Disclaimer: I thank Stephenie Meyer for sharing her characters but I do not own them.

Honey Moon Pie

"Stupid Fucking dress." I was mumbling incoherently as I tried to hold the bottom of my dress up so I could put on the matching fucking heels. This place was buzzing with people talking about random bull shit just to pass the time. I can not believe I allowed Alice and Rose talk me into this.

My sister was getting married, and I just so happen to be the matron of honor. I tried to bow out gracefully by telling Rose that Alice would make a much better matron of honor, but no…Rose couldn't have that, she had to have her sister as her matron of honor. Next thing I know Alice is throwing me into dresses and I have to prepare a speech.

I do not handle crowds well; let alone having to speak in front of them. What in the world Rose could possibly be thinking is really beyond me. It makes no damn sense to have the clumsiest person in the world stand up in front of hundreds of people to deliver a speech that will not only end up embarrassing her but also me.

"Bella are you ready yet?" I rolled my eyes even though Alice could not see me behind the door doing it. The space that I was currently in was a very cramped very smelly dressing room. It was not smelly in a body odor kind of way, more or less like way to much different mixes of perfume. I bet you anything that every single woman who stepped into this room sprayed something on themselves before they stepped out.

Of course Edward made me late getting here, so instead of being one of the first one's dressed I am the last and will probably end up smelling like French a whore from all of the different perfumes in this place.

"Damnit, I am coming Alice…shit let me get this damn death trap you call a shoe on." Alice was smacking her palm on the door now, impatient little pixie devil. You know, come to think about it…Rose didn't even have a chance to be a bridezilla. Alice took over that role for her when she started planning out Rose's wedding.

"God Bella, it's about time you came out of there. We still have hair and make up to get done."

"Alice, isn't Rose supposed to be the bridezilla? Not you."

"Pish Posh, I am simply stressing out so that she doesn't have to. It's what a true friend is for."

Alice waved her hand at me to follow her to the hair and make up area. I was taking my sweet fucking time, there was no way I was going to bust my ass so early in the game and let me tell you what, the shoes have it out for me. Therefore I need to be paying close attention to each step I take today.

"What the…" I felt a large hand cup my mouth and pull me into a dark hall way. I should have been freaking out but the 'shhh' I heard came from Edward, so I bit down on his hand earning myself a quiet yelp from him before he spun me around to look at me incredulously.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"I couldn't see who my attacker was. You should be proud of me, I defended myself."

I smiled up at him as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. I'm sure that he knew I knew who my attacker was, but I would never admit it…I secretly enjoyed biting him.

"Did you tell them yet?"

"No Edward, I didn't."

"Well, I told Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle."

"Look, I am not taking over Rose's big day…so tell them idiots to keep there mouth shut or I will locate the stapler."

"Wow, someone's a little violent today."

"Have you seen these heels?"

"Bella, what in the world do the heels have to do with your mood?"

"You try walking in 4 inch stilettos and then tell me how it affects your mood."

Edward laughed lightly before peppering my neck with kisses, his tongue was starting to run circles along my collar bone and I knew that I had to put this to and end. He was going to make me late again and it was only a matter of time before Alice started looking for me.

"Edward."

"Mrs. Cullen."

"You need to stop. Seriously, Alice is about to come looking for me and then she's going to smack us both around. I am supposed to be in hair and make up."

"Your hair looks fine and you don't need any make up."

"Tell that to Alice."

"I will if you want me to."

I rolled my eyes and placed my hands firmly on Edward's chest so that he didn't go and find Alice. He took this as his own initiative to starting trailing kisses down my neck and along my collar bone. I had to push my self away from him.

"Edward, I'm going to hair and make up. I will see you out there."

I pointed my finger for him to leave the way he obviously came and he pouted at me. I wouldn't say that I was exactly immune to his pouting, but I was starting to learn when he would use his secret weapon…and with that tid bit of information I was able to close my eyes so that I didn't have to look at it.

I stepped out of the dark hall way and started walking as fast as I possibly could in these shoes towards the make up and hair room. I could here the endless chatter and constant bickering coming from the crack in the door. I really did not want to step foot into the lions den, I was sure to get my head chewed off. Esme, Kim and Alice all looked disappointed in me when I did finally enter the room. Rose simply looked at me through her dressing mirror and gave me a thankful smile. I assume they have been torturing her too.

"Where have you been? I know it does not take ten minutes to walk down that hall!"

"Alice, chill out. I got here as fast as I could."

"Yea, well what was the hold up?"

"Your brother."

"Which one?"

"Not Emmett."

"Figures."

"Yup."

"Oh well, so much to do so little time, sit down so I can start doing your make up. Esme will you grab that flat iron and start doing her hair?"

While Alice was barking orders to the unfortunate mothers Rose was giving me looks of pity. She knew I hated to play Bella Barbie. As soon as Alice decided that my wardrobe was unacceptable she began this game and if you ask me it's a bit ridiculous. I have no need for all of this high fashion make up wearing crap.

Kim was standing behind Rose rubbing her shoulders down and massaging her neck. See, now if Alice really would have thought of everything then she would have also thought to have a masseuse around.

"How are you holding up Rose?"

"Fine, I just want to get this over with."

"I definitely feel your pain there."

"Oh, if only you knew."

"I think I have a pretty good idea."

"Ouch, Alice, what the hell?"

"Hold still Bella."

"Shit."

Alice had moved from my make up to my hair, and she was presently tugging and pulling at it to put it up in a bun. I had curls extending around my face and the curling iron that Esme was holding felt way to close to my skin for comfort.

"So where were you and Edward these last two days?"

"Oh, we had some stuff to take care of for insurance purposes."

