A/N: This is a prompt fill for tumblr's bittersamgirlclub, which asked for my top 5 headcanons about Sam Winchester. I have way too many headcanons, so I narrowed it down to headcanons just about the Cage.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.
1. PROTECTION
It's completely by instinct the first time it happens. Sam sees Michael's grace racing towards them like a whip, and he does the only thing that makes sense - he yanks on Adam's arm and spins them around, presenting his back to Michael and shielding Adam as best as he can.
He has a split second to realise Adam sinks into him, before fire ravages his soul.
It's days/months/seconds/decades before Sam knits himself back together, and finds Adam curled up under strands of himself.
… Adam?
'S - Sam? Sam!'
Adam's so small here, so frail compared to the might of the archangels. He's like a child, hiding under his blankets from the monster in the closet.
Except the monsters are everywhere, and the tattered blanket is Sam's soul.
Hunh.
He hadn't expected that to happen. Sam doesn't have his words yet, not all of them, but he realises what's happening almost immediately - somehow, the not-physics of the Cage let him hide Adam inside himself, protect him from Michael's attack.
'Why did you do that, Sam?'
Sam blinks an eye, pausing in his reconstruction. Why wouldn't he?
It doesn't always work, and sometimes, it's too little, too late. Sometimes Sam can't pull Adam safe, it just won't work, and then Adam's screaming, screaming, burning because Sam failed
Sometimes Lucifer tears right through him and claws Adam out, making Sam watch as Adam bleeds and cries. Sometimes Lucifer makes Sam pull Adam out, hand him over to the archangels as an offering.
It takes centuries, but they figure it out. That they both have to will it, that the deeper Sam hides Adam, the safer he is.
That Sam can build him worlds to hide in, where Michael and Lucifer can never find him. That sometimes Sam can come hide with him, talk to him about Stanford, show Adam the libraries and campus and the highlands of Scotland he'd visited once.
Adam fights, Adam protests, but Sam's older, and there is nothing he wouldn't do for his little brother. Protecting Adam comes as naturally to him as breathing.
Adam sleeps inside Sam's soul, Sam grits his teeth and stares down Heaven's best and brightest.
2. LOVE
Love is a fact for angels. It's not an emotion, it's not an action, it simply is.
And over the years, love becomes a fact for Sam, too.
Because Sam loves Lucifer.
He loves Him with everything of his meagre self, loves him when he hates him, loves Him when there is nothing else left.
He kicks and screams and denies it, but his soul knows the truth, singing Lucifer's praises as steadily as the orchestra in his blood had called Jess' name.
Sam loves Lucifer when he kneels at His feet, praising his Master and chanting his devotions as he kisses His feet.
Sam loves Lucifer when he's bleeding, when his Master purifies him, punishes him, when Lucifer rends him asunder to hear him scream.
Sam loves Lucifer when he's spitting fury and defiance, when he claws back and fights and hides from the Devil and hates him for all his pain and suffering.
In the end, it's simple: Sam loves Lucifer.
3. REMNANT
"I'm not a hallucination, you know."
Sam's fingers don't pause as he types, taking notes he researches the Mark of Cain.
He knows. He's always known.
Lucifer sighs, sprawling on the table beside Sam, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands as he watches Sam.
He's not wearing Nick today, instead someone older, with curly hair and dark, mocha skin. A former vessel, from before Nick, before he was fully sealed away in the Cage.
"You can't ignore Me forever."
Sam doesn't respond, but he doesn't need to. They both know that he couldn't ignore Lucifer if he tried, part of his attention always attuned to the Devil like a ready servant.
The simile leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, and he focuses more intently on his work.
Lucifer hums and shifts, reaching out to tuck Sam's hair behind his ear. Sam shivers, and feels soul stir and arch towards Lucifer's touch.
It's the dead of night, and he shouldn't do this, he absolutely shouldn't, but the words are crawling up his throat anyway. "Was I w -" he chokes on the word 'worthy' and shoves it back down, trying again, "Did you ever love me?"
Lucifer's fingers are cold against his scalp as he yanks Sam's head back sharply. "You're Mine, Sam. You know the answer to that."
Yeah. He knows.
"My True Vessel," Lucifer murmurs and Sam frowns. No. Not anymore. Never again.
Lucifer laughs. "Oh, Sam. Still clinging to that delusion?"
"I will never say yes to you again."
"We both know that's not true."
Sam jerks away, shoving Lucifer back and staring hard at his laptop screen.
Lucifer's breath is cold against the back of his neck, and reality wavers for a moment. "I am with you until the end of time, Sam. My grace threaded in your soul, the two of us locked together for eternity, just as our Father always intended."
