A/N: Yeah, I've still only watched the first four episodes, but I don't know, I just like writing this couple. But it's mainly because I love Zero and his angstyness. He's so much fun. Anyway, this is a bit longer and a bit more romantic than my other oneshot. I just started writing and this is what happened. It's a bit fluffy and probably a little silly or sappy, my husband assured me that it wasn't, but I'm very self concious about these things. I didn't want this to be sappy or overly dramatic or cheesy or silly and I hope that comes across. I hope people like it, and please review, it really helps me to know that people like what I'm writing. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading.
Note: I have recently created a sequel for this story, but have decided to keep it separate from this and make it its own story. I like this as a oneshot and I don't want to change that. For anyone who is interested, the sequel is titled We Both Win.
Fine, You Win
Leaning back on a pillow, Zero stared at his ceiling. He was looking at it, but he didn't really see it. He was in too much pain to really see what was around him. Pain and discomfort. How long had it been since he had been comfortable, anyway? He wondered. It was almost normal to him.
He put a hand to his throat and swallowed. No matter what he did, he could not get rid of that dry feeling. He closed his eyes.
It is really very simple.
There is plenty around you; you can hear it even from here.
Just a taste. They would never know. What harm is there, really?
It would be easy, for someone like you.
You'll die otherwise.
"SHUT UP!" He screamed grabbing at his hair and pulling. Damn it. His own subconscious was working against him, and its arguments were getting stronger. He laid on his bed, nails tearing at his sheets, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead, complete agony as he tried to find the temporary peace of sleep.
He tossed. He turned. He continued to swallow and ignore the dry itching in his throat. So thirsty. Was the only thing he could think. Zero sat up and pushed his pillow to the floor. Lashing out at the object did nothing to make him feel better. What he needed was a wall to punch through…or a certain face would be nice as well. Picturing his fist connecting with Kaname's face was a nice distraction. Too bad it didn't last long.
Finally accepting that he would never get to sleep Zero let his legs hang over the side of his bed. He looked out his window at the large moon in the sky. The sight might have seemed pretty if he was in any state to appreciate such things. His eyes traveled downward and he jumped to his window sill. Someone was down there. He looked closer, hoping that it was a stray night class student that needed to be dealt with. He reached for his gun.
The figure moved and he noted that it was definitely a feminine form. She just sat there, her body tucked into a small ball. Zero threw on his coat and his shoes. He wasn't going to be sleeping anyway.
He could hear sniffling as he approached the figure and he moved a foot in the girl's direction, gently tapping her shoe with his. "Hey, what are you doing out here?" He asked. Kindness came naturally to him, but it was often laced with his current distaste for life which gave him a rather off-putting demeanor. Not that he minded.
The girl looked up at him and the situation changed. "Yuuki?"
He put his hands out instinctively, but refrained from touching her. What on earth was she doing out there so late at night? He suddenly felt helpless and useless. It shouldn't be this hard for him, but he did care if this girl was upset or not. He crouched next to her and looked at her sincerely.
"Why are you crying?"
Yuuki rubbed her eyes with her hands. "Zero." She said as she leaned toward him, her head reaching his shoulder before he had a chance to move away. His arms hung in the air around her, and he hesitantly put them around her, feeling the sobs as she soaked his jacket with fresh tears.
"Yuuki, what's wrong?" He asked again, but this time, he put extra willpower into making his voice soothing and quiet. All those times he had found comfort from her, it was the least he could do. He had never been able to actually thank her, so this was his thank you.
"I…I just…it was so scary, Zero. I…I'm not afraid, I'm not. Really, I haven't changed my opinion and I still will do everything in my power to gain peace, but…" Her hands were now gripping his shirt, he could feel the faintest touch of her nails through the fabric.
"But in my head, when I go to sleep…it's just not so easy to remember. They are there…" She shuddered.
"Oh." He said bitterly, and then winced at his carelessness. She was talking about them. Still, he needed to be there for her, this was not the time to upset her by starting a whole debate on the subject. He sighed. Damn her.
"Yuuki, it's all in your head. A nightmare can't hurt you, you just need to get some sleep." He wanted to tell her to be scared. To hate and fear the monsters, but now was not the time. "Come on." He tried to help her stand, but she fell limp. "Come on, Yuuki. Yuuki?" He lifted her chin, her eyes were closed and she seemed to be asleep.
With a sigh, he lifted the tiny girl into his arms. She better be grateful for this, he thought. She cooed softly and snuggled into his shoulder. Zero very nearly tripped. He didn't look at her face, it would make things more difficult. Just feeling her hand grasping at his chest was enough for him at the moment.