I glanced at Esme through the mirror hoping that she wouldn't ask what exactly we had to take care of. It wasn't anything big in my book. Although, Edward was as excited as a damn child on Christmas day. He may have one this battle but I was winning the war, at least that's how I was looking at it.

"Ok, Bella, you're done."

"Oh good, I'm going to step outside and get some fresh air. How long do I have?"

"Only a few minutes, so be quick."

"I will."

I stood up, and started walking towards the door to head outside. I wanted to clear my mind before I walked in front of a bunch of people's stares. I could always feel there eyes like laser beams in the back of my head. It was nerve wracking to say the least. My anxiety was at an all new level of high and I could only imagine how Rose was filling. I know she handled crowds and pressure well, or at least she handled them better than I did. But, this was her wedding and surely there would be more people looking at her than there were looking at me.

I made my way outside of the building and stood against a far wall. My dad, Charlie was standing in the same spot but we didn't speak a word to each other. He looked like a ball of nerves ready to spontaneously combust at any moment.

"Dad, are you ok?"

"Yea, Bells…don't worry about me. How is Rose?"

"Oh, she's doing good, just ready to get this over with you know."

"Yea, I guess I do know. Hey Bells, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure dad, shoot."

"Well, this Emmett guy…is he a good guy?"

"Dad, he's perfect for Rose. She could not have found anyone better."

"That's good."

I glanced his way momentarily knowing that there was something more on his mind, he must have been having trouble spitting it out. I didn't know if I wanted to push it out of him, heaven knows that my father can think of some pretty awkward conversations to bring up…and I didn't want to fall victim to another awkward moment.

We both stood there shifting our feet uncomfortably against the cement in awkward silence. So much for avoiding an awkward moment with Charlie. I decided that it was now or never and whatever awkward conversation he might bring up could at least be slightly distracting from the crowd that awaited us inside.

"Dad, is there something else on your mind?"

"Well, kind of."

Charlie began scratching his head nervously as he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. Let the awkward situations begin! I rolled my eyes and tried to give Charlie my sternest look possible, maybe he would just cave and spit it out already.

"Well, I mean…do you think…maybe I shouldn't…awe hell Bells, I don't know if I should give Rose the 'honey moon' speech or not. Do you think she needs someone to talk to about that? Maybe a guy's point of view?"

I laughed, not only did I laugh I almost had tears coming out of my eyes. I would give anything in the world to see Charlie give Rose a 'what to do at the honey moon' speech. Actually, I would probably request to video tap it and post it on you tube.

"Dad, are you serious?"

He nodded his head and looked at me like I was crazy; I could see the smile starting to pull at the corners of his lips…at least me getting a good laugh at his expense was lightening the mood.

"Well, I guess I'm worrying over nothing."

"Yea, Dad, I'm sure Rose does not need any help in that department."

"Well, we better head back in Bells; the drill instructor will be out shortly to drag us in by our ears."

I turned on my heel to head into the building while Charlie wrapped his arm around my own; it was a sweet gesture and trust me I was not letting go if I could help it. Not that I felt that this was a good daddy daughter bonding moment, but shit he was a sturdy guy and could probably help me keep from busting my ass on the way to the waiting room.

"It's about time you two showed up, I was about to send Kim and Esme out to drag your butts in here."

I looked up at Charlie and gave him a sheepish grin, he had spent enough time with Alice to know that she didn't mean any harm…well let me rephrase that, she didn't mean any harm as long as your were cooperating with her grand plan of things. Charlie smiled back at me before moving to the end of the line to stand with Rose.

Here goes nothing, bring on the 'oohhh' and 'awes' of the crowd! The music started playing on the other side of the wood double doors. Esme and Kim were going to be the first to walk out followed by the ring bearer which was Roses nephew Alec and the flower girl which was Alec's twin sister Jane. They were both dark haired little kids who were by far smarter than anyone really gave them credit for. Edward laughed at me when I told him that I was going to be watching my back from those two when they got older. There was something seriously disturbing behind those dark eyes.

Following up behind the twins was Alice and myself, then of course Charlie and Rose. They guys were already supposed to be standing up at the front with Emmett. Esme had warned them that if Emmett started to misbehave she was holding them responsible. I'll tell you what; if Emmett is smart he'll be on his best behavior today because I would like to keep him as a brother in law. Not that Rose wouldn't marry him…she would marry him no matter what happened right now. But don't think for once she wouldn't hesitate to pick up a shovel and burry him in the back yard.

The line started moving forward and Alice picked up my hand and squeezed it tightly, I looked over to my evil best friend and noticed that her smile was practically blinding me, how many times did this chick bleach her teeth? No one's smile was naturally that white…there was just no way.

I followed four seconds behind Alice as she began her walk down the aisle. All eyes were surprisingly still on the door awaiting Rose, I was so thankful that no one was paying attention to notice that I stumbled slightly when I reached the steps that I was supposed to stand on. Well, no one but Edward and Jasper…they both made sure to hide there chuckles at my own humiliation.

Rose was graceful as she entered the room, the lights dimmed and the music changed to a softer melody. She didn't want to walk to the traditional wedding march but for the life of me I couldn't tell you the name of the music that was currently playing. Charlie held on to Rose tightly and when they reached Emmett he leaned in to whisper something in Emmett's ear. I couldn't tell you what he said but I could tell you that it made Emmett blush. Now that, I have never seen.

The vows were simple blah blah blah do you and blah blah blah this until they reached the specific blah blah that requested if anyone wanted to object to this marriage. Of course everyone turned to look around the reception to find out who would be brave enough to speak. There was a moment of silence and just as the preacher was about to continue the big double doors flew open. With a loud gasp coming from the crowd he stood there with a determined look in his eyes. I was about to commit murder.

"I object!"

"Fucking Figures."