My name is Maura Dorothea Isles; I'm the Commonwealth of Massachusetts' Chief Medical Examiner. I would say I'm quite a successful person, with all that I have achieved. I wouldn't always consider that a good thing.
It's funny, I smiled today and it felt wonderful because today it was my smile and no one else's. Even though this appears to be a good thing, I'm going through a bit of a 'blur' time at the moment. I'm actually frightened that at one point the stuff that I'm putting off will hit me and I'm not sure how I will react, I'm trying to prepare myself for something I cannot prepare for. It will just happen how and when it pleases. There is reason that I'm like this. I escaped in one way and I ran away in another. It saddens me when I lose touch of the things that mean the most to me, so I like to remind myself now and again in my own special way, before I go falling for any other nonsense that I'm away from. Have you ever had so much going on in your head that you suddenly stop and can't feel any more? Every good thing seems to neutralise every bad thing which leaves you feeling, well, nothing.
There are some things that I don't tell people, they don't need to know everything that has happened to me in my life. I do understand that if I don't tell people anything about me then it is highly unlikely that I will gain any friends. I'm the new person; no one likes the new person. When I found out myself what had happened to me I tried to just get on with my life, it seemed to have worked in the past but I suppose I'm just tired of being lonely. I've tried to explain to people all the negatives about what happened, but they don't really listen to me and I don't know why. They must think I'm lying when I say it's the worst thing to have happened to me, I guess they just don't understand and I can't really blame them, a lot of people say they would do anything to be adopted, to not have their parents because they embarrass them or they just get in the way. Well if I am going to be completely honest I would take that any day over being constantly lonely. It is human nature for people to be able to lie, it's seems to be in there genes to do so, although I cannot officially say that as there is not any scientific knowledge whether is it true or just my assumption. Unfortunately I do not have that ability. I was never really in any situation to have to lie; I didn't have anyone around me to. I am an only child; I had my surrounding world at my finger tips, as at least that's what people believe an only child to be like. I didn't have to share my time with anyone else, I had no real friends when I was growing up and my mother and father weren't always around for me to talk to, so when it came to lying, I suppose it was unnecessary for me to do so, it's not like anyone would have listened to me. I'm not trying to make out that I didn't have anyone. I had my adoptive parents, and it's not that they didn't love me. They just never have time for me. It was easier to be quiet and get on with things then make a scene. I had this want to be noticed but I never had the drive to do anything about it.