Disclaimer: I do not own the fictional characters featured herein

This is mostly introspection. I find Uther fascinating. I don't like him, but I can't quite bring myself to hate him either (of course, that could just be the awesomeness of Anthony Head). Still, a very intriguing character.

Spoilers/Warnings: set post 1x13 and direct reference to that episode, spoilers for all of season 1

Blind Spot

Standing in the shadows of the guard tower, Uther sees his son leaning against the battlements, staring out at Camelot.

It is not an unusual sight –– Uther himself has done it quite often. Arthur most likely picked up the habit by imitating him from a young age. Looking out over the city –– seeing the life before him, the beauty of the lands surrounding the productive bustle of his people –– had helped him so many times during his reign. It was soothing, allowed him perspective –– to see that he was doing what he could for the good of the kingdom.

Uther is aware of his own failings. He doesn't always need Morgana to point them out to him, though he will allow that she is one of the few who can do so and still sympathise and support him. Sometimes even he can't support his own decisions, but he has chosen his path and he will abide by it, whatever the consequences.

For now, he is just glad those consequences did not include the death of his son.

Arthur is smiling, laughing at something his companion has said. Uther loves that smile; it lights up Arthur's face, making him seem more like the mischievous child he once was than the more responsible man he has started to become. Arthur is a wonderful man and will be a great king; people will speak his name in awe and love. Uther counts himself blessed to have known him. Uther has been blessed by many people in his life.

Arthur's mother, too, smiled and the world lit up. Uther swore he saw flowers bloom just so that Ygraine would smile. She laughed, called him a liar and told him the flowers were probably blooming because she had finally conceived a son for him. That was the moment that Uther decided he could not possibly love his wife and future son any more without ripping his heart from his chest and presenting it physically for them as a gift –– a humble gift, hardly worthy of his family.

Uther had always felt himself unworthy of loving Ygraine. As they passed the years together, that feeling slowly faded. During her pregnancy, the feeling sprung up again and Uther worried that he would fail as a father. When he spoke his worries aloud in her presence, she would laugh –– that same fond disbelieving laugh that told him he was being foolish –– and soothe Uther's heart again and he knew all would be well.

Her death also marked his own demise.

Uther loved his son so much that it felt like he would stop breathing at the mere sight of the tiny boy. As beautiful as his mother, Arthur was possessed with the innate grace and royalty that always made Uther feel insignificant in the presence of his wife. It was both uplifting and heartwrenching to feel that way again. It was upon seeing his son in such a way that Uther made a decision to save them both from future heartache and stopped watching his son in such a way again.

One cannot die again from heartbreak if one's heart is already removed.

Watching his son now, Uther wishes he had not made such a rash and terrible choice in his grief and love. Almost losing Arthur just days ago was worse than watching his wife slowly bleed out as she smiled her beautiful and final smile at her son.

Uther had thought himself incapable of love any more, but his children kept proving him wrong. Arthur continued to impress him with his dedication and compassion, proving he was a worthy successor and as much his mother's son as his father's. Morgana pushed him as much as she kept him firmly grounded, making him think and refusing to believe he is completely heartless –– reminding him that a ruler must be both firm and sympathetic.

His family.

A ruler must stand alone, above all that could make his subjects weak –– even, at times, those feelings that may be beneficial. It is something he has repeated often to Arthur, but Uther found himself believing in his rhetoric less and less as he watched his son come into himself.

And still, Uther almost lost him …

Arthur's laughter rings clear through the air across the battlements and courtyard again. Heads turn his way and everyone who sees their beloved prince smiles in joy and love. Guards stand straighter at their posts, artisans work at their trades with even more enthusiasm, servants skip through their chores.

And Arthur's companion rolls his eyes.

Uther studies his son's manservant. Merlin. Gaius' trusted ward. An odd boy –– infuriating at times and strangely endearing at others. He had lied to Uther's face many a time but Uther's hand would always stay before passing harsh judgements. Merlin was loyal. Uther was not sure he had met anyone more devoted to Arthur than his manservant –– even his knights and those recruited and trained by his son could not claim such devotion. And Arthur returned the sentiment.

It was upon discovering how highly his son valued the boy that Uther started to take more notice of Merlin. Merlin was even stranger when one paid attention to him, but his actions and the events surrounding his son also became much clearer upon deeper study.

Uther was no fool. Gaius was not always just a humble physician and Nimueh once had a chair at his table. Uther only had to remember the past for Merlin to make much more sense than he often did.

But Uther also remembered how pale and lifeless his son looked as he lay on what should have been his deathbed and the tincture that Arthur's manservant had procured. Gaius was a good liar, but Uther had known him for years and the boy didn't even try –– his face had given him away the minute Uther had walked in to find the two of them tending to Arthur. He allowed the lie because it brought him hope.

The bite from a Questing Beast was always fatal.

Watching Arthur swallowing the mixture, Uther realised that there was one person for whom he would sacrifice his entire kingdom and everything Camelot stood for.

So Uther now watches his son laugh –– his cheeks rosy with life and eyes bright with joy –– and does not think of the strange boy standing always at his son's side, whose loyalty and love helped make hearing Arthur's laughter again possible.