You don't understand, you can never be my prince, you're just a girl.
Anthy woke up in a cold sweat as her own words echoed in her ears. She buried her face in her hands and started sobbing, as she did every night. Five years she had been looking for Utena, for the only person that really cared about her. The only person she could ever love. She looked around her sparse room slowly before taking out a locket from under her lavender nightgown. Carefully she opened it, a gentle smile creasing her lips. The school picture of Utena was in it. The only thing she had left, other than her memories.
She winced as her memories took her down a path she didn't want to remember. The knife sliding in her true love's back, and her dark hand holding it. It was like slow motion when it happened. Nothing seemed real anymore. It never did when Akio had been around. He had always made himself the center of her life. Anthy chuckled softly. She had really shown him when she up and left Ohtori Academy with all her things, but now she was out in the real world. Out where things could really hurt her. Out in her one bedroom apartment that she couldn't furnish had her life depended on it.
Throwing the covers off of her and almost onto the floor, she got up and stared out the window, down to the dark street. Most of the streetlights had burned out a while ago, which really helped the crime rate skyrocket. She had decided to move away from Japan, having already scoured the lands for any sign of Utena. She came to America, where it was said that anyone who put enough effort into it could rise to the top. Anthy scoffed at that thought, she had worked hard and had only managed to get a secretarial job at a small company. But she was thankful for that job, for if she hadn't gotten it, she would be living somewhere worse, not that she could comphrend what worse might be right now.
The internet was what really brought her to America, because it had been impossible for her to get it in Japan since she was broke. Her job provided her with a computer and a connection, though a slow one, to the massive information superhighway. Two months now she had sifted through every search website she could get her hands on, not one mention of Utena, at least not her Utena.
She was ready to give up.
Anthy looked at the clock which was blinking 12:00 at her, mocking her. It seemed that the power was shut off regularly to this building, though the landlord swore up down that he had paid it. And his son had more than once offered to take "other" payment from Anthy when she had been late. At first she had been innocent and naive about what he meant, thinking that possibly she could paint or do work on the building, but when he took her to his apartment and attempted to take her clothes off, she knew what he wanted. She took it to his father, who only shrugged and said to get the money to him by tomorrow. Anthy shuddered thinking about that memory, thinking about when things might get really tough, and she might have to give herself up to someone like that.
She pressed a button on the watch that sat on the table and it lit up in a dark red. The digital numbers seemed to angry proclaim that it was 5:43 A.M. She sighed and picked up the cheap plastic watch to make sure she hadn't misread it. She had gotten it as a toy in some fast food meal. Though she was nineteen, she still indulged in little kid stuff every now and again.
The water was room temperature warm when she stepped into the shower, letting her long purple hair flow down her back. It never got any hotter than that, mostly she was thankful that the water was clean. She stepped out of the shower, having rinsed the dirt off of her and she grabbed the cleanest towel she could, gently drying herself. She looked into the mirror. She looked at her hair, her eyes, her mouth and the tear sliding down her cheek.
Another day without you, my love. I pray I will survive it.