Date begun: 26th August 2004
Date finished:
Disclaimer: the usual
Credits: Hoobastank, Dido, Simply Red
Dedication: Yes it's for Ash again, and also for Claire and Jared.
Feedback:
Necessary Risks
'I'm not a perfect person. There are many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you
I'm sorry that I hurt you, it's something I must live with everyday'
Susie didn't know why she'd taken the plunge with Ben. It was a pretty drastic thing to do and had happened in the heat of the moment. In fact all the things they had done together had been in the heat of the moment, and Susie had quickly learnt that this was not always a good thing. Regret soon ran through her bones. And it ran through her bones the most when she was with Jonesy. Her subconscious never allowed her to forget the chance she had blown with him. She mentally slapped herself a hundred times a day.
Susie was feeling suffocated by Ben, and even though times alone with Jonesy were nothing short of torture, she breathed easier when she was with him than when she was with Ben. It was a chance to get away from the overload of love he was piling on top of her shoulders.
The simple yet blunt question Jonesy had thrown at Susie one day on patrol was one Susie had been expecting for a while. Jonesy had a right to know what was happening between Susie and Ben, because after all, he was interested in her too, and they had come so close to kissing, going out, everything. Yet something had always been there that had prevented it from happening. Susie longed to know what it was, because if she knew, maybe she could do something about it and be with Jonesy instead of Ben.
Susie felt twinges of guilt because of the way she was leading Ben on, sleeping with him and sharing romantic dinners, and shuddered at the thought of telling him she wasn't interested, as she knew it would devastate him. Ben had already had enough let downs in his life, and certainly never seemed to have any luck with women, and she knew she would just be another one to break his heart. But it was impossible to ignore the connection she felt with Jonesy. Every moment of everyday she wanted to be with him, and there wasn't a moment that went by where she wished she had never gotten involved with Ben, her superior, her sergeant.
She had already tried to let Ben know how she felt, but it had come out wrong, as she had feared it might. He had brushed off the way she felt in the nicest way, as if trying to convince himself she didn't mean it, and make her feel bad enough about it that she would choose to stay with him. But she knew she couldn't, and tonight at the pub, she was going to tell him, tell him what she should have a long time ago, and say it the right way, the way that would make him understand. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she was spurred on by the thought that if she was lucky, Jonesy's love would be there waiting for her afterwards.
She dressed casually after work, her favourite cd playing on her little stereo that sat on her bedside table. Next to the stereo sat a card Ben had given her with the watch. She had read it a million times over, and at times felt sad that she couldn't give Ben the love he longed for, but she knew that in her heart she couldn't be with a man that she didn't love. Love was too strong a thing to deny, and she knew that she needed to be with the right person, even if that meant breaking Ben's heart.
Heading down stairs she breathed in deeply, hoping to calm her nerves. She could hear all her colleagues down in the public bar, laughing and chattering away like they did every night. As she walked through the entrance she almost fell over Ben, who was waiting for her to come downstairs.
"Ben!" she gasped, her nerves returning with lightning speed.
"Hey you," he smiled and leant down to kiss her cheek. Ben was such a physical person, always touching and kissing and hugging. Susie could tell he longed to have his arms around somebody always, but she knew right then, more than at any other time, that she wasn't the right person for that.
Susie forced out a small smile in return as she tilted her head for him to kiss her cheek. His lips were warm, and still full of love, despite how unlucky he had been in his relationships. If it were Susie with such a shocking track record, she would almost be put off for life. It was bad enough that she had lost her husband, but if she had had as much bad luck as Ben had, she'd find it hard to keep going, that she knew.
She took his hand, trying to not let the look on her face give away the bad news she was about to break to Ben. She led him into the parlour without a word and sat down beside him on the leather two-seater. Still holding his hand, trying to get across her feelings of friendship rather than relationship, she took a deep breath and began to say what she had been rehearsing in her room just moments earlier.
