It's been almost a year since it ended. The last three months have seen Keith on the move with the Blade of Marmora doing humanitarian work. As much as he loves it, and he really does, he's ready to get back to Earth for awhile. The trip home seems to take longer than usual, and he's weirdly nervous about the whole thing.
It might have something to do with the fact that Lance is waiting to pick him up from the starport. And he hasn't seen Lance in ages.
They've all changed, the Paladins. The things they'd had to see, the things they'd had to do...They'd started out as a bunch of kids, but by the end of it they'd been left largely stripped of their innocence, of their naive views of reality. And Lance. Lance was the most changed. After everything, he just dropped off the grid. Didn't go on the tours or press conferences or even the smaller, more private gatherings. No more internet presence, no selfies or snarky statuses. Nothing except for a single postcard inviting Keith to visit Lance's new house in the middle of nowhere.
So here Keith is, on a ship back to Earth to spend a few days with the guy who had driven him nearly crazy on more than one occasion, but also the guy who'd saved his life a lot, and who made him smile more than anyone.
He's not sure what it is he's so nervous about. Maybe that Lance has changed, or that he has. That they won't be able to talk like they used to. Or, perhaps most of all, he's afraid to see Lance miserable. All he can think is that he really hope Lance has found some sort of peace in his life and that he's happy.
Keith is shaken from his thoughts by the ping that sounds when the 'fasten seatbelt' sign lights up.
"Please fasten your seatbelts. We will be entering Earth's atmosphere shortly," an automated voice message says before repeating the words in a dozen other languages-over half of which Keith can understand. A benefit of of travelling all over the universe for his job.
He buckles his seatbelt and settles in for the bumpy entry. He should be used to it by now, but it still gets his heart-rate spiked just a little. The shuttle jerks particularly hard, and he squeezes his eyes shut as he's assaulted with flashbacks. All at once, he's back in his lion in the midst of battle. He clenches his jaw and tries to focus on his breathing, tries to ride through the adrenaline, the memories, without being consumed by them.
It's not a fight, he thinks. Not a fight. Deep breath in, hold, let it slowly out, repeat. Not a fight.
"Are you okay, Mr. Kogane?"
The voice pulls him from himself. Keith opens his eyes to see a concerned-looking spaceflight attendant staring down at him.
"Can I get you anything?"
He forces a smile as he wills his heart to calm its beating. "No, thank you. I'm fine. How long until we touch down?"
"Just a few minutes, now. Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?"
"I'm sure," Keith says. She lingers there as if she wants to say something further, or she's expecting Keith to say something. He doesn't, and he's starting to feel uncomfortable in the silence stretching between them when the girl says, "Oh!" and turns away, one hand to her ear.
"Yes, Captain. Right away, ma'am." She flashes Keith an apologetic smile. "I have to go. Enjoy the rest of your flight and thanks for travelling with us!"
"You too," Keith says as she walks away, and mentally smacks himself. You too. Stupid.
He doesn't have to dwell on in too long-the ship lands a minute later with a heavy thump and his thoughts turn to Earth and to Lance and a smile creeps onto his face, the hammering of his heart out of giddiness now rather than fear. It seems to take an eternity to get his bags, and by the time he makes it out of the starport his hands are practically shaking with excitement.
His feet barely hit the sunbaked pavement when a familiar voice says, "Keith?" He turns to see Lance coming toward him and drops his luggage just in time for Lance to launch himself into his arms.
"Hey, buddy," Lance says, gripping Keith in a tight hug.
"Hey, Lance," Keith says, squeezing back. They stand like that for a long time before Lance pulls away.
"Let me help you with your bags," he says.
"I've got it," Keith says, but Lance is already grabbing his suitcases.
"Nah, I'll take 'em."
"Lance-"
Lance ignores him and starts walking, pulling Keith's bags behind him. "C'mon. Car's parked this way. It's one of those fully automated ones? I don't even have to drive it. I used to hate those thing, but now, I dunno. Think I've had enough of piloting for a lifetime." He looks over at Keith with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. His voice is quiet when he says, "Do you ever miss it?"
It's not the first time Keith has heard the question, and he's sure it won't be the last. But it is the first time he answers honestly. He takes a deep breath and looks down at his feet, then at Lance.
"Every day. Sometimes so much that it hurts. It feels like there's a part of me that's...that's-"
"Missing?" Lance says.
Keith nods.
"Yeah. Me too."
A silence falls between them, then, as they cross the parking lot to Lance's car. It's a comfortable silence, albeit a melancholy one. It remains as they load Keith's stuff into Lance's trunk, and as they slide into the front of the self-driving vehicle (which is blue and apparently doesn't need bucket seats or rear-view mirrors). It remains as they drive and they drive. Through the morning and into the afternoon, across state lines. Keith finally breaks the silence.
"Doesn't this thing go, like...200 miles per hour?" he says. "We've been driving for ages."
"I needed a change of pace," Lance answers with a shrug.
Keith looks over at him. "Your postcard was pretty vague. Just how much of a change of pace did you need?"
