Mascara tears trailed down my porcelain skin as I watched the large, oak door slam behind him as he left. I choked back the sobs that threatened to escape me, trying to remind myself that he would be back. He always came back. He had to. He promised. He always kept his promises. Minutes felt like hours as I stared at the door, mindlessly playing with the silver duct tape around my wrists as I waited for his return. I could endure his punishments: The cigarette burns, the cuts, the bruises, the brutal assaults. They were nothing in comparison to being left alone to deal with my deafening thoughts. What if he didn't come back? My mind began playing out every horrifying scenario possible. What if the cops were to see him ditching the vehicle this time? What if he had gotten pulled over again? What if somebody recognized him from the news and turned him in? We had been running for weeks with far too many close calls. How long could we possibly evade the police? How long could we possibly evade the cruelty of the outside world?
My stomach growled, waking me from the dangerous path my mind was traveling. Lewis had promised me breakfast upon his return. He always kept his promises. I felt little hunger though, despite the starvation that was likely setting in. I couldn't possibly think of food at a time like this. Not with him gone. How long had it been? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? I felt my chest constrict, panic setting in once again. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to focus on controlling my breathing. I wasn't sure that my body could handle another panic attack. They were beginning to happen more frequently when he left. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him. Not after everything we'd been through together.
"Breathe, Olivia." I quietly willed myself, gently rocking my body back and forth in an attempt to soothe my anxieties. Wincing, I looked down at my bound wrists and ankles. My porcelain skin was littered in deep, crimson bruises from the duct tape and handcuffs. They didn't pain me nearly as much as his distrust in me did. I assured him I wouldn't run. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving him after everything he'd done for me. Couldn't he see that? Tears pooled in my eyes once more, threatening to fall. I wanted more than anything to please him, to prove my devotion to him for saving me.
My vision began to blur again, this time it wasn't the tears clouding my vision. Had I taken any pills this morning before he left? Had I drank more Vodka? Or was that the previous morning? The days were beginning to blur together. My mind was swimming, trying to make sense of the dizzy spells again. My head ached as I carefully forced myself to the floor in an attempt to save myself another fall in the likely chance that I passed out again. The cool floorboards felt comforting against my cheek as I closed my eyes, succumbing to the darkness that surrounded me. I didn't mind the darkness anymore. It was my safe place while he was away. My own little piece of heaven. I smiled softly as the darkness took me further and further away from the pain. He would return soon, and all would be right again. It had to be. He promised. He always kept his promises.