"So you're leaving, are you?"
The nonchalance of the words make Sirius feel like a brick has been flung at his chest. He grips the shirt in his hand with trembling fingers; he wore this shirt with James, when they snuck to Hogsmeade and got so drunk they passed out at the Hogs Head, he was wearing this shirt when he first turned into Padfoot, he was wearing this shirt when he - he scrunches the shirt into a ball and stuffs it into his trunk. He turns to look in Bellatrixs' hollow gray eyes, so indentical to his own, and all he sees are lies and broken promises.
"Like you care, Bellatrix," he laughs coldly, bitterly, grabbing anything and everything on his floor, and throwing them in his trunk violently, "Like you even have the right to be talking to me right now. Just leave."
His floor is riddled with clothes and books and old school papers, he tosses it all in. He won't leave anything here, not here. He picks up a piece of parchment, looks at it briefly -uric the oddball/sirius are you actually writing notes/james, no, don't you recognize remus' handwriting/why's he writing notes on your paper/s'not my paper, I just nicked it from him -he has the sudden urge to be in Remus' arms again.
Bellatrix has her head cocked to the side, dark hair falling into her empty and endless eyes; Sirius thought they were like tunnels. Maybe if he stepped in and traveled far enough into them, he could find his younger self, sitting with her on a bed of green satin; he could warn himself, don't trust her.
She is smiling at him now, her almost blood red lips curled up into a smirk. Sirius wishes his room wasn't always such a mess, he could have been done with this quicker. He could have left, not seeing her endless eyes and midnight black hair and blood red smirk and pale skin but rosy cheeks-and they looked so wrong, rosy cheeks were for bright eyed grandmothers with lots of stories to tell and scarves to knit, or sweet little girls in tales with wicked witches who were always thwarted in the end. He could've left without being reminded of how they looked like twins and how he hated himself for it.
"I do care actually, cousin," her silky voice enters Sirius' thoughts of how, if he had left already, Remus' elegant hands could be on his shoulders and his sweet pink lips on his forehead. He stops thinking about it; there are only a few things left to pack, he'll be gone soon.
"It didn't seem like you cared," Sirius says, and to his dismay, his voice hitches as if he were about to cry, which he definitely is not-"It didn't seemed like you cared down there, as you watched my own parents crucio me over and over again and didn't say a word. Did you wish you could join in on the fun?"
"Sirius," she says sharply, her face screwing up into a nasty snarl, "What did you expect me to do? Jump up and save the day? They would have done the same to me. And, besides, good little Bellatrix, standing up for the blood traitor? You know you deserved what you got, Sirius. I don't know what's gotten into you since we were children."
Sirius stops packing suddenly, standing up and looking at his cousin with cold fury and hurt in his eyes. She stares back with the same eyes, and it makes Sirius sick.
"What's gotten into me?" he hisses at her, trunk lying forgotten on the floor, his chest heaving, "God, Bella, but you - you - we made a promise to each other. Don't you - don't you remember?"
"Sirius. We were seven."
---
Sirius feels the cool green satin underneath his finger tips; his aunt's bed is more comfortable than even his own. He practically sinks into it and Sirius thinks he could probably sleep here all day. He wonders if his mother will make them leave soon, he likes his cousins' house much better than theirs. Bella looks at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes and he wonders what she's planning.
"I think," She whispers conspiratorially, "that we should steal my mother's wand and learn the cruciatus curse."
Sirius blinks.
"Why?"
She stares at him like he just asked something incredibly stupid, but Sirius doesn't want to learn a spell so mean. He's seen his mother do it to Kreacher, and even though he hates that ugly old house elf, it looked incredibly painful and he wouldn't want to do it to anyone else.
"But Bella, we're not even at Hogwarts yet. We don't even know how to use a wand."
Bella grins at him, all gleaming white teeth and black hair and gray eyes, just like him. He stares down at their intertwined fingers. It almost looks like he's holding his own hand.
"I do," she beams triumphantly, her eyes shining, "I've been taking my mum's wand, and practicing. I can even levitate things."
Sirius is impressed, but he's not going to let her see that. He shrugs and looks at her with a passive expression, as if this is no big deal for a seven year old. Bella glares at him and rips her hand away from his. She looks as if she wants to hurl something at him for not giving her any praise. Sirius watched her for a moment, used to it, and then he grins.
"That's cool," he says, trying to get her back to normal, "Can you show me?"
She bites her lip, and her expression turns from angered to smug. She grabs Sirius' hand again and twirls and strand of inky hair around her pale finger.
"Maybe," she says loftily - and then her tone changes to soft, a rarity for Bella, "If you promise me one thing."
"Yes?"
She takes their clasped hands and lifts them in the air, smiling at him.
"Be my best friend forever."
Sirius grins back at her.
"I promise, if you do."
She lays their hands back onto the bed, and rolls her eyes. Sirius stares, wondering if she will do it. Bella never does anything unless there's something in it for her.
"Okay," she says, surprising Sirius, and she looks at him, her hair falling into her not-yet-empty eyes, "I promise you, Sirius Black -and only because yesterday you helped me pour shrinking solution on Narcissa's new boyfriend- to always be your best friend and sister and cousin, and to never let anyone hurt you. Unless it's me."
She grins cheekily at him.
