Moving On
She knew the way by heart, but for someone new, it could have easily have been a maze, but instead of large hedges they were replaced by grey tombstones. That many was killed that night. It was May 2nd late afternoon 1999 just one year after the battle. She knew she would be alone at this time, his family having been there earlier and now preparing dinner in the memory of what happened just one year ago. She knows this because she was invited but cancelled in the last minute telling them she was sick. A lie, yes. But she had her reasons.
She didn't notice the first drop of rain from the sky, neither the second. Head down, flowers in hand she walked slowly past the many tombstones her way. When she accidently glanced at some of the names from the tombstones her pace got faster and her grip around the flowers tighter. Lavander Brown, Colin Greevy, Tonks, Remus, so many. When she past Severus Snape she began to run. She didn't stop before she reached her destination and when she finally did, it was pouring down with rain, but she didn't care.
She sat down on her knees, not caring that the grass was now wet, in front of what was the last sign that Fred Weasley ever existed. She put down the flowers besides all the others his family had brought with them earlier today. Not one was orange. Only hers. She wondered why. She knew it was his favorite color. She had brought orange roses. Normally she didn't bring flowers, but on her way to the graveyard she saw a botanic store and in the window she saw the orange roses. Before she knew it she had bought them.
She sighed, remembering his lips she only got a taste of once. If only she had known, then she would have been sure to have kissed him again. She shook her head at herself. She could not have known. No one could.
"Why me?" It was barely a whisper. She would never know though. She never asked. She didn't even know how it happened. Or when. Or maybe she did. But at that time she didn't think anything of it.
"You wanna go to the Yule Ball with me?"
A prank. That was what she had thought it was. But maybe it wasn't. She had been in the library when he had asked. She had turned him down instantly.
She was taking a book out of the bookshelf when he called her attention. He was on the other side and could just see his face through the hole where the book she had just taken had been.
"Fancy seeing you here, Granger," he had said taking her by surprise.
"Couldn't have said it better myself, you do know we are in the library?" It was in a sarcastic tone.
"We have a library?! How come no one told me?" She just raised an eyebrow at him and turned to walk away not wanting to waste time on his jokes and pranks.
"Come now, Granger, don't be like that, don't walk away." He followed her from the other side of the shelf and stopped her when they reached the end and stood in front of her blocking the way.
"What do you want, Fred?" she asked irritated. Fred seemed surprised that she knew that he was Fred but shook it off. "And beside, where's your other half, George?" She continued.
"He doesn't know I'm here."
"He doesn't know we have a library either?" She interrupted mockingly.
"Funny Granger, didn't know you would have humor," he replied half annoyed, "No, I came to ask you something."
It was not until then she realized how close he was standing and took a step back making more room between them. "What is it then?"
A small smile was forming between his lips while he answered her.
"Yule Ball. Do you have a date yet?"
"Can't see that's any of your business," she said startled by the question. She tried to go past him but he stopped her grabbing her lightly by the arm. She shook it easily off and stared at him questioningly.
"You wanna go to the Yule Ball with me?"
It sounded like there had been hope in his voice but at that time she hadn't registered it. She felt the tears forming in her eyes just waiting to escape, by the thought of it. How could she have known that he had been serious at that time? They had barely spoken before.
"He doesn't know I'm here."
It could have been a sign but she hadn't picked it up. What if she had said yes? But she hadn't. She had glared at him thinking it was some kind of joke, a good laugh if she had said yes, so she did the only thing she could think of. Telling him flat out no and pushed him aside so she could get past him and stormed out of the library in fury. She wasn't going to be a laughing stock, but then again maybe she hadn't either way.
One teardrop finally escaped.
Not long time later he had asked Angelina to go with him a few seats from her. She of course had said yes, though she hadn't missed the glance he gave her after Angelina had accepted his invitation. But if it hadn't been a joke, then when did he take notice of her that way? She didn't know. They had never been alone together before until the day in the library.
They had laughed at the Quidditch cup but they had been with most of his family and Harry. Everyone was laughing and just having a good time. That until the dark mark appeared. He had rejected to anticipate in her S.P.E.W. project, though he did offer her a cookie after Harry's first task in the tournament. He promised her nothing was wrong with it and she had trusted him. Why hadn't she trusted him when he asked her to the Yule ball?
But when and why didn't matter anymore. "What if"s was just a waste of time and painful for her heart.
She would never know.
"Why that sad face, Granger?"
She had gone outside to get some fresh air after the fight with Ron. She didn't know anyone had followed her. She turned to face her intruder to see Fred Weasley standing by the entrance to the castle. He looked worried, head tilted lightly.
"If you had gone with me I would have made sure you were laughing the whole time." He continued this time smiling.
"Ron." It was the only thing she could say at that point, still furious over Ron's reaction and how she was fraternizing with the enemy. He took a few steps towards her and she turned around away from him and wiped away the last tears that had fallen. Moments later he was standing beside her.
