Change of Heart
Prologue
"I think we should call off the wedding."
"B-beg your pardon?"
Rui heaved another imaginary sigh. It seemed as though everything he did these days, seemed to go utterly wrong. And now that he's doing something, though not maybe right but cannot also be called wrong, he was again in this sick cycle. Fighting, fighting against himself in this never-ending battle.
He steeled himself to look at his fiancée. Oh, how these glorious three months were pure heaven and yet at the same time pure torture. He just knew even before he agreed to this set-up that it would all boil down to this.
Tsukushi's eyes were looking like a wounded dove. Those brown eyes that he loves to stare at for hours were full of shock and disillusionment.
Rui gave himself a bitter laugh full of self-deprecation. He tried but it seemed as though it was easier to confess to her without looking into her eyes. He wondered how he could tell her the truth without being too alluding and vague; in the end, he just used the best approach: blunt.
"Have you ever wondered if I wasn't part of Tsukasa or rather if Tsukasa wasn't a part of me, would you still have chosen me?"
Tsukushi was bewildered to say the least. "I-I..." she struggled to say something intelligible. "What?"
Rui allowed himself to laugh out loud. It was bitter and without humor. He turned his back on her and looked towards the bay.
They were currently at Sphylka Bay. It is one of the most preserved bay in the area which has only few visitors during this time. Currently, the sun is setting down in all its glory. It would have been romantic if it weren't the fact that the words had already left Rui's mouth.
Great going Rui. Just ruin everything, don't you. You told yourself that you're gonna break it gently and this is what you call gentle. Rui frowned. Images and words were currently battling in his mind at the moment. He looked heavenward and prayed for guidance. "What I mean is-damn. Just answer this question. Do you love me-"
"You know I do. Rui, what's-"
"Tsukushi, let me finish."
"O-okay." Tsukushi was really confused and shocked. She thought everything was fine and happy between them. And to know that everything was a lie the next day was more than she could take.
"Before the accident happened you were with Tsukasa and you-you were really happy. And then out of the blue that drunk driver just crashed into our car and everything changed in a single moment. I love you, Tsukushi." Rui looked back at her and she could see tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He gave her a smile, a bitter, sad and resigned smile. "But I always wondered and thought about a lot of ifs. If Tsukasa didn't give his heart to me, would you still love me? Or what about if my position and that of Tsukasa were reversed, would you love him the same way that you love me? Or will you love him even more?"
Tsukushi was so shocked that she could not form an answer to his question. Her mind was too full and you could see the strain on her face. Her eyes were getting a bit misty. "Rui-"
"No, I'm not yet finished. I know that the accident happened a long time ago. But, let's face it. We never really talked about it. I know it pains you to think that I doubt you or I doubt our love. But it pains me even more to think if I'm man enough for you. Or if you were given a choice, would I have been the man that you would have chosen?" He took a deep breath and added his final question. " But, it pains me the most when I think that you only chose me because I have Tsukasa's heart," Rui paused, "and that you only love me only because you loved him."