Um…its set before the Sasuke retrieval arc, so basically the genin are 12 or 13 years old. Or whatever age you feel like. It's a Team 7 fic and there's no pairings intended, but there can if you want them to be. I do use Japanese words and honorifics in my fics, so no complaining. T for suicide, swearing (yeah definitely that!), blood, and other crap that can be classified under T. Don't like, Don't read. At first, I just wanted this be a one-shot, but I realized at 3, 500 words, all that I wanted to say couldn't be said within a reasonable length for a one-shot. So it shall be a two- or three-shot! Yippee!! On with the fic!!!!

([No pairings] [Naruto angst] [OOC-ness])

Blah- normal

"Blah"- talking

Blah- thought / flashback

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, all characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

~~~Lacrima~~~

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from the latin meaning "tears"

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Again, the blonde Kyuubi jinchuuriki awoke to the sun flooding in through the window of his dilapidated apartment. Groggily, he shifted in his bed so that he could block the morning sun from his face with his hand. Hoping just once he didn't have to wake to his life and put on his mask(metaphorically speaking), he tried to fall back asleep again. But, as Kami would have it, his alarm clock began to ring, until he sat up to turn it off.

After getting changed, he walked barefoot to the kitchen/living room to heat up a cup of ramen for breakfast. Through blurry, half-awake eyes he failed to see the broken fragments of his window lying scattered across the floor, and stepped on some sharp, jagged pieces of glass. Almost immediately he jumped back.

"Itai" He muttered while sitting down on the closest chair, so he could pull out the glass shards from his foot. Those bastards they always do this! After bandaging his foot and sweeping up the broken glass, he proceeded to heat up said ramen pack and began to eat.

You'd think after living this long I'd know to check the window when I wake up… he thought while slurping up the last of his noodles. Maybe they are right… maybe I'm just as stupid as they say. He became mad at himself because of his own stupidity, and aimed a kick at the wall but- realizing it would be pointless- he slumped back into the chair and into his normal self- not his mask. The normal self who is scared of future beatings and the validity of the words that the villagers use against him. He looked up to the word 'Monster' smeared on his wall. Oh well, just as long as other people don't know. Thinking over that thought again, he realized that, sadly, not many people, if any, would be concerned even if they knew.

Finishing his morning routine, he walked over to the door to put on his- only- pair of shoes to head off to Team 7's meeting place, though our lazy sensei wouldn't be there for hours anyway.

Pausing momentarily to get his mask into place, he proceeded out the door and down the roadwearing his trade mark grin. He just pretended not to hear all the villagers who were talking behind his back, while giving him hateful glares.

"Demon"

"Scum"

"He should just die"

"That piece of shit continues to live even when no one could love him"

Crack.

He could feel his mask was slipping, cracking with each insult. That's a new one. Oh, well just ignore it… even if its true. The pain resurfacing with each addition negative thought that entered his mind while on the way to the team's meeting place.

- - - - -

With Sasuke and Sakura coming into view, he began to jog to meet up with them. But each step became increasingly painful to get closer to his teammates. It's not that he hated them, it's just that, he believed, they disliked him, plain and simple. So in turn he felt nothing for his team. Well, maybe a little sympathy for how weak they were and how, from what he saw, far Sasuke still had to go before he could even be of some competition to Itachi. Speaking of weak, Sakura was very, very annoying. With her sickening attitude toward the Uchiha and how hard she tried to "be cute" for him, it just gave the blonde more reason to dislike the female ninja.

Not to mention they always made fun of him and treated their own teammate as a complete idiot. Either my mask completely fooled them or they completely hate me. Sasuke would always remind him of how much a failure he was and Sakura would hit him and compare him to "her Sasuke-kun." They considered him a burden and always believed he was going to screw up, which he only did to cover up when his mask failed him. Normally, they just treated him coldly or ignored him altogether, completely disregarding the fact that their actions might hurt the blonde's feelings, but, if they did, he never showed it. He just fought back in his annoyingly loud voice, so they would not know how much it hurt.

"OHAYO Sakura-chan!!!" He shouted while jogging toward the pink-haired kunoichi. Once getting within her range she turned around at hit him on the head.

"Naruto, you idiot! Be quiet it's too early in the morning to listen too your loud voice!"