"Ben," her voice was weak, but she knew as she got out what she needed to, it would get stronger and more confident. "I need to tell you something really important," she said, and suddenly felt like they were back at that night where she had let Ben know she didn't blame him for Brad's death. She had done all the talking then, Ben's face like stone, and she had a distinct feeling tonight would be much the same. And she was right. He knew what was coming, before it had even left her mouth.
"This..." she didn't know how to say it. "This isn't going to work between us, I'm sorry, it just isn't," she studied his face carefully, trying to work out what was beneath the stony exterior. "My heart isn't in it Ben, I know you love me, and I will always be here for you, but not like you want me to be. I don't want us to go any further than good friends and colleagues. I'm sorry, but that's all it can be," it felt good to have the weight off her shoulders at last.
"But Susie..." Ben began, gripping her hand fiercely. But Susie yanked it away, realising that she needed to be cruel to be kind now, or Ben just wasn't going to get it. She stood up holding up her hand.
"I'm sorry Ben, it can't happen, I don't want a relationship with you," she started toward the door and was just about to walk through it when Ben spoke once more.
"Is it someone else?" Susie stopped, and immediately regretted it, as it gave away her innermost feelings instantly, and Ben was unfortunately smart enough to notice. "It is isn't it? It's Jonesy isn't it?" his voice laced with anger and accusation.
Susie, annoyed at herself for stopping, but also at Ben, was fed up now. She spat out her words, mirroring the way he had spat his words at her. "That is none of your concern Ben, absolutely none of your business!" she slammed the door to the parlour, almost making the walls shudder.
Susie stood just outside the parlour doors, gathering her strength just to put one foot in front of the other, even though she didn't really know where to go. She cast her eyes towards the bar, hoping to see Jonesy in there having a drink at one of the tables, but he was nowhere to be seen. Disappointed, she headed back upstairs to collapse onto the bed and recover from her little chat with Ben that had turned so nasty.
The hallway was quiet, as everyone was down in the public bar, enjoying their night, so when she heard whispers and giggles from the direction of Jonesy's room; she was at once on alert, curious as to who was in there. Maybe it was someone from work, maybe they had bought their drinks upstairs...maybe. Nevertheless, Susie wanted to see Jonesy, now that Ben was out of the way, and walked into his room without knocking.
What she saw shocked her to the bone, and without thinking, she turned and bolted back to her room, slammed the door and crawled under the covers of her bed, still fully clothed. She was haunted by dreams of the events that had unfolded that night as she slept, and she didn't move until the next morning.
The next morning it was the bright yellow sunlight that streamed into her room through the thin curtains that awoke Susie. Its brightness pierced her right in the eye and she squinted, screwing up her face as she pulled herself up onto her elbows. Then, as quickly as it had all happened, the memories of the night before came rushing back, making Susie want to pull the covers back over her head.
She looked down in disgust at her rumpled pink halter top, it's smooth, silky material now creased and old looking from such a night tossing and turning. She rubbed at her eyes, as if trying to rub away her thoughts – the thoughts that bought an instant tear to her eye because it was what she hadn't wanted to happen. She hadn't wanted it at all. The train had gone way off the tracks, and she hated it.
Slowly she crawled out of bed, only then realising she was awake a lot earlier than she needed to be. It was just before 6am and Susie didn't start her shift until eight, but knowing sleep would not come if she tried to close her eyes again, she got up and headed for the bathrooms, hugging her towel and bathrobe to her securely, as if she had nothing else. She power walked along the corridor, eager to have the warm feeling of the water envelope her. It was not like anything else at that moment could make her feel warm.