"Do you remember what I missed most about Earth?"
"Uh...your family?"
Lance opens his mouth, then closes it again. "Well, yeah. Besides that."
"Earth food?"
"Besides that."
Keith really isn't sure what answer Lance is looking for, so he just continues to guess. "Not getting into fights with aliens every other day."
"No, Keith-" Lance says, and there's a smile creeping into his voice and onto his lips.
"Oh, I know. Your tv!"
"No!" Lance cries, and he lets out a short laugh, but quickly swallows it, his face falling. His voice quiets. "It was the rain."
This time the quiet is tense, and charged, and Keith is going to kill it even if he has nothing smart to say. "So...We're going to…"
A corner of Lance's mouth twitches. "Oregon."
"Oregon," Keith repeats, realizing with horror that he doesn't actually know where that is.
Lance must realize, because he says, "It's above California."
"I thought... I thought that was Washington," Keith says slowly, realizing as he speaks that he sounds (for the second time today) like a complete idiot. Part of him expects Lance to laugh, to tease him. But the other part of him has seen how much Lance has changed.
That part is right, because Lance says, "I thought so, too. Turns out Oregon is right in the middle. And it's not small, either. Bigger than Washington, actually!"
"And it rains there?"
Lance nods. "It does where I'm at. And it's not like the rain in New Mexico, either. It's real rain. Like, rain rain. You'll see."
"It's raining?"
"Not now, but there's a big storm blowing down. Should hit us this evening."
"Oh," Keith says. "...What about your family?"
"Uh…" Lance says. "I go down to see 'em every couple weeks or so. They understand."
"Well that's good," Keith says, but he can see it on Lance's face that that's not all of it. "...Isn't it?"
"Why don't we listen to some music!" Lance cries suddenly, sitting up and pressing a button on the dash, bringing the sound of mid-21st century alt-rock.
Keith opens his mouth to say something, then promptly closes it when he can't find the right words. The absence of conversation between them now is thicker than it had ever been during the hours of complete silence, and heavy despite the upbeat music. Lance is very clearly trying to distract Keith from something that's bothering him, and Keith is struggling to think of something-anything-he can do to make it better and failing miserably, so they just sit there while the speakers blast scratchy electric guitar solos and angsty lyrics.
Luckily, it isn't too long before the car starts to slow and Lance says, "Here we are!"
Keith is temporarily distracted from his worry as the car rolls to a stop and the tint on the windows fades, revealing deep emerald fir trees and lush, vivid grass, brighter than any he's seen.
"Nice, huh," Lance says, and Keith nods, mouth agape.
"I didn't know there was any place on Earth that was so green," he answers breathlessly as he takes in his surroundings. "Is it always like this?"
"Pretty much."
"Have the others seen it?"
Lance's face flickers, then falls, just a little, and he shakes his head once. "Nope. Just you." He plasters on that false smile again. "Come on, let's grab your stuff and you can see the house."
"Lance," Keith says, but Lance is already getting out of the car. Keith sighs and follows him, trying not to look too surprised as he turns around and sees Lance's house for the first time. It's boxy and made of cement and glass and clearly modeled after centuries-old architecture. He hasn't seen anything like it outside of pictures. He only stares at it for a second before Lance marches toward the the steps, all of Keith's bags in tow. "Lance! Damn it!" He chases after him and snatches one of his suitcases.
"I've got it!" Lance insists.
"I can carry my own shit!" Keith takes two big steps and moves so he's in front of Lance. "What is going on with you, Lance?"
"You're my guest," Lance says, reaching for the suitcase. Keith pulls it out of his reach.
"That's not what I mean!"
"What?" Lance says with faux innocence, eyes wide.
"I'm the only one you've brought here, and you're clearly not happy about being so far from your family and, 'Do you ever miss it?' It's obvious that something is wrong! So why don't you just tell me? Or do you not trust me anymore?"
He regrets it immediately, and wishes he could somehow grab the words out of the air and erase them from existence. But he can't. The damage has been done.
Lance stares at him. His shocked expression hangs there for a moment before his face crumbles.
"Let's get your stuff inside," he says voice quiet.
Keith lets Lance by and then follows him up the rest of the stairs. He's on a roll today, saying stupid thing after stupid thing. This is by far the stupidest. Not just stupid, either. Awful. Deplorable. This time he'd hurt somewhere.
He'd hurt Lance.
After everything they've been through, Lance is the last person Keith should hurt.
Keith is the last person Lance should be hurt by.
"I'm sorry." Keith offers the word up as he trails after Lance. Lance doesn't answer as they enter the house. "Lance?"
"Shut the door behind you, would you?"
Keith obeys. "I shouldn't have said that."
"I got this room ready for you," Lance says, turning into a bedroom off to the left. He sets Keith's stuff down at the foot of the bed, and Keith follows suit.
"Bathroom?" he says once he's put down his suitcase.
"Across the hall," Lance says, gesturing vaguely. "Once you're done, the living room is down the hall and past the kitchen. It's kind of hard to miss." He walks out of the room and down the hall as Keith goes into the bathroom.
