Humoring myself just in case the Steph/Sonya convo dosnt happe which it prob won't :(
She's lying on the sofa, looking up at the ceiling, just thinking. She's been doing a lot of that lately; thinking about her family, thinking about her friends, thinking about her life. She's not sure she's done everything she wanted and she definitely has some regrets, part of her wishes she had made that bucket list now, jumping out of an airplane definitely beats a quiet day at the beach. Not that she's complaining, as long as she gets to spend time with her family that's all that matters. She only wished she had more time to put her regrets right. She hopes her 35 years on earth have been enough to make a difference and that her 10 years in Erinsburrah have been enough to repair some of the damage she'd done earlier. She doesn't want to leave, she's got so much she hasn't said, so much she hadn't done, so many people she's desperate to see again, phone calls and Skypes just don't seem to cut it anymore. She doesn't even allow herself to go to not being able to see Nell grow up, or she'll spend the time she's got left in floods of tears and she promised herself she wouldn't do that. she kicks herself inwardly for wasting time being by herself instead of being with Toadie, Jade and the kids, she would've fought harder against it but Toadie was insistent that she get some rest they were only gone to get some things for the beach house journey but every second counted, and she only wished she had the strength to be her usual stubborn self. She missed that part of her. The thought of having to tell him they've not got long left together makes her feel physically sick. She sighs and runs through the list of people she should probably be calling to explain "ok, ok so dad and Zoe, Locus and Vanessa..." she sits up suddenly remembering someone vital. She rushes as best as she can to find her laptop and sits back down on the sofa logging in and setting up her skype. First she sends a text making sure the person was available to talk; "hey, it's me, can we talk? X" a few minutes go by and she feels sick again, she quickly remembers why her name didn't immediately come to mind. It was gonna be way too hard. It was bad enough that she'd have to tell her husband, her dad and her little sister (who she's just gotten to know) that she might only have weeks left, especially as Zoe had cancer herself. At least she was doing well right? One less daughter for her dad to worry about; but having to tell her best friend, someone she shared so much with, someone who she considered a sister as well? The longer it took her to reply the more crushed Sonya became; "how... how... how do I tell her?"... Her lower lip trembles, but she's determined not to break; "ugh keep it together Sonya"! She yells inwardly at herself whipping away her tears. She's loved seeing the progress her best mate has made and longed for more years with her, but unfortunately time wasn't on her side anymore. Maybe she could watch from beyond like an angel or a star looking on, smiling whenever any of her loved ones advanced in their lives, just as she had always done. She loved being the cheerleader even after some of her loved ones left Errinsburrah, she was always around to cheer them on. Finally she gets a text back, she's so deep in thought the flash on her phone almost makes her jump; "hey Son! Sorry I took so long, I was on a call, of course we can talk; just give me a sec ok? X". She smiles, signs in and waits. In an instant Steph's face pops up on the screen; "hey son! How's everything going"? She says with a smile and a wave, Sonya takes a moment to take in Steph; her face, what she's wearying, everything. She even plays back Steph's voice in her head a few times just to hear it. She finds herself just staring. "Son, hello" Steph waves half dramatically and she's pulled back into reality. "Oh hi, hi sorry" (they both laugh) "S alright, how's the treatment going"? She was really hoping that wouldn't be the first thing Steph asked. She wanted a little bit of a laugh before she had to tell the best friend she'd had in ages that she was dying. "Erm erm yeah, all good". She says with a nod, she decides in that second to stall, she can tell her later, right now she just wants to talk. "Yeah"? Steph says smiling, and suddenly Sonya feels as guilty as sin, that smile will fade all too soon. But it's worth it if she could pretend to be ok for just a few short minutes. "Yeah, yeah Er the chemo's working really well, I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to, I'm getting lots of rest, I just came back from the doctors actually and they're err they're really pleased with my progress". Steph puts her hand on her chest and tilts her head back