

Tears started to slip down her face and her eyes went wide from shock. She quickly ran her hands through her face to wipe them away, along with snot that was starting to pick up around her nose. She hated crying, she was always so ugly during it and it was considered weak.

"Damnit."

Later at night after having a silent dinner with her parents, Sakura was laying down in her bed in the dark. Her mom left some hot cocoa by the door for comfort, she could smell it, but she had no appetite. She could see the light outside in the hall and see the shadows of her parents moving around. They'll be going to bed soon.

She still felt nothing. It was like all the emotions were there but not really. She couldn't even access them. She never felt such emotional numbness, the bitterness and anger and sadness was there but she couldn't really feel them. Was something wrong with her?

She remembered when Kakashi was telling her Naruto was leaving and all she could say was, "okay." Her sensei knew better and patted her head softly. They were on the bridge their team always used to meet on. The one where Kakashi would be hours late with some damn stupid excuse that Sakura and Naruto would call him out for. Now it was the two of them left. To be honest, Kakashi always felt a little bit more awkward around Sakura then the boys. He thought she was more fragile.

"Does this mean were not a team anymore?" She asked him quietly, almost in a whisper tone. His hand stopped rubbing her hair and went back to his pockets.

He didn't answer her for a minute and she assumed the worst. She was alone. Kakashi replied, "No, we will always be a team… it's just that we all have to go separate paths. For now. Think of this as a long mission… just not together..." He was having a hard time looking at her empty eyes, he couldn't lie to her but he could at least try to save her some emotional baggage. He was awful at comforting someone; he just wasn't wired that way. Most ninjas weren't, but Sakura has always been the more emotional type so he was trying his best to console his last remaining student.

"Oh…" she started, "I see." That's all she needed to hear.

She heard the news just three days ago and now everyone was gone. She rolled over in her bed, and curled up to herself. She hadn't seen Kakashi in days and all the other genin were busy training with their teams or on missions. She had no one at the moment. She hated this feeling, she felt so useless but even when she wanted to do something, she had no motivation to try.

She stared up at her plain white ceiling lost in thought.

Sasuke left to go train with that creepy snake, Orochimaru. One of the legendary sannin, just like Tsunade and Jiraiya. The three of them used to be a team under the Hiruzen. However, a long time ago he turned evil, or he was always evil but decided to act on it. He even killed the third Hokage, his own sensei, and gave Sasuke a curse mark. Sasuke was then so driven to become powerful to avenge his clan by killing his older brother, Itachi, and so he left. Naruto was then motivated to get him back, by any means necessary.

She remembered that night vividly. She remembered running after Sasuke and begging for him to stay. Was it out of love? Or infatuation? He ended up knocking her out and left her on a bench. A fucking bench. She woke up later not aware of what happened. Then he was gone. They sent a team to go after him, Shikamaru was the leader, but it failed and a lot of them were hurt in the process. Naruto included. This was right after the chunin exams when Tsunade ended up taking the part as the first female Hokage in history. From what Sakura heard, Tsunade was reluctant to do it until Naruto got involved.

Naruto somehow always got involved... but he always turned out successful. Even at a young age, Sakura remembers his contagious positivity. He was always yelling on how he would become the Hokage and the most powerful ninja in the land, just so people would acknowledge him. At times she found it annoying, but later on she relied on it. He provided her and others with some hope.

Naruto promised her to get Sasuke back, but now she regretted ever saying anything. She hated Sasuke now. He left their team for selfish purposes, and they could've helped him. Now Naruto was gone, and she was all alone.

Alone. Fucking isolated at that.

She was pissed. She buried her fingers into her hair and groaned. She was such a fucking idiot. After all this time, how could she not see it?

She spent her whole damn childhood chasing after Sasuke. Deep down, she knew she liked him a lot, but now she started to think she only liked him because she wanted someone to take care of her. She wasn't in love with him; love wasn't supposed to make you question everything about yourself. She just became obsessed with the idea of what Sasuke could've been. She cared about him, a lot in a way, but she neglected herself just to look after him. He was good looking, intelligent, but such an ass to her. Not even just her, but to everyone. She felt like she deserved it. She was annoying, weak, and dragged her team behind. Of course she was treated badly. She was treated badly by Sasuke, and ended up treating Naruto the same way.

Sakura knew Naruto had feelings for her, but she didn't understand why. She didn't treat him well, but he was always praising her and telling her how special she was to him. She was so annoyed by it, because all she wanted was to have Sasuke tell her all those things. She felt a ripple of shame go through her.

She felt so guilty. The tears were now flowing down her face and she sobbed loudly into her pillow. Her shoulders quaking as she breathed heavily. Naruto was now gone and he wanted to bring Sasuke back, for her.

She didn't want Sasuke back now. She wanted Naruto to be here. Not in a romantic way, but because he was her best friend. After Sasuke was gone, all she had left was the annoying, obnoxious blond teammate. She wasn't close to Ino anymore, not since they were kids. She was never close to Hinata or any other girls for that matter now that she thought of it. She was closer to the guys when she was younger before Ino came into her life.