"I promise you, Bellatrix Black, to always be your best friend and brother and your cousin, too. And to not let anyone hurt you. Unless it's me."
---
Sirius has gone back to stuffing things in his trunk and can feel Bellatrixs' eyes following him. He is breathing heavily and ignores the tingling in his nose -come on, only a few more things, oh why won't this fit. He feels sick and these fucking poster filled walls are making him sick and her stare is making him sick and the memories are making him sick - oh, he needs to get out of here. He needs to get to Remus, who always makes un-sick, if that's a word, but he doesn't really care if it is, and he wishes Remus and his family could afford him so he could stay there the entire summer, but that's okay because he has James, who is rich, and oh, if Remus could read his thoughts right now, he would tell him that this is one really long run on sentence and that if he were to actually write it down, he'd have to cut it up into different sections and-
"You're - really leaving?"
Sirius looks up and sees that Bellatrixs' face is marred with confusion and he looks at her like she's stupid, reversing their roles from when they were seven and she'd suggested learning the cruciatus curse. He stands up again and kicks the wall, but does not look at her, instead staring at his nearly empty floor.
"Yes."
"I-I don't understand," Bellatrix whispers, and Sirius can almost feel the anger building in her, "If you leave - your mother will disown you. Blast you off the tapestry, she will. And, you'll never talk to any of us again. Never to...me again. All your inheritance money will be taken away. You'll have nothing. You'll be nothing."
"I already was nothing in this fucking family," Sirius says resentfully. He looks up from the floor and sees her staring at him with disgust etched into every pore of her face.
"Where will you go?"
Sirius looks at his wall and sees the picture he has of the Marauders. Thousands of memories flash back at him; suddenly all he can see is a tentacle flashing at him from the lake and the twinkling lights of the grand castle.
"I have friends who keep their promises."
---
"Siriuuus..."
Sirius groans and turns over, mashing his face into his red and gold pillow. He feels a hand find its way into his silky hair, and fingers massaging his scalp. He feels hot breath and his name once more whispered into his neck, and then sweet open mouthed kisses are making their way up his throat. His eyes pop open.
"Wake up, love...It's a Hogsmeade day."
The lips leave his neck and Sirius whines a little in displeasure. He looks into Remus' amber eyes, which are smiling along with his lips, and his entire body fills with warmth like it does whenever he looks upon the lycanthrope's face. Remus' fingers are still massaging his scalp, and he closes his eyes in contentment, wishing he could stay here forever, just he and Remus, forever and ever or at least until the world ends.
Remus tangles a leg with one of Sirius' and kisses his forehead.
"You're so beautiful," he says, whispers into Sirius' hair, "The most beautiful boy I've ever seen. My star..."
Sirius wraps his arms around Remus, who snuggles closer. He wonders what has gotten into Remus, who usually slaps him on the head and tells him oh you're so annoying Sirius, why do I date you, could you please get your dirty socks off my bed and no I will not share my chocolate with you.
"My, you're feeling sappy today."
Remus huffs a laugh into Sirius' hair and shakes his head.
"I got two hours of sleep last night, studying for the Transfiguration O.W.L," he confesses, now stroking Sirius' cheek, "I'm delirious. Trust me, in a couple of hours I'll be kicking you in the leg and asking you why you're such an idiot."
Sirius smiles and hugs Remus to his chest, whispering something along the lines of I'll have to get you delirious more often, and, yes I am beautiful. But secretly, he thinks Remus is the beautiful one.
---
Bellatrixs' eyes are no longer empty; instead they are filled with such disgusted hate it feels like she has stuck a poisoned knife into Sirius' heart. He looks away and drops to his knees, stuffing the last three pieces of clothing into his overfilled trunk. His breathing is heavy, and he tries to ignore the tears prickling at the edges of his eyes. He needs Remus, he needs him right now, needs his hands and his lips and voice and his neck and his legs and-
"You'll choose them over your own family?" Bellatrixs' anger has bubbled over the edge now, her voice is no longer silky and smooth, she is shrieking, "Over me?! After I was loyal; after I kept my promise to you all these years! And you'll choose them, those disgusting, mudblood loving, blood traitor, vile, filthy, unworthy"-
"Don't talk about them that way!" Sirius is shutting his trunk forcefully, grabbing it and pulling it up so violently that it swings up and almost smacks him in the face, "You have no idea what it is to keep a promise! To be loyal! You've barely talked to me since I got sorted into Gryffindor! Oh, Sirius Black, I promise to be your best friend forever. You sick fucking bitch, you wanted me to learn the cruciatus curse with you when we were seven. They're disgusting?"
"Sirius, you're the one breaking that stupid fucking promise"-
But Sirius was pushing past her, hot tears running down his face, finally free, and through the blurriness in his eyes he spies a ripped piece of parchment by his bed. He bends down slowly, picks it up and looks at it, and then he sees Remus' gleaming amber eyes as he hands it to Sirius in Ancient Runes, smiling softly.
Moony+Padfoot=Forever.
He stuffs it in his pocket.
---
An hour and a half later, he's in Remus kitchen, with Remus' hands on his shoulders and his lips on his forehead.
"Remus, just hold me and don't let me go, okay?"
Remus wraps his arms around Sirius and nuzzles his nose into the other boys' dark hair.
"Of course," he says softly, "Always. I promise."
---