sighing in relief; "Oh Son that's such a relief". "Yeah, yeah I mean I'm not out of the woods yet but... I'm getting there". (She says with another nod) "I'm so glad Son, I'll have to come and see you as soon as I can we need to celebrate"! "I'd love that". (Smiles) "Everyone must be so happy". Sonya's heart breaks yet again when she hears that, and it takes all the energy she has left not to cry. So she plasters on her biggest smile yet; "yeah, yeah they are, actually Jarrod wants to take me away for a few days, have a bit of a breather you know"? "Yeah you definitely deserve it". (Sonya Smiles) "Yeah, thanks anyway enough about me, how are you going"? "What was the phone call about"? She says leaning forward intently; "Oh it doesn't matter". (gestures with her hand as if moving the subject away) "We're talking about you". (Sonya tilts her head back) "Ugh Steph I've had weeks of talking about me can we please talk about you now"? "Please"? (Steph smiles, that's another thing Sonya carefully takes a mental picture of.) "Ok" (She laughs) "If you're sure"... "Yes Steph I'm sure, now what was it about'? "Go on tell me". Steph's smile grows wider and she leans forward so she's now directly in front of Sonya; "Well actually it was about Adam". (Sonya gasps intrigued and beams with excitement.) "Dan and I were talking about me having joined custody". (The enormity of Sonya's smile now matches Steph's.) "Steph that's amazing"! "I know"! "I'm so happy for you"! "Yeah you guys definitely have to come and visit"! "Oh we will, trust me; we can do so much together now that you're gonna be ok"! (Sonya continues to battle against her tears, it's almost as hard as it had been to beat this thing in the first place.) "Make up for lost time aye"? "Yeah" (She nods) "It's been a bit of a wakeup call this hasn't it"? (Steph laughs and Sonya is keen to replay it over and over in her head until it sticks, just like she did with her voice. She wished so much that she could make more time for them, to have everyone she loved in the same place at the same time right now. It wasn't that she didn't make time before; it was just that she wished she'd made more. Now she barely had any. If she could go back in time she'd ditch all the causes and just be with everyone all the time, even if it annoyed them. "How about Charlie"? "How are things there"? "Yeah, yeah" (She says nodding) "good, actually he came over a few days after you last called, so that was nice, he left yesterday so…" (Sonya nods) "I'm glad everything's working out for you Steph, you deserve it". (She smiles) "So do you". (There's a pause, another opportunity to just take Steph in, part of her wishes she didn't have to say anything, all she wants to do is enjoy being in the company of her best mate for perhaps the last time. It's not long before Steph pulls her out of her thoughts again.) "So go on, what else have I missed"? "Have they found that Heather woman yet"? (Ugh Heather, the name still makes her cringe, how could she have been so wrong about her, so naive? Why was she always being taken in by these people? She still can't believe she let her into her home, what if one of the kids had eaten that woman's food? She knew she'd never forgive herself if anything happened to them; "err no, no, not yet, she's probably long gone by now". "Oh, well I hope not, she needs to be locked up for what she's done." "Yeah, no, I know". (She smiles and leans in closer to the screen as if Steph was physically there and she was about to tell her some really juicy gossip.) "In other news, you know how I told you that Leo and Therese got together"? "Yeah"? (She smiles and leans in closer matching Sonya.) "Well he actually proposed." "What"? (She giggles a bit.) It's only been a couple months". "Yeah I know, but she turned him down". "Aw poor Leo" aw I know, she's with Paul now". "Wow, well it definitely took them long enough". "Yeah and you know what as long as they're happy that's the main thing". "Yeah, just hope Leo's gonna be ok". "Yeah me too, oh and guess what, Paul err, he actually gave us £20000 towards my ongoing treatment so"… "Wow Paul Robinson the big softy." "I know, who would've thought aye"? (Both laugh.) "It's a lovely gesture Son, that's one of the things I miss about Errinsburrah, it's a real community, everyone rallies around each other, I can't imagine anyone doing that here". "do you not like it there much anymore"? (Sonya asks) "It's ok, actually it's a beautiful place and my mates are great, it's just you don't get that whole we're all in this together vibe". "Yeah, yeah I see what you mean." (She so wishes she could go and keep her best mate company, especially now, she reckons they could both do with a hug.) Half an hour goes by, Toadie, Jade and the