What was she even doing with her life? It seemed like others had already figured it all out, and she felt so far behind.

Sakura threw her pillow across the room out of anger. It hit the dresser and a flower vase crashed to the floor. Her mother called out her name and asked if everything was okay. Sakura ignored her and just buried her face in her hands. She couldn't feel sorry for herself anymore. She got into this situation; she had to get out of it.

Something had to change.

She had to take responsibility of her own life now.

Two weeks went by and she was starting to get back into the groove of things. She would train medical ninjutsu with Tsunade everyday and at first she had a difficult time concentrating. The female Hokage was harder, if not even harder on her after Naruto left. She had a feeling Tsunade didn't give a shit about her being sad, the older woman would tell her to suck it up, that's what being a ninja was all about. She knew she had to be emotionless, but some days all she wanted to do was go cry in her room just to release all the negative emotions. After a couple days of nonstop training, Tsunade seem to sense how miserable her student was and decided to go easier on her.

"I'll give you sometime to pull yourself together. But we are still training everyday, it's important!" Sakura didn't ask why it was important, she just assumed because she had so much to learn. She knew something was wrong deep down, in her bones, but was too scared to talk about it. It was like she lost a connection to her true self.

Lee and Gai would invite her to train with their team and she would accept it somberly. They knew she didn't have anyone else to train with, so she was somewhat grateful for them. But she also couldn't shake away the guilt, or the way they would look at her with pity. Lee was still kind to her a usual, and would invite her for lunch or dinner, but she always declined. Tenten and Neji would talk to her sometimes while she trained with them, but sometimes she felt a little bit of an outcast because she wasn't a member of their team.

Ino and Shikamaru tried small talk with her too, but they could never talk long. Sakura didn't care either way. The numbness was still there. She just kept to herself most of the time now anyway.

She still hadn't seen Kakashi and she was starting to realize she wouldn't be working with him. When Naruto was still around, the three of them would still go on small missions, but now Kakashi was right. They all went separate ways. It made her feel even worst. Her own sensei wouldn't even train her anymore.

But was it entirely his fault? No, she thought. She realized it had to do with her too. When team 7 was all training together, sure she would pay attention and learn whatever Kakashi had in store for them, but did she honestly try to improve herself? Sasuke and Naruto went hard everyday and she would sometimes just give the bare minimum, more memorized by what they were doing. What Sasuke was doing. She felt anger, not at her sensei, but also at her old self. She understood why Kakashi wasn't interested in training her, because she didn't show enough that she wanted to be trained by him.

The daily training with Tsunade and Gai's team made her feel normal again, but at night, all the bad thoughts would find a way in her head. Repeating over and over again. She would force herself to drink some Sleepytime tea and wake up early to do the same thing over and over again. She was trying not to feel sorry for herself, but she was angry at the world.

Why? Because thing's don't go as planned, and fantasies don't become reality. It was a hard pill for her to swallow.

A month went by and she was called into Tsunade's office. She had been walking back home until she got a message that her teacher needed to see her. It was urgent.

"You wanted to see me, my lady?" Sakura walked into the open office. She saw the older blond looking outside into the black of night. There were some lights on, but slowly the city was dimming. The room was extremely bright and Sakura felt extremelt uncomfortable in it.

"Yes… I have something very important to talk to you about." Tsunade answered solemnly.

She turned around in her chair to look at Sakura. Her eyes were closed and she leaned into her chin on her crossed hands. Sakura then noticed there was an open bottle of sake on the right side of the desk where piles of papers were spread. Shizune was nowhere to be seen, usually the brunette was with the Hokage, but not at this time. It seemed like the Hokage had been doing heavy paper work all day which meant she probably wasn't in the best mood. A slight pink rosiness was on the Hokage's cheeks, meaning she's been drinking for a while.

Oh boy, Sakura was not in the mood to deal with her drunk teacher.

"I really didn't want to do this," The Hokage sighed. Sakura stared ahead and raised an eyebrow in confusion. She didn't sound drunk, usually there was a slur of incoherent words then a life lesson rant. What on earth is she talking about?

Tsunade looked straight into Sakura's eyes. "The reason I called you in was to discuss a mission."

Sakura was still confused. "What kind of mission, my lady?"

"A very dangerous one." Tsunade said plainly, "and I don't know how long it's going to take," then took a swing of liquor. Sakura was starting to get concerned, but didn't show it. Danger, alcohol, and Tsunade don't mix well together.

"The reason I didn't talk about it before with you was because of how upset you were after Naruto left. I didn't want to go easy on you but…" She didn't finish what she was saying and sighed again, sloppily putting down the bottle on her desk. She almost spilled it on the papers, which Sakura almost winced at.

"But I have no choice now."

