Live in Motion (A Big Time Rush fanfic)
Rated: T
Pairing: Kogan, Jarlos
Summary: Sequel to "No Alternative". Now without a label, the boys of Big Time Rush have an idea to recreate the band. Will their boyfriends go along with the plan?
A/N: This is much later than I expected to have it up. I'm pretty sure that many of my readers have given up on me. But I hope they see this story and remember "No Alternative" and come to read it. Thanks to all who do :)
Chapter 1 - The Idea (Posted 1 October 2011)
"But why not?" Logan whined. He was sat at the kitchen counter in front of a big bowl of cereal, still in his night clothes. His hair was messy and his eyes were droopy from hardly getting enough sleep.
"Because." Kendall, who was sitting next to him, said. "I don't want to."
Logan stared at him with wide, puppy-like eyes. "But your voice is..."
"Not as good as you say it is." Kendall interrupted. "Your opinion is skewed."
"By what?"
Kendall shrugged. "You just want to think I have a good voice. But I don't, trust me. If you want to restart BTR, you're going to have to do it without me."
-Last Week-
"Where's that voice coming from?" James asked as he drank his coffee in his best friend's living room.
"It's Kendall," Logan answered. Kendall could be heard singing in the hallway upstairs. "He likes to sing when he thinks no one can hear him."
James raised an eyebrow. "Why when no one can hear him?"
"He doesn't like people listening."
"But he has a nice voice." Carlos commented.
"I know." Logan rolled his eyes. "I've told him that a bunch of times. But he thinks I'm only saying it because I love him and want to make him feel good. I mean, I do love him. And I do wish he'd feel a little better about himself, you know, but... he really does have an amazing voice."
"What if we tell him?" James asked.
"Yeah." Carlos nodded. "Maybe if he hears it from someone else too..."
"No." Logan shook his head. "It won't work."
"He doesn't seem like the type to be embarrassed." Carlos said.
"It's not embarrassment." Logan said. "It's just... I don't know how to explain it. He says he feels like a burden when he sings."
"A burden?" James asked. "That doesn't make any sense."
Logan made a thoughtful face. "You're not thinking about it like he does. He's not embarrassed by his voice, it's a part of him and he just embraces it like he... like he did when he was homeless. But he feels like he's, um, bothering people."
"That's ridiculous." James and Carlos said together.
"I know. And I've told him that. He sings like a professional. It's beautiful. But he won't even sing in front of me if he knows I'm around. He'll hum once in a while. And even that is like... so beautiful... but he doesn't believe me."
"How's he been?" Carlos asked. "Otherwise, I mean."
"Fine." Logan said with a small smile. "He's been a lot happier to accept gifts and things. I think he really feels at home lately. Like this is his house as much as it is mine. Which I'm glad for. And all his... injuries... have healed. There's a long scar on his wrist from... well there's a scar but it's light. Physically, he's perfect. But sometimes he gets shy."
"Shy?" James wondered.
"Extremely." Logan said. "When we go see his mother or sister... he gets on with them like they're a family again after a few minutes, but at first it's like he's afraid to intrude. And even around me sometimes. We'll be talking or, you know, cuddling, and he'll just... start acting all distant and I just can't help wondering if he's really as okay as he says he is."
"Have you considered taking him to see a therapist?" Carlos suggested.
"Yeah, I've thought about it. But I don't know if that's the best thing for him. He's not crazy. And he doesn't have any problems functioning or anything, like when we go to the grocery store or when we go on dates. He talks to people and he's friendly and perfectly at ease. It's just when we're here or with the rest of his family. But I've tried talking to him about it. And he doesn't push me away, he just avoids talking about anything serious. And that's what I really don't like. Especially because I..." Logan cut himself off, not wanting to say too much.
"Because you what?" James asked, a curious glint in his eyes.
"I've been thinking about... asking him something..."
Carlos and James's eyes went wide.
"Just any something?" Carlos asked excitedly.
"Or the something?" James smirked.
"Um..." Logan rubbed the back of his neck. "The something."
"No!" his friends gushed.
Logan blushed. "Yeah."
"That's awesome, Logan!" James patted him on the back.
"Congratulations." Carlos beamed.
"I haven't actually asked him yet." Logan reminded them.
"He'll say 'yes' Logan," James insisted.
"Of course he will." Carlos said in support.
"So you guys think it's a good idea?"
"Are you kidding?" Carlos almost screamed out of enthusiasm. "You two are such a great couple. I think it's a great idea!"
"Yeah, man." James jumped in. "I bet that after you ask him, he'll probably answer you by ripping all of your clothes off and..."
Logan chuckled and clamped his hand over James's mouth. "I get it. Thanks, guys. I guess everyone doubts themselves in the face of something this big. I just need to work up the courage and ask him. I picked up the ring yesterday. It's not very flashy, I didn't want to get him a girl's ring. But it does have a little diamond on it; small enough to not be too feminine but large enough for everyone to know he's taken."
"Does he really like to sing?" Carlos asked, as an idea popped into his head.
"I think so." Logan said. "He does it a lot. I swear sometimes he forgets that I'm just in another room because he'll really start to belt out the difficult notes and it just takes me by surprise how smooth his voice is. I really wish he'd sing around me more so I wouldn't have to listen to him without him knowing."