kids have come back and said a quick hi to Steph before Sonya quietly asked them for some space, they'd then gone to pack for the trip, Toadie telling her not to be too long. She and Steph talked about everything from the very thoughtful lunch she and Toadie had with Karl and Susan to Sheila using a parenting book to micromanage Gary, and for the first time in weeks Sonya actually feels normal again. Steph's laughing at a joke Sonya made about Sheila's book; "Son it's so good to see you so happy again". "Yeah, yeah I am thanks" (She smiles) "Oh hey, how are Mark and Ely's wedding preparations going"? "Yeah, yeah good as far as I've heard, he err he actually had a bit of a wobble a couple weeks ago". "What"? "Yeah he was thinking of cancelling it because it didn't seem fair on me". "Wow"... "Yeah I know" "So what did you say"? "I told him I didn't want that of course, I said he deserved to be happy and that I needed something to look forward to". "Yeah he does deserve to be happy, and Elly's always been there for him hasn't she"? "Exactly, it would be such a shame to let all that go to waste, life's too short". "Yeah, well I'm glad everything's back on track now". (Both smiles) another thing Sonya won't get to see, her other best friend getting married. They'd been through so much together the four of them. Well at least she'll get to see Caitlyn, maybe, she's not really sure what she believes, and suddenly, as if it had jumped out at her from behind the sofa, she remembers the real reason she called Steph, the elephant in the room, the thing she absolutely did not want to have to tell an all to important person. She finds herself looking at the floor, which doesn't go unnoticed by Steph; "Son"? "You ok"? She quickly looks up and smiles; "yeah, yeah I'm fine I just..." (She takes a shaky breath but before she can find the Words Steph speaks again; "There's something you're not telling me isn't there"? She hated that, Steph's ability to read her, to know when she was hiding something; she hated that about Toadie too. Even when she'd had that relapse a couple years ago and tried desperately to push them away they wouldn't budge, kept asking her if everything was ok, kept trying to get her back on her feet, even when she wanted to wallow. It meant she couldn't keep anything from them, they wouldn't let her. But at the same time she loved it, she loved that she had people that knew her so well, that cared about her so much, even if sometimes she didn't feel she deserved it. She feels the tears start to run down her face and begins to shake. She hasn't had to say it out loud until now, and it scares her; "Son"? "Hey, what is it"? "It's me remember"? (Smiles and points to herself) "There is nothing you can't tell me". "How could you tell"? That's all she can manage so far; "because I know you (she pauses) "better than my sister remember"? (Another Smile and Sonya reciprocates) Her mind goes back to that day; they were both so happy. Steph going to start a new life with her kids, Sonya happily back with Toadie, blissfully unaware of the ticking time bomb about to go off inside her. If this wasn't a stark contrast to that moment, she didn't know what was. She swallows, this was it, she whipped her tears away, resolving to get through this as best she can; "Yeah, yeah I remember". (A tiny laugh of nervousness) "I'm not really sure how to say this but... I lied to you before". "What""? (She can feel more tears rebelling against her strong will) "Err; it didn't go well at the doctors". (Shakes head) "Oh my gosh Son I"... "She said…" (Swallows again) "She said I've got a week at most". Steph's face loses color and Sonya can tell she's trying not to cry in front of her; "Ca... can… You can get a second opinion right"? (She shakes her head) oh if only that were possible; "it's too late, things have been getting worse for a while now, I've had blurred vision, numbness in my hands ..." (She finds herself getting chocked up again, she whips her eyes.) "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I've been trying so hard to stay strong". "Son you don't have to pretend in front of me you know that". "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't know how and I just wanted to talk normally first you know"? "I know"… (nods) "So how's Toad taking everything"? "I haven't told him yet, I just wanna enjoy our trip first, I don't know how I'm gonna tell him Steph". (More tears) "I'm so sorry; ok err, what do you need me to do"? "I can be on the first flight over". Steph says still trying not to cry; "What? Steph, no you don't need to do that". (Sonya lied, she was desperate to see her but she knew it probably wasn't the most convenient time right now.) "err yes I do". (Steph insisted nodding her