Once under the shower her mind finally gave up turning her thoughts over and over. She closed her eyes as she stood there, letting the stream of water cascade over her skin. Before she could even stop them though, the tears fell off her long eyelashes and mingled with the warm water. She wasn't going to get a second chance with Jonesy. She thought that she would, but he had grown tired of waiting for her, and she couldn't blame him really. She had allowed herself to get distracted by men who gave her something instantly, whereas with Jonesy things would take a while, but she knew it would be worth it in the end. He'd been trying to tell her that all along, but she knew that he just hadn't been able to find the right words, and she should've just been able to sense it anyway. But she had been too caught up in the celebrity of Jed and the undying love Ben splashed out. She had thought that was what she'd wanted, and so had dived in head first, leaving Evan behind to stand alone. But he wasn't going to put up with her leaving him standing alone anymore. He'd moved on. Susie couldn't believe it, but she knew it was her own fault. Jonesy hadn't deserved to be left alone like that.
Stepping out of the shower, Susie felt stronger, as if the water had washed away her weakness. She was feeling better about the day ahead, and after drying herself off and returning to her room to dress, she took the back exit of the hotel and went for a long walk before her shift began. She made sure to walk far from the Imperial, in case she ran into Jonesy or who she had now realised was Donna from the dumpster.
She wandered through the state forest walking trails, losing herself with her thoughts and the sounds of the early birds flittering through the trees, greeting each other loudly and musically. She walked along with her hands stuffed in her pockets, trying to sort out her feelings, so she could go to work with a clear head. But the more she thought about it, the more obvious it was that she already knew what she wanted. She wanted to be with Jonesy and that was that. There were no ifs or buts; she wanted to be with him and only him. And now that she had...ridded herself of Ben, her opportunity had arisen. But then it had been beaten down by another woman. She cried as she walked along, cried because she'd missed her chance and Jonesy didn't want to be with her anymore.
Just one chance is all I ever wanted
Just one time I'd like to win the game
From now on I'll take the chance if I can have it
Just one, just one
Arriving at work just before eight, Susie was relieved to see Jonesy wasn't there. Checking the roster, she saw that he didn't start until 1pm, which gave Susie an eternity of five hours to think of what she would say to him, whether she would even look at him, how she would act towards him. She was dreading it already and it was only five past eight.
The day dragged in a big way. Now that they had a bigger station, more officers and more space, the crime stats seemed to be dropping. After the shock and enormity of Grace and Jo's death, not to mention the Baxter debacle and the final solving of the case, they were all a bit exhausted, and hoping nothing like what they had experienced in the last couple of weeks would ever happen again.
Susie worked monotonously through her paperwork, the station particularly quiet that day, with only half the team on shift and most of them out on jobs or patrol anyway. Susie had managed to stay at her desk the whole day, which was exactly what she had wanted. She hadn't even had to go to the pub to get the lunches, which was what she had wanted to do the least, and so as the minute hand ticked closer to one o'clock Susie was glad to have her behind on her chair and her back to the rest of the station. Occasionally she would look up from the blur of words and figures, but didn't dare turn around, in case Jonesy or Ben walked in, or someone else in the station noticed her red rimmed eyes, and the sad look that still remained on her face. She would study the detail of the brickwork in front of her intently, tracing her pen around the cracks.
And then the moment came, she didn't even have to look, she could feel his presence in the room, and could feel more than anything his eyes boring into her back as he stared before making his way to the mess room. She heard every movement he made, as it was so quiet in the large station. He opened his locker, threw his denim jacket in, let his car keys clang on the cold metal as he dropped them onto the floor of his locker, and then, finally, slam the door shut angrily.
For a moment Susie was disgusted. Why should he be angry? She thought. He had nothing to be angry about. The girl he liked had broken up her relationship with another guy in hope of winning his own love, and then he had slept with a beautiful stranger all in one night. She felt more than ever before that she had every right to be angrier than he did.
She heard him sit down at his desk, not far from where she sat, and shuffle the reports that were piled upon his desk impatiently. In retort she buried her head in her own reports, ignoring every sound he made, and pretended he wasn't there, if not for anything else, then to save her own sanity and stop her brain from working overtime trying to work out if he was looking at her or not.
