Spoilers: 6x01
Note: So I did my fluffy version of what I would love to see happen regarding Emma's secret already with There's Always a Way. I think this is a little more in line with what could happen on the show when Killian learns the truth. Hope you enjoy it! ~Steph
…Let Me Be Your Anchor: Part 1/1...
Killian carried the paper bag from Granny's into the empty sheriff's station. His brow furrowed at Emma's vacant desk. She said she would be bogged down with paperwork all day so he had decided to surprise her with lunch. Her favorite: grilled cheese and onion rings.
He set the bag down on her desk and headed to the cells in the back. He rounded the corner, stopping in his tracks when he heard her voice. Emma was in Hyde's cell and she had left the door ajar.
"There must be something that can be done to change my fate," she said sharply. "I've been racking my brain for weeks."
Killian felt his breath catch in his chest. What was she talking about?"
"I'm afraid not. The oracle spoke the truth. You can change the path to the destination, but not the destination."
Emma gritted her teeth together. "You mean I am going to die in some battle and there's nothing I can do to stop it?!"
Killian's legs nearly gave out. He had to bring a hand up to the concrete to steady himself. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose Emma.
"Your fate is determined. Your destiny already mapped out. There is no way to change it," he said.
Emma shook her head sharply. "Then why warn me? Why tell me to seek out the oracle if I could do nothing to change my fate? Just to torture me?"
Hyde shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose I felt you had a right to know. After all, one might choose to live their life differently if they know they are on borrowed time."
"When is this supposed to happen?" she asked weakly. "How much time do I have?"
Killian felt like he couldn't breathe. It felt like the walls were closing in on him.
"I'm afraid I know as much as you do, but I would say the end is near."
Suddenly, Killian heard the door slam shut and footsteps approaching. He quickly walked down the hallway and came to stand beside her desk. Emma appeared a moment later. Killian could see that her eyes were red rimmed and her face pale.
She forced a smile. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
He plastered on his own smile, as he sucked in a breath and gestured to the bag on her desk with his hook. "I know you're busy so I thought I'd bring you lunch."
Emma's smile was genuine now, as she came to stand before him, pressing a kiss to his lips. He noticed how she paused longer than usual, as if savoring him.
"Thank you," she replied softly, as she pulled back. "You always know just what I need."
Killian swallowed roughly. She made a move to sit down, but his hand encircled her elbow.
"That's right, love, I do. Tell me what you need."
Emma's eyes scanned his face, her brow wrinkling in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"I can tell you're still hiding something from me, Emma. I know something's not right."
He wanted to give her a chance to confess her secret. To trust him with the crushing news that was burdening her. He wanted to understand why she would keep this from him, from her family. He knew she was probably trying to protect them and that when she got scared she pushed people away, erected her walls again. But he thought she had made it past that. He thought they had.
Emma shook her head. Her eyes moving to the ground. "Everything's fine, Killian. I'm just dealing with a lot with Hyde being here and now the Evil Queen."
He stepped closer to her, his hand going to her chin and lifting her head to force her gaze to meet his. "You know you can tell me anything, right? Whatever it is, we can figure it out together."
Emma nodded. "I know. But everything's fine. I swear."
Killian's heart plummeted into his stomach. His tongue lashed at his lips and he took a step back.
"I suppose I should leave you to your lunch then," he said.
She smiled. "You can stay and keep me company if you want," she replied.
He shook his head. "I...have some errands to run."
Emma waited for him to press a kiss to her lips or forehead or cheek as he normally did, but he simply turned on his heel and exited the station. She had been holding back her tears until he disappeared from view. Once gone, she sank down onto her chair and bent her head. Her tears fell onto her paperwork, causing the ink to run.
…
Killian stared into the bottom of his fourth glass of rum as he sat on a stool at the Rabbit Hole. He had told the bartender to keep them coming. He felt his head start to spin and his vision begin to blur. He knew better than to find solace in alcohol, but it always had been his go to method of trying to numb the pain, forget even for a few moments. It had been that way for as long as he could remember, long before he became Captain Hook.
Killian Jones had been enslaved on a ship. His life was bleak and hopeless. So he had sought comfort in alcohol. Liam had tried to stop him, encouraged him to look for more positive ways of dealing with his problems. After they were freed, he had done just that for a long time. It wasn't until he lost his brother than he reverted to his old ways. He understood that about Emma. She reverted when things got tough for her too. But he had hoped that they had gotten to a place where she didn't need to hide from him.
