Well hello there, all ye people of Fan Fiction! How art thou? So. Here's a new fic that I've been thinking about writing for a while. Remember that ill-fated chapter of "The Non-Perfect Elf and the Hole-Hating Hobbit"? Remember the suckiness that was my angst writing? Well, here ya go! The epitome of my writing skills is right here, my friends.
This is a parody. Please do NOT take anything I write in this fic seriously, because it's supposed to be a load of crap. Allow me to be more specific: any geographical, ancestral, grammatical, or name-related errors are intentional, so please refrain from reviewing and complaining about incest, etc. This also serves as a tutorial for those beginning writers out there. In other words, don't write like this. It makes you sound like an idiot.
If anyone takes this seriously, please contact me, and we can arrange a good time for me to come visit you and slap you upside the head.
Right. Now, on with the story!
…:…
Annonuialtaurëperáwen Neldëtáramenuial Undómiel awoke with a start. The sound of birds singing in the trees of Rivendell had ended her slumber. Her eyes rapidly changed from hazel to violet, and then settled into a cool shade of silver. Gracefully, she slid out of her canopy bed, her small, delicate feet touching the cool tile floor.
Without a sound she glided over to her wardrobe and picked out a dress to wear that day. She pulled out her favorite: it was a light shade of pink, with ruby red trim around the waist. It had a plunging neckline that showed off her generous breasts.
Quietly, she strode over to the screen behind which she changed into the delicate garment. Her milky white skin shone brightly in the morning sun, and her raven hair cascaded gently down to her back.
Annonuialtaurëperáwen (or just Peráwen for short) was the daughter of Elrond and Galadriel. Her sister was Arwen Undómiel, and she had two brothers, twins Elladan and Elrohir. Peráwen had never met her mother, as she lived in Valinor, which was a very long way away. However, she was perfectly content with the family she lived with. She loved them oh so dearly.
Peráwen walked down into the Hall of Fire and out into the gardens of Rivendell. Her hair shimmered in the morning sunlight, her skin as pale and flawless as an elanor flower. Her eyes were a deep green that reflected the leaves of the trees over her head.
"Peráwen, is that you?" a voice said. She spun around and saw her father behind her.
"Ada," she said, giving him a gorgeous smile. "You scared me, Dad."
"I'm sorry," he apologized. He hated to upset his daughter so. "Walk with me, my daughter." Peráwen held onto his arm and they strolled through the gardens, admiring the flowers that were in full-bloom. It was early spring.
"Daughter, this afternoon a guest will arrive from Mirkwood, which is very far away," Elrond explained. "He's had a long journey, so be nice to him."
"Of course, Dad." Peráwen smirked inwardly. It was a he. "What's his name?"
"He's Legolas Greenleaf." Peráwen beamed. She had heard of this elf. He was apparently a soldier, which she found extremely attractive. Plus, he was a prince.
"I'm looking forward to his visit already."
…:…
Yeah, short, I know. Less than a page single-spaced. Hahahaha. Oh man. Anyways. I'll continue if you want. All the chapters will probably be this short, so the updates probably won't take that long.
Okay, now to explain. Yes, I've actually seen bad Mary Sues where the girl calls Elrond "Dad". It makes me sick. But I can't help but laugh whenever I see one of those. In fact I saw one yesterday (I won't say the title or author), but I almost died from laughing/coughing (I have a really bad cold, which totally sucks because I'm trying out for the school musical and auditions are tomorrow. D'oh.) Let me see… oh yeah, and of course I couldn't leave out the stereotypical obnoxiously long name. And the Galadriel/Elrond crap. You see that all the time. Yeah, I think you can pick the rest out. Anyway, R&R please, let me know what y'all think!
Muchos la-URVE,
Laura
P.S. Yeah, sorry about not being able to tell where the A/N starts and where the story ends. For some reason, always deletes my little squigley lines and my asterisks. It's a pain in the butt. Oh well.
P.P.S. Annonuialtaurëperáwen Neldëtáramenuial Undómiel will be on next week's spelling test. ;)
P.P.P.S. Me and my bestest pally, Crystyna, are writing a book! :O I may post some details later... all I can say is that it's gonna be fun!