"Would he do karaoke?"
"Probably not."
"Because if we could get him to sing with us... maybe he'd feel more comfortable."
-Now-
"But Kendall," Logan stared at him, "I don't understand why you won't just try it. James and Carlos are our friends. They're not going to laugh at you or feel uncomfortable around you. In fact, they've been dying to hear you sing."
"They just want to include me so I don't feel left out." Kendall rationalized. "They both want to get Big Time Rush back out there, but they don't want to make me sit on the sidelines."
"Of course they don't. But it's not because they feel like they have to include you if they include me. It's because I've told them how talented you are, even though you seem to think you sound 'like a dying cow,' I think is how you said it."
"I can't be in your band, Logan." Kendall said. "I love you. I love hearing you sing and I would do anything to see BTR put out some new albums."
"You can do something!"
"Not that."
"But why not?"
"Because."
"That is not an acceptable answer, Mr. Grumpy Pants." Logan pouted.
"It wouldn't be the same with me in the band."
"Carlos is going to sing with us."
"Carlos has an amazing voice."
"So do you." Logan pointed to him. "I don't understand why you keep insisting that you can't sing. You sing beautifully. You harmonize with every song that comes on the radio, even if you've only heard it once! You have one of the best voices I've ever heard, and I've met tons of 'professional singers,' Kendall, and you're better than all of them."
"Why do you want me to be in the band so much?"
-Three Days Ago-
"He's sick." Logan told James and Carlos at the door.
"No way." James whined, karaoke machine in tow.
"That's convenient." Carlos said.
"I know." Logan hung his head. "I told him we were going to have a little game night and he was all for it, getting excited about the four of us just hanging out at home for once. And he asked me what games we'd play. So I told him. Chess, 1313 Dead End Drive, Monopoly, Life... I slipped 'karaoke' in there and I could tell he knew what we were up to. All of a sudden he's sniffly and coughy and has a headache or a stomach ache; the symptoms change every time I ask him. He knows I know he's not sick, he just really doesn't want to sing."
"Then we won't make him sing." James said.
Carlos looked at his boyfriend, confused. "But the whole point of tonight..."
James nodded. "Was to get him to sing. I know. But if he doesn't want to sing, we have no right to make him. Logan, go tell him we promise not to even ask him to sing, okay?"
"Okay..." Logan let them in and went upstairs to get Kendall.
"James," Carlos said as they set up the games they brought over, "are we really not going to ask him to sing."
"Yeah." James said. "He obviously doesn't want to. So we'll sing. You, me, and Logan. And maybe he'll start to feel more comfortable. If he wants to join in, of course he can, but if not, we'll just have to see if something else works."
Logan came back down, with Kendall smiling lightly behind him. "Hey, guys, Kendall says he's feeling a little better, so he's going to play games with us after all."
"Awesome." Carlos said happily.
"Glad to hear it." James exclaimed.
They all enjoyed a bunch of board games together, talking and laughing. And when it came time for karaoke, James and Logan sang a duet, leaving Carlos and Kendall as their audience. They cheered them on, and giggled at their mistakes.
And then Carlos joined them, and they were all surprised by his strong voice. Kendall was happy to just sit and watch, thought Logan could tell he was a bit on edge as if he suspected that one of them might veer from the previous agreement and ask him to sing.
But none of them did, and he seemed to relax considerably as the night wore on and they continued to play games until the sun rose.
-Now-
"Because you have a gift." Logan said. "And I love you. Can you imagine how much more time we'd be able to spend together if you sang with us? We'd work together and then come home together and relax together. It would be so perfect."
"But what about Carlos and James. What if they don't like the way I sing?"
"We won't know unless you sing for them."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just... I just can't, Logan. I know you like my voice, but I don't. And I really don't think anyone else will."
"I'll be right there with you, you know." Logan said softly. "I won't make you do it alone. And I wouldn't have you do this if I thought there was any chance you'd be rejected. I know you can do it, Kendall. We're good, we'll be signed in no time, and I'm excited about it, but... I really want to share this with you, Kendall. And James and Carlos are all for it, they keep bugging me to see if I've persuaded you."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Why? They've never even heard me sing. Not like..."
"They heard you from upstairs, you know that, so they got a little taste but that was nothing compared to what I know you can do. Besides, they're our friends, and they really want you to get involved too so they can hang out with both of us."
"But..."
"Please, Kendall." Logan clamped his hands together in a prayer pose and bowed his head. "Please. For me. Just come to the studio with us tomorrow. We're just going to goof around and see what we can come up with."
"I thought you were recording a demo."
"We've decided to postpone that until we're absolutely sure you won't at least consider it."
"Logan..."
"I'm never going to stop asking, you know. Even if the three of us become the most popular and most successful band in the universe and for the rest of eternity, I'll never stop asking you to be in the band with us. Because I love you and I know you love singing as much as we do and you're great at it. Just please, at least think about coming with us tomorrow."
Kendall looked into Logan's eyes. He really didn't want to go with them. He knew they'd try to make him sing, and he hated to have other people hear him sing. But he loved Logan so much, so he felt compelled to give him this one thing. "Alright. I'll come with. But I can't promise you I'll sing."
"Yes!" Logan threw his arms around Kendall and kissed him happily. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"