I never intended to make this a Twilight fan fiction, I originally wanted to write it as Harry Potter but it never worked out. :/ This is set in an alternative universe where Bella was transformed into a vampire after the battle with the newborns in Eclipse. When I was writing it I wondered about Rosalie's character, as after she got her revenge on her fiance and his friends she seemed to be ok, albeit in the book it's never detailed, however I thought there'd have to be some lasting damage. Also a major problem I had with Twilight overall was that the vampires, after finding there mate would stay together forever, it just seemed... Too much like a fairytale - yes I am aware that Twilight is obviously not possible but there had to be some kind of unhappy ending for someone rather than Good guys win, bad guys lose. Sorry I digress. As per usual I apologise for any spelling and or grammer errors, I had a sleepover with my friends last night and we stayed up until three, good times! :P Hope you enjoy please read and review.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, Twilight and the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Dear Isabella Marie Swan,

I'd like to think that you are still unmarried, however it is foolish of me to believe such notions. I heard that after the battle you were injured so that this curse was the only way out of death. To be honest, I'm unsure whether or not the news of your change upsets me or fills me with a feeling that is anything if not pure ecstasy. I'm not implying that I wish you dead, I'm just unsure whether viewing you as part of the damned is something that altogether fills me with happiness. I would like to hear the story used to deceive your loved ones, no doubt it would enthral me and make me feel sick pleasure. Your suffering doesn't fill me with joy but to see the consequences of your choice just might. I'm not a sadist or anything of it's kind however right now I really don't know what to believe in, or what to think. I suppose this brings me to the purpose of this letter, an explanation I will not deem weak or pathetic, when I can scarcely make sense of my thoughts believe me when I say this is the best your going to get for a few decades at least.

It's hard to pin point where everything got out of control, when reality and dreams were no longer worlds apart. It's hard to explain how scary it is to lose your mind, to get lost in a world in which everything seems so real, and yet is merely an illusion. You can taste, smell, touch, hear, see everything around you like it's always been there, when really it was never there at all. I scared a lot of people, I distanced myself, some days I screamed so loud… And other days?

Other days I was never there.

Your angry at me and I understand this because you didn't. You didn't understand how someone like me could possibly have something wrong happen to them. After all I was golden, everything I touched, I did turned to fucking gold in your eyes and your eyes alone. I can see you, you know, reading this, crushing it so easily to nothing as that is what I am to you. A spoilt little girl who likes shiny toys and bits of green paper with numbers written on them, a piece of near glass on a wall.

You were jealous because you thought I'm the lucky one, you thought I had - and no doubt still have - it all. You hated me because I blamed you for going insane.

Oh how selfish of me,

Because Edward's 'golden' girl is so fucking perfect all of the time.

I still remember the night that I told you I loved you, when they were all of the house doing God knows what, I still remember the disbelief in your eyes, the complete refusal to believe it. I believe my dear that was the last time we spoke before… And I remember the night before that, when the wind was howling against the seemingly fragile house and Emmet and I shocked you all to your very cores.

We loved each other in the beginning.

But not even love can last forever.

He was the one that came up with the plan to pretend to pretend to be together, I was tired of Carlisle trying to pair me up with Edward.

One adult influenced marriage is enough for an eternity.

Look where it got me.

I was a wreck after that and no one got it, no one thought for a minute to see through the façade and help. I could have made a bloody brilliant actress had I not died, had Death not decided to step in the way, in the form of my fiancé. It drove me insane thinking about every little insignificant detail that could have caused it, why I deserved that to happen to me. No religion gave me comfort, no religion detailed that this blessed and cursed existence was possible.

That was when the dreaming started.

I dreamt of this beautiful, slender brunette, she'd comfort me, help me heal and it was so real! I've already explained the process of losing one's mind and the clichéd saying 'The lines begin to blur' comes to the forefront of my mind because believe me, that is what happens. I believed that this girl would take everything away, rebuild my shattering mind like no one else seemed to be able to do. The fact it was a girl never bothered me, we fall in love randomly and often can't explain our attraction to people. Using this, how is falling in love with a girl any different than falling in love with a boy? It's the same feelings just a different sex. Anyway I digress.

Then Reality intervened, reality crossed over into the world of my beautiful, glorious, twisted delusions to reveal you for who you really were - and probably still are. I remember when I first met you officially, how I never kept my eyes off you and this look of pure hatred appeared on my face. No one else understood it, no one really does except perhaps Jasper, you tainted my glorious angel, my angel that had kept me close enough to sanity for so long.

Believe me when I say I tried to like you.

I tried to love you.

But I needed someone strong, not a weak, blushing girl.

I needed you to be unaffected by my beauty, to see through my anger and see the small, scared little girl I really was. It's difficult being a vampire, there's no escape, no drugs or pills or alcohol work properly anymore, well for me anyway. It doesn't mean I can't try.

It doesn't mean I didn't.

But that's another life, another time that you wouldn't care about.

I know my 'family' refer to it as the night I snapped, when really I snapped a long time ago. I had put of this façade of hatred for so long that not even Edward could pick out the truth. Jasper could, he just said nothing, he wasn't scared of me no, no, no. I just didn't worry him enough to intervene. I remember how shaken you were once I kissed you, not that you - in any way, shape or form - were homophobic you just couldn't believe, so you never, so no one did and when I explained how I felt the breaking point commenced. Like a coward I ran because I couldn't stand the looks on your faces a minute longer. Like I was a stranger, a true madwoman. Before I left Carlisle told me time heals all wounds, but I still feel as though I'm merely pieces of glass scattered on the floor.

Glass that looked like diamond.

I travel alone now and in larger cities, when I think of the word 'nomad' I think of someone hiking in a forest, living in the wild. Bustling streets have always been my home. I have enough money to stay in the fanciest of hotels, the largest apartments but I don't. I like living on the ground like everyone else. It works out fairly well when during the day I'm as strong as a human and at night my full potential returns, I can fight off attackers easily if they find me. I like going to clubs and dancing with someone a girl, a boy it doesn't matter, it's easy to find people when you look like a model. It's easy to drink from them without noticing and ironically, the one thing that makes me feel better was the one thing I feared for thirty years after my transformation.

Human contact.

I love the feel of someone near me, someone, anyone to hold me all night.

Don't worry, you'll never find me.

In fact by the time you get this I'll be gone. I never stay in one place more than a week.

I suppose this brings me to the end of my explanation, the explanation as to why everything went wrong and fell apart magnificently. The reason I told you on that night, of all night's, was simply because reality broke into my delusions. I saw you were strong, I saw you wanted to protect us from the newborns no matter what, you didn't crumble or shatter into pieces of glass on the floor because you really are made of diamond. You were everything I felt I needed, then reality escaped me and my delusions took control. But you know all that anyway.

I guess that's all there is to say, this hasn't been an easy letter to write. But I'm better now, not cured but better than I was. If they're worried then… Tell them I'm doing fine, just... Fine. I still love you and I haven't found anyone as of yet to release you as my angel, these feelings will fade though, it just takes time. I have no doubt that over time your feelings of Edward will change, just like Carlisle and Esme's, if there's one thing I can promise you then it is that. After all, in reality forever is a long time Bella and many of us go mad in the end, I just really hope you know what you've put yourself in for.

Love,

Rosalie Hale.

Hey so I hope you were able to understand that as my beta read it and didn't completely get it. :/ Also I apologise for the rant at the top, I know it's a great achievement to have written a book in the first place and having not written a book I shouldn't complain. :)