He was almost to his room. He couldn't bring her to the girls' dorm. He would have to leave her in his room while he went to the stables. He was nearly there when she whimpered. She started breathing heavily and shifting in her sleep, thrashing with her arms and legs. "No…no…" she mumbled. Her breathing and heart quickened with her fear.
"Yuuki…wake up…hold…still." He was struggling to keep his grip on her. Then it hit him. Like a sledgehammer against his face, he breathed in and out carefully.
In her excited state, she had unwillingly set off his more haunting instincts. Her head had fallen back, her neck bent across his arm. Her throat exposed perfectly. Like she wanted him to…
He shook his head. But she didn't. That was ridiculous. Not her. He told himself as he pressed toward his room. Not her.
Fumbling with the doorknob he managed to get them inside, but her dream had started up again. He leaned over his bed to lay her down, his knee leaning on the mattress, when her eyes shot open and she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly.
"Zero?" She looked very confused and he tried to work her hands from his neck. She was too close. She was still too excited. Thump, thump, thump, it was getting louder. He could hear her pulse.
Before he could stop himself, his tongue traced over his top lip, his mouth salivating dangerously.
"Yuuki, please…" He groaned hoarsely. She needed to let him go or he wouldn't make it. She smelled too good. His eyes drooped. "Yuuki…"
She regained herself slightly and she managed to let go of his neck. "Oh…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to fall asleep…Zero?"
He was leaning toward her, his knee still on the mattress, panting. He felt like he had just done laps around the school grounds. When she let go, he had been allowed a temporary relief, and now he was trying to summon the strength to leave her. His hand slipped off the bed, and he moved toward the door, but Yuuki was now fully awake.
"Oh, Zero. I'm so sorry." She could see the red in his eyes and she was losing him. "Here." She pulled his head closer to her.
"No." He tried to say, but it eked out of his mouth like a deadly threat.
Yuuki only cared about helping her friend. "Open." She directed as she slid a blood tablet into his mouth. Her finger brushed his lips and he nearly licked at it hungrily. It was so close to his teeth…all he had to do was bite down...
He tried to remove her grip from him. "Stop it." At the same time, his hands were reaching up her body. He struggled to pull them back, but they were too close to her neck to listen. His fingers brushed the exposed skin above her shirt and he leaned closer.
"Open." She instructed as she gave him another. She didn't care that he was now crawling on top of her, his head inclined toward her throat, she simply leaned back and stared at him more resolutely. The tablet didn't satisfy his craving, but it did quench his thirst. He sat back, his hand moving away from her. It had helped. His head was clearing. "Better?"
He nodded. Then he looked at the girl sitting next to him and leapt to his feet. "No. I…I need to go."
He halted at the door. A small sob caused him to turn around. Yuuki was no longer looking at him. She also hadn't moved to stop him, like he thought she would. Her knees were pulled to her chest and she was leaning against the far corner of his bed. She looked so helpless. Feeling that it was safe enough to turn around he took a few steps toward the bed, his body facing the wall, he refused to look at her, for fear of a new type of temptation.
"Are you going to be alright?"
Yuuki looked at him, her eyes puffy, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"I'm not, okay? So just tell me." He sounded agitated. It was best to act like he didn't really care about what she was going through.
"I…I don't really want to be alone…" He barely heard her voice over the sound of their breathing. He also broke his promise to not look at her.
"Why don't you go to your dorm room? You have a roommate, right?" He said causally.
Yuuki shook her head, "She is on a trip to visit her parents."
Perfect. He seethed. "I…I suppose I could sit here, just until you fall asleep." What was he saying? He had very nearly killed her ten seconds ago. This was stupid. Dumb. Irrational. Pointless. Idiotic. He could come up with any number of reasons to just walk out that door. One cold remark and she would let him leave in peace. But how could he do that to her now? She deserved this much. He sighed. He would deal with it for her sake, and just for a little while. He walked and sat in the farthest corner of the room. "Now. Go to sleep." His arms were crossed and he watched her expectantly.
Yuuki sniffed, "That is very sweet, Zero, but you don't have to sit on the cold floor like that. I'll be okay…" The last part was a lie, he noted.
"I'm fine. Just lie down and try and go to sleep. I don't mind. Really." He tried to sound assuring, but he didn't know if it was working. She didn't look any happier.
Yuuki put her head on the pillow and watched him.
"What?" He asked. She wasn't even trying to fall asleep, he reasoned.
"Thank you." She said quietly. "Zero?"
"Yeah?"
