HOLD IT!

Tameera lay sprawled on her bed, reading Star Wars fanfiction. (I'm sure many of you can concur with this). As she lazily scrawled through the Return of the Jedi parody, she vaguely wondered why no one was trying to turn Luke back to the Light side. And then, suddenly, she came to the end of the fanfiction. That was not a good thing, seeing as the story had more loose ends than her failed attempt at braiding during a Girl Guide camp. Also, there was no hope of another chapter. The story was, in the author's opinion, complete, though Tameera begged to differ. Was anyone going to turn him back? It was an older fic, and well-written, but there were millions of plot holes. As in, Swiss cheese.

Well, she decided, this was not good. Not good at all. She opened up a file on her laptop and typed in a long and complicated code no one shall ever know. Hmmm. How convenient for the Authoress. With the trademark Poof o' smoke, a large group of… people appeared. "Okay, what Fanfiction author wants us now?" The owner of the long-suffering voice stepped forward. It was Anakin Skywalker! Insert fan girl screech here! (yea-no.)

"I swear to whatever gods exist, if you start hugging me, I shall cut you in half." Tameera stopped screeching and noticed with mild interest that the-hero-with-no-fear was twitching uncontrollably.

"It's gotten that bad?"

"Y-yes. Everywhere around the world, young teenage girls are getting a huge freaking crush on me and dragging me into their perverted worlds to make me fall in love with them or a mary-sue. It's too much!" At this point, he huddled into a fetal position and rocked back and forth. In a rare moment of empathy, and I mean rare, Tameera decided to leave him be.

"So, roll call. Who else is here?" Yeah, she had no clue whom she had dragged out of their stories. But then, with Tameera, it kind of figures.

After a tedious session of getting everyone to tell her their names, she had a list. On that list were the names of Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker, Mara Jade, Luna Lovegood, Angela the Herbalist, Murtagh, Solembum, and Smaug, who isn't evil in this fic because I like him, he had way too anticlimactic a death, and dragons pwn everything.

"Well, we're missing that army of ninjas I ordered on ebay, but I think we'll be able to cope for the time being. In addition to that-… Oh, we're also missing The Authoress." Tameera actually looked worried. And, as some of them, Murtagh in particular, knew, when Tameera was worried they should all be worried. For themselves, that is.

Solembum stuck up his paw and asked the question most of them were thinking. "Um, who the heck is The Authoress? And why is her name capitalized like that?" Damn, he can read the story text.

At that moment the ever so elusive Authoress popped up behind Tameera. She was shorter and stouter than Tameera, with murky eyes and darker brown hair. In some ways she was almost identical. However, Tameera's hair and eyes were much lighter, and, while The Authoress was bored-seeming and calm, Tameera was twitchier than a windsock and had the distinct air of oddness about her.

"About time you showed up" Tameera grumbled irately. "I was afraid I'd have to rescue Luke without you."

"You know perfectly well you couldn't have physically done that."

At that time, Murty groaned loudly. "Now there are two of you? I'm doomed…."

"No, you're not. Actually, there is only one of us. That is me. Tameera is the physical manifestation of my insane, hyper, and crazy side. I'm just an average run-of-the-mill Canadian teenager who got bored and discovered fanfiction, whereas Tameera exists solely to cause as much chaos and discord as inhumanly possible," The Authoress explained serenely.

Everyone sane stared at her with their jaws dropping.

"Do you want me to dumb it down for you?"

They nodded.

"Okay, she's the crazy side of me"

Assorted noises of comprehension sounded throughout Tameera's lair.

"Now, here's the plan…"

A/N: What do you think?