Fuck.
Sam tries to ignore the truth sitting acrid under his sternum, and gets back to work.
4. CHANGE
The day/minute/year Castiel harrows Hell for the second time, Sam is sitting at Lucifer's feet, watching Him punish Adam.
Lucifer pets Sam's hair idly, drinking in Sam's adoration with amusement.
Lucifer tilts his head. 'Castiel is coming for you.'
Sam frowns. "Who?"
'My little brother, the faithless angel. Black hair, blue eyes, frequent eyesex with Dean.'
Dean. Right. That Castiel, who'd spurred his crimes against his Master.
"What does he want?"
Lucifer waves a hand, and Adam disappears. 'Come to rescue you, no doubt.'
"… Rescue?"
Lucifer smiles, sharp and cruel. 'Do you want to be rescued, Sam? Do you want to leave the misery of the Cage and return home?'
Sam panics, clutching at his Master's knees. "No! No, Master, please, I don't want to leave! Don't let him take me!"
'You want to stay that badly?' Lucifer mocks.
"Yes! Yes, Master, I don't want to be anywhere else! I belong here, with You, at Your feet." Sam curls in on himself, prostrating himself before Lucifer's throne, terrified at the thought of being separated from his God.
Lucifer's icy fingers sting his scalp. 'Good boy, Sam. I'm glad you know your place.'
Sam nearly sobs in relief. "You'll - you'll keep me?"
Lucifer's grip is possessive as Castiel's presence grows nearer.
Sam! Castiel calls out, [Sam, can you hear me?]
"Go away!" Sam spits hatefully, pressing back against Lucifer.
[Sam!] Castiel appears in front of him, pathetic and dowdy compared to the majesty of the Morning Star. [Come, quickly -]
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Sam shrieks and claws at Castiel when the seraph reaches for him, trying to ward him off. "I won't go anywhere with you!"
Castiel's expression falls for a moment, before hardening. [You don't know what you're saying, Sam. It'll be better when you're back on Earth.]
Lucifer stirs, cold grace swarming around Sam. 'You heard my Vessel, Little Brother. Leave now, and I will let you go in peace.'
[Lucifer,] Castiel spits, [You've lost. Let Sam go, you have no right to hold him!]
Lucifer laughs and Sam cries out as Castiel grips on to him. 'I think you should talk to my Pet about that, Castiel.'
[Sam is his own person!] Castiel replies furiously, starting to pull Sam away.
"NO!" Sam screams and strains away from Castiel, reaching back for Lucifer.
[Sam -]
"NO! MASTER!"
'What will you do now, Little Brother?'
Lucifer's grace lashes out and strikes Castiel, searing into him, but the stubborn little seraph holds on, clinging tighter to Sam.
Sam screams. "NonononoNO - Master - LUCIFER!"
Lucifer roars in his fury and Sam
splits
in
two -
'YOU BELONG TO ME!'
(Sam wakes up on Earth, and feels nothing. Sam clings to Lucifer and cries out in ecstasy as His grace ravages his soul.)
5. SINNER
Lucifer hates sharing Sam, but that doesn't stop Michael from imparting his own lessons.
[Sinner.]
Sam flinches for a moment, and then steels himself. He knows what he is - abomination, freak, damned - but that doesn't mean he's cowed by Michael.
It doesn't take long for Michael's blazing grace to teach him otherwise.
Sam screams until his throat bleeds, bucking and writhing, please, God -
[YOU FILTH!] Michael roars, grace plunging into Sam's soul, [HOW DARE YOU CALL UPON THE FATHER'S NAME.]
Sam shrieks, thrashing about.
[As if He would even listen,] Michael sneers, cutting through his soul's instinctual prayer, [As if the degenerate prayers of scum like you would even reach His ears.]
Michael teaches him the truth - that Sam's multitude of sins make him anathema to God, that He turns His face away from Sam, that He closes His ears in the wake of Sam's sheer arrogance to presume that his prayers are worthy.
Sam sobs at Michael's feet and the archangel finally relents, sneering, [If you want so badly to pray, then I will show you the way.]
Michael teaches, and Sam learns. Sam is a good student, a quick study, and he might think Michael is pleased with his aptitude, if he had the right to such thoughts.
Sam learns, and Sam remembers.
He is lower than an abomination, worse than filth; the knowledge is seared into his soul by the blade of an archangel. He remembers when he opens his eyes on Earth, remembers when he stabs a needle full of blood into a demon's vein.
Sam prays the way Michael taught him to.
[Father, protect this taint, Father protect this stain. Most High grant Your glance upon this unclean waste…]
A/N: So, thoughts?