"Sakura-chan that hurt," he whimpered while crying fake tears. He backed away to rub his head where she had hit him. He waited a few seconds before beginning to talk again.

"Sakura! Let's go get some ramen after training!"

Naruto addressing Sakura without her usual honorific? His teammates whipped their heads around to look at him as if he had grown another head. Why are they looking at me like that…crap! I forgot to add -chan to her name. He panicked slightly before returning back to his -made up- goofy, ignorant self. He scratched the back of his head before talking again.

"Sakura-chan? Sasuke-teme? Why are you looking at me like that?" Frowning, they tuned him out. He seemed to be back to normal. Then again… Naruto was a good actor.

"Hey Teme! Fight me so I can kick your ass!" Naruto shouted at the top of his lungs, to everyone else this was his normal voice.

Sasuke just snorted. He didn't have time for dead-lasts. He needed to fight someone strong so he could get better than Itachi, and Sakura and Naruto most definitely did not count as 'strong' (in his eyes).

"Don't snort at me bastard! I can kick your ass any day!" Naruto insisted, but secretly he was just looking for an excuse to punch Sasuke and his stick-up-my-ass attitude across the clearing. The truth was, if he really tried, the Kyuubi container could defeat Sasuke easily, but that would be un-Naruto like(from what they know) and it would cause people to be suspicious. But the times the "dead-last" did manage to hit Sasuke, he was really happy.

He could see why Sasuke wasn't close to defeating Itachi yet. With his Kyuubi enhanced vision, he could see his stance was off by a little and his timing was off, but with that damned Sharingan and his above average speed and chakra pool, he was a good rival. But hell, even Kakashi the fucking Copycat Ninja would go off and train him one-on-one and he was progressing slower than Naruto, who had no one to teach him but Iruka. Seriously, and they called this kid a prodigy (though they did not know Naruto was that strong, I mean why try when no one would recognize you and it adds to the mask). Oh, Sasuke is talking again.

"-could defeat a loser like you easily. You're not even worth it." Hint, Sasuke was having a bad morning.

"OH YEAH, YOU BASTARD!" Naruto shouted, which earned him a(nother) hit on the head by Sakura.

"Naruto! Don't talk to Sasuke-kun like that, especially when he's right. You're so stupid."

Crack.

She's never said that he was right before, only that I should shut up. Downcast eyes and a frown appeared for a brief moment before he returned to his much hated, idiotic mask of a self.

"Ne, Sakura-chan? You don't mean that do you?" The slight thread of worry laced into his voice went unnoticed by his two oblivious teammates. Sasuke was once again leaning (and brooding) against the railing of the bridge that was clearly several years old, his eyes shut. Sakura had her arms across her chest and was looking in the other direction, possibly looking for their tardy sensei. She turned around to answer his question with her mouth slightly open in her I-sound-like-a-banshee voice when Sasuke the monosyllabic, brooding avenger beat her to the punch line. The only time he spoke more than two sentences and it was the last thing Naruto wanted to hear.

"Of course, she means it dobe. You're a worthless dead-last, a pathetic excuse for a shinobi. Your always messing up and then I have to save you, which is a real pain in the ass. Do us all a favor, train once in a while and you might improve. Though you're so worthless to all of us you might as well not show up to train."

Crack. Crack. Crack.

Sasuke's harsh words did nothing to ease the pain he felt in his heart right now, in fact it probably doubled it. Of course, the blonde liked his teammates but it's very hard to like someone who really doesn't like you back. And they just stood there, Sakura's lack of disagreement and Sasuke's expressions, explaining it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, further proving that his existence was for naught- proving that his dream was only that much harder to obtain.

Then he remembered something, from a few days ago, when he was around town with no missions just trying to relax. Some thought that would not seem to gather straight in his mind. A phrase someone had said as they were beating him into unconsciousness… in his own home.

- - -

This week had been a good week so far, no one had come into his house and stolen his stuff while he was on missions and no one had come in the middle of the night to beat him up. Yep, definitely a good week so far.

He had gone out to get to some food from a nearby store, hopefully the owner wasn't there or he might kick out the 'demon scum' or raise the prices to something unreasonably expensive. Upon arriving, he breathed a sigh of relief when there was a younger cashier- too young to know- only about 5 years older.