Sakura interposed. "I don't understand, you said my main focus was to learn everything about being a medical ninja." Sakura saying flabbergasted, "you said before I wouldn't need to go on any missions for a while until I learn the basics, I don't –"

Tsunade slammed her fist against the desk, "because there is not time for you to learn the basics!" The whole room went quiet again.

Sakura quickly shut her mouth and looked at the ground almost embarrassed for rambling. What the hell was Tsunade talking about? The reason she was learning under the great Tsunade was because she was the greatest medical ninja in the world, and Sakura wanted to become more useful and thought this was a great opportunity to do something. Why would she tell her she wouldn't need to be focusing on medical ninjutsu anymore?

Tsunade exhaled and took another swing of her drink. Fucking Mondays.

"Do you know why Jiraiya took Naruto to train?" She asked her student.

Sakura looked up, bewildered, "not really, I just know it was for Naruto to get stronger, for whatever reason..." she mumbled the last part. It still wasn't easy to talk about.

Tsunade nodded, "Yes, that was one reason. But there's another reason too…"

Tsunade really didn't want to do this. Might as well rip the whole bandage off.

"Jiraiya has been looking into a group called the Akatsuki for some time now, and has learned some very alarming facts about them."

Before Sakura could ask, Tsunade cut her off. "They are a criminal organization. Right at this moment, we are not entirely sure how many members it consists of, but we know it's around nine.

"They recently have gotten a lot of attention as a group of mercenaries that can be hired. However, their location is hidden. We have suspected they have multiple bases in use which makes it more difficult to track them. They seemed to have worked in smaller countries, but now have grown in power. Jiraiya went off to find more about them after his fight with Itachi Uchiha, and the Kisame Hoshigaki. I don't doubt you remember they were after Naruto when they came here."

Sakura nodded, remembering hearing what happened from Naruto.

Tsunade paused before continuing, "And It seems that these two are in the Akatsuki, and are after the tailed beasts."

Sakura was shocked. Itachi was in this group? She honestly didn't know much about him except from what she heard. He massacred his whole clan in one night, and only left Sasuke alive, and abandoned the village all together. No one really talked about it, everyone was hush, hush about it but there were conspiracies as to why he did it.

"Tailed beasts? You mean like the ones Naruto and Gaara have?" Sakura asked. Tsunade nodded. Sakura was getting anxious by hearing this.

"I know you're confused as to why I am telling you all of this." The older blond could see her student trying to piece it all together. She knew Sakura was very clever. Maybe not to the extent of Shikamaru, but Sakura was perceptive.

"Y-yes," Sakura stuttered. Shit, pull yourself together! "What does this have to do with my mission?"

Tsunade was quiet, closing her eyes and leaning against her hands again.

Sakura suddenly went pale, "You're not telling me it has to do with this Akatsuki group, right?"

Tsunade didn't answer, but gave Sakura a very serious look.

"Y-you can't be serious!"

"This is serious!" Tsunade yelled, slurring the words quite a bit. The alcohol must've just hit her. Sakura was now enraged.

"But what exactly am I going to be doing? Am I spying? A-am I going to locate them? You're not telling me what exactly is going on still!" Sakura was hurt and petrified now. "Please, just tell me directly what is going on." Sakura begged. Her hands were shaking and her eyes were starting to tear up. All of the buildup from the last month, she refused to feel anything. Now it was all coming out and she couldn't contain it anymore.

Tsunade went quiet again, watching her student start to break down. She wanted to grab the poor girl and hold her close, but she also wanted to slap her for reacting in an unprofessional way. She knew Sakura was in pain, after loosing one teammate, another one was sent away. And now, she had bring the unbearable news upon her own student.

The silence was overbearing, then Tsunade told her the truth.

"You're going to be infiltrating the Akatsuki."

And before you're like wtf did I just read, Sakura can't join them. That's because she won't be Sakura when she's joining them ;), hint hint. And it'll take a while before she actually gets into the group, because usually the leader finds people he wants to join them, not the other way around.

Something I want to focus on in this story is how Sakura will be changing as a person. Obviously it won't happen in a couple days, but slowly over time she won't be the same person. So if she was annoying in this chapter or just a victim, then that was my purpose. I think she came off as depressed, which is what I was aiming for because, I mean, I would be pretty upset too if I lost a friend that I wouldn't be in contact for some years.

I wanted her character to realize that maybe she wasn't in love with Sasuke, but more in love with the idea of love. Because let's face it, I don't remember why she loves him in the first place. I know she cares for him deeply and that'll show later on, but right now she is borderline hating him because she feels he ripped the team apart. And with Naruto, she has a strong bond with him. Not romantic, maybe in the future, we will see, but she definitely sees him as a good friend.

And before you start guessing the exact plot of this story, don't, because I'm trying to do something different with this. And it'll be slow burn for sure, but there will be romance, I assure you.

So I hope you enjoyed my first chapter and please leave a review, I'm still trying to improve my writing and would love to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks!