READY TO FALL
© Catrina Maritoni
I get a feeling I can't explainWhenever your eyes meet mine
My heart spins in circles
And I lose all space and time
Lily Evans sat up front in History of Magic class. Her eagle feather quill zoomed left to right on a piece of parchment while Professor Binns was discussing about the 'Beginnings of House-Elves'. She was writing down every detail of the ghost's lesson. She was the only attentive student in this very boring class. The other Gryffindors were half-asleep and some were staring at the wall and goggling and playing their quills round and round their parchments.
I myself was scribbling something AND sleepy. But there was someone who keeps me awake. Her silky hair danced every time Professor Binns passes her. Her eyes followed him. Oh…her eyes, I never caught them in mine yet. But it would be perfect if they'd look at me…those green precious gems…Lily's eyes.
"Mr. Potter," Professor Binns said clapping a hand on my shoulder. I felt a bucket of ice was poured over it. "Having a deep interest I see," I looked at my parchment and went red. There was hearts everywhere. One big heart was in the middle and right at its center was 'Lily Potter.' "James, I would like to tell me what is the clothing that frees house-elves in the 14th century."
"Well," I gulped. I looked over out front and saw Lily glaring at me with an eyebrow up. "F…for female elves…a shawl and for males…" I don't know. I looked at my best friend Sirius for support but he shrugged. "A…well…a…"
"A boot, Professor Binns," a girl voice said. "One boot was used back in the 14th century for disobedient and dishonest male elves." It was Lily. She looked at me with a smile but quickly turned back in explaining. "Though elves could not wear the boots, they use it for their new life in their homes as closets, vases or chests."
"Very good, Ms. Evans! Forty points for your House!" the ghost said. "Now, Mr. Potter, I'm afraid you have to show Ms. Evans something in return."
"Yes, Professor Binns," I glumly said. "Thank you Lily."
She looked at me and caught me in the eye for the first time. They were like real gems, green, expressive, deep. "Nothing to it."
The bell rang and we all went up the Gryffindor Tower to drop off our things. Dinner was fun. I sat with my five best friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Frank Longbottom. Sirius had his girlfriend Gillies Smith by his side. Remus was talking with his crush Mafalda Brown. I saw Lily ten seats from Sirius with an Animagus Book at hand.
Peter noticed that I was glancing at her and said, "You dig her, ain't ya?"
"Huh? Who, Lily? Well…" I stammered. Would you tell Potter?
"Well, she's fine," Remus said. "She's a smart girl. And mind you, she's my best friend. What about her, James?"
"I have to admit that she's beautiful," I smiled blushing. "But does she have to pour that much on books? I mean, every time I see her she's reading some muggle book or about spells and advanced magics. We're just in our 5th year. Why'd she needing that for?"
"James," Gillies answered, "haven't you noticed? She's often alone in the common room and here. She's always in the library because, her only companion are the books."
"Plus," Mafalda followed, "she is not very keen on boys. She has friends but majority of them are from Ravenclaw and of course Gryffindor."
Frank finished his Treacle cake and added, "She's a Muggle-born, right? For one, she IS so smart. And she's made Prefect like you, James."
"And she IS beautiful," I said dreamily. At the same time she glanced at me and smiled. Again she poured over the 'Animals…Animagus' book. "Those lovely eyes and soft hair…"
"Oh Potter," a cold voice swept behind me. "Tut, tut, don't tell me you're in for a mudblood?" It was my rival…Severus Snape.
Several muggle-borns looked at us. Lily reddened. She was still holding her book. "Get lost!" I shouted. We attracted more heads.
"Evans wouldn't go for you, James; I tell you that!" he retorted. Lily looked up and snapped the book shut. "She's not the type who would go for a childhood-rid Prefect and a four-eyed trouble-maker that looks like he doesn't even brush his hair in a year."
