I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
Like so many nights, Peter visited Wendy. He hovered outside her open bedroom window, while she told him stories. But even though to Peter the nights were only nights. To Wendy, they were months.. Ussually it took Peter another month to return, and all the while he never thought he missed a night. Wendy laughed at his innocence, and only wished that hers could stay. But with all the visits Peter offered, Wendy only returned to Neverland once more.
Neverland hadn't changed a bit since she had last been there, which had been 2 years ago. The jungle was still wild and green, the sea still a sparkling blue, and the mermaids were still as jealous as ever. But one thing had changed, there was no Tinkerbell left to lead her astray. She had died a year ago. Peter couldn't even remember her now. But Wendy often let her memory live on in her stories.
"Who was Tinkerbell?" Peter asked every night, she drifted into Wendy's stories.
"She was your fairy Peter." Wendy replied. She was always sweet to Peter. And never let her temper show over his repetitive questions. "Don't you remember her?"
"My fairy? No I don't remember ever having a fairy named Tinkerbell."
Wendy only stayed in Neverland for a Week. She left, to Peters dismay, to return to her mother.
"You don't need a mother Wendy." Peter would complain on the flight home. "You're my mother, mothers don't need mothers."
"Everyone needs a mother Peter. Even you."
"I do not need a mother!" Peter was not so quick at hiding his temper. He usually got angry at any suggestion that he needed a mother. Or anything else that introduced the topic of adults in his simply life.
As was their custom Wendy stood on the window ledge, while Peter hovered in front of her.
"Before you leave, I must know something Peter." Wendy asked, looking intently into his blue eyes. She lingered for a moment. Revising the words in her mind. Trying to make sense of what she was going to say next. "Do you love me?"
Peter didn't reply. He didn't want to confess to his feelings. He didn't want to admit to anyone, that he could love. He thought it was a weakness. But he stared into her eyes. Battling with himself, to think of an answer. In the end he couldn't speak. He couldn't even look Wendy in the eye. Her gaze got so intense, that he had to look down at his feet.
Wendy knew what the answer was. She had known it before she even asked the question. But she had to be sure if it was right. If it really was, just a childish fantasy. "If thats the way it has to be... Then so be it."
Peter looked up at her then. He was afraid. Afraid of that tone she took. Afraid of the words she was going to say. He wanted to scream out the truth. To stop her from speaking the next sentence. But he couldn't. He just couldn't admit he was wrong.
"Goodbye Peter." And without another word, Wendy shut the window on him. It was the hardest mistake Wendy had ever made, and she cried for hours afterwards. No body knew what was wrong. And they never would.
Peter didn't return to Neverland that night. He was angry. Angry at himself, angry at Neverland, and angry at his mother. He blamed her for his mistake. He blamed her for his choice. But he knew it wasn't true. He knew it wasn't her fault. It was his. It was his mistake, and it was his choice. He only wished it hadn't been.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
Peter slept by his mothers grave. He let her memory seep back into his mind. He remembered her face. Her smile and her touch. He sat by her grave and picked flowers, so that in heaven, she could know it was him. He wanted to visit her. To tell her everything. He was tired at lying to himself. He couldn't keep lying to everyone. That only sent him spinning in circles. Thats all he had been doing for so many years. He couldn't even remember how many years he had been away. It must have been over 100. He knew that from his mothers grave. The dates were old and weeds grew everywhere. He thought of visiting his house. He wondered if it was even still standing. He remembered his bedroom. It had been on the second floor. And he usually ran down the hall way crowing like an Indian. He remembered as a toddler, when he had gotten lost in the garden. He remembered how terrified he felt when he couldn't see his mother anymore. And how when she had heard him crying she had run to him and swept him up in her arms. He remembered how she had made him feel safe and warm, just by holding him.
That night, while he slept by her tombstone, an angel appeared in his dreams. The angel tried to copy his mothers actions. She tried to trick him into thinking she was his mother. But he knew it wasn't her. He knew the truth. But when Peter told her to disappear because he knew the truth, the angel cried. The angel told him, that she had lost someone, and only wished to have him back. To feel the love they had shared again. To just feel loved again.
