Title: Most Desired
Author:XxXCrookshanksXxXP3/Sunset_Endings
Spoiler Warning: No spoilers, I don't think.
Genre: Angst, one-sided romance.
Rating:(Remember, this is a PG-13 Board.) NC-17
Chapter: 1/1
Summary: Arthur has always taken what he wants, this is no different. Only… This time he finally sees the destruction he left behind.
Authors Notes: Horrendously out of character. :) On Merlin's part at least if not Arthur too.
Disclaimer: Characters/places belong to the BEEB.
The sunlight outside the window seemed to tease him out of bed, the blinding light bouncing from every shined surface and into his sleep-weary, sensitive eyes. He groaned and closed them tightly and tried his hardest to ignore it. Even as he rolled over there was no escape and hiding under his pillow would only fill his nose with tickling feathers that had started to leak from a small, finger sized hole in the center. He'd have complained to Merlin to fix it, if only for the fact he'd did it himself with a reason behind it far too embarrassing to relay to the ears of the too innocent manservant. Just as he is about to give up and just get out of bed and hide himself behind the screen at the back of the room to change his breeches; the door opened with a bang against the wall behind it. A scruffy head of black hair emerged first, followed by a grinning face and slim body carrying a silver tray laden with cooked bread, eggs and pigs meat. The smell of the salted animal and the warm doughy scent of bread made him smile almost dopily as he turned around the face the door properly, allowing himself to take in the familiar sight of his completely terrible servant.
"Mornin'" He chimed though Arthur can tell he wasn't quite as bright and happy as he was making out. Not that he can really blame him. Arthur was none to happy about waking either but yet it must be done. Merlin however, would have to have woken a good few hours ago to have been washed, dressed and have a cooked meal.
"Mm." Is the only reply the Prince offered as he pulled the covers up over his shoulders, he watched with mild interest as Merlin pulled the first platter of bread off the tray and onto the old wooden table in front of Arthur's throne-like chair. He continued to bustle around, putting the meat dish down and then filling a goblet with freshly squeezed apple juice. He can only tell it is fresh because Merlin does such a lousy job of making juice that it usually results it parts of the fruit still mixed with the drink. More than once Arthur had been forced to swallow lumps of fleshy apple with his morning meal.
"Do you have training today?" Merlin inquires whilst pulling an apple from his pocket and placing it beside the platter of bread; then began to fuss over silverware, making sure he'd put the right instruments out.
"No." Arthur grumbled out, eyes shutting against the sunlight that Merlin had been blocking with his body seconds before. "Why are my curtains open?"
"I opened them." Merlin answered and moved toward the large wardrobe at the back of the room and pulled out Arthur's day clothes; fresh with the knowledge he was not in need of his armour.
"No. You only just got here; I've been suffering ever since I awoke."
"Did you not think to get out of bed and close them, then?" Arthur glared, having turned over onto his back so he could watch Merlin's progress through the room. Merlin barely spared him a glance as he worked.
"No I did not, it is not my job to go around correcting the idiotic work of my supposed servant. When did you open them? Last night?"
Probably a foul trick the man had pulled just so that he would be forced to wake up at the crack of dawn.
"I was here earlier, I tided up a bit." He can see a small blush appear on the boys face and for the life of him he couldn't understand it. What he had to be blushing at? Arthur turned his attention to the room and indeed, his clothes from the night before were now hung over the screen waiting for Merlin to take them to be washed.
"Do not open my drapes before I am awake in future then." Merlin was never early; he did not like the idea of the manservant probing around his room whilst he was unconscious. Mostly because whilst asleep he had no control of what came out of his mouth and he knew full well that if he spoke in his sleep then he'd be narrating situations that would likely have had Merlin with a permanent pink face.
Merlin nodded, still not looking directly at Arthur. "Are you getting up now, sire?"
It used to annoy Arthur greatly how Merlin managed to make the simple word, sire, into a mockery of the title. He had this tone about him when he said it that hinted to Arthur that being Royal made no difference to Merlin's thoughts of him. But the idea of someone who didn't care about money and titles was somewhat refreshing once the initial shock of it had been passed.
Arthur sighed heavily and sat up, Merlin, at the movement, turned to stare at him and then looked away almost immediately. The blankets had pooled around his waste and from belly button upward he was completely on view, he wasn't sure what the issue was there because Merlin had seen him in this state many a time. With a role of his eyes Arthur threw his legs over the side of the bed. The legs of his breeches shot down to meet his feet, sleep had driven them up.