I reddened. I was to pounce Snape but Sirius and Frank stopped me. "Oh really?" I said. Breathe Potter, breathe. "How can you say that?"
"I don't think you'll be happy, Potter," he sniggered. I saw Lily's eyes filling up with tears. "Because she told me so in the Library yesterday. I figured that YOU are following her. Isn't that very unfortunate? You being turned down by someone you didn't even asked yet."
I felt like a large boulder was dropped on my chest. My stomach plummeted. The world stopped. The silence was broke by Lily's scream, "Severus, how dare you?" and she sped out of the Great Hall and to the Tower.
"There you are," smiled Snape. "You're not so lucky after all. And mind you, she's already my Yule Ball partner. There's no chance for getting her again. I got the laugh now…"
I said nothing and flared. I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe that she'd give Severus her 'yes' to the Yule Ball. I thought…I thought she's…!
And now that we're standing face to faceSomething tells me it's gonna be okay…
With a heavy heart, I headed up the Gryffindor common room. I climbed up the stairs to the dormitories and found my racing broom all polished and clipped. My bed sheets, pillows, canopy, books and other stuff are all in order. My extra robes are neatly folded in my trunk and my wizard hat is in top shape. I went down only finding Lily Evans descending too. "Oh," I said.
"Oh," she said back getting red. She saw my newly polished broom in my hands. "I…ah…hope that's alright. I mean, the twigs are all the same sizes for aeronautic flying."
"So you're the one who cleaned my bed," I answered with a gentle smile.
"Yeah, it was the least I can do for what Severus said… I'm sorry."
I got closer. I must admit, I was hurt. But I would never believe she could say that. "Tell me, Lily," I said about an inch of air separating us, "did you say all those horrible things about me?"
She sighed. "James…no," she solemnly answered. "I swear it didn't say all that mean stuff. Severus made all that up."
We both smiled. "And I supposed you being in the Yule Ball with him…not true."
"Me? Going with HIM?" she laughed. "I would sell my soul first to do that! I don't even plan to go. It's in four days and I don't have a partner yet. I heard you're going with Avila Abbot."
"Yes, I am," I said glumly. "I'm sorry I didn't ask you."
"That's alright. I'll be studying…and…" I cut her off.
"Wangoballwime?" I just suddenly said.
"Excuse me?" she said with a chuckle.
"I mean wanna go ball with me? I figured that Peter would want to go with Avila. So, yeah," finally James. Her eyes were fixed with mine. They glittered like the emeralds that lined the Hogwarts Coat of Arms. "Well?"
Lily was grinning widely. "I would love to, James." And she embraced me. I knew right then and there it's fine…
Well, I'm ready to fall in love tonightReady to hold my heart open wide
I can't promise forever but baby I'll try
'Cause I'm ready to fall in love tonight…
"Guess what, Marauders," I said one particular Quidditch practice. They were watching. "I got Lily as my Yule Ball date!"
"Ah!" Peter squeaked. "You leave Avi for me!"
"Good for you, mate!" Remus said. "I got Mafalda. And I bet Padfoot with Gelly."
"Of course!" Sirius said. "When did you ask her? Are all those Snape said truly from her?"
"Nah. Snape made all those crap up," I happily said mounting my broom. "Talk to you up in the stands!"
I was incredibly happy today. Tomorrow is the Yule Ball and I can't wait to dance Lily. Her soft hair, smooth skin and oh…her eyes. "I love you, Lily," I thought.
Yule Ball night…I waited for her outside the portrait hole. The others were already in the Great Hall. The Fat Lady's picture turned on its hinges and my princess came out wearing a baby blue gown and a silk scarf. "James!" she said. "You look good!"
I was wearing an ordinary tuxedo. No matter how hard I try, I could not flatten my hair down and if I take away my glasses, I'll be running blind. "You're gorgeous!" I said. I offered my arm for her to hold and we went to the party.