head.) "What about your job, the kids, you can't just drop everything for me." (Sonya says whipping her tears and trying to compose herself.) "ok firstly you are more important right now, secondly the kids are fine with their dads, and thirdly I can get someone to cover, it's no big deal". (Sonya smiles, this was another in a long list of things she was gonna miss about Steph, she was so kind and considerate, she was always putting herself on the line for her; she never did forget about the shoes. "I,I, I, I just don't want you to come all this way only to find out that I"… "Hey" (She's glad to be cut off, she couldn't bare saying the words out loud.) "You never know they might have gotten it wrong, doctors get things wrong all the time, there are always other specialists like that one you told me about in Germany". "Yeah, yeah I guess". (She smiles but she's pretty sure this is it. She's not a quitter but she's also not the biggest believer in miracles, especially after the last couple of years she's had.) "So…"? she's pulled out of her thoughts for what feels like the billionth time; "Are you gonna let me come and see you"? "Ok, ok yeah, sure". She says nodding and smiling; "be quick though, we've rented a beach house for a few days". "I'll be there in no time I promise, hey maybe I could come with you, when are you leaving"? "I'd love that". (She smiles again, she's so touched that Steph would willingly drop everything for her, she's so glad they've stayed close, she knows she'd do the exact same thing if this were the other way round; "we're leaving later this afternoon though so"… "Oh…" Steph says slightly disappointed, she didn't think it would be that quick; "I could always meet you there if you send me the address". "Ok, ok yeah, yeah I will". "Cool, ok well I'm gonna go look up flights ok"? "And I'll see you as soon as I can ok"? She smiles desperate to cut the conversation short for now so she can get to Sonya as quickly as possible. "Ok" (She nods) "Steph wait, she says quickly before Steph can end the call; "Yeah"? She swallows a huge lump in her throat and she feels more tears leaking out like someone forgot to turn off a tap in her head; "I, I, I, just have to say"… She's cut off; "Son, don't, don't you dare"! "I have to Stephie, please let me say it"…. "No, no I don't wanna hear it, they could've made a mistake like I said"… Steph rambles as she begins to feel her own tears refusing to let up; "Steph please, just in case… she swallows again and takes a deep breath; "You have been the best friend I have ever, ever had ok"? "Son stop"… "No, no you have to let me finish ok"? "You are one of the strongest, kindest, most caring, inspirational people I've met and it's been amazing watching your journey, and becoming as close as we have". (Getting even more emotional) "Even if we didn't get off to the best start, I'm so glad we made up for it, I love you so much". (Steph tries to cut her off again but she's not quick enough.) "Promise me you'll keep an eye on Jarrod and the kids for me". I know it'll be tricky but you could always visit, check in, call, anything you can ok"? "Sonya Rebechi you cannot give up ok"….? (She says trying hard to keep it together but failing miserably.) "I'll try". (She says nodding) "But please, promise me you'll keep an eye on them if… if it does happen". (Steph sighs shakily) "You know I will". "Thank you so much for everything, I love you Stephie". "I love you too Son". (Clears throat, trying to maintain composure) "Text me the address of the beach house and I'll see you there ok"? "Yeah, yeah I will" (She says, whipping her tears and trying to gain composure herself) "Take care yeah"? "Yeah, yeah you too" (they wave goodbye before hanging up, Sonya wipes a few more tears, puts her laptop to the side and stands up preparing to pack for the trip, just then Toadie approaches her; "Hey, you ok"? "Yeah, all good" "cool, I've packed your stuff already so"... "Aw thank you sweetie you didn't have to do that". "I know but I wanted to, I'm great like that you know". (They both laugh) "Yeah you are, I love you". (Toadie smiles) "I love you too" (They kiss) "I'll just go get the bags and then we can head off".(Toadie says turning around) "No it's alright, I'll get them". "You sure"? "Yeah, yeah I'm sure". As Sonya heads to their room, she hears the familiar sounds of her chaotic, noisy household. Toadie and Jade rounding up Nell and Hugo, Callum convinced he's forgotten something even though he seems to have packed everything but the kitchen sink. Sounds she knows she'll never hear again. She gets to her room, shuts the door and just sits on her bed, looking around the room at old photos of her and Toadie, she finally allows the tears to flow freely down her face.