When Peter woke, the stars where still in the sky. they were beckoning him back to Neverland. They were trying to trick him. Just like the angel. But he knew what the dream meant. He knew what he was supposed to do then. He knew he had to find Wendy again.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
Wendy never really was the same after that night. She kept searching for something that was going to come back. She kept looking at the stars, expecting the answer to all her problems to fly down in front of her. Each night, Wendy tried to make up stories about him. Tried to keep him living inside of her, but each night, the stories became harder and harder to continue. She just didn't have the imagination she used to have. The endless possibilities that had always been open to her when she was a kid, where slowly closing. She was 15 now. She was growing up. Soon school would finish, and she'd move on to another stage in life. But Wendy wasn't sure if she was ready for anything else just yet. She wasn't sure how any of her mistakes could ever mend themselves. All through her life, she'd been so sure of what she'd wanted to do. Her head had always been on top of everything. But now... after that night. The night where Peter took her away. Her life turned upside down. She had become Dependant on Peter, on Neverland, to keep her floating in the sky. And now without them, she felt like she was falling. Falling all the time. Falling into a deep whole, which was impossible to escape from. But she didn't want to keep falling. She wanted her wings back.
But with every adult question her Aunt pressed upon her, she felt like her wings were being ripped slowly apart. Like her freedom was slowly being tired down, with adulthood. It scared her. The darkness that was constantly surrounding her, the hole, growing deeper and deeper. She only wished it would all stop.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
Peter flew with the speed of knowledge. For the first time in his life, he was thinking before he acted. He wasn't sure if it was going to work. For him, everything had always just gone perfectly fine. But this time, it wasn't only his life his choice was impacting upon. This time there was someone else involved. This time, it wasn't for him, it was for someone else.
To many weeks had gone past for Wendy. The hole was already to deep. There was only two ways out. But neither of them were what she wanted. She couldn't have her self back. Her childish self had escaped her. She had abandoned her. Now it was only her conscious left.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
Wendy couldn't think straight. She just looked up at the stars from her bedrooms window. Tears silently ran down her face. It must have been near midnight. No one else was awake. All the lights in the houses surrounding hers were off as well. It was only her awake that night.
She felt a burden on her shoulders. A burden which the world had placed there.
The stars blinked differently at her, now. They didn't show her the endless possibilities that they used to. It was like they had shut themselves from the world.
Without them, with her too. Wendy felt immensely lonely. She felt as if everyone in her life, had abandoned her. Had just shut her out of there life.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
Peter skidded across the sky. He laughed and played, he jumped and floated.
He took his time getting to Wendy's. His mind was racing over his possibilities to greet her. Should he knock on the window? Should he quietly open it, and kiss her while she is sleeping? He just couldn't think which one would be best. He wanted to do all of them, but then none of them. And even though he was so confused about this change in his attitude. He was to drunk on happiness to care. For once, he was deciding what he wanted to do, and it was right.
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
Wendy house was so close, Peter could smell Wendy's scent on the wind. It comforted him. The sweet smell of her hair, washed through him, and made him feel weak, but strong.
He saw Wendy's window light on, and saw her lying on the windowsill. Peter thought she had fallen asleep looking at the stars.
He stopped then. And sat in the air, gazing at her, sleeping with the window open.
He wanted to stay there forever.
To just watch her sleeping, peacefully.
She didn't move, Peter thought she looked like an angle.
The wind caught her hair. And it swept across her face.
It was pale. A deathly white pale.
Thats when Peter saw it. Something red was caught in her hair. And it was dripping over the windowsill.
Blood.
Peter was next to Wendy in a second. He turned her body over. Red Blood stained her dress. Her head loped to the side lifelessly and her hair loosely fell over her face.
Peter cried. All of his greeting plans, were ruined. She would never see them. She would never know how he felt. He held her in his arms and cried over her body. He kissed her lifeless lips. He wished, over and over again, that she could come back. That she could come with him to Neverland. He wished he could see her again. To see her just one more time.
But Peter had been to late.
Wendy had escaped the hole, the only way she knew how.
And nothing would have been able to help her.
Faeries came to Peter. They heard him crying, they watched him. But they couldn't help. They didn't know what to do. Then out of desperation, Peter drew his dagger and stood up. He placed Wendy slowly back on to the windowsill.
Peter drew the dagger to his heart. The fairies screamed, they tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen. He hated them. Hated them for tricking him. For taking him. For confusing him. So he lunged that dagger into his heart and fell next to Wendy. He didn't fight as death over took his body. He waited, next to Wendy. Just thinking.
"I found a reason, to die Wendy. The reason is you"