Thankfully, moments later, the radio buzzed and Mark ushered her out the door, accompanied by PJ, to a cold burg. PJ was a lot more sensitive these days about certain things and picked up on Susie's mood quickly. They drove towards the burg with PJ at the wheel, and it wasn't long before PJ started the questions. He began simply, as he always did.
"Something up Suse?" he asked lightly. They were almost there.
Susie shook her head. She didn't want to discuss it. But a few minutes later, as she had suspected, her face gave her away and PJ asked again, more persistent this time. He knew that something was wrong. He always seemed to know if there was something wrong with others. Unfortunately for him, he had not been able to possess such a talent when it came to his own relationships. Susie often thought of Jo, and she was sure PJ did too.
"I broke up with Ben last night," Susie explained bluntly.
"You broke up with him?" PJ was surprised and Susie was puzzled as to why. "I didn't know that you two were actually going out," he smiled, embarrassed.
"Yeah, well, we were and we weren't. But I don't love Ben, I love..." she almost said it out loud. "I love someone else, so I can't be with Ben," Susie was trying her hardest to explain.
PJ nodded, understanding far more than she realised. And he had a sixth sense lurking inside him that prompted him to ask another probing question. "But is there something else?" he looked her in the eye for a moment.
"I saw that person I love with someone else," Susie whispered, looking out the window, quickly wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, not allowing PJ to see them.
PJ nodded, understanding what a disaster this was for his friend. And as much as he wanted to, he couldn't think of the right piece of advice to give to Susie. What could he possibly say? The situation left a lot to be desired. Before he could ponder the thought anymore, they reached the house of the cold burg. Parking the car, Susie hopped out of the passenger seat quickly, as if longing to get into the fresh air, where the sun could shine on her face and she could feel the soft grass under her boots. The feelings you only felt when in the country.
"Good morning sir," she began, walking up to the couple who were waiting at the doorstep. "I'm Constable Raynor and this is Senior Detective Hasham..."
Later that afternoon, after attending a number of other call outs directly after the cold burg, Susie was at last at the end of her shift. It was five o'clock and she felt drained from such a day, despite the fact contact with Jonesy had been minimal. As she gathered her possessions out of her locker, she knew a hot bath, Notting Hill and some good old fashioned junk food were the things she needed that night, and she packed her things quickly into her bag, before heading for the side door of their new station.
Waiting there was Jonesy, his shoulder up against the wall and his arms folded. To Susie's surprise he didn't look angry, like he had earlier that afternoon. But he didn't look extremely apologetic either. But a part of Susie didn't want him to look or be apologetic. He had nothing to apologise for, she supposed, as he had moved on and done with his life what he wanted, and that was his choice.
Susie decided to ignore her feelings for the moment and walked swiftly past him, in the direction of the Imperial. She adjusted the pack on her back and swung her arms as she walked.
"Suse," Jonesy called out hesitantly. She turned around to look back at him.
"What?" she was feeling kind enough to give him a quick chance.
"I...I...don't know what to say," he replied. She turned around again to continue walking. "No wait," Jonesy began to jog towards her. Reaching her, he spoke with true feeling. "You mucked me round Suse, I couldn't wait forever," did she understand what he meant? Evan wondered. "I do feel something for Donna. I think I do."
"Do you really?" Susie questioned him, forcing the truth out. He nodded, although rather hesitantly. "Then go for it, I'm not stopping you. I know I mucked you round ok, I know I did, so just get on with your life now, it's your choice," she turned and walked away. "See you at the pub," she waved, her back turned to him as she walked away, trying to hide her tears and the look of utter sadness that had swept over her face.
Upon reaching the pub, Susie felt different. She'd just given Jonesy free reign to do what he liked with his relationships, when really she should've told him how much she loved him, and how much she wanted to be with him. Why hadn't those words come out of her mouth? She was annoyed at herself, but knew there was nothing she could do. He had Donna now, she didn't have a chance.
Climbing the stairs to her room she took advantage of the time and the fact that the bathroom was miraculously free for once and headed to her room to pick up her book, bathrobe and towel before padding quickly towards the bathroom and locking the door, securing her privacy in there. She was soon settled in the bath, full of bubbles and exotic oils and she at last began to relax.
