With you, I remember.
Spoiler warning
Disclaimer: This fanfic takes place before the oceanic crew are rescued. It's my first fanfic ever. Although I have been an avid reader of fanfic I felt like one day I would attempt to write one. It wasn't until now that I felt I needed to. I have not found much Kate/Juliet fanfic so I decided to create my own story. Although I must admit its a lot more smut than I intended.
Feedback is always welcome. :)
Rated NC-17. Fem slash Kate/Juliet
I do not own nor claim to own lost...I wish I did!
Chapter One
9:55 am
Kate wonders through the jungle after leaving Locke's little "paradise community." Sawyer is still pissed and completely bewildered at her actions. One minute she seems like she's happy and ready to play house the next she's running off before dawn yapping about not belonging. Women..just when he thinks he gets it. One minute she's freckles; the next, she's Xena Warrior Princess.
She's been walking now for 45 minutes through the heat and humidity of the jungle.
Shit how much longer? One things for certain. I'm gonna miss those nice little fans.
As she walks along she starts to think about all the reasons why she left. Thinking about whether or not there are any reasons she should return. Guilt was definitely a factor tugging away at her reason. If only Sawyer didn't love me I wouldn't feel like such an ass. Why did he have to go and get all emotional on me. I mean sure I've had moments of physical attraction towards him who wouldn't. He's approached me during my weakest moments. It doesn't mean I love him. At least not in that way. I never led him to believe I loved him nor wanted a life with him. And I'm certainly nobody's housewife; and God I hate to say it but especially not for a guy like...
Kate's inner dialogue was interrupted by a noise from behind the bushes. She immediately ducks for cover unsure of who or what could be there.
Let this not be smokey...please let it not be smokey...
She stands up, and takes a sigh of relief.
Juliet jumps!
"Jesus Kate! I didn't expect anyone out here."
"What are you doing here?"
Just then Kate notices how much Juliet has changed since she first met her. Her hair is not as kept. She's lost some weight. And judging by the shadows under her eyes Kate assumes she has not been sleeping well.
Still Kate looks at her suspiciously. She still doesn't trust Juliet.
"I was just out foraging. Food rations are going scarce. Everyone thinks we're leaving. I just don't plan to contribute."
"Way out here huh?" Kate didn't try to hide the consternation in her voice.
Juliet looks at her feeling the intensity in Kate's stare. She knows Kate doesn't trust her. Most people still don't. It doesn't really bother her except when it comes to Jack and Kate. She already won Jack's trust. That should be enough for now. But still she can't help but feel like she is missing something. She seeks Kate's friendship and admiration. But why? She also always noticed her more than any other survivor.
She caught herself studying Kate. Watching her too closely and uncomfortably aware of her proximity.
Jack and Claire were her assignments. She was officially asked to look at Kate's file only during her captivity, but the truth is she had taken an interest in the file before then. If she was honest about it she had wanted to meet Kate long before she was captured.
Juliet notices that Kate looks more tan than usual. Her hair is picked up and her skin is shiny with moisture from her travels and sweat.
"Speaking of way out here...What are you doing here Kate?"
"I was headed back to the beach...
Just as Kate was explaining a loud noise racks their ears. They both can't help but lean down and cover there ears from the intensity. Before Kate has a chance to look up Juliet's already grabbing her arm mouthing something Kate can't hear or understand.
Juliet and Kate run West as the black smoke gains on them. They can feel the wind pick up behind them. The roar inside their ears. They can feel the trees rattle. A tornado with a motive. Kate is a couple feet ahead when out of nowhere the black smoke reaches from the rear and dives for her. Juliet foreseeing the smoke lounged forward saving Kate by an inch.
They both tumble to the ground but Juliet's landed over some course branches and rock. She subconsciously screams out in pain. She can't get up.
Kate rises and tries to lift her but Juliet is somehow pinned. It's raining now and the urgency of the situation is worsening; they don't know where that thing will come from next.
Juliet gathers her bearings and screams, "We need to find cover!"
Kate looks around seeking shelter in one of the old trees but there's nothing that can hide them.
Juliet pulls a piece a wood from her thigh freeing herself and yelps in agony as Kate lunges herself under Juliet's arm and shoulder.
Juliet cries, " You need to run."
Ignoring her plea Kate pulls, "Come on."