"He's an idiot, don't make him bother you."
"Too late now, isn't it?" She said angrily. "Anyway, I know you were just joking when you asked me to the dance." She distracted not wanting to talk about Ron.
"Joking?" he sounded amused. She turned her head to face him just to turn away again when he continued. "Why did you think I was joking?"
"Well, because uhm, well -" Of course he had been joking! But why? Not knowing why she began doubting herself.
"So you tell me," he interrupted. "The reason you turned me flat out no and stormed away was because you was sure I was joking?" he bewildered. She only gave a small nod not daring looking him in the eyes.
"Krum hadn't asked you yet?"
She shook her head. "He asked me the day after."
"And said yes?"
"Well, yeah. He seemed sincere. Told me he had tried to talk to me but hadn't had the nerve, not until that day." She explained.
"So when I tell you I have something I would like to ask you I can only be joking and not be sincere?"
"When you put it like that it sounds awful. It was just,- it was so, so," she stopped for a moment looking for the right word. "It was so out of the blue," she reasoned, dumbstruck. "I'm sorry Fred, but we have never really talked before, not alone and I just thought-"
"That I had to be joking?" he interrupted looking at her with a raised eyebrow. He didn't look angry more hurt. But that was fast gone. "So you tell me, if you hadn't thought I was joking your answer would have been?"
"Yes, my answer would have been yes." She sighed, confused by the conversation.
"Good to know, Granger," he said turning, and then slowly walked back to the entrance of the castle hiding the smile that was daring to show. He turned around just before he went inside.
"Oh and Granger?" he called.
"Hmm?"
"He's just jealous, you know."
"Who is?" she questioned back not knowing what he was talking about.
"Ron, remember? The reason that you are standing outside alone and not dancing with your date, remember?"
"Oh, yes, of course"
It was now completely dark, though the clouds had broken apart and was leaving holes so you could watch the stars. She didn't notice though, deep in thought, she didn't notice either that the raining had stopped nor the person standing a few feet behind her, watching her silently.
Krum had kissed her that night when they parted and said goodnight. She wondered if Fred would have done the same if only she had said yes.
She was studying alone in the common room. It was nearly midnight and she was tired, but stubbornly she continued knowing she was almost done. Twenty minutes later she was done and smiled proudly at herself for her accomplishment. Ready to go to bed she packed her things and went to the staircase to the girls dormitories, but stopped abruptly when she heard voices and then the portrait door opened. Surprised she saw George and Fred climb in through the portrait hole. She could hear them whisper to each other, but couldn't make out the words.
"Fred, George? It's past curfew! What were you two doing out so late?"She said letting herself be known. She could clearly see that they were as surprised as she was, but they gathered themselves and smiled innocently at her. Maybe too innocent.
"What ever do you mean sweet Hermione?" George answered.
"Yeah? We have been here the whole time!" Fred continued "Didn't you notice us?"They pretended to be hurt.
She glared at both of them. "I'm not stupid, you know."
"Oh we know that, Hermione. Aren't you supposed to be the brightest student in your year?"
"No I think it was the brightest student in the entire castle." Fred commented with an afterthought to his brother.
"Yeah, see Hermione? We know you are not stupid. Anyway we were just heading to bed. Night Hermione." George said and headed to the boys dormitories.
"I'll be right there George, you go ahead." Fred said hesitating.
She watched as George went to leave and then turned her attention to Fred who was standing a few feet from her.
"I was just heading to bed too, good night Fred" she turned to walk, but hesitated sensing he wanted something and glanced back. He was watching her and smiled when she stopped. "Fred?" She asked.
"Granger?" he asked back.
"Aren't you going to bed?" she tried.
"Indeed I am" but he didn't make a move. She turned around again, taking small steps towards the stairs to her dorm, but hesitated again and turned around right before the stairs.
"How come you call me Granger, when George calls me Hermione?" She asked him, wondering.
"Why not?"
"Don't you think we should be on first name basis considering you asked me to the dance joke or no joke aside?"
"I thought we establish I wasn't joking when I asked you." He slowly walked over to stand in front of her. He smiled shyly but still with confidence. Hermione nervously took one step up the stairs so that she didn't have to look up at him. He continued: "I like calling you Granger"
"You don't like calling me Hermione?"
"Sure, but everyone calls you Hermione."
"Oh"
"Does it bother you?"
"No, actually it doesn't."
"Good" he beamed.
She took some more steps up the staircase, but hesitated once again. She had a question and it was bothering her and only he knew the answer.
"Fred?"
"Yes?"
"Did you want me to say yes when you asked me?"
"No point in asking if I want a no, is there?"
"Right"
Silence.
"You and Krum?"
"Just friends" she smiled down at him. "We really should go to bed."She said with an afterthought.
"Indeed we should" No one moved.
"Oh Fred? What were you and George doing out so late by the way?" She asked curiously.
Fred smiled. "Maybe I'll show you someday."
