She felt his hot breath dancing across her skin. It started with a whisper in her ear, his words she has selectively blocked out. As he moved his mouth towards her lips, his breathing heavy from excitement, she tried desperately to sink into the mattress away from him, to be swallowed and transported anywhere but there. As she closed her eyes and pushed her head as far as she could into the dirty mattress, hoping to increase the distance between her and him, but knowing it was a wasted effort, he kissed her painfully on the lips. Gasping for air as he refused to remove his mouth from hers, she tried in vain to push him off her, clawing at any body part she could. He was too strong though, she knew it and he knew it. He pulled away from her lips, propped himself up on his hands, raising his head slightly and grinning down at her like a Cheshire cat. His piercing eyes penetrated her own however, she refused to look away. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction, she wouldn't let him know that he had won, even though she knew deep down, he almost had. As she drifted into a trance in an attempt to remove her mind and body from the present moment, he whisked that comfort away from her as he spoke.

"Did you like that sweetheart? That was just a teaser, there's much more fun in store for you and I". A large, rough hand quickly made its way to her crotch, rubbing her between her legs, over her pants, invading her body.

"No, no, get off me, stop please". Her tortured screams were agonisingly painful. Nick slammed down the phone, knowing there was no time for an explanation to the person on the other end. He rushed into the cribs and spotted her, her hands and legs kicking at the invisible demon. He swallowed hard; he felt such anger towards William Lewis for hurting and terrifying his partner but he also felt immense guilt for not being there to protect her. He vowed to make up for it, not only by looking out for her always, but in helping her get through this. He rushed over to a terrified Olivia, who was still thrashing about restlessly, unable to wake from her nightmare.

"Olivia, it's Nick, you're safe now, I promise, it's ok, you're safe shh". He gave her a gentle nudge and repeated the words, as her eyes darted open and she gasped for air.

"Where am I" she muttered to herself, confused.

"Olivia, you're in the cribs at work, you're ok, you had a nightmare". Olivia looked around, confirming she was in fact in the cribs.

"I, I'm sorry Nick, I was waiting for Brian and I must have drifted off" she said timidly, refusing to make eye contact with her partner. She was humiliated and ashamed and didn't want to see the look of pity in his eyes. Just then Brian Cassidy walked through the door, a look of concern washing over his face when he saw his girlfriend. "What's going on" he enquired.

"Nothing, are you ready to go" Olivia said, more in the way of a statement that she was in fact ready, rather than a question. Without waiting for an answer, she quickly exited the cribs, brushing past her partner and her boyfriend.

Brian gave a questioning look Nick's way. "She fell asleep in here and must have been having a pretty horrible nightmare, she was screaming, tossing and turning, she woke up just before you came in".

Brian looked at Olivia, she was collecting the contents of her bag off the floor, after dropping it; she was clearly rattled. He shot Nick a quick 'thank you' glance, walked over to Olivia and bent down next to her.

"Let me help" he said, picking up a notebook. "No, I've got it" Olivia quipped back. She just wanted to get out of there.

"What's going on?" Amanda asked, chomping on an apple.

Olivia stood up and ignoring everyone, rushed out of the precinct, leaving Brian and her bag behind. She began furiously pressing the elevator button, trying to decide whether the stairs would be the quicker escape route.

"Hey, hey, it's ok Liv" Brian's soothing voice said behind her. She wouldn't look at him; her eyes were fixated on the 'down' button of the elevator. "It's going to be ok". She wished that she could believe that. "Look at me Liv"; she lowered her head, as if purposefully ignoring his request. He stepped in front of her, her bag over his shoulders, lightly placed his hands on her shoulders and bowed his head to catch her gaze.

"We are going to get you through this, I promise you". "I don't know" she said meekly. This wasn't the Olivia her knew and it broke his heart to see her so defeated. "I promise you, that's what we are going to do". She met his eyes and he pulled her in to his arms. He could feel her shaking and he softly rubbed her back. The elevator dinged and he guided her inside, immediately pulling her back into a hug, wanting to let her know she was safe.

It had been 10 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours and 32 minutes since Nick came rushing through the door of the beach house and guided her out to the waiting vehicle. She was barely surviving being kidnapped and tortured by William Lewis and now she was expected to soon face him at trial. She had been doing well; she was back at work, she was enjoying spending time with Brian, her friends and work colleagues and she only thought about her ordeal every few minutes, rather than every few seconds. However, with the prospect of seeing her monster again looming ever so close, she had begun seriously struggling. She couldn't sleep, she had little appetite, she was pushing everyone away and her only safe haven was scrubbing her body in the shower. She was trying to hide her struggle from everyone but the more she retreated into her shell, the more difficult it became.

Brian opened the door to their apartment and switched on the light. Olivia quickly made a beeline for the bathroom. Brian sighed, knowing that he would soon hear the sound of water running. "Liv, come eat something first" he coaxed her. She almost kept walking but heard the desperation in his voice. He had been amazing throughout everything especially given they had only been going out a few months prior to her abduction. She was more in love with him than ever before but even he couldn't erase time or her painful memories.

"Sure" she said, smiling. "What's on the menu chef, a frozen microwave meal?" she teased. "Sorry to disappoint but here's something I prepared earlier" he quipped back, taking a risotto out of the fridge. "Quite the cook aren't we" she joked as she sat down on the kitchen bar stool. He dished up the meals and was surprised to see Olivia consume most of the contents of the bowl. The past few days she had definitely gone down hill on her road to recovery and one of the first things he noticed was her refusal to eat, making constant excuses. He also knew she desperately needed sleep but he had a suspicion she was scared to drift off because of the inevitable nightmares which had been plaguing her the last week or so.

"How was work" he inquired. "Fine, we were able to close a case today, always a good day when that happens, you?"

