I guess the title says it all.
I apologize in advance for slurs and stereotypes used (idotically, of course; this is a superhero crossover) that may offend anyone. Remember, half these characters are idiots.
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Red Bank, New Jersey
Present
Deep below stately Weed Manor lies the secret headquarters of Bluntman and Chronic: the Bluntcave, where our heros discuss something of the upmost importance.
"Fuck, no! Man. Look it was fun when we taught her to smoke, but I don't want this fucking monkey around all the time!" said the Boy Blunder.
The Hemp Knight shook his head pleadingly and held Suzanne the orangutan close to him, protectively.
"What the fuck, man?" Chronic said. "I come back from the dead and what? No 'Welcome Back, Jay.' No 'Yeah! Chronic's back. Let's go get some mad pussy.' No, you replace me with a fucking monkey! Fuck that! Put her out on the porch!"
Silent Bob aka Bluntman begrudgingly escorts Suzanne outside and returns.
"Don't look at me like 'Jay, you suck dogs for quarters.' Man, she kept getting monkey shit all over the bluntcave. What are we gonna do if the Blunt signal shows up and I run to get my stash and then slip on some monkey shit? I already fuckin died once!"
Bluntman looks at him with big doe eyes.
"What's the worst thing that can happen hanging around by the porch?"
Bluntman points to a Wanted Poster of the Diddler.
"Dude, no one's gonna come by here. Again."
KA-BOOM! It seems the Boy Blunder was mistaken. A new hole in the cave appears and the deadly Diddler appeared in the secret headquarters of the Doobage Duo.
"Motherfucker." Chronic said. "What the fuck do you want Diddler?"
"I've come for you, Hemp Heros. Once I capture and unmask Bluntman and Chronic, I'll be getting mad pussy. Just enough pussy I need to rid myself of this incessant." He falters and motions his head to the two hands down his pants.
"Jacking off?" Chronic supplies.
"Motherfucker! Get them!" Diddler comands.
"Snootchy-Bootchies! Let's get em, Bluntman!" Chronic yells.
The Doobage duo soundly thrashes Diddler's thugs, but in that climatic battle, the Dastardly Diddler climaxes! He secretes a sinister surge of semen that hits the Boy Blunder!!!
"Ewwww, man! It's on me, Bluntman! It's on me!" Chronic yells.
The Silent Stoner Savior runs to aid his friend, but he too is jabbed by jeopardous jism!
"I got you now, Bluntman and Chronic!" the Diddler yells.
"Absolute shameful behavior from a self-respecting nigger." said a powerful, authoritative voice.
"Holy Fucking Bamboozled, Bluntman!" Chronic said. "It's White-Hating Coon!"
"That's right, Crackers." said the Nubian Knight. "Time for the Brother man to take back what's ours." The White-hating Coon fires off a Black Fist Rocket from his wrist launcher that explodes into a net capturing the Diddler.
"No! I was so close." shouts the Diddler.
"Nigga, there are better ways to get some booty than by beating up a bunch of white boys."
"Try dancing." Chronic suggests.
"Shut the fuck up!"
A calvacade of Caucasian Coppers come in and immediately approach our Dark-Hued Hero.
"Not Me, Motherfuckers!! You came for the two white boys covered in cum," White-hating Coon said, "but take that nigger with his hands down his pants for breaking and entering my new property."
"Your new property?" Chronic said bewildered. "Wait, the Bluntcave belongs to us!"
"Actually, this property used to belong to a Jay Phat Buds, but he neglected to pay his taxes last year."
Bluntman looks at Chronic annoyed. "Dude, I was fucking dead!"
"The state auctioned off the property and moi was the highest bidder." said the Nubian Knight. "Now get off my property, Crackers!"
"Fuck this, let's get out of here, Bluntman!" Chronic said.
Bluntman stops him and pantomimes a monkey.
"Oh yeah, we got get our porch monkey." Chronic said.
"Porch Monkey?!" White-Hating Coon says, suddenly very angry.
"Suzanne. Our monkey. We left her on our porch."
"PORCH MONKEY???!!!!"
"That's what I said. What the fuck? You got cotton in your ears or something?"
"COTTEN?????!!!!!!" White-Hating Coon shouts as he pulls out his bag of watermelon bombs and starts throwing them at our heros! "BLACK RAGE! BLACK RAGE!!"
Bluntman and Chronic run for their lives taking shelter in the alley ways of Red Bank.
"Is the coast clear?" Chronic asks.
Bluntman nods.
"What the fuck did I say?" Chronic asks pointing in the direction they just came from.
Bluntman shrugs.
"Well, this sucks, Silent Bob. I get sliced and half by Cock-knocker and die and the week I come back to life, I get shit for not paying my taxes while I was dead. That Shaft wanna-be took our lair, and we lost our monkey and all our blunt gear."
Just then a Gigantic Joint Jets to our heros and lands. It's the Blunt-Plane! It opens up to reveal Suzanne the Monkey as the puzzling pilot!
"Dude, that is one Funky Monkey!" Chronic says. "Snootchy-Bootchies!"