He silently made his way over to the packaged food section, his heels scuffing the tiles on the floor. A voice drifted over from the aisle on the other side of the shelf. It was an adult male and, from the tone of his voice, he was not alone.

"I heard from some guys that the normal Anbu who looks over the monster's apartment went away on a mission. So a couple of us are heading there tonight to beat the crap out of the demon." It's not like the Anbu usually did anything in duty anyways, no one dared to see who's side he was on.

"I've been itching to pound that thing in the face since I saw him smiling this morning," said another man, his voice rough, "What is he? Happy? Happy that he killed hundreds of people? He deserves to die."

"After tonight that scum will have to lick the ground we walk on before we let him smile again," replying with a malicious smirk on his face.

Both men stopped talking when the sound of a ramen packet hit the ground in the isle next to them.

-

It had been fifteen minutes since the conversation he had overheard at the store.

From experience, he had immediately run home to hide everything of value to him and to re-board the windows, since there would, from what he understood, be people coming who were also ninjas of higher rank. Suddenly, he heard a knock at his door- his head whipped around in the darkness towards the source of the noise.

"Hey demon, we got a surprise for you."

He blew out the last candle on the table and ran to go hide in his bedroom. They knocked again.

"Come on brat, we know your there and if we really wanted to we could have already broken down the door," said a man trying to tempt the boy into opening the door. Then it got quiet, Naruto held his breath and masked his chakra. The noise of what sounded like someone kicking open his front door open flooded the space.

"Kyuubi scum, come out now because we are going to find you one way or another," said the man with malice in his voice. There was some scuffing against his wood floors outside the bedroom. He guessed there were about seven or eight men, and who knows how many of them were ninja. They murmured amongst themselves for a while before a deep voice said, "he's in the bedroom."

Naruto's heart rate sped up and he began to sweat. His muscles tensed- waiting for the bedroom door to open.

It swung open and hit the wall with a 'BANG' and a hand reached into the darkness under his bed and grabbed his hair. It dragged him out from under, clutching his blonde hair tightly. He whimpered slightly when they held his head up to face them. The muscular man, presumably the leader, smirked.

"What's wrong scum? Does it…hurt?" He threw Naruto towards the wall, his face hitting it first and he broke his nose. The blonde lifted his sleeve to his nose in an effort to absorb the flow of blood. They began to laugh at his expense.

For the next hour or so they took turns punching and kicking the Kyuubi container before they all, except for two men, ransacked his house and left. But not before taking his blood and smearing the word 'Monster' over the wall in his living room/kitchen.

They had him tied up against his bed post- multiple kunai sticking out of his arms and legs and one in his side. Through semi-conscience eyes, he saw the younger man take something off his nightstand. It was a square- like a picture frame. He held it in front of his face, "This your team?"

Naruto's throat felt as if it was on fire. His screams had dried it up and wasted his energy. The man yanked his head up by his hair, appearing more angry by the second.

"I asked you a question, scum! Is this your team?"

Naruto didn't answer. He couldn't answer.

"Well," his eyes lit up, as if a magnificent idea filled his head, "if they really cared about you at all…you wouldn't be all alone." He smirked and got up to leave.

- - -

It had never clicked before, for one reason or another, maybe because of a lack of energy or to preserve the last shred of hope in his dark world. But, he felt his eyes open and his sight widen, gaining all sorts of sensations too powerful for words. But at the same time, he was losing feeling. Losing hope. Losing faith. Losing his will. Losing the fight. A fight begun so long ago, he could hardly remember a time of peace.

A fight that began upon realizing stares and whispers were occurring behind his back. When he lost his childish innocence and realized the world was full of the same people. The people who stare. The people who glare and whisper and put you down when you fight. That an omnipresent voice spoke to him at his lowest, poisoning him with words too cruel for a child. Keeping him awake at night with intangible fears of surreal truths.

But, up until now, he had denied the voice its pleasure. Refusing it, of giving it, the satisfaction of seeing him fall, crumble, and wither. For, it was only a voice. A voice that was there, but was not. Which thrived in the dark, and was shunned from the light. A voice that with no amount of reasoning existed. But was there. And was right.

The wind stopped. The cold stopped. The hope stopped. The reason stopped. The light left his eyes and vitality was nonexistent. He let out a breath and the world dimmed. He no longer held anymore expectations. This world was hopeless.

