Rowena sipped from her cup of tea almost dainty, her eyes pinned to somewhere unseeing.
Today was a day she had ignored for centuries. Today was a day she had scorned and hated and denied to her last breath. A day she had looked back in hatred and contempt for so long, and now it was just the lingering sensation that only made guilt go through her.
Today was her sons birthday.
Slowly she brought her cup up once more, sipping at the now closed tea. She could warm it up with just a single word and a touch of her fingers but didn't, she was too focused on her memories.
He had been a good child, clinging to her and looking up at her with wide inquisitive eyes.
She had hated him the entire time. She relished in his screams when she would throw belongings at him.
And yet still he came to her, crying and sobbing, begging for her sympathy and grasping to the crumbs she gave him with such desperation that it sickened her back then.
She wants to throw up now for all of that, wants to carve her heart out of her chest and throw it into the fire to get rid of the pain she was feeling.
She really was a horrible mother to him, she abused him like her father had to her, had ignored him, and ultimately had abandoned him over and over again.
Even when they somehow managed to get a second chance in being a mother and son again she messed up. Fergus had been somewhat willing to have a relationship with her once more and she had ruined it. Instead she had tried to use him in whichever way he was useful and then left him once more.
The entire time they had been together for the second time she focused on first using him to her advantage, her son was the king of hell why shouldn't she reap some of those benefits, and later on trying to find ways to either kill him or hurt him.
For a moment she thought of Gavin, the only good person she knew of with their blood, and felt another pang. In a different time and a different life maybe she would've been teaching him spells in her cottage when his father would leave him with her.
Sighing softly Rowena set her cup down and closed her eyes, leaning back into her seat and letting herself just...be for a few moments. Wallowing in the feeling of the emotions she pressed back that came full force after meeting with Death and having her request refused. The feeling of helplessness and despair, the crippling knowledge that she was never going to see her son again and this time, it was permanent.
She had failed as a mother over and over again.
"Happy birthday Fergus." she whispered. "Happy birthday my son."
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