Author's Note:

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and this story derives from her original works, storylines, and world. Please do not sue me, I can barely pay tuition.

Warnings: Character high off their mind due to pain killers acting unlike themselves.

Stacked with: MC4A; Terms of Services; Shipping War

Individual Challenge(s): Gryffindor MC; Hufflepuff MC; Short Jog;

Representation(s): Auror Tonks; St. Mungo's

Bonus challenge(s): Middle Name; Nightingale; Second Verse (Ladylike); Chorus (Fizzy Lemonade); White Dress; Odd Feathers; Creature Feature; In the Trench; Surprise!

Tertiary bonus challenge: NA

Word Count: 1414

Shipping Wars

Ship (Team): Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin (Technicolour Moon)

List (Prompt): Medium 1 (Cheesy Pick-Up Lines)

Emergency Contact

"What's cooking, good looking?"

Remus froze in the doorway. He was still recovering from the shock of receiving an owl from St. Mungo's. One could add the shock of finding out that Dora had been injured during a sting gone wrong, which also involved the shock of realizing that he had been her emergency contact in the Auror department.

And now, this.

The Healer who was tending to Dora turned around and saw Remus.

"Hello," she said sweetly. "You must be Mr. Lupin?"

"Hi," Remus said. "I… I'm here to pick her up."

Dora looked groggy, leaning back against a mountain of pillows, lime green hair splayed across the crisp white sheets. Her eyes looked hazy, but she looked drowsily and pleasantly happy. And happy to see him, apparently.

"I'll let you pick me up any day, babe," Dora said sluggishly. She tried winking, but the gesture was slow and awkward.

"Of course," the Healer said. She flipped through Dora's chart. "Auror Tonks took a rather severe blow to the leg for a colleague earlier today, but the Healers managed to save the limb and expect a full recovery."

"Are you alright?" Remus asked Dora.

"I've been feeling a little off all day but now you're here and I'm turned on," Dora said.

Remus felt himself blush. "Dora…"

"It's alright," the Healer promised. "The potions we administered to manage her pain are quite strong—one of the reasons we can only let her leave if she'll be with someone..."

"Of course," Remus said. "I'll take care of her."

"Lovely," the Healer said. "I'll be back with the discharge papers. Auror Tonks, if you'd like to get dressed, Auror Shacklebolt dropped off your emergency pack from work… There are clothes there for you."

"He's cute," Dora said, gesturing vaguely in Remus' direction.

"Yes, dear," the Healer said.

The Healer smiled before popping off—leaving Remus to help her.

"Do you know what these hospital robes are made of?" Dora asked him when they were alone. "Girlfriend material."

"It seems like cotton to me. How about you put your clothes on, you'll be more comfortable? No, let me draw the curtain first…" Remus said.

Luckily Dora was so disoriented by the effort to sit up that she was quiet as he helped her into a pair of pajama pants and a Weird Sisters sweater. The bandage on her leg looked thick and intimidating. Though he was as gentle as possible, she hissed when his hand brushed against it.

Her shoes, clunky Auror boots, were on her side table, waiting. She dropped the first shoe he passed her, and he picked it up to put it on her foot himself.

"I'd say God bless you but it looks like he already did," Dora said.

"Oh dear," Remus said under his breath.

He laced her other boot just as the Healer came back with some potions to take home to ward off infections and manage the pain with detailed instructions for how to use it.

"We'll want to see her again in two days," the Healer said. "Don't touch the bandage before then, it was a nasty bit of dark magic and we have to try and stifle the wound. If she runs a fever, complains of worsening pain, or if her condition changes in any other ways, make sure she comes back immediately."

"I will, thank you," Remus said, tucking the potions in his pocket.

The Healer waved her goodbyes to Tonks who thanked her for her help and for bringing "a pretty man" her way. Remus could have died.

"How do you feel about going back to Padfoot's?" Remus asked her quietly once they were alone.