"Oh, grow up Merlin." He had the good grace to smile weakly and move back to the table, he rearranged the goblet's placement and the pitcher of juice and waited for Arthur to re-emerge from behind the screen appropriately dressed.
Merlin had always been the odd one out so Arthur rarely took notice of his bumbling ways, he was always the idiot no matter what he did; so did it matter much what he was doing at any given time?
"The food has gone cold. Shall I take it to be heated through again?"
"No, leave it. It is fine; get on with whatever it is you're supposed to be doing."
Merlin nodded and moved to the bed and pulled the blankets to the bottom of the large mattress. He took his time stripping it and Arthur watched closely, trying not to blush when Merlin coughed to hide his own embarrassment; he had forgotten just how sticky he had made the bed last night. Drunk and horny for his servant hadn't boded for a good combination, he'd laid awake hours before he finally sated enough for sleep. He looked down to his food and probed it with his fork; glad to every god there ever was that Merlin could not read minds.
If Merlin cared to look, the back of his pillow, alongside the hole, would have grazes in the material from where his nails had dug into it, and there were likely teeth marks from where he'd bitten it so hard. He'd had to turn the pillow over in order to be able to sleep on it without suffocating on goose feathers and breathing in his own saliva. At the sheer memory of it the blood left his face and instead gathered in his lap. He bit down and then quickly shoved a mouthful of meat into his mouth to prevent any groans. Dreaming about Merlin certainly had a strange affect on Arthur. He'd slept with servants before, but female servants, he'd of course had sex with men. After a long and gruelling battle, it wasn't completely unusual for the Knights to find themselves sleeping with each other while camping before the return to Camelot. The strict conduct of: What happens outside Camelot stays there. There would be a very big difference in taking a man to bed with him in his bed.
It was hard however not to be tempted when the idiot was brushing past him constantly, leaning over to whisper to him during feasts: "More wine, sire?" Arthur swore the prat knew what he was doing and was doing it on purpose to make Arthur suffer for his thoughts.
His breeches were tightening considerably and he knew well enough that one quick night with Merlin and all desires would be forgotten. It had always been like that for him, Arthur had needed immediate gratification, what he wanted when he wanted it. But he couldn't have Merlin and so the thoughts lived on. From across the room Merlin was grinning. Frowning himself, Arthur began to speak but was cut off by a small burst of laughter, one of his servant's eyebrows were cocked up, the grin curling his lips and elongating his face.
"I didn't have you down for a daydreamer." He chuckled and continued to fold the dirtied blankets into a wicker basket, ready to be carried down with the clothes from last nights feast.
"Do be quiet Merlin. Take those away; I want clean sheets on there before I get back from my ride with Morgana."
"Sire." The sullen answer hung in the air as Merlin grabbed the basket, reached out long fingers to snag the material from the screen and throw it into the basket on top of the linen as he passed. He left without a glance back. Arthur however, snuck a hand under the table and became to jerk himself off to memory of last night's most wonderful dream.
He'd have to get Merlin drunk and bed him then kick him out before he got any ideas. He got the feeling Merlin wouldn't understand the difference between one night and a committed relationship.
0AoM0AoM0
Merlin did not return before he and Morgana headed out on their afternoon ride, three Guardsmen trailing behind them. As usual, Morgana bore an 'I know something you don't' smirk as she greeted Arthur at his chambers, the muttered. "I thought girls were supposed to take longer in dressing?" Had been passed and she'd turned and had been at the stables a whole ten minuets before Arthur reappeared with a glare.
"Are you going to tell me or am I to guess?" She finally sighed as they trotted over a large bridge just a mile from Camelot.
"Tell you what, Morgana?" He was in no mood for her taunts and turned to look at her sideways.
"About Merlin of course." She smirked; her dark hair blew over her shoulders in a sudden gust of breeze, covering half her face for a short while. He didn't need to see her face to know she had that smug, self-satisfied look about her, though. Quirking an eyebrow at her, Arthur retorted harshly.
"What about him?" They continued to ride, Morgana now chuckling as Arthur nervously turned to see how far away the Guards were and whether or not their voices were to be carried back to them.
"Gwen said he nearly mowed her down this morning. What did you do to him?"
"Absolutely nothing. The idiot was skulking around my room before I was awake."
"Oh. So you mean he was being a servant and turning up on time?" She mocked and he sneered at her, turning away.
"What's Gwen to say for his behaviour then?" He asked, ignoring her.
"Just that he looked as though he'd been scared witless."
"He's always witless, an utter idiot. I did nothing to him, I wasn't even awake."