"Same old really". He didn't really want to talk about work. What he really wanted to talk to her about was what had happened in the cribs and how he could help her. He knew broaching the topic could start a war though so he treaded carefully.

"Liv"…."can you tell me what your nightmare was about today…when you were in the cribs".

Her facial expression changed and she stood up to empty her bowl into the dishwasher. He lightly took her hand; "Liv, I want to be there for you, to help you but you need to let me in".

"Just leave it" she warned him, turning away from him, heading into the bathroom and firmly locking the door. Brian packed the rest of the dishwasher, he wasn't going to give up, far from it, but Olivia Benson was a very strong and very stubborn woman who had been through a horrific ordeal only recently. He would give her the time he knew she needed, but also wouldn't sit by and let her self-destruct.

That night she watched two DVDs and cleaned the apartment, once again. Brian's efforts to get her to rest, were once again ignored. The next morning she looked even more exhausted. Brian knew he had to intervene; whether she liked it or not, tonight she was going to lay down, close her eyes and try and get some sleep. He would prepare for that battle later.

Olivia walked into the precinct, far earlier than her rostered shift time. Despite the time of morning, the place was still buzzing with activity. She felt safe here, surrounded by other people. She had been so immersed in paperwork and sipping her coffee that she didn't notice Nick sit down at his desk.

"Morning" he said, stumbling for anything else to say. He knew she was embarrassed about the incident in the cribs yesterday and whilst he didn't want to force her to talk about it, he did want to check she was ok.

"Oh hey, I, ah didn't hear you come in".

"I just snuck in then, thought I'd catch up on the files from yesterday's case before it turns into the usual mayhem".

"Listen Nick…..I'm, ah, sorry about yesterday, it won't happen again" she said quietly, once again avoiding eye contact.

"You don't have to apologise Olivia. Are you ok?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, just a bad dream, Brian and I have been watching a few scary movies lately; it must have just set me off". They both knew that was a lie but he was willing to accept it, for now. He would keep a close eye on her though.

Donald Cragen came out of his office, surprising both Olivia and Nick, neither realising he had even arrived at work.

"Olivia, do you have a moment?"…."Sure"….."In my office please".

Olivia finally made eye contact with Nick who shrugged his shoulders to indicate to her he had no idea what it was about.

"Take a seat Olivia". Olivia slowly sat down, an expression of bewilderment crossing her face as she waited for Cragen to continue.

Cragen got to the point right away; difficult news was best delivered quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.

"It's about William Lewis"; she involuntarily shivered at the sound of his name, "a trial date has been set, June 30th".

Olivia quickly did the math in her head "That's only 7 days away, I'm not ready, I can't". She could feel herself panicking, her palms were sweaty and she suddenly had a strong desire for a glass of water.

"Olivia it's ok, you are ready" Cragen said soothingly. He had always felt so protective of Olivia, like the father she never had. "You've been working with Barba and you still have 7 days to go over your testimony. Now I know this will be a difficult few weeks for you, I want you to take some time off starting today…."; she quickly interrupted him "no, I need to be at work".

"Olivia, I don't want any arguments, I want you to have some time off to rest and get yourself prepared". She looked up at him, almost pleading "Captain please, I need to be at work….if you send me home, alone, he will be all I think about". She hated being so brutally honest, especially when at made her seem so vulnerable but she was fighting to stay at work, fighting for her sanity as he already plagued most of her thoughts, at least focusing on work gave her mind some reprieve.

Cragen stared at the wounded Detective in front of him; she was courageous and fierce, they all knew that but William Lewis had stolen so much from her when he kidnapped her.

He sighed "you win" he could see the relief wash over her face, "but I'm not going to assign you to any new cases as you will need to be available to Barba most of this week". She nodded and quietly slipped out of the room.

When she returned to her desk she noticed there was a message to phone Barba, 'obviously delivering the bad news' she thought. She knew that Lewis's trial was inevitable but she just didn't realise it would be so soon. She had only just started to get back to some form of normalcy when it was announced that Lewis's trial was imminent. Since then he had once again invaded her thoughts, her ordeal playing over and over like it had happened just yesterday. Not only was she frightened of confronting her attacker but she was terrified that her secret would be revealed. That was half her battle; fighting to ensure they never knew the truth. She crumpled up the note with the phone message and continued on with her work.

It was 6pm. Normally he wasn't home at this time but things were different now. He had hoped the change would make things better, improve his relationship with his wife, spending more time with his family. Instead it made him frustrated, depressed and angry. He knew it was his choice to walk out, to not even say good bye but he had started to resent his family and he longed for his badge again. More than that he longed to see her one more time, to explain.

He sat alone in the darkened room and listened intently at the news headlines. He had been listening every night since he got word William Lewis would be facing trial shortly. He needed to know when, not that he would be able to do anything, it was far too late now to protect her, the damage had been done. There it was, one of the main headlines, the trial of William Lewis was due to commence on the 30th June. Her beautiful face was plastered across the headline; but only he could know that those big, brown eyes projected fear and pain; to the outside world she was strong, a fighter. She was of course that but he knew she had changed; his Liv had been permanently scarred. His hand bundled into a fist just thinking about that scum. He immediately flinched, months ago when he had first heard the news he had furiously punched these very walls in anger and guilt and he was left with a severely broken hand which had only just finished healing. He had been so overcome with anger and sadness that his fury had scared his wife. She had handed him the phone; "call her". He had sat in silence, holding that phone in his broken hand for hours, he had even dialled a few of the numbers which would connect him to her mobile phone but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't have the right to be there for her after what he had done and he was terrified to hear her inevitable wounded voice. So instead he followed from afar, thinking of her every day without her ever realising it.