Time floated away as she lay in the bath and it was more than half an hour later when she got out, towelling herself dry and wrapping her bathrobe tightly around her. Clutching her book to her chest, her towel draped over her shoulder she walked in a daze back to her room, the scent of the oils clouding her already confused thoughts. She felt the best thing to do though, was to go on as normal with her life, trying as quickly as possible to get over the events that had unfolded the night before. Susie dressed, brushed her hair, sprayed herself with her Anna Sui and slipped on her shoes, before heading downstairs to greet her colleagues, who were, just like the night before, drinking and laughing and talking as usual. But there were two men in the room who were not feeling so festive, and that was Ben and Jonesy.
Susie entered, feeling just as unfestive, but forced herself to sit with the others, ordered a drink and settled down for a chat with the new detective, Amy. Susie felt she needed to be distracted by something, to take her mind off how low her heart was feeling right at that moment, and so asked Amy where she had previously been stationed, a question that always drew long answers from coppers. Amy was no different, and sipping her juice, she ran her hand through her hair and began to tell Susie her life story.
Across the room Jonesy sat with PJ, his face a storm cloud of unhappiness. Susie could tell PJ was trying to make regular, everyday conversation with Jonesy, in a bid to divert his attention away from his relationships, but was having little luck. And suddenly Jonesy got up, returned his glass to the bar and excused himself from PJ's company, wondering into the parlour to retrieve the days newspaper, which he folded in half, tucked under his arm and took upstairs with him. Susie craned her neck around Amy, watching Jonesy's back walking up the stairs and out of her sight.
Amy noticed Susie's attention wavering. "Is something up Susie?" she asked politely, causing Susie to snap her head back, embarrassed. Susie smiled, sipping at her glass of wine and sweeping her fringe out of her eyes.
"Ahhh, no, I'm fine," Susie smiled. "I think my tiredness is catching up with me that's all, I'll see you tomorrow?" Susie patted Amy's leg, trying to be friendly.
"Yeah," a slightly confused Amy replied. "See you tomorrow. Sleep well," Susie laughed in return, knowing she would not sleep at all well, but farewelled the rest of her colleagues before climbing the staircase herself, walking quickly to her room and closing the door with a soft click.
Not too much later she lay in bed, her hands linked behind her head. Trying to get a grip on her new life situation, one that was without Jonesy, a lone tear slipped down her face. She tried with all her might to fight back the rest of the tears that were threatening to fall, but she was powerless. They slipped off her eyelashes and slid slowly down her cheeks, and her heart and mind ached as she realised she had no one to love her. She had thrown it all away. Susie sobbed as she buried her face in her pillow, pulling the covers close around her ears as she lay on her side.
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me
She was crying so hard that she didn't hear the click of her door as it was opened and a tall figure stepped into her room, the darkness shadowing his features. As he closed the door again, Susie's breath caught in her throat as she distinctly heard the click. She dared not roll over, as she feared it would be who she wanted it to be.
And it was. Jonesy lay gently down beside her and touched Susie's shoulder, making her shudder for a moment – whether it was from pleasure or fear she had little idea. Perhaps it was anticipation. What was Jonesy doing here? So close to her, after he had been more than close with another woman just the previous night.
His hand moved down her arm, their soft skins connecting timidly. Jonesy's hand shook ever so slightly as he reached her hand, which was resting on her hip. He laced his fingers through hers and at last she rolled over, her face now inches from his.
"You're crying," Jonesy whispered, his breath warm on her face. She nodded miserably, brushing away the tears with the bed sheet. She couldn't meet his eyes, and then, as he reached up to touch her face with his other hand, her still tear filled eyes finally connected with his.
"Why are you here?" she asked softly, her eyes now unable to tear themselves away from his. She wanted him there and yet she didn't, and her head was still all muddled up, and his hand still laced through hers didn't help.