Emma was going to die. The words kept rolling around his brain like a pinball. He had come back to her, they had fought so hard to have a future together, and now he was going to lose her. It didn't seem real. It felt like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from.
He picked up the glass and downed the rest of it. The bartender immediately poured him another.
"Looks like you've had enough," he heard come from the stool beside him.
He rolled his eyes and glanced at David. "Bugger off."
"I'm not sure what has brought on this mood or this drinking bender you seem to be on, but I can tell you that this isn't the answer."
Killian took another swig. "Then tell me what is."
"Tell me what's driven you to this point."
Killian stared at him for a long moment. Emma had been lying to him too. She had been keeping this secret from everyone who loved her. A part of him yearned to tell David. After all, he had a right to know his daughter was going to die. But the other part knew it would be betraying Emma. She had her reasons for keeping the truth from them. And he knew it wasn't his place to tell her secret.
His eyes moved back to the amber liquid. "Do you recall in Neverland when you were dying from dreamshade?"
David chuckled mirthlessly. "Kind of hard to forget."
Killian met his eyes. "Why did you keep it a secret from Snow and Emma?"
"You know why. I didn't want to worry them with something they could do nothing to stop and I didn't want to distract from our mission of saving Henry."
Killian nodded. "And if you had it to do over again, would you tell them?"
David pondered this for a long moment. "Yes, I would. I needed them. More than I realized. And maybe we could have figured out the solution together if had given them the chance."
Killian returned his eyes to his drink. He felt David's gaze on him.
"Is that what this is about? Are you dying again? Because I've got to be honest. At this point, it's just going to seem like a desperate grab for attention," he said.
Killian shook his head, as he stood and tossed some money on the counter. "Afraid not, mate. You cannot rid yourself of me."
David shrugged. "Well, if you want to talk, you know where to find me."
Killian nodded and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Thank you. I appreciate that."
And with that, he walked out of the bar.
...
It was late by the time Killian got home. He'd spent hours at the docks, staring out at the water. It had always calmed him, but it did nothing for him this time. Everytime he felt himself sobering up, he'd take another swig of rum from his flask. He didn't expect her to still be awake when he arrived home. In fact, there was a part of him that hoped she wouldn't be. He knew he needed to confront her, but he also knew he should wait until he was in a better state of mind and completely sober.
Killian walked inside and made his way to the stairs, but her voice coming from the kitchen stopped him.
"Where have you been?" she asked.
He made his way into the kitchen and found her sitting at the kitchen table. She waited for him to respond, but when he didn't she spoke again.
"I've been worried sick. I thought something happened to you, Killian. Why didn't you answer your cellphone?"
Killian sighed. The bloody talking phone. He had forgotten to charge it the night before and it had died sometime between drowning his sorrows at the Rabbit Hole and drowning them some more at the docks.
"Apologies, love," he said. "My phone died."
Emma stood up and came to stand in front of him. Her eyes narrowed. "Have you been drinking?"
"Hardly a day passes when I don't," he replied.
She shook her head. "No, I know you like your rum, but you only drink like this when something is wrong. What's going on, Killian?"
His eyes flashed with anger for a moment. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question, Swan?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You bloody well know what that means. I told you this afternoon. I know you're still hiding something from me. I've felt it gnawing at me. I could see that something was still burdening you, but I told myself you would tell me in your own time."
He waited, his gaze scanning her face, giving her one last chance to come clean. Emma dropped her eyes, not wanting him to see the guilt in them.
She shook her head. "You know what? It's late. Let's talk about this in the morning."
She walked past him and had almost made it over the threshold when his voice stopped her.
"I heard you," he said softly.
Emma's brow wrinkled in confusion. She spun around. His back was still to her.
"What?"
Killian slowly turned around to face her. He took a few steps forward so he was standing before her and met her gaze.
"This afternoon at the station when I came to bring you lunch. You weren't at your desk, so I went in search of you. I found you speaking to Hyde."
Emma felt her throat tighten and her heart begin to race.
"How much did you hear?"
"Enough," he whispered.
Emma felt tears spring to her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. She had been trying to protect him and her family from the pain she knew the truth would cause them. She thought she could figure it out on her own and spare them. She knew it was wrong and she also knew she was reverting to the old Emma, with the walls around her heart.
She licked at her lips. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"Why didn't you?" he asked.
She shrugged, shaking her head. "I wanted to spare you the pain. I know how much losing me would hurt you and-..."