Kate and Juliet continue running. Kate practically carrying Juliet as she limps her way across. Finally she spots a couple of trees in the clearing that can shield them. She drags them in through the crevices and puts her hand over her mouth indicating silence to Juliet.
As if Juliet didn't figure. Nodding she mimics the same action in agreement understanding Kate's need to make sure.
Juliet is panting and is now starting to feel the pain in her right leg which was mellowed a couple minutes ago by sheer adrenaline.
A couple more minutes pass and they no longer hear the roaring of the jungle nor the trees shaking with fright. But they remain quiet. Too afraid to look through the trees. Too afraid to even look at one another. Twenty minutes of thoughtlessness go by and Kate realizes that Juliet is bleeding.
"Let me look at that"
"I'm fine it'll be alright," Juliet says her voice strained.
" Like hell it's alright," Kate says with more force than she intended. "Here," she continues as she takes off her wife beater and rips it; using it as a makeshift bandage for Juliet's leg. Kate starts applying pressure where the branch punctured her. Juliet bites her lip to stifle the cry of pain. She's a Doctor and she has no issues with blood or wounds just as long as they're not her own.
Juliet looks down, "Is it deep?"
"Looks like it is but it's not wide. When we get back to camp Jack will stitch it up and give you some antibiotics." Kate looks up at Juliet. Aqua looking into baby blue.
"It'll be fine."
Juliet smiles that genuine infectious smile of hers.
"Thanks Kate."
"No thank you. If it wasn't for you smokey would have probably gotten me back there."
"You would have done the same for me."
Both Juliet and Kate share a moment of awkward silence compounded with relief.
Now somewhat comforted Juliet notices Kate is wearing nothing but pants and a black bikini top. Why is she noticing this? And why is she uncomfortable? Realizing this was not a thought she should be entertaining at the moment she forces herself to refocus on the immediate need - getting back safely.
Kate is about to leave the tree enclosure when Juliet interrupts...
"Wait," Juliet demanded as she instinctively reached out grabbing Kate's hand.
"What?"
"It's not safe yet."
Kate looks perplexed.
"Sometimes the black smoke will patrol an area for hours."
"What?"
"I don't know too much about it. This is Ben's pet. But I can tell you that it's trained somehow to linger until it resets or believes an area is clear of the "assailants"
"Hours? So when would it be safe?"
"Tonight maybe...tomorrow morning?"
Kate looks up and sighs. "Juliet we can't wait that long; your wound can't wait that long. I don't know shit about medicine but if there's anything I've learned from being here and watching Jack is that you have to start quick..."
Juliet interrupts, "I know that Kate. I think you should wait a couple hours then go on without me. I'll only slow you down."
"The camp is an hour, maybe two away. I'm not leaving you here injured and with that thing out there."
"Kate you have to, it's our only chance."
"No, we go together or we both stay!"
Why am I being so nice to her? Kate thought to herself. She's one of them. Or is she?
Kate wanted to hate her. The truth is that Juliet was different. She wasn't like the Others. Despite the lack of trust Kate thought Juliet was just another pawn in Ben's game. It was the look in Juliet's eyes. It wasn't just because she saved her life, even though that was the best reason to give someone a second chance.
If I had meet her in a different setting I would have really liked her. She reminds me of a smarter, less bitter Jack. Psychologically she can run circles around us. She probably had to develop the tact to deal with Ben. She's the kind of woman I would admire. I wonder what her story is? Don't be stupid Kate. Don't let yourself be taken by her charming smile and baby blues. Yet I can't help but think that In another setting I might have found her tragically beautiful. Ok now stop Kate. You've been surrounded by way too much testosterone lately. You are losing it. You shouldn't give in this easy. She's still an Other. Amazing or not. Yet she's an other who did save my life.
" I suppose it's not safe to go out looking for some fruit yet?"
Juliet pulls her backpack and takes out a candy bar, "Here you go I've got some other snacks in here if you're interested."
"No this is fine thanks...it's my favorite," Kate says under her breath as she smiles.
Juliet thinks to herself, "I know."
12 noon
The humidity is really picking up now despite the nice shade within the tree's enclosure. Juliet feels as though she finished bathing in a cool spring, almost chilly.
