The Story of My Death

by psychotic me

What will Hermione do when she hears an earsplitting shriek in the hallway? How will she solve the mystery of who the shrieker is? ONESHOT.

My name is Hermione, and this is the story of how I died. It is pathetic, I know. But remember, I didn't write it. That was Brownhairedbeauty.

I was walking along the fifth floor hallway when I suddenly heard high, girlie screams and a bad evil laugh, such as, "Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk."

The "Nyuking" continued for another fifteen minutes while I cowered in fear in the girl's bathroom. Only then did I venture out into the hallway. I immediately headed to the other end of the hallway than where the screams were coming from.

Then I realized I could ridicule the screamer for the rest of my life. I then went to go find the screamer.

That's when the bad background music started. It went something like this: "Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama, fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama, llama, duck. Llama, Llama, cheesecake, llama, tablet, brick, potato, llama, llama, llama, mushroom, llama, llama, llama, duck. I was once a treehouse, I lived in a cake, but I
never saw the way, the orange slayed the rake, I was only three years dead, but I told a tale, and now listen little child, to the safety rail."

It got annoying very quickly. This was not music for a murder mystery. This was for a comedy, which this was not even close to being. I'll sue the author after I finish the story, I thought, Oh, sorry, I forgot, I DIE because of her. Now I can't sue anyone or anything.

I quickly forgot about the screams and began sulking about my lack of suing problem, until I remembered I would die sooner if I did not keep walking because the author would write herself in as a former Miss America winner and murder me.

The thought of being murdered by the Miss America winner scared me more than losing my suing capabilities did. I ran the rest of the way to the room where the screams came from.

I dashed into the room, eager to get this over with. I stopped at the body and recoiled in horror. It was Ron!

How could he scream like that! And to think that I liked him! Now what do I do? Oh yeah, I wait for the murderer to sneak up behind me and strangle me to death. I wonder who it is coughMalfoycough?

I heard someone stepping behind me and couldn't resist (all right, I didn't try) turning around and saying to the murderer (coughMalfoycough), whom I did not recognize because he had a ski mask on, "You are a very bad tip-toer, you know. You're really bad at sneaking up on people. It makes you wonder how you killed him." I poked Ron with my foot.

I died.

Just as I was dying I thought, maybe I'll be resurrected or reincarnated or whatever, and then I can sue the author. This thought made me so happy that I evil laughed all the way to limbo, which is where they sent me because I was to evil for heaven, but also to demented for the other place.