"Bloody hell, Emma," he said in an eerily calm tone, cutting her off. "I love you. We have been through so much. You hurt, I hurt. You can't spare me that pain and I wouldn't want you to."
Emma stepped closer to him, bringing her hand to his cheek. "I thought I could figure out a way to save myself."
He removed her hand from his cheek and squeezed it in his own. "We are partners, Swan. We have always been better together. Look at what has happened when you've tried to do things on your own in the past. Think about what happened when you were the Dark One." He paused, swallowing roughly. "I thought we were stronger than this. I thought you trusted me."
"I do!" Emma said, bringing her other hand up to stroke his jaw. "Killian, I trust you with my heart and my soul."
"Just not with the truth," he replied softly. "You always go right back to that little girl who was all alone, that woman who came to Storybrooke who didn't believe in anything. Who wore her armor and built walls around her heart. I thought I'd helped remove that armor, I thought I'd helped knock down those walls."
"You did," she said, her heart breaking at the pain in his eyes.
"Then why couldn't you trust me with the truth?" he asked. "It was about more than protecting me, Swan."
Emma swallowed roughly. "I was afraid."
"Why?" he asked, his voice breaking.
She took a deep breath. "Because what if I told you, I told my family, and we still couldn't figure out a way to change my fate? Then what? What happens to them? What happens to my son? What happens to you? What happens when you all have to live with the fact that you couldn't save me, that I will have to make the ultimate sacrifice. How will you deal with knowing that terrible moment is coming and there will be nothing you can do to stop it? How are we supposed to live our day to day lives knowing that everyday this could be it? This could be my last day alive. I just wanted to have a chance at some happy moments with my family, with you. I didn't want this to be hanging over us every second of every day. I didn't want that for any of you."
Killian stared at the woman he loved more than life itself and his heart shattered. He pulled her into his arms and she buried her face in his neck. He felt her tears soak the collar of his shirt, as his hand stroked her back comfortingly.
"It's going to be okay, love," he whispered in her ear.
Emma shook her head and pulled back. "No, it's not."
Killian bobbed his head sharply. "I know the truth now. We can tell the others and figure something out. I am not going to lose you, Emma. We will have that future we fought so hard for."
Emma managed a smile. "I love that you never give up on me, on us. But I don't think this is a battle we can win this time, Killian."
"I refuse to believe that," he said softly. "The impossible happens all the time. We've seen it. I wouldn't be standing here otherwise."
"Sometimes impossible really is just that...impossible," she replied weakly.
He brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "I once felt that way about my life. I've spent most of my very long life alone. I'd lost my family, Milah. And I turned into a man I didn't recognize. A man consumed with revenge. I didn't think a better life was in the cards for me. I thought it to be impossible that I could find love again, free myself from the shackles of vengeance, and be the man I wanted to be. And then I met you, Swan. You opened my eyes, you opened my world. You made me believe in the impossible."
He stepped forward and placed a kiss to her lips, as tears spilled down her cheeks.
"Do you really believe there's a way to save me?" she whispered.
"I believe I will go to the ends of the earth to try," he replied softly.
"I love you so much," she said, as her voice became strangled with emotion.
"And I love you," he said. He paused for a long moment. "But you must promise me something."
"What's that?"
"No more lies, no more secrets. No more shutting me out and pushing me away. We are in this together, no matter what happens."
"I promise," she said softly.
Killian took a deep breath. "You know, love, my mother had a favorite saying. She used to say it to my father and I've carried it with me all of these years," he said.
"What's that?"
"Life's roughest storms prove the strength of our anchors," he said.
Emma smiled. "I like that."
"She stopped saying it for a long time after father left. But then she came to realize that Liam and I were her anchors and she was ours. After she passed, Liam and I were each other's anchors. And then I lost him as well. I spent a great many years without an anchor when I needed one the most. But then I found you and you've helped guide me through storms rougher than any I've ever encountered on the sea. Now it's time you let me be your anchor, love."
Emma grinned, as she wrapped her arms around his waist and felt his snake around her. "You already are. I promise I'll never forget that again."
He pressed a kiss to her lips. "We will find a way to save you, Emma. I'm not sure of much, but of this I am certain: There is much more left of our story to be told. We're just getting started, love."
Emma felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders for the first time in weeks. She wasn't alone anymore. And no matter what happened, she knew she could count on Killian to guide her through it.
...THE END…
Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought. ~Steph