Idea floating around in the head... I own no one... Yet...
ENJOY!
Merlin was focused on polishing Arthur's armor. The highly expressive face everyone was used to was simply not there. Merlin was showing no emotion, just cleaning the armor until it shone softly enough to let him see his own reflection. His eyes were distant as he was not really looking at it, his mind was else were.
Merlin was remembering things from the time he came to Camelot. The attacks at the beginning were not so bad. Sure he lost the life of his best childhood friend, but that was all he had lost then. Things changed after he killed Nimueh. It was almost like the Old Religion was punishing him for the deed. He had battled an ancient warlock and won by trapping his soul once more in a crystal heart. He helped Arthur become a hidden contestant in a jousting tournament. Helped Arthur later save Genevieve after his father had told him no. He even snuck around to reveal a troll that had married the King and then helped to break the spell she had on him. And then everything started to collapse around him.
Arthur was starting to come around to the idea that not all magic was bad and then Merlin had to lie about Morgouse and only make the man believe magic was evil. Shortly after he had found love and planned to run away with Freya and live a life unchained, that dream came to a crashing end when the very man who was a friend and the one he was to protect killed her without knowing the toll it took on his heart. Merlin did not say anything about it to him when all he wanted to do was shout and hit him for it. It had to have been two weeks after that moment that Arthur had been caught in a love spell in order to make war. Merlin ever faithful helped break the enchantment by getting Gwen to give the Prince True Love's Kiss. He then had to poison Morgana, a woman who Merlin believed would be the first he would tell about his gifts and then have someone to talk to about it all. Now he was sure she hated him for what he had done, he had not any time to explain himself and now would be too late.
The dragon. The thought caused him to pause briefly. That had really taken a great chunk of him. He had released the beast just after Morgana left, and prayed he would just fly away and never return. That was shattered as well when the Dragon began attacking Camelot. Merlin had gone with Arthur to find the last Dragonlord who he learned from Gaius was his father. He had only one afternoon and night in the father and son relationship when the man was taken from him because he dropped his own sword. The grief in him woke the sleeping power that he used to send the dragon far away.
Merlin let out a sigh as he set the armor down. He reached for the sword next in order to sharpen it. His world was crumpling down around him. He could do nothing to stop it as he watched people close to him fall out of his reach. He wanted to cry in the solitude of his room, yet his tears were locked away with him having steeled himself to such an emotional display. He was starting to break under the pressure, and no one seemed to be there to take some of the weight.
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