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Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: Humor. Blame SeraphChronoMage for the bunny.
Ninjas prided themselves on excellence, especially in the development of the senses. Yuffie Kisaragi, the best ninja of the best, was currently wishing at least one sense – her hearing – into oblivion, training and excellence be damned.
Tifa Lockheart sure could wail.
Half of Transverse town had abruptly decided to go on vacation. Every single one of them stopped by Yuffie's place to tactfully demand she do something. Anything.
So instead of doing what her ears wanted and hightailing it out of there, she was cautiously climbing the stairs to where Tifa was, wincing at the loudening sound.
Someone had better have died.
Walking carefully into the room – maybe she was injured? – Yuffie glanced around to see everything in order. The TV was playing the start menu of some DVD.
So had Tifa been watching The Notebook or something?
"Uh Tif? TEEF? TEEF? TIFA LOCKHEART!!!" Yuffie's final yell was enough to drown out Tifa's wailing. The rest of Transverse town went on vacation.
Tifa simply sniffed indelicately and blew her nose.
"Aeris made…that…it's so horrible…." More sniffles.
"What's horrible? I thought she took a class on movie making or something like that."
"It's not a movie! It's porn!"
The statement literally floored Yuffie, who landed ungracefully on her butt.
"Aeris makes porn?" How had she not known this?
"Its her first one."
"So Teef, whats so horrible about it that your wailing can put banshees to shame?"
Tifa glared. Her wailing ability was merely the sign of healthy lungs damnit! She did not sound like a banshee!
"Its good! Aeris knows what she's doing with a camera!" No one was going to question Aeris' filmographic ability!
Yuffie waved her limbs around in what was supposed to be a placating manner. She ended up knocking over a lamp.
"Ok Teef, she films good porn, so whats so horrible about it?"
"It's Cloud and Sephiroth, THAT'S what's so horrible about it!!"
The window shattered. Yuffie winced.
"Oh so…wait, Cloud and Sephiroth? In the same porn video?"
Tifa nodded miserably, sniffling again. Yuffie was trying to get her jaw off the floor and her drool under control.
"Is it in the machine?" Without waiting for an answer, Yuffie dived for the remote and hit play.
"Teef?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you explain what makes this good porn?"
"You don't know what makes good porn?!" Tifa was so scandalized she forgot her own problems for a time and started pointing things out to the younger girl. However the sight of Cloud brought them all back and she ran out of the room wailing, leaving Yuffie – who hadn't noticed her go – sitting mesmerized by the screen and talking to herself.
"What are they flipping a coin for? Oh…I never thought Cloud would top…"
"Wait, Sephiroth moans like that? Shit."
A pink clad figure appeared in the doorway.
"They're very good at it aren't they? And the 'I love you' part later is great."
"Shit, Aer, you really do make good porn! How did you do it without those two noticing?"
"I knew they wouldn't notice when they screwed in the public coffee shop down the street, I'm headed over to give them a copy of the tape now. Maybe we can watch the real thing…"
"I'm coming!"
The End