"I wanted to tell you," he began, his face getting closer and closer. "That I'm sorry about what you saw last night."
"You're sorry?" Susie asked.
"Yeah, I regret it now, I don't know why I ever wanted Donna when I could have you," he whispered. "PJ told me that you broke up with Ben. Why did you do it?"
It was the question Susie didn't want to answer. She felt like if she was going to answer it, then she would give away what she had always kept inside, away from view. But her composure crumbled and she cried as she explained, her eyes forlornly looking into Jonesy's, hope and sadness evident in their blueness the whole time.
"Because I couldn't be with a man I didn't love. Especially with the man I did love so close to me," she cried. "You were within such easy reach for a moment there, and I just let you slip away," she wiped her cheeks quickly, her tears clearing. "I should never have done that. And then I saw you and Donna and I..." she couldn't finish. "Have I missed my chance?"
Jonesy smiled, knowing he could at last give good news to Suse. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her hard and fast. "No, you haven't missed your chance," he grinned, and he was so glad to see it bring a smile back to her face at last.
She kissed him back, passion fuelling between their lips as they connected and their hands roamed each others bodies, the bed warming after the chill their feelings had previously caused. The tears, now dry, left salty trails on Susie's face and she hugged Jonesy tight, his body close up against hers and his big caring hands holding her back in an equal embrace. Heaven felt like it had landed in the bed with them and the fire ignited between them quickly, their lips clashing, kissing, and bruising each others mouths.
Later, Susie fell asleep next to Jonesy, his arms wrapped tightly around her. While Susie slept, Jonesy's eyes wandered the room, as sleep would not come, despite the ungodly hour. He searched his thoughts for the reasons why he had done the things he had done in the last 48 hours. Why did he do it? What had pulled him to Donna? What had possessed him to sleep with her, after only knowing her for a few hours? And most of all, what inside him had bought him to Susie's door?
After Tess, he hadn't thought anyone could let him down in such a way again. Not that Tess had let him down, but she had deserted him, she had left him behind to pick up the pieces of his heart that she had, on countless occasions, strewn so liberally over the floor. He still loved her, but knew he needed to get over her, because she wasn't going to come back, she wasn't going to feel for him like he felt for her. Maybe that was why he had fallen for Susie so quickly, she had similar looks to Tess, in fact, after seeing pictures of Maggie Doyle, Evan had come to realise the Mt Thomas station seemed to attract dangerously beautiful blonde women. It was a neat little trap for the men of the station, he thought with a laugh.
But Susie had been an instant attraction, and for a while there he had lived without letting anyone know, as she was a married woman. And even though he had told Ben that he thought she was cute, and it didn't matter that she was a married woman, he really did long to be with her, but he was enough of a gentleman to keep his feelings for Susie to himself while she was Mrs Fingleton. And then, with Brad's unfortunate passing, Susie was again an available woman, and Evan had felt his attraction to her grow. And she came close constantly, but always pulled away at the last second. She had hurt him, although he hadn't admitted it to her face when she had gone out with Jed, and even though earlier in the year she had made it clear Ben was far from in her good books, he knew that they still had a connection deep down somewhere. They would always be connected through their work relationship and because Ben was the person who had killed Brad. And then, his worst fears had come bubbling to the surface. He had wished he hadn't been thirsty that day, he wished he hadn't even got out of his chair. But he had, and he had been put off by tea ever since. It had hurt him a lot more than anyone had realised.
And then when he pulled the gorgeous brunette out of the dumpster, her feeling scared and alone, his heart had been on his sleeve, and because she needed his help, he was quickly taken over by that thing called infatuation. She was beautiful, he wouldn't deny it, and maybe he liked his women differently, when they were with other men. Tess had been, she'd been going out with Josh, and then she had married him, and yet they still harboured some sort of relationship right up until the day she left. And Donna had a boyfriend too, and even though he had been angry upon finding out she was already involved with someone else, the attraction was still there. She needed protection, and he felt he was the one to give it to her. And then they had somehow ended up in bed together.