"Ah… I see." And she kicked the horse and sped up, laughing as she left Arthur to his thoughts. He stared, mouth agape as it all suddenly seemed to fall into place. He knew now what had scared Merlin, what had made him blush this morning when he'd seen Arthur shirtless, when he'd seen the come splattered sheets… Merlin knew.
0AoM0AoM0
"How was your ride?" Merlin asked as he poured wine into Arthur's goblet. The room was uncharacteristically tidy and the sheets replaced. Merlin had for once outdone himself, most likely hoping the sooner everything was done the sooner he could leave.
"Fine." He replied, his tone sharp as he grabbed for the newly filled goblet and downed some of the thick red liquid, letting it slosh around his mouth and slither down his throat. He was glad to feel light headed already.
"Do you want me to help with that oily stuff…?" Usually Arthur would have snarled at Merlin's inability to sound professional. Not that Arthur knew the name of the potion either but said 'oily stuff' was a mixture Gaius had been giving to Arthur since he'd first started riding. He knew Morgana and his father used it too. It soothed his muscles after riding for long distances; making sure he wouldn't wake up stiff and in pain the next morning. It wouldn't do to be wincing just walking down the corridors, it wasn't a very princely thing to do.
"No." Arthur muttered unaware that Merlin had raised a brow at him in shock.
"Fine. Shall I leave now?"
"Do you want to leave?"
"Well, if all my chores are done, Sire, I have no reason to stay."
"Very well. Then fetch me the remedy."
At that, Arthur gulped the rest of his wine and stripped himself of his shirt before crossing the room and flopping down with no grace what-so-ever onto the bed.
He heard Merlin's feet stop at his side and turned to stare at him with a small frown. "Get on with it, Merlin. I wish to sleep."
His servant's hands were soft and warm. They pressed into every muscle of his body, the slickness of the oil soaking into his skin. It made his muscles tingle pleasantly and as Merlin ran his fingers up and down Arthur's arms, the Prince shuddered involuntarily; painfully aware of the hardness now pressed into the mattress below him. He had to bite his lip to prevent himself moaning in pleasure; it wouldn't do to make the situation any more uncomfortable for either of them.
Merlin's hands glided over his shoulder blades, around his neck and then back down over his spine. By now Arthur was growing restless. The need to bring his hands down to touch himself and relieve some of the uncomfortable pressure was getting harder and harder to resist the longer Merlin's hands were on his skin. It felt like the servant was scorching him, those warm, gentle hands feeling like fire against his icy skin.
Those sinful hands were then pressing against his sides and he makes circular movements as he massaged his way to the center of Arthur's back. He was biting on the pillow now as Merlin's hands found the hem of his breeches and then quickly pushed back up, away from dangerous areas. Arthur could have cried out in frustration but instead closed his eyes tighter and bit harder on the feather pillow.
"…Go down, Merlin."
"Sorry?"
"Down; move your hands down."
Merlin obliged by once again stopped at the hem of the fabric prison. He could feel Merlin frozen over him, he seemed utterly terrified. Mostly because Arthur had never made him do more than his back, after all, Arthur hadn't ever been keener to feel Merlin's hands all over his body before.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Pull them down."
He was aware now that he was in danger of exposing just how much he was enjoying this attention, but decorum be damned. He was past the point of caring what was respected and he was far to gone to remember his earlier enlightenment that Merlin was not interested in taking part in this experiment.
Merlin's broken nails caught the flesh on his back as fumbling fingers yanked the waist band down. He could practically feel the heat radiating off Merlin as his hands ghosted over Arthur's arse; The Prince moaned aloud then, too late to dive his face back into the security of the pillow. "Gods, Merlin!"
Merlin stepped away from the bed. "I don't- This isn't a good idea…"
And with that Merlin had moved away. With a muttered curse, Arthur yanked his breeches back up and slid himself off the bed. Pressing himself against the back of his servant; the blond grinned and pressed himself tighter against a shivering Merlin.
"It's a great idea." He wrapped an arm around Merlin's waist and slipped his hands into the dirty, worn breeches Merlin was wearing. To his surprise no hard flesh greeted him, only Merlin's shocked gasp. "Merlin…" He soothed, stepping back to the bed and pulling the ever so slightly taller warlock with him.
"What are you doing? Stop it now."
"I can't." He breathed into Merlin's ear; he felt guilty but held no desire or motivation to release him. "I can't stop thinking about it."
"I know you can't, but it's wrong."
Arthur laughed and Merlin shivered against him again. He was aware his own laugh had sounded more predatory than amused but Merlin didn't seem moved by fear but rather anticipation. Arthur's hand was still stroking over the softened cock and his servant was slowly giving in to it. It had to be said. Merlin had a lot more self-control that his master had.
"It's not wrong. No one will know…" Merlin nodded and smirking in success; the Prince turned him around to face him. He cupped the younger boys chin and cheek with one hand, the other hand wound around his head to bring Merlin forward. He pressed their lips together firmly. Merlin seemed startled, either that or unsure how exactly to do it. Smiling against the other's mouth; Arthur pulled back and stroked Merlin's cheek in an almost affectionate way.
He took another step back and sat on the edge of the bed then held out a hand to bring Merlin with him. For once, Merlin looked shy and lost; somewhat like a little boy being brought to a new home. Sheepishly Merlin looked at the floor as Arthur pulled him against him, kissing his chest and stomach.
Arthur moaned against the delicious flesh and then yanked at Merlin's sleeves, telling him to take the shirt off altogether; just pushing it up was no longer acceptable. The red material slipped over the kissed torso for a second whilst Merlin worked the roped fastening and scarf. It wasn't long before it was on the floor, rumpled not far from Arthur's own.
"Better. Now sit here." He indicated the bed, giving Merlin the spot closest to the pillows. Again, Merlin did not object and sat. That lost puppy look still plastered across his narrow face.
Arthur loved Virgins. They were so much more fun to take than those who had been passed around and used many a time. There was something tenfold more exciting about taking a virginal Merlin. As Arthur pressed another kiss to the skinny lad's mouth, Merlin groaned and leaned into it. Kissing back properly, his hands however, remained tightly knotted in his lap. Needing more, Arthur pushed the warlock back; Merlin's head hit the pillow and was lying at an awkward angle. His legs were still flicked over the side of the bed and Arthur lying across him. It was putting a strain on the darker haired boy's muscles; his legs were losing feeling as the half naked prince grunted in annoyance and knelt over Merlin instead; desperately seeking a more comfortable position to use in order to get closer to Merlin.
His servant stared up at him, lips bright and swollen, fingers curled in the soft silk of the duvet, hair sticking to his forehead. Arthur licked his lips and pressed forward again, this time using a hand to pull Merlin onto the bed properly.
Merlin still hadn't touched him back whereas Arthur couldn't keep his hands away from Merlin's pale skin. He brushed over ribs and nipples and sensitive skin, then dived down to copy the movement with his mouth; eager to taste. He was growing restless and his ignored cock was throbbing harder than ever. With a growl, he grabbed Merlin's hand and ran it over his own stomach. His eyes fluttered closed and with the action, he missed Merlin's alarmed expression. With his fingers still tight around Merlin's wrist, Arthur tucked the boys hand into his breeches; groaning loudly as the warm hands touched over his neglected organ.
"Oh." He breathed into Merlin's cheek, begging himself not to explode just yet. Merlin looked terrified, it was becoming apparent that not only had he never had sex with another person, he clearly hadn't touched them either.
Arthur slid his hand over Merlin's hand and pressed on his fingers to make them curl around his achingly hard arousal. "Come on, Merlin. Please…" He was panting and squeezing Merlin's hand tightly. He wasn't completely naive. He could see quite clearly what Arthur needed from him. But he wasn't sure exactly how to go about… Two men couldn't sleep together. It seemed impossible to Merlin and so he had gathered that for two men, this was the alternative; jerking each other off. It seemed simple enough, like all those nights he'd spent doing it for himself.
"You saw me, didn't you; this morning calling for you?" Arthur grunted through a panted voice. Merlin nodded and the blond sighed and kissed him urgently. "I've needed this ages, didn't know how to ask you…" He stroked a hand across the narrow jaw line, then moving up to take Merlin's earlobe between his thumb and forefinger. He took a second to look at the lobe before diving forward and taking it in his teeth and biting lightly.
"I don't know why I keep think these things though." There wasn't anything particularly special about Merlin. In fact he was quite normal in look, average. It wasn't Merlin's face that was attracting him, though it wasn't exactly unpleasant to look at. It was his outright disregard for Royalty and the respect it should command. It was his complete lack of ability in anything. Arthur found it… Endearing.
Merlin made a small noise in the back of his throat. His hand was still captive in Arthur large, bear like claw as the Prince moved it up and down his length. Eyes tightly shut as he nibbled on Merlin's shoulder. The warlock suddenly reached out and grabbed Arthur's own shoulder and clutched it tightly for a second before pushing it and struggling from Arthur's hand.
