I'd had a feeling of foreboding. Our time was coming soon. I just knew that any day now we'd be called upon. We were going to fight, and we'd fight to the death. I was ready. I won't deny that I was ready to fight for the good side, but it didn't stop me feeling a bit sick with worry. I didn't want to die, and I didn't want my friends to either. But that's what we'd signed up for.
It was the middle of the night, and very few members were staying at the house. The students were back at Hogwarts, and there hadn't been a proper meeting for days. But Sirius was there; he always was. In the room next to mine. I tapped lightly on his door, and hearing him grunt, opened it nervously. I just stood in the doorway, unsure of what exactly I'd planned on doing once I got there. Sirius' expression softened as he saw it was I, and he shook his hair out of his eyes. Things weren't going well.
"Can't sleep?" he smiled widely. I shook my head, closing the door behind me. "Are you scared?" he continued, once there had been a sufficiently awkward silence. I wasn't sure how to respond. I thought over his tone of voice, concluding that it was in fact concern, and not accusing, and nodded slowly at him. He gave me a lop-sided smile, and nodded his head for me to come over to him. I did, and he shuffled over in the bed. "Come on then - in." he laughed. I smiled gratefully, and slipped in next to him. I was aware of him talking in soft, quiet tones, telling me everything would be all right, but for some reason I couldn't exactly make any sense of it. Perhaps it was a senseless, yet comforting ramble on his part. "I don't want to die." I whispered, "And I don't want you to die, either" I could feel tears were beginning to well up in my eyes, and I blinked them away. "Hey, hey, don't talk like that. No ones going to die. We'll kick ass," he said, but it was shaky, not confident like usual. As soon as he'd finished his sentence, he wrapped his arms round me, pulling me close, and patting my hair. I was grateful that he wasn't laughing at me. I'd had a moment of panic that he'd think I was a fool. But I should have known better. Sirius never laughed at me. He really did have a kind heart.
As he pulled out of the hug, I went to give him a kiss on his cheek. Just my luck, as he tilted his head towards me just as I was about to make contact, and my lips ended up right on his mouth. I went to pull back, a little panicked, but he reacted instantly, and leant towards me, moving his lips against mine. I didn't dare think about what I was doing; there was no way I was going to ruin the moment. At first I thought perhaps he was joking, but as more and more time went by there was no doubt that he knew exactly what he was doing, and had been planning on it for a while. I was wrapped protectively in his arms, as I felt a hint of tongue gently push its way into my mouth. I followed his lead. It wasn't too much, and it wasn't forceful. He was so soft and careful, as his fingers danced on my spine, sending shivers through my body.
I noticed that I was wearing more than him, and for some reason it made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I'm not sure why, it probably should have been the other way round. But as it was, I was made nervous by the presence of clothing, rather than the absence.
I needn't have worried; the problem was easily solved, as Sirius gently lifted my nightgown over my head, breaking our lip contact just for a few seconds. I was worried it'd be broken off forever, which I know is ridiculous. He wasn't removing my clothing to chuck me out. But then, I always have unjustified fear.
He held me close to him once again, our bare chests touching. I could feel the rise and fall as he breathed deeper than usual. I knew all that was separating us now was the thin material of our boxers. But it was something that didn't make me nervous for once. It felt comfortable.
"Remus..." he near gasped, "Is this... do you... I mean..." he stuttered, like a child begging someone to love them. "Yes, don't worry, it's ok. This is... it's fine. It's good." I forced out.
Sirius was still holding onto me. I couldn't help but smile. He was always full of surprises. He was funny, and mischievous, and yet he never failed in making me feel safe and secure. He was a loyal friend.
Once we were both breathing normally, Sirius turned his attention to my chest. It was scarred, a result of the wolf in me. I worried it would put him off, but I should know him better by now. He made a sympathetic noise, and directed his kisses to the scar tissue. I whimpered slightly, feeling a slight sting. But he was so gentle. It felt as though he were healing me.
He lifted his head just to smile at me. I beamed back at him, amazed at his affection.
He shifted slightly, so he was resting just on top on me, and the sudden rush of blood this gave me alarmed me. I hoped he wouldn't be embarrassed by it. He kissed my lips once more, and as he shifted his weight again, I knew embarrassed was the last thing he was. We both gasped loudly as we rubbed against each other through the thin material.
Sirius slowly began to pull my boxers off me, maintaining eye contact the whole time, as though he expected me to object. I nodded to him, reassuringly, and did the same for him. The new skin on skin contact was incredible, and I thought for a moment I was going to come all over him before he'd done anything.
He directed his kisses downwards once more, clearly enjoying the little noises escaping my lips from time to time. He paused momentarily as he reached a point of no return, "So... I was thinking... maybe we should take our friendship to the next level..." he grinned at me, before taking me into his mouth. I gave a strange mix of a laugh and a moan, not sure which to react to. He'd placed his hands on my hips to stop me thrashing round on the bed, and I had to use all my self-control not to thrust upwards. His mouth was so warm, and if I hadn't known better I'd have thought he'd had experience in this area. That man should be given an Order of Merlin just for having such a mouth. I doubt the ministry would comply.
As good as this was, I couldn't help feel rather selfish.
"Sirius..." I gasped, "Come back up..." I whispered. He gently pulled his mouth off, and slid up to be face to face with me. "Are you okay?" he asked, genuine concern on his face. I nodded, running my hand across his cheek. "You were neglected." I smiled. He laughed, his beautiful bark-like laugh. "Well... I don't want to hurt you..." he said softly. I knew he meant it. "Oh Sirius, you could never hurt me," I murmured.
He looked uncertain, but appreciative of this comment.
"Only if you're sure..." he said, and I nodded definitely at him.
After a bit of a fumble around, we managed to find a position in which we could still see each other's faces. It wasn't exactly comfortable, and I knew it had to be doing my legs some damage, but it was worth it just to see him. He wet his fingers, testing my reaction, and preparing me for something substantially larger. I wasn't about to admit defeat anytime soon, and as his fingers were replaced, I bit down on my lip, willing myself to show no pain.
And it was quite painful, even though he was slow, careful, and I knew he was trying his hardest to be gentle with me. I was grateful for his consideration. He pulled slowly back out, but not fully out, before sliding back in, slowly, gently. The pain was giving way to an unusual, but pleasant sensation. As I grew used to the feeling, and the pain passed, he slowly built up speed. He was using one hand to balance himself, and the other he had wrapped around my penis, proceeding to give it rhythmic strokes, in time to his thrusts.
I could feel my face flushing, my breaths growing shorter and faster, and my heart about to break my ribcage. I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds, before flicking them open to watch Sirius' face as he reached a climax, at the exact same moment as I did. I felt it, hot inside me, and I allowed myself a groan. We stayed in the same position for a few seconds, until it was completely over.
He collapsed into my arms, after roughly wiping my semen from his chest. He held me close again. I kissed his cheek lightly, this time perfectly aimed.
"Still scared?" he asked, and I smiled against his shoulder