This is impossible. I can't have a fever. There's no way my leg is infected. It's too soon. It's medically impossible. Then again I am on this fucking island.
" So now that we're here might as well make the best of it."
" Listen Kate, I don't plan on having any confronta..."
Kate interrupts, "So what brought you to this island Juliet? Was it an accident like me or did you join the Others purposely."
"Why do you want to know Kate? It's not going to change your views towards me so why ask anything at all?"
Kate doesn't know what to say. Part of her knows she's right but the curiosity burns at her.
"You said something to me when I was captured. You told me you understood. That you yourself missed your home. Were you just playing the game or were you telling me the truth?"
Juliet figures this could be an easy cop-out. She can just tell Kate that she was playing the stupid game for Ben.
"You want to know whether fate or decision brought me here..well it was both."
Kate now interested in the conversation shifts her legs.
"I haven't said this to anyone not even Jack."
"I understand."
Juliet holds up a hand to her to quiet her down.
"I came here under the pretense that my medical research would be funded and given a chance to succeed. My sister was diagnosed with cancer before I came here. Her biggest dream was to have a child. Her cancer went into recession and I so I began to try and help her make her dream into a reality. Out of all the women I tried to help impregnate none took. Except my sister. Shortly after, I meet Ben's lap dogs. They recruited me promising to allow me full pension and control groups along with the best medical technology to continue my research. They never mentioned the island. They wore suits and had all the proper identification of a university. I believed them. Still I didn't want to leave my sister behind but she insisted. She said Julie, think of how many more women you can help.
Juliet turns away to hide the tears in her eyes.
They said it would only take a year. Ben never let me leave again. Even when her cancer came back. He blackmailed me. He promised he'd keep her cancer in remission if I stayed.
So, there you have it. Still here and she's still out there. Who knows if I'll ever get back or not."
"I'm sorry Juliet." That's all Kate could muster up. She was speechless. She somehow knew that Juliet was telling her the truth. Still she has so much more to explain. But now she understands a lot more. She's just as much a victim as we have been. She believes it too. Ben is such a weasel. He would do anything to get what he wants. But why keep her? After her research was conducted he would no longer need her...unless... he loved her. That has to be it he must of fallen for her. The way he always looked at her like he resented her. Was Juliet involved with him at some point? Gross. I hope not.
Juliet realizes she's a lot colder than she thought; she tries to move back towards the tree, huddling trying to find some warmth. She tries to make it look like she wants to lean so that Kate doesn't notice. The last thing she needs is having Kate fawn over her like she's some moronic Doctor who can't take care of herself. She has to act strong so that Kate feels she can leave at nightfall and go for help. She just hopes it won't be too late.
"Do you think it can get to us in here if it hears us?" Kate asks.
"I don't know. I think as long as we stay for awhile and remain calm it should be alright."
Juliet can now sense the vulnerability of Kate. She seems so tall and strong; unbeatable. Yet she can be broken. And right now she's overwhelmed thinking she has me to take care of and she's frightened.
The hours pass by and Juliet and Kate make small talk about the real world. Kate sits closer and they both begin to enjoy the other's company despite the circumstances. They talk about their favorite music, books. It turns out they are both big readers and share a love for, The Mists of Avalon, Juliet's favorite book. They talk about many things except for the island...anything but the island.
"You know that book really changed my life." Kate says as she wipes off some dirt from her elbow. The trees roots were a nice canopy but the musty smell and dirt mixed with sand were far from comfortable. She kept trying to distract herself with past thoughts of her life and even musings of Juliet's past life but this place was starting to feel like sandy prison from a deep subterranean world.
"Really?" mouthed Juliet. Juliet seemed lost in what Kate was saying.
"Yeah I was in my late teens when I read it and it really made me open my mind to situations I hadn't even considered back then. It helped me see that there were different shades in life. Not only the negative or dark. So many emotions back then unexplained."
Wow so much for small talk Kate. But Juliet didn't miss a beat. She could tell Kate was getting angsty and despite the harrowing circumstance of their situation Juliet knew she had to stay focused and levelheaded or else who knew if Kate might lose it.
"I never took you for narrow minded Kate."
With this Kate looks at Juliet and smiles. Despite the reasons why they are stuck here Kate was really enjoying her conversation with Juliet. She felt with each passing moment more comfortable with Juliet and eager to hear what she had to say.