"I'll go anywhere for you," Dora said.

"Dora, this is a serious inquiry, not a proposal," Remus said.

He couldn't exactly return her to her roommates in this shape, and he was absolutely sure that he did not want to meet her parents for the first time while Dora was drugged out of her mind and doing her absolute best to pick him up. Because yes, unfortunately this was her best attempt at flirtation.

Grimmauld Place it was, then. She had a favourite spare bedroom there, and he'd be able to keep an eye on her and ply her with tea. If he didn't manage to wiggle out of the patrol of Malfoy Manor he was assigned to for that night, Sirius could take over.

"We're going to go to the house, okay?" he explained.

"My place or yours?"

"The house, Dora," Remus said. He shouldered the bag of things she'd had with her. "Here, take my arm while we walk down…"

"Oh, yes please."

"For balance, Dora."

Of course, they made it down the hall without great ceremony, but the second they were trapped in the elevator with a family and young children, Dora opened her mouth again.

"Is it okay that I'm checking you out without a library card?" she said.

At first Remus thought that it was a mercy that the family hopped off on the next floor before the pickup lines got worse, but then came in a trio of fairly old women. Dora tried her luck again.

"Why was 6 afraid of 7?"

"That's a joke, not a pickup line," Remus said.

"But the punchline is 69," Dora said.

"Stop."

The witches looked outraged, and Remus tried to grimace apologetically. Dora looked quite pleased with herself. Remus let it go.

They made it all the way to Grimmauld Place before she tripped on her own feet and he caught her.

"Are you okay?"

She looked up and smiled.

"Are you a Firebolt? Cause you swept me right off my feet just there…"

Sirius was going to have a field day.

"The steps might be hard to climb," Remus warned her.

"Do you know what else is hard?"

"Nope," Remus said. "Let's do them one at a time…"

"That's what she…"

"Dora, focus."

She clung to him on her way up and until they got to the living room. He set her up on the sofa with her feet up and tucked a blanket around her.

"What's this, then?" Molly asked, coming in.

"Hello Molly," Remus said. "Dora was injured at work, but the Healers say that she'll be okay. She's just here resting up…"

He turned to the fireplace and bent down to build a fire.

"Nice bum, where you from?"

"Dora that's not appropriate," Remus called back. With a wave of his wand, the fire started and he turned back to Dora. She'd thrown her blanket to the floor so he picked it up and draped it over her legs once more. While he was close and fretting, he checked for a fever.

"So other than being sexy, what do you do for a living?" Dora asked.

"I'm unemployed, you know this."

"Really? You could do all kinds of things."

Remus looked to Molly apologetically, but Molly had the good sense to bite back a smile and wander off under the pretense that she'd make tea.

"So did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Dora asked.

"I didn't."

"Why'd you look like that?"

"Dora, I'm a werewolf," Remus said plainly.

"Can I kiss it better?"

"Admittedly, nobody's tried that before," Remus acknowledged. She reached for his hand but grabbed the air a little bit too far to the left. He closed her fingers around his hand, and she brought it to her lips.

"There," she said.

"Thank you."

That was when, because today was a day of shock, she burst into tears.

"Oh, Dora," Remus said. "What is it? Does it hurt?"

"I shouldn't be flirting with you," Dora said. "I have a boyfriend and he's so nice and I love him."

"I'm sure he won't mind," Remus said, somewhat amused and somewhat cautious over where this was going and also a bit… well, shocked to hear her say those three little words.

"He doesn't think he's good enough for me," Dora said. "I think he's the best thing that's ever been mine. I'm so afraid he'll never see that."

"Okay," Remus said. "Deep breath, Dora. Deep breath. Try not to worry about him right now, I'm sure he'd want you to take care of yourself and rest."

"Probably you're right, he's very caring and gentle and soft," Dora said, nodding off. "If you see him, tell him I'm fine—I don't want him to worry about me."

"I'll tell him," Remus promised.