Yet as he had slept with Donna beside him, he was thinking of Susie, especially after he had seen her at the door of his room, her face plainly showing her devastation. He still loved everything about Susie and realised that his involvement with Donna probably meant he had thrown away his last chance he might have had with her. Just thrown it away, like Susie had thought she had done with her chances. Evan had been angry at himself when Donna slept beside him, because he knew he was sleeping next to the wrong person.
Susie probably thinks that I slept with Donna to get back at her, Evan worried. Little did Susie know that Evan would never dream of such a thing. He could never hurt Susie in such a way, despite her having hurt him in a similar fashion. Sleeping with Donna was not an act of revenge, and even though he was certain of that, he was so incredibly unsure of why he had slept with her.
Confused and feeling low, Evan carefully and gently separated himself from Susie's warm body and slipped out of the bed. Looking at the clock he saw it was just after 3am, and knowing he had to work early that morning he slipped back to his own room, quiet as a mouse, but sprinting along the corridor. He hated himself for leaving Susie alone in the bed, knowing she would wake up in a few hours and see the empty space beside her. He knew she would feel hurt, betrayed, and most of all, used. But he needed to clear his thoughts, alone in his own bed, where he could think about what he and Susie had just shared and what it meant to him. Then he would be able to explain it to Susie in the morning. He had no intention of letting her worry about what she had just done with him either.
The sun poked through the curtains again the next morning at Susie, blinding her momentarily as she awoke. She sat up, holding the white sheet to her, and looked around, only to discover that she was alone in the bed. Why had he gone? She thought sadly. Not angry, but wanting to know the truth, she got up, wrapping the sheet around her much like a Lebanese wrap, and half hopped, half walked out of her room and down the corridor to Evan's. Stumbling, she landed at his closed door and found it to be unlocked, and she hesitated for a moment, remembering what had happened the last time she had gone to Evan's room and entered without knocking. She peeked through the crack, one hand still holding up the sheet to her chest.
Breathing a sigh of relief, the only picture her eyes were greeted with was that of a sleeping Jonesy. He was sprawled out on his back, his strong arms and chest exposed, as if he was almost too big for the bed, and snoring lightly. And even though the door creaked as Susie opened it and stepped into the room, he remained dead to the world. She stood next to his bed for a moment, staring down at him, and smiled a sweet smile. He looked so peaceful at rest, and that special quality about him shone through boldly.
She sat down lightly on the edge of the bed, a smile still on her lips. The change in weight on the bed at last awoke Jonesy and his eyelids fluttered open. Seeing a smiling Susie sitting right there made him smile too and he took her hand.
She held his hand tightly too, but the smile faded just slightly. "Why did you leave my room?" she asked, trying not to sound accusing, as she had so much love and respect for this man, whom she had just shared an intimate night with.
"I'm sorry Suse, I just needed to clear my head, and figure out what was going on in my mind," Jonesy replied. "I just needed some space."
Her smile returned hesitantly, but it did not return to full force until he had answered her next question. "Do you regret what we did last night?" she whispered, a tear coming to her eye, and she gripped his hand tightly as she willed him to give the answer she so badly longed to hear.
"No," he smiled, the answer on the very tip of his tongue. "No Suse, I don't regret a moment," he sat up and took her other hand. "I love you Suse, and all I want is to be with you," his hours alone in his bed had paid off, allowing him to at last see the light, and that Susie was who he longed for.
Susie choked back happy tears and hugged her arms tightly around his neck. "Really?" she whispered, looking into his deep, trusting eyes as he hugged his arms tight around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder as he nodded and she cried with happiness, their hug a wonderful embrace, explaining each others feelings in a way words failed to.
She lifted her head off his shoulder and joined her lips with his, and they sat there, letting time pass unnoticed as they both tasted the sweetness of each others lips and savoured the feeling of being so close at last.
I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms