Lily's Dream
"Everything is foggy and I can't see anything. I stumble around, looking for a way out, but as far as I can see... there isn't one."
"And then I see him. It was just a flicker in the corner of my eye, but I know who it is."
"Without thinking, I ran to him, trying to follow him. Trying to get closer to him. Oh, I missed him so much."
"But it's harder than I thought, for there are things everywhere threatening to make me fall, but all of my concentration is on not losing sight of him. Without him, I am truly lost."
"Thinking about him makes me numb, the very thought of him brings a wave of bitter sweetness over me. And speaking of him is the ultimate taboo. It always was, even in the beginning."
"It was then, so lost in the thought of what used to be, that I lost the actual thing. There isn't a way for me to look for him on my own; otherwise I'd get more lost than I already was."
"I sat down, trying to keep the tears back at the thought of losing him again. I never deserved him anyway... Even now, I'm crying instead of doing something about my predicament."
"Then he was suddenly there. His hand outstretched to me, his eyes had certain warmth to it. I automatically took his hand, letting him lead me through all the fog until we came to a place and all the fog had disappeared... Almost like magic..."
"I don't know how to explain what it was like to see him again... to be with him again... It all felt... unreal. Like, if I blinked or looked away for even a moment, it would all disappear, and I'd be back to reality... a place that is not kind..."
"But I feel so happy with him. So... safe. It's almost as if he is my happiness. But I'm not as foolish as to think that things can all go back to the way they were... I know things are different now... I see it in his eyes... and in the reflection in my own..."
"I have so many questions for him, but he just smiles, shaking his head every time I open my mouth to speak... After this a happening a few times, I get the point... There is no talking in this place... It is fragile... Any word could shatter the whole illusion... the whole charade."
So instead of sharing the painful words needed to be spoken, we share other things. Secret smiles and innocent kisses, on his forehead, on my cheek, are amongst the exchanged."
"I am the happiest that I ever remember being. Guilt tightens in my chest, but the love for this man overpowers it and I close my eyes feeling at peace. With him, I am home. I only wish I had realized it earlier."