Journeying Home
by Eydie Munroe

Disclaimer:
Yeah, yeah, they're not mine. They never were. There, I said it.

Author's Note:
Written for VAMB's Secret Santa 2014 Challenge. Cara Mia's request was for a "Jc fic nc17 rating preferably with a plot. I love mysteries and intrigues, action and adventure. No whimpy characters please". Thanks to Hester for her stellar beta services – all other errors are my own.

Chapter One

For the first time in ages, Kathryn Janeway was alone.

It wasn't for a lack of trying. But an unusual string of Delta Quadrant challenges had meant that she'd been on constant duty for more than two weeks, jumping from crisis to crisis as she struggled to hold her ship and crew together. It hadn't been easy, and they'd had to shoot their way out of not one, but two hostile first contacts in as many weeks. She'd begun to despair that they might have finally met their match in this part of their journey, which irritated the captain more than she could articulate. They'd already faced the Borg and had not only lived to see another day – they had thrived. But these petty warmongers that Voyager seemed to be constantly running into now were almost more dangerous – killer bees whose stings might be small, but deadly in significant numbers.

Despite all this though, they appeared to have moved into a quiet area of space for the moment. No star systems for days' travel in any direction, and no obvious signs of it being anyone's territory. Janeway had finally been able to order the crew to stand down, to recuperate, and to make the repairs that they'd been desperately jury-rigging until they got a chance for uninterrupted work. Just that afternoon, she was finally able to rescind her previous order for all available hands to help Engineering keep up with Voyager's wounds, and leave it to B'Elanna's experts instead. Kathryn smiled when she remembered the look of relief on Torres' face during the staff meeting. While her chief engineer was always grateful for extra help during a crisis, the captain knew that having to double-check the work of those not normally assigned to her also added a lot of time to B'Elanna's already-packed days.

Janeway sighed as she flopped down on the edge of her bed, head hanging low as she simply stared at the carpet between her boots. Simple pleasures, was her thought when she realized that she'd been aimlessly gazing there for more than a few minutes. God knows there's far too few of those. Deciding that it was time to indulge in another, she slipped off her boots and started to pull off her uniform in preparation for a bath.

The sound of the door chime really wasn't a surprise. After all, with the way things seemed to be going for her lately, Kathryn could rarely get into anything before something needed her attention. This better be good. "Come in," she called, carelessly dropping her jacket on the mattress.

Chakotay stepped into her darkened quarters, surprised when he didn't find her in the front room. "Captain?" He saw her enter from the bedroom, barefoot and reaching up to open the back of her shirt and reveal the tank underneath. "Am I interrupting you?"

"I was just about to have a bath," she said flatly, pulling the arms down over her wrists as she spoke.

"Want some company?"

She stopped short, gaping at him in surprise. "I beg your pardon?"

Only then did Chakotay realize what he'd said. Chastising himself inwardly, he offered, "Just wanted to see if you were listening," to try and relieve the tension. He was tired, and obviously not thinking straight.

Kathryn looked at him for a moment but said nothing, instead gesturing for him to have a seat. "What can I do for you?" she asked, dropping the shirt on her armchair and picking up the comfortable throw slung over its back.

He watched as she wrapped it around herself like a shawl. "I just came from meeting with Neelix," he explained as she sat next to him. "He would like your permission to throw a party."

"When doesn't he want to throw a party?" Her eyes rolled before she could catch herself, and she knew right away that he had seen it. With a sigh, she continued. "What's his theme this time?"

Chakotay understood what she meant. They were both grateful for the Talaxian's upbeat attitude and handle on ship's morale, but sometimes his enthusiasm was more than either of them could really take. "It's a 'we've survived' party," he explained, knowing that his own thinking was probably mirroring hers right now. "Personally, I'm torn between encouraging the crew to let their hair down and reminding him that we need to rebuild our energy and food reserves before we can think about a celebration."

Kathryn nodded. "I've been feeling the same way." Seeing his raised eyebrows, she explained, "We all need a break, Chakotay, but I'm wary of letting our guard down just yet." She drew a deep breath, pulling the blanket tighter around her as she started to feel her eyes grow heavy. "Let's get him to hold off for the time being, until we can restock. For now, not having to work double and triple shifts will have to do."

"I'll let him know." He looked her over as she yawned behind her hand. She was pale and somewhat gaunt again, signs of stress and coffee-only meals that he was all too familiar with. "How are you doing?"