"Stop. Stop."
Arthur had no intentions of stopping and just pushed Merlin back down before claiming the slightly swollen lips with his own and grinning.
"Don't be nervous. We'll go slow… Not going to hurt. Won't hurt you…" It trailed off into a whimper as he felt himself crawl closer and closer to the edge. It seemed completely unrelated that the boy no longer wanted anything to do with this.
"Please, Arthur! Stop it!" That cry however caught his attention and the blond stopped his movements. His breath panted between them as a desperately terrified servant tried to fight his way to a sitting position. "I don't want to."
Arthur wanted to yell and hit out. Call him a tease and a whore and threaten him for all he was worth but that narrowed face contorted with horror and pain was enough for it to all crash around him. He sighed, released Merlin's hand and let the boy's hand slide from his breeches.
"Why not?"
"I don't know how, it doesn't feel right…" Merlin's tone was almost high pitched as he looked down at his lap in mild shame. Arthur reached out to touch the delicate skin before pulling his chin up to meet his eyes. He smiled softly at Merlin and lent into kiss him.
"It'll be fine, I promise it'll feel really right in a minuet." He stroked down Merlin's sides and licked his lips as he imagined tasting him again.
Merlin lay hesitantly down on the bed again whilst Arthur worked on his promise. He grabbed the oil from the side where Merlin had left it; there was no taking it slow now, lest Merlin have a change of heart again. He grumbled something inaudible into Merlin's neck, it was supposed to be a gesture of reassurance but the sweaty skin there had turned his voice to nothingness. He moaned again when Merlin arched into his touch but still kept his hands at his sides. It was so unlike Merlin to await instruction and command, he usually did what he wanted and when he wanted to. He wasn't sure if this strange, shy Merlin was better or not.
"God… Touch me, Merlin…" He slid a warm hand down the length of Merlin's right arm and waited for the limb to move up and grab his shoulder again, his other hand shakily reached to place a hand on Arthur's hip. It wasn't much but it was good enough and the blond beamed and lowered his head down to capture his lips in a kiss.
All the while he was lining himself up and once Merlin was distracted enough, he pushed one finger into the tight ring of muscle and waited for a second before twisting and bending it. The darker boy made a low rumbling noise in the back of his throat, his hands clasping tighter on the curve of Arthur's shoulders. The second finger curled in after and Merlin was vocalising his agreement. Head arching back in a delicious way, the blond bent and sucked along Merlin's throat and Adam's apple, taking pleasure in the salty taste of sweaty skin.
"Ar—Arthur—" He managed and then cried out as the third finger stretched inside him. Arthur chuckled and buried his face deeper in the crook of his servant's neck. The boy was arching up against him, small needy cries escaping his perfect pink lips.
He ran his hand down Merlin's body again and then back up to cup a cheek. He tried to smile but it faltered on his face. "It might hurt." Merlin didn't seem to care anymore, he just whimpered and waited.
With a smooth thrust up, Arthur forced himself in and the yelp that was his response seemed to override his own muffled groan of pleasure. "You feel good. This feels so…" He was cut off by Merlin's panting breathing. He swallowed nervously and tried to move himself carefully onto his elbows over the younger boy. "Is it alright?"
He didn't answer for a long while but when he finally did it was a muted nod and then a smile. "Odd." Arthur chuckled and then scrunched his eyes up as tight as he could. It was uncomfortable to say the least; being still like he was whilst hard and needy. It felt like an age before the warlock bucked his hips.
"Sure?" Arthur gave him in warning and when the nodded yes was given, he thrust in and out a few times before pausing again, noting the way that pretty face scrunched up in either hurt or desire; he wasn't sure which it was.
"You stopped?" He grunted out, his features smoothing back to how they were before.
Arthur thrust forward again and the following moan was encouragement enough for him to keep going. He sighed in relief as the tight walls relaxed a little, only to tighten again as the pleasure increased in the warlock. "More! Please! Hurry!"
The Prince laughed at each grunted cry from his servant's mouth but it did not stop the boy from following the commands. With each yell of need, Arthur met with a roughly angled push. Sweeping his hands down Merlin's arching body he took the boy in his hand and moved in time with his own pace. By that point Merlin was practically screaming; it was a good job really that no one was outside; they'd have thought that Arthur was brutally murdering his manservant. A thought that made the Prince smirk, he loved the sounds ripping from Merlin's throat, loved that he was the cause of them. The virgin that he was, was opening up around Arthur. His hands were physically raking over his skin and he'd been so tentative to do so before.