"Could you just move a bit closer?" She asked timidly. She continued to watch him, her eyes large and pleading. Really, he had no chance of refusing her then. She could have requested he walk to the roof and jump off and he would have unquestioningly complied.
Without a word he scooted away from the wall, now sitting cross legged in the middle of the room. "Better?"
"No."
He nearly hung his head. He got up and crawled so he was only an arm's length from the edge of the bed. "Can you sleep now?"
She shook her head gently. She bit her bottom lip timidly, sealing his fate.
Moving slowly and carefully, he moved so that his side was resting on the bed frame. He felt her hand reach down, grab his, and then slide back up to the mattress. "B..better?" He croaked and he cleared his throat carefully.
He got a content sigh in response. His hand was brought to her cheek and she snuggled closer, her fingers gently stroking his arm. He watched the slow movements intently. He was mesmerized by the steady sway of her hand and the feeling tingling through his arms was not completely uncomfortable.
Little puffs of air tickled his skin as he chanced a glance at her closed eyes. That had been a mistake, he quickly realized. There was nothing stopping him from watching her, nothing to stop him from admiring the view. He could feel heat rise to his ears, and he tried to scold himself and look away. But this side of him seemed just as determined and infatuated with Yuuki as the other.
"Zero?"
Her tiny voice made him jump, and he noticed that her eyes remained closed. "Yeah?" He whispered. He didn't know why, exactly, it just seemed to be appropriate. Like a loud noise might shatter the tension he could feel in the air. Or was that just him?
Her eyes fluttered open, "I can't sleep." He could see red staining her cheeks, and was too enraptured to notice that it didn't make him think of blood or hunger.
He didn't know how long they had been staring at each other, before she finally spoke. "Thank you for staying with me." She started. "I'm sure I must seem a little silly right now. I try and act strong around everyone, but I don't always feel as confident as I seem." She didn't know why she was telling him this. Perhaps it was an attempt to place some faith in their friendship. An invitation to talk and tell each other what was bothering them. She wasn't entirely sure, but she was sure that it had a very little bit do to with the tender look in his eyes. He had never looked at her that way, like he was no longer hiding behind walls. His defenses were down, and she could do the courtesy of removing her own.
"Don't mention it." He tried resorting back to his casual indifference, but it was becoming difficult.
Yuuki smiled. "I will always be here, Zero. You know that, don't you?"
Now it was his turn to smile and he closed his eyes briefly before nudging her with his hand, "I think I've figured that out by now. You're just too stubborn."
"Not nearly as stubborn as you."
Her small giggle was reassuring. "Yes you are."
"I am not." She insisted, rather stubbornly.
"Of course you are. Do you know what it takes to get you to stop something once you put your mind to it? It takes a power that I have yet to see."
"I'm determined." She defended. Her head was still resting on his hand as she laid on his bed. He was still sitting on the floor beside her, his chin nearly resting on the mattress in front of her. They were both extremely comfortable at that moment.
"Same thing." He smirked. Yuuki rubbed her cheek over the top of his hand, his smooth cold skin felt soothing. He swallowed.
She turned to look at his anxious face. "Sorry, I'm a bit warm and your hands are so cold. I should probably stop—"
"No." He has said that a bit too quickly. He looked away, "I mean, you don't have to if you don't want you. I'm here to make you feel better."
Yuuki watched him try and look uncaring, but his eyes had trouble looking away from her face for more than few seconds. When had he started acting so cute? She wondered. He never seemed this nervous around her before. Still, he was being very sweet to her, which wasn't exactly like him.
Yuuki reached out to touch his cheek. He stiffened. She could see that he was holding his breath. She giggled. He was acting like he was afraid of her. Her eyes moved over his face, not wanting to rest on one specific thing, but rather trying to carefully examine everything at once. He was really very good looking.
"Yuuki?" He breathed as he tried to move his head backward. She blinked as she felt his nose rub against hers. Had she moved closer? His eyes were large in front of her and she could hear his heart hammering in his chest.
She didn't want to stop.
She kissed him.
Eyes closed, she let out a breath through her nose as she savored the feeling. Zero could only watch in shock. He refused to move. His brain refused to accept what was happening.
She moved her head back slowly. He hadn't kissed her back. She was an idiot. Regret and embarrassment crashed over her. She refused to look him in the eye. So, she wasn't able to see him regain his senses and was taken off guard as he rammed his face against her own. She sighed happily and held the sides of his face in her hands. He leaned toward her, his hands leaning into the mattress for support. Before he knew what he was doing, he was pressing toward her, causing her to move backward on the bed. He followed her, refusing to end their intimate contact. He pressed her into the pillow, his body on auto-pilot and the sudden revelation of what he was doing making him light-headed.
