Chronicles of a socially challenged moron
2:36pm the store
"You're impossible!"
"Not my fault you can't afford to buy me decent sized robes unlike my brother"
"don't you ever speak to your mother like that you know very well that mark was a prefect and so we rewarded him with –"
"With whatever he wanted. I don't care about mark! What about me? If I don't have decent robes Draco won't let me in the inferiors!"
"VINCENT CRABBE! You watch your language!"
Here we go again, Notebook…
Everyday it's the same, whether it's daft first years or idiot fifth years, they're all the same to me. If only I had taken that job on tour with Celestina Warbeck…
Trying to drown out the voice of Vincent Crabbe and his mother, I turn up the wizarding wireless network and hum along with 'a cauldron of hot strong love'.
"How rude! Come along Vinniepoo. We'll come back later as I want to catch up with Narcissa Malfoy across the street, you boys can play whilst we talk about Lucius's impressive performance Hmm….."
Thank god that's over. I wonder if Narcissa knows that Mrs. Crabbe is in love with her husband? Oh well, I'm glad to be rid of them. 'Oh yes lets go see precious Madame Malkin's so we can brag to unfortunates about our fortunes.' That's me precious Madame Malkin. Don't Ask me why I'm talking to a notebook as I have no idea what has gotten into me, but my dear friend Auriga Sinistra gave it to me. She's rather pleasant but I'll admit slightly mental. Ok, she's completely loopy but you've got to love her. Anyway I ought to go as- MERLIN'S BEARD! Sirius Black's escaped from Azkaban! I was just flipping through witch weekly (and no I was not perving at their article about top ten evil sorceresses who can inspect my robes whenever they want, but merely checking the pages for perfume samples. How dare you suggest I rub the article on myself in a somewhat seducing way? Oh shut up!) When I noticed the headline Azkaban escape and who wouldn't mind finding him in their quarters alongside a picture of Sirius black!
Well I think I ought to sit down. Now promise you won't tell notebook, well of course not your a notebook for goodness sakes well back in my sixth year as a Gryffindor (yes I went to Hogwarts as a student) black and I had a, well I suppose you could call it a bit of a fling, you see one night James and Sirius snuck into the kitchens and brought back some firewhisky we all tried some (yes I was a brave Gryffindor in fact I could tell you stories about Minerva McGonagall….) And somehow Sirius I locked in broom cupboard and we were drunk and well you get my point. How was I supposed to know he'd end up responsible for 13 deaths? He was quite a nice boy and quite fit from all that quiditch…Come on Dorothea! Pull yourself together you have customers!