"I'm alright," she told him, not in the defiant way that she usually did, but with the air of someone who had been going through a rough stretch. "Exhausted, but alright." Settling back even further into the couch, she returned the favour. "What about you?"

"I'm alright," he said, unconsciously echoing her answer. "Nothing that a few days' worth of sleep won't cure."

Kathryn sympathized, but couldn't turn off the captain just yet. "What's the status of the repairs?" she asked, hoping that a turn back to business would shorten this visit so that she could get on with her bath. But then again, she reconsidered as her the cushions molded to her back, I'm pretty comfortable right here.

Internally, he shook his head, knowing that they wouldn't veer into personal territory for very long. They never did these days. "On schedule," he said, deciding to leave it lay, "though I just ordered B'Elanna to get some sleep – she was about halfway through her third shift when I found her buried in a Jeffries tube checking isolinear relays."

The captain frowned. "I thought Tom dragged her out of Engineering hours ago."

"He did, but apparently she snuck out again after he fell asleep."

Her head fell into her hand, fingers rubbing at the tension there. "I think we're going to have to have a talk with her about work-life balance."

Chakotay glanced back at her, hoping she was kidding. Kathryn Janeway was the last person in the galaxy to be preaching about having a life outside of duty shifts. But she was deadly serious, though her expression of concern was fading in fatigue. Turning away from her, he blew a breath out through his clenched jaw as he tried to formulate a response. "I think we need to set a better example in that regard," he finally said, wishing that she would take his advice. "There are too many people on this ship who are showing signs of burning out, and it's got a lot to do with them trying to keep up the pace set by the senior officers."

"Hmm…"

Annoyed at her lack of interest, he turned back, only to find that she was sound asleep. "Kathryn?" He reached over and gently shook her arm, but she didn't stir. The past few weeks had finally caught up with her, and his irritation dissolved as he saw that she was at last going to get some downtime.

He couldn't leave her sleeping sitting up though, or the stiffness she'd have on waking would completely undermine any rest. So as carefully as he could, he grasped her shoulders and slid her down onto her side, then picked up her legs and stretched them out along the couch. He slipped a small pillow under her head and readjusted the throw around her, noticing her snuggle down as soon as the blanket was under her chin.

Chakotay watched her for a while, taking advantage of a long, interrupted look at her. The stress lines in her face eased, her features taking on an innocent quality in slumber. It had been far too much time since he'd seen her like this and, if he was brutally honest with himself, it was the first time he'd allowed himself to be concerned about her in a while. Dedicating most of their time lately just to remaining alive, it had taken all his energy to hold everything together, keeping an eye on the crew and carrying out the captain's orders as they dealt with whatever crises were thrown at them. It seemed that his usual concern for her had become just another casualty of their journey.

What complicated matters was that he and Kathryn were still in the process of patching up their relationship after the Equinox, which had left a lot of hard feelings and short fuses in its wake. Rebuilding trust wasn't easy, and at first, it took monumental efforts just to speak to one another in a non-professional capacity. With his pushing ever so slightly, they had finally managed to move beyond polite, work-related conversation to something social just before their latest run of bad luck. It had been months now though, and they hadn't made as much progress as he would have liked. Chakotay wondered if his offer to join her in the bath just now, unpremeditated as it was, would help them nudge just a little bit further toward how they'd been before, or if it would set them back. It always has to be so damned difficult, he thought.

She shifted in her sleep, pulling the edge of the throw even closer under her chin. Feeling like he was intruding on her privacy, Chakotay softly called for the computer to lower the lights, and took one last look at her before he left.

When she awoke several hours later, Kathryn was disoriented and in the dark. As her eyes adjusted to the starlight from the windows, she let out a sigh of relief when she discovered herself in her own quarters, but was puzzled that she was lying on the couch. Then she remembered that Chakotay had been there, and with a groan realized she must have fallen asleep on him. There used to be a time when the thought of him could keep her awake for hours, back when she realized that it was okay for her to fantasize about her first officer instead of her lost fiancé. But now, worrying about getting the ship through one more day had wiped her out, and she'd drifted off right in the middle of him speaking. She felt bad, but Kathryn knew it wasn't something she could have helped.

Still half-asleep and too tired to care, she could barely keep her eyes open as she made her way to the bed, collapsing on it without a thought to getting undressed. As she drifted off again, a fleeting memory of his offer to share her bath left a faint smile on her lips as sleep claimed her.