Her arms wound around his neck. He couldn't find a place to rest his hands. They were moving over her, wanting to touch everything, but too unsure and cowardly. His lips parted and he ran his tongue along her lips. She opened her mouth with a small moan and he continued to explore her with desperate need. He had never before given in to any of his thoughts concerning Yuuki. He preferred to bury them as soon as they surfaced, never really sure of the exact definitions of his intentions concerning her. It was safer that way. But now, they were all crashing out of him and he couldn't distinguish one thought from another. All he understood was that his desire for her was the only thing that mattered.
He stopped momentarily to allow them to breath. He put his head on her shoulder, his body resting above hers as he supported his weight on his forearms. Yuuki was flushed and a little confused.
For so long, Yuuki had entertained the idea of eventually sharing a similar moment with her savior. The man she was indebted to. Her knight in shining armor, so to speak. She had never once considered having any sort of affection for someone else. Now, however, the idea seemed silly and rather ridiculous. This was where she belonged and who she belonged with.
Now that he was no longer ensnared by the passion of the moment, Zero was able to think more clearly. And he immediately reverted to safety. "I'm sorry…that was completely uncalled for…" He tried to remove his head, but he was so comfortable.
"D…don't be sorry. I guess I'm the one who started this, I should be the one who is sorry." She lifted his head carefully. He looked so sad and alone. His face betraying his self loathing at his improper actions. "But I'm not sorry. Not really. I…that wasn't…." She blushed, "I kind of enjoyed it."
Zero watched the play of emotions across her face. She enjoyed it? That was…good?
He shook his head, "No, I just forced myself on you. You like that…" He steeled himself, "You like Kaname. It's obvious. I didn't mean to take advantage of you like this." He began berating himself already. He was such a spineless idiot. A deviant who had taken advantage of the sweetest girl he knew. Damn it. Why did he have to kiss her like that? Zero moved away. Cursing himself and not even looking as Yuuki shook her head.
She grabbed his hand as he tried to stand up, "Let go, Yuuki."
"No." She pulled down, hard. He was forced back onto the mattress, but not at a very pleasant angle. He shot her a glare and was about to ask what she was doing, when she shot him an icy stare that silence him.
"Don't do that." She pounded a small fist into his shoulder. "Don't turn yourself into the victim."
"I'm not—"
"Yes, you are. You're acting like everything is your fault, like you're the bad guy. You can't always be the bad guy, Zero. And despite what you think, more often than not, you're the good guy."
"But—"
"Just shut up!" She was rather angry now and even he didn't dare object. "You are ruining it! I kissed you because I wanted to. I let you kiss me because I wanted you to. I…" She opened her eyes and he waited patiently for her to continue, "I like you Zero. I've always liked you, maybe even…really liked you. You're my closest friend." She could feel the start of tears but she pushed them away bravely, "It doesn't matter. The point is, that I may not have made it apparent and I know that I did show a bit of an interest in someone else, but that doesn't mean that I can't change my mind." She crossed her arms in a huff.
He watched her quietly, letting her let off steam. "So…you have changed your mind?"
"Yes I have and I don't want to hear any arguments from you. Unless you don't want to…or…" Her confidence dwindled a bit.
"That's not what I was saying—"
"So you agree. There. It's settled." She smiled and put her hands on her hips, feeling like she accomplished something.
Zero remained a bit confused, "What is settled."
"You and I." She put a finger in his face.
He brushed it to the side, "You and I?"
Yuuki sighed heavily, like she was trying to explain nuclear physics to an infant. Feeling that words were not giving him the picture, she pulled his face closer and kissed him gently. "You. And I." She breathed.
She was finally speaking a language he could understand and he didn't fight his arms as they gripped her waist tightly. He pulled away slightly.
"And this is okay with you?" He was finding this a bit difficult to believe. What exactly was happening?
Yuuki smiled against his lips, "Just shut up, Zero. Talking was never one of your strong suits." He was about to voice an objection, but was silenced by Yuuki's mouth. Fine, if that's the way she wanted it. He leaned against the wall, happy to forget any insecurities while she draped her legs across his lap. She kissed his cheek tenderly before resting her head on his shoulder.
He idly moved his hands up and down her back, still completely unsure of what had just happened. He shrugged. He would deal with that in the morning. For once he could close his eyes and feel only peace and quite as his thoughts became slower. For the first time in years, Zero was able to sleep soundly through the night, completely comfortable and content, his arms wrapped protectively around the girl he had loved since the day she had taken him in.
END.