He stooped his head and kissed the opened mouth belonging to Merlin who greedily kissed back, he clutched his master's neck and hair to keep him in place. He was desperate and closer now; Arthur could see the barely contained wildness in his eyes. With one final grunt and thrust from Arthur, the warlock let out a strangled cry and came smoothly over their joined bodies. Arthur followed not long after, murmuring 'Oh god, oh god' in a horse voice as he rode it out with Merlin clinging to him.
0AoM0AoM0
A shadow passed over the wall opposite them in the flicker of the candles around the room. He had not remembered falling asleep though he presumed he must have done. The odd feeling of joyfulness and relief washed over him in memory and with a satisfied smirk he sunk back into the mattress further still. He wanted to ignore the lump against his chest; it was the only downside to an evening well spent.
He lowered his head and took in the site of the messy head of dark hair. The breath ghosting over his muscles made him shiver and he lowered his hand to stroke back a lock of it. He didn't usually let anyone spend the night and it felt odd to have someone against him still. He sighed and raised his hands to his face.
He'd been weak; he knew Merlin was off limits. He knew Merlin was not the kind of person who was going to understand how this worked; he didn't want this, not really, what he had wanted was his one night fulfilment. It had been topped by the fact his servant had no experience what so ever, he loved those innocent virgins who believed everything you told them and accepted it all in their stride. He groaned again, Merlin's terrified face looking up at him, those bright blues eyes trusting him implicitly, he remembered not having the heart to tell him to leave.
He didn't know what he was going to do now though, he'd pushed the thoughts away well enough, the occasional dream should have sufficed but instead he'd taking it too far. He'd have to see the boy everyday after this, have him dress him whilst knowing the idiotic mind was remembering images of their sweaty bodies rubbing together. Merlin groaned and shifted in his sleep, he hoped he'd get up soon. This was becoming unbearable. He'd never felt so guilty after sex before.
He felt the graze of the boy's eyelashes against his skin and knew his eyes had opened. It was a good job it was still dark, people would be asleep and Merlin might well pass through the halls unnoticed, if he was careful.
He closed his eyes, feigned sleep as Merlin lifted his head. He heard him stretch out with a soft rumbled, sleep filled sound then twist on the bed. He hoped he bought the sleeping act, perhaps he'd leave and the awkwardness could be left till tomorrow at least. Instead he felt the naked body twist up the bed and the warm breath of his servant as he bent down and kissed his lips, a soft, almost childlike laugh escaping his mouth as he lay back down: This time beside him rather than over him.
'Oh god.' Arthur mentally cursed; he'd have to kick him out…
He inhaled sharply and then turned to face Merlin, as his eyes opened he was met with the deliriously happy expression of Merlin's face. The pointed, narrowed features he had been kissing before were now seeping excitement. It was almost heartbreaking to be here, doing this.
"Merlin-" He began and then closed his eyes to sigh.
"What?" The other answered before moving to kiss him again.
"You need to go now." Arthur finally managed when Merlin pulled back and rested his head against the pillow; he nearly missed the small frown that creased Merlin's face. The boy laughed softly and snuggled closer to the Prince.
"Why? It's much comfier here than in my bed." He was grinning again, that silly, endearing and annoying grin that Arthur both loved and hated.
"Just go now, Merlin." It might have been the finality of the tone or the expression on Arthur's face but finally Merlin seemed to get the message and with a rather slow movement he slid away and then off the bed. He bent down for his clothes, sending a hurt look in Arthur's direction; one which was ignored as Arthur turned away from him.
"I, erm, - Did I—" Arthur looked over his shoulder at a nervous looking Merlin as he held his shirt in his hands and stared over at Arthur with wide eyes. He trailed off and looked at the floor. He looked ashamed and Arthur imagined the rest of the sentence was: Did I do it wrong? "Never mind…" He pulled the shirt over his head and tied his breeches quickly. Arthur could make out the way that face was contorted to mild horror now.
He tried to block out the pathetic snivelling sound of his servant attempting not to cry. He'd taken his virginity, told him to trust him and then had kicked him out with no explanation.
"I'll go then." He managed as he grabbed the last of his items: that ever permanent scarf.
"Oh! Merlin!" The boy turned and for a split second he looked almost hopeful. The guilt was crushing Arthur now but it was too late to turn back time, he should never have slept with Merlin in the first place. He pushed himself up onto one elbow, already thinking of a way to at least make attempts at amending the situation. "Come here?"