Many envious girls eyed her. And the boys stared at her in awe. They never saw Miss Lily Evans, usually the smartest, most intelligent student in Hogwarts in a prestigious party dress and with ME! The Marauders could just wink. "We'll be having fun tonight, Lily. I promise that."
"I trust you, James. I will," she whispered. All night we talked, laughed, and danced until we fell. Many boys from 4th to 7th years tried to dance with her but she didn't. She had ME, James Potter as her partner all night long. The other girls didn't seem that beautiful to me this time. All that mattered was Lily.
We walked outside to the statue of Godric Gryffindor. "Lily, would you mind if I ask you something about…well…I mean…about us?"
"I wouldn't. What is it?" she said enthusiastically.
"Well, ever since your first year in Hogwarts, I felt kinda funny toward you," I began. "When you come around, I change my thoughts. You know…I feel kinda funny inside."
"What are you talking about, James?" she said curiously. "Is there something the matter about me or you?"
"What I mean is I…I," oh Potter you have to tell her. It's now or never. "I think I've fallen in love with you. Ever since our first year…I just couldn't tell you how I feel. I hope you're not mad."
She just smiled. She said, "I kinda like you too, James. You're cool, smart and I must say handsome. I…" she paused. With a sigh, she continued, "I love you, too."
I couldn't believe what I just heard. "You…like me too?"
"No. I LOVE you, James," Lily said softly. "When I knew you were going to the Ball with Avila, I decided not to go."
I was truly speechless. Lily held my hand and I pulled her closer. Under the bright moonlight, we kissed passionately. After a minute or two, we parted and kissed again. Deeper than before, that's what we did.
We heard a small shake in the bushes and Snape suddenly appeared. "Well, well, Potter really gone for it," he sniggered. "Poor, Evans. You'll be on the hate list of all the girl at Hogwarts once they saw these," he pulled out 5 moving pictures of us kissing. He used the Replaying Hex on the pictures. "Especially, Dianne Gareco, James. She'll be so disappointed with you playing with her."
Lily looked stunned. Her green eyes were wide open upon me and her face was puzzled. "Y…you don't mean, the Slytherin Seeker Dianne? My arch rival in Academics?"
"Tut. Lily Evans, you don't know a thing outside the books, don't you?" Snape said sarcastically. "Dianne Gareco is James' girlfriend. They've been going out together since the fourth year."
I went red with fury. But I was scared. I hurt Lily…she's my true love. Yet, it is true that Dianne's my current girlfriend. Lily was already crying silently. I couldn't do anything. "Severus, you're not going to show her that!"
"Am I?" he laughed. "Of course, I will. But we could work things out. What do you say, Lily? Shall I show it?"
Lily looked at Severus. "No, you won't. It wouldn't even matter. Potter and I are over right at this very minute."
"Lily, no. Lily please…" she held up her hand.
"James, we haven't even done anything. It's still over. I'll go with Severus and I hope you'll not bother us," then she tore the pictures and burned them with her wand. "Let's go, Severus." They walked off.
"I told you to break up with Dianne before you go out with Lily," a voice said. It was Sirius Black. "I'm sorry, mate. You blew it."
I guess I did. It's over for you and Lily.
I know you've been watching
Choosing the moment
I've been dreaming of that day
No one before you has gotten to me this way
And now that we're standing face to face
There's something that I need to say
After what happened at the Yule Ball, I didn't have the face to show Lily. Every time I catch a glimpse of her, she was surrounded by Slytherins. Snape's group was with her too. Obviously, anyone we, the Marauders hated, she liked. She wouldn't help me when I'm in a tight spot at our subjects or even on the homework. She wouldn't talk to me at all. That's because she's upset and mad at me.