He really does have to go-half a day of travel will do that to you-but mostly he needs a second to organize his thoughts. He feels terrible and he's got to try and make it right. As he washes his hands, he's planning on giving himself a little pep talk, but that proves difficult given the fact that there's no mirror. He'll have to do without it, then. He dries his hands before making his way over to the living room.
It's a big, open space with a couch and a loveseat and a few chairs and a glass coffee table in the middle. The back wall is completely made up of windows, and Keith can see that even in the last few minutes, clouds have started to gather. Lance is sitting in the couch with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together, his chin resting on his knuckles.
"Lance, I'm sorry," Keith blurts, sitting down on the couch next to Lance. Lance shrugs.
"You're right," he says, and looks up at Keith with shining eyes. "I'm not happy. I thought that everything would go back to normal, but…" He shrugs again and looks down at the floor. "What a stupid thing to think."
"That's not stupid," Keith says.
"No one needs me anymore."
The words come out of nowhere and Keith feels a stab in his chest. "What?"
"It's true," Lance continues. "Voltron is gone. The universe doesn't need me anymore. You guys don't need me anymore. No one does."
A wall of guilt hits Keith like a freight train. He's been so busy trying to help everyone else that he didn't notice that his closest friend needed it more. "That isn't true."
"You're all doing your things, you with Marmora and Pidge with her science stuff and Hunk with his cooking...People need you guys."
"People need you," Keith says. "Your family needs you. And don't try to tell me that they don't because I saw their faces when you reunited with them. And I…" His voice seizes up and his throat is suddenly dry. He swallows. "I need you, Lance. I've been really bad about saying it, but I do. I need you. I know I've been gone a lot lately, but that doesn't mean I that I don't need you. You...You give me something to look forward to. I haven't told anyone this, but there's a part of me that wants to stay out there forever, you know? In the stars. And I don't know if it's the...the Galra in me or if I've just gotten used to being anywhere but here, but...It's you, Lance. You make me want to come back home. I can't say that about anyone else. It's just you."
Lance blinks, and then he blinks again. "Really?"
"Your postcard got me here, didn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Do you know why?"
"...Cause you need me?"
Keith nods. "Exactly!"
Lance turns away and his face brightens, just a little. "It's raining," he says. He stands and grabs Keith's hand. "Come on!"
Keith lets himself be dragged out onto a balcony, and can't help but smile as the cool, tiny drops land on his skin. "It's nice," he says as they lean against the railing.
"It's just sprinkling," Lance responds. "Wait til it really gets going."
They stand there a moment, enjoying the light rainfall.
"You look like you have a question," Lance finally says.
"It's kind of random…"
"What's up, Keith?"
Keith straightens up and turns so he's facing Lance. "Why are there no mirrors?'
Lance tries to smile, but his eyes are watery when he says, "I can't look at the marks without thinking about her."
"Oh, Lance." The pang in Keith's chest returns as tears slip down Lance's face.
Lance turns to Keith. His words come out broken "I wish she'd never given them to me."
Keith reaches up and cups Lance's face with both hands and gently brushes the tears away. His thumbs linger on the blue marks. Lance blushes but Keith doesn't move. And then, before he realizes he's even moving, he gently kisses the left mark and then the right, his lips finally coming to a rest on Lance's forehead. His heart is hammering wildly, and he quickly pulls away, afraid he's overstepped his bounds.
Lance raises his eyes to meet with Keith's. "A little lower," he says.
Keith's racing heart skips a beat and looks into Lance's eyes for a few seconds, searching for any trace of...something. Regret. Resentment. Uncertainty. But he sees none of those things. So he does as he's told and leans forward and kisses Lance's nose.
Lance smiles. It's small, and shy, but it reaches his eyes. He stretches out both arms and rests them on Keith's shoulders, clasping his hands behind his neck.
"Lower," he breathes.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Lance says.
His lips are still parted when Keith's collide with his. Keith pulls away, but only for a moment-Lance's mouth is like a magnet and Keith, well...Keith is helpless to its draw. Lance opens his mouth more this time and Keith follows suit, his eyes slipping shut as he takes Lance in, the taste of him, the feel of him. He feels Lance's fingers tangle in his hair, and his own hands move down to Lance's hips, gentle at first and then his fingertips are digging in as if it's the only thing keeping him grounded.
Keith separates himself from Keith just long enough to whisper, "I need you."
"Shut up," Lance murmurs. And then they're locked again, teeth and tongues and lips and hands. They only slow when the rain picks up from a sprinkle to a deluge. Keith pulls away, his forehead pressed against Lance's.
"Shouldn't…" He has to catch his breath. "Shouldn't we go inside?"
"What?" Lance says with a grin. "Just because of a little rain?"
Keith smiles, too. "I mean, it's more than just a little."
Lance laughs, for the first time in ages. "Do you know how long I've waited for this?" He pulls Keith in again.
It isn't long before they both forget the rain.
xxx