Merlin smiled and stepped back, though he looked edgy at best. "Please don't tell anyone, about this, us. It wouldn't look too good if the Prince of Camelot started bedding men. Don't worry about tomorrow either; I won't be here so I'll see you the day after?" Arthur smiled again, attempting to look honest and confident. Merlin nodded jaggedly before bolting from the room. The door shut with a snap and Arthur practically sagged as the tension disappeared with it.
That hadn't gone well. He'd explain it properly when Merlin returned for work.
0AoM0AoM0
It was most likely and in his best judgement a way for him to prove his own manliness because no sooner had Merlin left, Arthur had gotten himself up and dressed. He needed to find someone, a female someone in which to erase the memory of Merlin with. One had not been hard to find. He'd dragged her willingly back to his bed and for the rest of the night they'd touched and had sex without sleep, Arthur couldn't risk sleeping, he needed to keep going until it was all forgotten… As morning broke he found himself over her, she was practically attacking his neck and he was all too willing to let her as he closed his eyes, face angled at the wall.
He grunted his release and collapsed over the maid's body. She laughed and kissed his cheek; head rolling back as he responded with a nibble to her throat. Her smooth skin moved beneath his able lips.
"I have duties sire." She flirted, even whilst stripped and thoroughly sexed. He grinned and moved away with further explanation.
"Then I shall let you go." She giggled again and rose from the bed, the silk slipping down her slim form. Arthur practically drooled at the sight and watched as she dressed herself, she did it slowly, knowing he was watching and giving him a show for the final goodbye. It was just as she slipped her legs into a pair of stockings did the door open. Merlin entered with a broad grin but it froze in place at the sight of it. He flinched and his eyes darted from the bed to the silver tray he was carrying.
"Oh. Morning Merlin." The maid chimed and dressed quicker, covering her naked form from view. Arthur remained staring as impassively at his servant as he could. He tried to ignore the almost heartbroken expression on his face.
He wasn't sure what Merlin was doing there anyway, the idiot had nodded when he told him not to come in, yet here he was with breakfast; Arthur's favourite: Pancakes and lemons.
"I just came with- Well, it is breakfast. I'll just leave it-, it's here. I'll come back later."
He rushed out looking flustered with one last despairing look at the blond who was sprawled across the bed with the covers barely covering his lower half.
"That was embarrassing." The maid giggled and her face flushed from the sleepless night, she offered one last wink and left; her hips wiggling side to side as she stepped out the door.
0AoM0AoM0
"Are you completely out of your mind?" Morgana's voice was almost as painful as the several slaps she had delivered to his face when she had arrived in his room: both unannounced and uninvited. "Ask me where Gwen is, go on!" Her glaring eyes would have had any other man glaring but Arthur merely frowned, so used to it by now.
"And… Why would I care where your servant is?"
"I'll tell you." She continued as though he had indeed answered. "She's with Merlin, she and Gaius have spent the best part of the morning trying to work out why he won't leave his room."
She didn't need to say anymore, Arthur bowed his head. "Oh."
"Yes, 'oh'; what did you do to the poor boy?"
"What makes you think I did anything? You said yourself he was acting strangely yesterday!"
"Yes! after seeing you, now he's locked himself in his room; God knows how but I'm pretty sure I can figure out why! Has this got to do with yesterday?"
"Erm, I really don't think it's any of your business. If you're missing your handmaiden's company I suggest you demand she spends less time worry about some childish idiot and spend more time doing her job. Wouldn't hurt you to show a little more discipline, would it?"
"Wouldn't hurt you to show a little more consideration." She stormed off, leaving Arthur to wallow in the knowledge that he'd hurt his servant a lot more than he'd have liked to admit too.
He'd given in, in concern with Merlin once already. He wasn't willing to fail in that respect again; so even as the guilt, and dare he admit it, the loneliness, threatened to take hold. Arthur remained unmoving. It had been two days since he'd been 'caught' by Merlin and the boy had yet to return to do his duties, proving more solidly that he really was the worst servant in history.
0AoM0AoM0
"I can't believe you!"
"What've I done now, Morgana?" He sighed, placing the goblet on the table and looking up at her; one hand holding him up using the table and the other resting on his hip as he awaited the ward's judgement.
"Merlin, you fool. He's making himself sick and you're not even batting an eyelid. What has gotten in to you? I thought you cared for the boy?"
"He's my servant- Was my servant, you don't-"
"Oh, shut up. We both know you don't buy into that crap any more than I do. You might not admit it to Uther but we both know you don't want Merlin to hurt."