Lily avoids me in any way she could. Sits right out front at breakfast, lunch and dinner at the Great Hall. Stays at a far corner of a classroom away from me and rummaging into her piles of books. Hides from me behind her newly found non-Gryffindor friends. The worse part is, she's so cold. When she looks at me, her eyes are just stone cold and fiery. Unlike before…
One day before a Quidditch match, I overheard something when I was passing by the Girls' Bathroom. It was a conversation with Gillies, Mafalda and Lily. "Girl, you look horrible!" I heard Mafalda say.
"Oh it's nothing. It's just…just stress, I think," Lily answered rather glum.
"You think," retorted Gel. "Lil what's the matter? You've been looking sick since the night of Yule Ball? Is it something between you and James?"
"I told you, it's nothing."
"According to Remus, you and him had a fight," said Mafalda with concern. "I also noticed you're not being friendly to him anymore. You're not talking to him even. What's the matter?"
"Yes, and Sirius told me that James is fairly upset nowadays," Gel said lowering her voice. "What do you say about that?"
"I don't care for anything to do with that four-eyed jerk!" Lily shouted. "So please stop it!"
"Four-eyed jerk, Lily?" the others said in unison. I winced. "Now there IS something the matter. Come on, Lily. Tell us."
"Okay…" she breathed. I can hear her crying already. I just couldn't imagine how she looked right now. "I dumped him…for the first time and for good. I hope…"
"I hope?" Mafalda said. "You hope what?"
"I hope that's the last time…I…"
"What?" Gel asked.
"I…I… remember that I…I…love him, guys," she cried. "I still love James! I still do! But what he did to me…I just can't help it!"
"Oh…come on here, Lily…" Gel hugged her. "If you still love him, go on tell him. Tell him before his Quidditch match with Slytherin. It would help if you tell him."
"Yes, he's really lonely," Mafalda added.
"I can't," Lily said softly sniffing. "I don't have the strength to do so. Plus, I know he wouldn't talk to me…and, and…" we all heard a whistle signaling that the game is about to start.
I went to the locker room and sped off to the field where the team was waiting. The game was great. The Snitch was on our side so I wasn't worrying about it at all. What I was worrying about was…Lily. She wasn't enjoying the match at all. We won. But when I flew to the Gryffindor stand, she wasn't there.
Straight away, I went to the Gryffindor common room finding her in the Prefect Dormitory crying. "Lily, what the matter?" I dived by her bedside and hugging her. "Lily, I'm here. There's nothing to worry about."
"Don't touch me, James!" she shouted. "Don't touch me, please. Leave me alone!"
"No Lily, I won't leave you until you tell me what's the matter!" I hugged her tighter. She tried to struggle out of them but she gave up and cried on my chest. "I love you…Lily."
She just cried and said, "I'm sorry, James. I wasn't thinking. I thought it was right ignoring you but I can't help it. I missed you day after day…"
"It's nothing, Lily. I understand," I said trying to calm her down. "I did the wrong thing. You've done nothing wrong."
"No! I ignored you. I was cold. I didn't know I still…" this is it… "I still love you, James. I really do."
"I know. I love you, too," I whispered. "I love you so much that I…I actually wrote a song for you…"
She smiled a true smile. Her green eyes sparkled once again. "You want to sing it for me?"
"Of course," I said loosening her up. I summoned a guitar from my dorm and sighed. "Okay. Don't laugh."
"Sure," she said wiping her tears on my scarlet robes.
Well, I'm ready to fall in love tonightReady to hold my heart open wide
I can't promise forever but baby I'll try
'Cause I'm ready to fall in love tonight
Nothing is certain this I know
Where ever we're heading
I'm ready to go…
I can't promise forever but baby I'll try
'Cause I'm ready to fall…in love tonight…
"There," I said putting the guitar down and hugging her once again. "You like it?'"
"Of course, I do!" she said putting her arms around me. "Wow. I never knew what I was missing through those weeks. Thank you, James."
"Not at all, Lily," I smiled. "It's all for you…" and we kissed.
It was long and true. It didn't seem to stop until we laid down her bed and slept in each other's arms.
03/11/2002