Lackluster, he meandered to the closest tree and sat down with his back leaning on the side opposite of his teammates. They didn't really pay him much attention for they were resting in the early morning sun. A light which seemed far too bright for a dark world.

- - -

After some amount of time had passed, it could been minutes or maybe even hours later, a familiar gray-haired ninja appeared atop the wooden pole of the bridge. Despite not knowing the time, he knew the man was late. Though, he barely acknowledged this fact.

Kakashi would have not assumed anything was wrong when he first found his team. But that would have been a mistake; assuming, that is. A ninja should never assume things; hoping and assuming a good outcome could get you hurt. He scanned the area within his peripheral vision briefly, noting the oddities around him. A habit one picks up when you fear for your life on a fairly regular basis. But that is beside the point.

He had been fixated on staying home a little longer to read the new release by his favorite author. True, he was normally late, even when he had a chance to arrive on time. But, hell, it was nice out and he had to go sooner or later. Plus, the Hokage had mentioned a special D-rank mission, for his team. How a D-rank mission could be special first puzzled him, but he then decided he'll find out when the time comes. Time to gather the kiddies.

"Ohayo!" He greeted them with a sing-song voice and a wave. How does his team repay him? They repay him with loud screaming, which voices the obvious.

"SENSEI, YOUR LATE!!" Oh? His welcoming party was quiet today.

He looked up from his book, or more like looked down from his book, to his lovely little genins. The vibrant color of his female genin's hair momentarily stunned his eye.

"Oh? Where is our favorite blonde ninja now?" He already knew Naruto was sitting under a tree in the shade. He was just testing his team which, to his surprised, was startled for a second when they didn't see him. The little bottle of sunshine usually announced his presence aloud, gathering the attention of others around him, whether they had noticed him or not.

Annoyed, Sakura walked over towards the tree Naruto was at. While still leaning on his arms against the bridge, Sasuke followed her with his eyes for a moment before looking away; knowing this probably would not end well, meaning loudly. Sakura moved over to Naruto, her fists clenching and unclenching against her sides. Anyone who could read an atmosphere could tell Sakura was a bomb about to explode.

Then, she rounded the tree to face the resting child. However, before she could get a glimpse of his face, she closed her eyes and breathed a little to calm herself down. The kunoichi suppressed the urge to pound him one before he could wake up, a chance to get back at him for breaking up her calm earlier in the morning. But she had been a little harsh to him and he hadn't even really done anything. Except be himself. She shook her head to stop those thoughts and began to speak, but unknowingly still with a tone.

"Hey, Naruto." She opened her eyes- just to feel her heart break.

"N-Naruto?" Her voice dropped down to near silence.

This wasn't Naruto. This wasn't Naruto. This was definitely not Naruto.

The blonde boy sat there with his head looking up against the tree. Not noticing his teammate. One of his hands sat on his lap and the other, his left, just laying beside him, palm up. His jaw lay slack in neither a smile nor a frown and his body, limp. He sat looking at and watching the leaves. Except, he really didn't seem to be looking at anything. He seemed more to be looking through the leaves, and through the sky, and through the small amounts of light which filtered through the greenery. Almost through life itself.

He usually possessed such a strong presence, one which could brighten the saddest and most devastated soul. However, he appeared lifeless. Eyes sadder than one could only see upon the most broken of persons. Eyes that hold horrible sadness and pain. Eyes that belonged to someone who was dead, or at least dead inside.

Sakura let out a small gasp and froze up. Of course, this was noticed by her teammates, including Naruto. The boy was stirred back from his thoughts and sluggishly turned towards the girl.

He smiled.

The most unbearably hollow and broken smile.

Sakura felt her heart constrict with a horrible pain. So brief, yet so intense, It tugged at her heart and brought out unbelievable sadness. It was like Naruto wasn't even there, he was just an empty shell.

This wasn't Naruto. This wasn't Naruto.

He got up slowly, as if his body didn't want to waste anymore energy than was absolutely needed. He still had the empty attempt at a smile on his face. Even though, it was painfully clear that he was not feeling anything happy. Sakura's heart wrenched.

"Sakura-chan." He talked with an absolute lack of emotion. "Let's go."

He brushed by her.

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of Pages : 9 (3,700 words!)