"Of course I don't…" He relinquished the grasp on his cool exterior and sat down on the chair. He let out a groan. "I messed it up."
"I know that." Arthur spared her a glance; she was smirking in her small victory. "Why didn't you just let him down gently? I know sensitivity isn't your strong side but you can't even manage it for Merlin?"
"What?" He leaned forward, frowning up at the girl as she mimicked the movement, looking just as confused as he did. "Let him down? I slept with the guy and he got the wrong idea, there was no way to let him down gently, what ever I said would have had him pouting like a girl."
"Slept- You did what?"
"What are you talking about?" It was the dawning realisation, he and Morgana were clearly not sharing the same conversation.
"I was talking about him being in love with you! I thought you laughed at him because he confessed or something… That's what I thought the whole 'scared witless' thing was about. I thought he told you he loved you and you laughed it off!"
"Why would he tell me he was in love with me?"
"You aren't that stupid, Arthur? You're not blind! You must see the way he looks at you? The way he talks to you and the way he talks about you… Arthur the poor boys' in love and you slept with him and cast him aside like all your other whores?"
"Morgana!" His mind was all one big blur, it all seemed too stupid to him but the language from the usually elegant and sophisticated Morgana had put a stop on everything. Once it slowly sunk in he felt a sinking feeling he couldn't place gripped tight on his heart; making it harder to breathe. "Oh god!"
"What were you thinking?"
"I don't think you really need me to answer that, do you?" She shook her head, looking disgusted; still stood there at the opposite end of the table.
Outside the hustle and bustle of the city seemed enough of a distraction, he stood slowly and moved to the twilight lit square below. Knights were moving swiftly across the courtyard, capes billowing in the breeze behind them as they marched; heads high. "I don't feel like that for him." He answered slowly. Morgana sighed heavily.
"I think he deserves to hear that though, don't you?"
"You mean he hasn't guessed already?" He tried to joke but was met with a stifling silence. "I'm not good with feelings; chances are I'll make him want to throw one of us off the roof…"
0AoM0AoM0
Gaius' chambers were darker than his own rooms anyway but even more so with only the flicker of a few candles lighting it. The elderly physician stared at him through wizened eyes and for a moment he felt like he was five years old again, trying to conceal the fact that he'd cut himself playing with the knives he was told not to touch rather than falling over like the story he told the healer. He knew well enough Gaius could read him well enough, he knew by the expression on his face he was the one guilty of Merlin's misery.
"Can I see him?"
"If he'll let you in I dare say you could try." The physician responded and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, an eyebrow raised. Arthur nodded and moved to the stairs. He paused and caught his breath before ascending the narrow bend of the concrete steps. He knocked twice at the door and to his surprise it opened upon contact with his fist. He entered and looked up to see Merlin.
He was sat on the bed, head resting against his knees. He looked and then turned away immediately before the Prince could even get in a word. Closing the door softly, Arthur stepped forward and then sat on the edge of the bed. He couldn't bring himself to say this whilst looking at the man he'd perfectly crushed in his own greed.
"I'm sorry." Merlin didn't answer, but he wasn't really expecting him to say anything. "I didn't realise when I-"
"Made a really big mistake and slept with your servant?" Arthur looked up. He'd never heard that tone in Merlin's voice before. He sounded disgusted, but it was at himself, not at Arthur. He sounded angry and cold and it was all directed at him self. It was that realisation above all others that forced him round. Arthur hadn't made the boy hate him; he'd made him hate himself. He'd never once felt this kind of shame before, he'd never felt apologetic for anything he'd done and yet the sight of Merlin near tears was enough to make him want to change everything about himself.
"No… It's not because you're a servant. I sleep with-" He gritted his teeth and changed course, "It's because you're a man, it's because you are my servant and we're supposed to see each other everyday; it would be awkward if we were in some kind of relationship. It's because I don't want to be with anyone… I have to get married and produce an heir and I have no idea when. I want to make the most of my life before I'm stuck on some throne for the rest of it."
Merlin sniffed and turned away, he wanted to cradle him and tell him he was sorry. "I was weak and I took you to bed and I shouldn't have. I didn't know how you felt and I didn't care; I just wanted you and it was damn the consequences."
He looked at Merlin, taking in the sight of his destruction and for the first time appreciating exactly what his selfishness did. He'd lost his friend and his servant and managed to make the same person feel utterly worthless all in one single move; there was no way to amend it and just seeing that unmoving expression on his face was enough to tell him that. Ashamed, he looked away, trying then to conjure the next apology.
Review=MUCH LOVE AND COOKIES?