Kate decides to look in her backpack for some water.
Juliet throws her head back. Suddenly she's feeling lightheaded and dizzy and freezing right down to the bone.
"Hey, you don't look so good."
"Kate this is no time for insults."
Kate looks at Juliet with concern written all over her face ignoring her crude jokes.
She puts her hand over Juliet's forehead and nearly draws it back from the heat.
"Your burning up. We need medicine."
She pulls a water bottle out of her backpack and puts it over Juliet's mouth for a drink. Then she rips off a piece of her pants, moistens it, and puts it over Juliet's forehead.
"Jeez Kate, by the end of the day your gonna be naked." Not that I have any complaints. Oh crap. What am I thinking. It's got to be the fever.
Before Kate had time to think she blurts out, "If I had to be naked with you I would hope it'd be under better circumstances."
Did she just say what I think she just said?
Did I just say that out loud?
"Juliet you need medicine. We need to go now." As she gathers her backpack and gets ready to grab Juliet.
Juliet sits up; barely able to balance herself. She grabs Kate by the arms. "You can't go it's too dangerous right now."
"We will leave together now!"
They both sigh and fall back. Both realizing the other is too stubborn for any decides to give it a go. She refuses to risk Kate's life by dragging her along on what will already be a dangerous journey.
"Ok Kate. I'll make you a deal. You wanna go now fine go now. Leave me here and come back with help."
"No I'm not leaving you."
"You have no choice I'll only delay you and put us both at risk."
Shit she's right.
"Ok. Fine. I'll be back with Jack and guns and medicine."
" All in that order huh?"
Kate gives her a smug look.
Just as she's turning to leave not knowing what else to say to Juliet...
"Oh and Kate...Be Careful."
Chapter two
4:00 p.m.
Kate is now well over an hour away from Juliet and she's about to reach camp. She's never ran so fast through this fucking jungle. All she can muster in her mind is please let me get back in time, please let me get back in time. She refuses to allow herself to think of what can happen if she doesn't.
Back on the beach Rose is arguing with Bernard because he hasn't bathed in 4 days and she believes that even though they are stranded on an island this is highly inappropriate.
"Here is some soap! Now you go into that water and don't come out until you smell of irish spring. And if you don't you can find another Rose to sleep next..."
"Jack!"
Rose and Bernard both startled. "Kate what is going on?"
A breathless Kate, "I need Jack. Right now!"
Bernard and Rose follow Kate as they point her towards Jack.
"Jack...I need you."
"What? Kate...What are you doing here. Where's everyone else?"
"Back at the houses. But its not them. It's Juliet..."
"What? Kate slow down."
"Listen Jack I'm only saying this once. Juliet's life depends on it. She's over an hour away with a laceration and a fever. You need to come with me and give her medicine and bring some people to help carry her back. Where's Sayid?"
Bernard runs off and says he'll get him.
Jack, "How did this happen?"
Kate, "I'll explain on the way. Oh and Jack bring the guns."
Sayid and Jin come running. Jack tells them to bring their makeshift backboard and in less than 10 minutes they are back in the jungle heading towards Juliet.
Back in the tree Juliet sits quiet in the darkness that will soon be setting stronger. She sits now cold, alone on the damp earth with her thoughts. She thinks of Kate. Of her earlier thoughts. Is she attracted to Kate? She's never been involved with a woman and she doesn't think of herself as gay. But she definitely can't deny she is attracted to this woman. Have all the years on this island with the lack of decent men driven her to women. No it has to be the fever. She shouldn't be analyzing this right now. Then again she's always had a deeper admiration for women that she merely thought to be a sentiment for her own kind. The way women think, act, dress; it's always been superior compared to the monotonous predictable ways of men. Regardless even if she is, Kate's not even gay nor does she know of any of her past relationships. The file only contained information of her whereabouts since she killed her father. Nothing involving a lover. then again she may have had a relationship with a woman? No, she's been having her thing with Sawyer and has she had something with Jack? No, no this is insane.
I need to stop thinking. My mind is spinning and I'm not making any sense. Yet I can't help but smile when I think of her. I haven't smiled a genuine smile in a long time. It's not just physical attraction. She touches me. And that's what's scarring me.
While Juliet sits lost in her thoughts she hasn't noticed...her infection has gotten worse.