Hermione smiled shyly but accepted the answer. She looked up towards her room and then back at Fred. "Good night Fred."She climbed the staircase with no hesitation this time and went to the room, but not before hearing Fred's last words to her.
"Night Granger."
She ignored him when the person sat down next to her. She should have known he would come. He had tried to confront her the past six months, but she somehow managed to avoid him. Whenever she saw him make his way to her, she always somehow managed to make an excuse and avoided the confrontation. She didn't know what he wanted and she knew it wasn't justified to avoid him. But the way he talked, the way he held himself, his eyes, just everything was a reason to avoid him. He looked so much like him, reminding her of the moments they had had together. But of course it wasn't his fault they were twins. Sometimes she felt bad for ignoring him. His death must have been hard for him too if not worse. She was selfish, she knew that, but sometimes, she reasoned to herself, a person was allowed to be selfish. Just a little.
George didn't say anything and for that she was glad, but she knew the silence wouldn't last; eventually he would make himself noticed. She could only hope for a little more time.
Fred did show her where he and George went at night. The kitchen. She smiled. If she didn't know any better at that time, it had probably been some sort of date. They ate ice cream, talked and laughed. That was the day she learned his favorite color.
She had hesitated at first, saying it was wrong, that it was slavery.
"We'll just get our ice cream ourselves" he had laughed. "No work for them."
And that was what they had done, though a lot of protesting was being made by the elves wanting to help them.
Nothing had happened between them that night, but then again she hadn't thought much about it at the time.
She could see with the corner of her eye that George was watching her carefully though she continued ignoring him. It wasn't really that hard.
She was walking down the empty hallway on her way to meet Ron and Harry after spending time in the library when Fred sneaked up behind her.
"I'm going to miss you, you know" Fred softly said.
"You going somewhere?" She stopped on her tracks and turned to face him. She looked confused.
"Me and George are preparing a good farewell to dear Umbridge," he answered stopping too.
"But what about your NEWT's?"
"Don't need them. Me and George are opening a joke shop. Always been the dream. Anyway, I reckon people will need a good laugh now more than ever with everything going on."
"Oh, that's, that's wonderful, Fred. I'm happy for you," she said really meaning it. "When are you going?"
"Tomorrow."
"So soon?"
He smiled. He picked up a lock of her hair and put it behind her ears. She was pretty surprised by the gesture but figured he really didn't know what he was during. It was a caring gesture, a gesture she rather liked. She smiled. No one had ever done that to her.
"We don't see the point in wasting valuable time," he said." So prepare for a good show."
"I will." She promised softly. He smiled and turned to leave but she stopped him. "Fred?"
"Yes?"
"I'm going to miss you too."
She sighed. It had been a spectacular show and was really proud of him, both of them. And she hadn't lied. She had missed him which had surprised her a little. The school felt empty without them and she couldn't steal glances at him now and then which she had done throughout her fifth year. Watching him duel against his brother in the DA meetings. She hadn't noticed it that she was secretly watching him, not until he was finally gone and it had all just felt empty.
"Hermione?"
It was soft almost a whisper but she had heard him. His voice sounded so much like Fred's and it stung in her heart. She ignored him.
She had been excited to visit The Borrow for the summer before her sixth year, and was amazed how beautifully a job Fred and George had done with their shop. She was browsing through the inventions they had made when Fred approached her. They were in one of the corners in the shop excluded from the others.
"This is amazing Fred," she said truthfully looking up at him. "I'm really proud of you, both of you."
He grinned proudly while looking around his shop. "Yeah, it is, isn't it," he agreed beaming. "If you see something you like, just say it, my treat," he continued looking back at her. He was overjoyed and one could see he was really proud of himself and his brother, but who wouldn't be? The turnout was incredible and they were always busy with costumers.
"Thank you." They stood in silence for a moment. "I did miss you, you know," she said shyly. "Hogwarts wasn't the same without you both. No one to make people laugh, and the fireworks was incredible," she continued blabbering. "I think even Mr. Filch missed you since he couldn't give you detention, and the fireworks. You were the topic of every conversation for the rest of the year, even the teachers -"
"Granger" he interrupted grinning at her. She stopped abruptly and looked confused up at him, though smiling. "I've missed you too" He continued and while he said it he tuck a lock of hair behind her ear like he did before he left Hogwarts.
She blushed smiling shyly.
"Hermione?" George tried again.
She continued to ignore him.
"Now that I have you here," he spoke again, this time he smiled shyly though with a little bit of confidence. "There's something I've wanted to do for a while."
"What?" she spoke nervously.
He stroked her cheek and looked at her lips. With a coy smile he began leaning forward. Her heart was beating rapidly knowing that she was about to kiss Fred and wanting him to.
Just inches away someone called startling them both.
"Oy! Fred!"
"What George?" He called back annoyed by the interruption.
"I need some help over here!"
Fred sighed and looked back at Hermione. "Better help him out, huh?"
She nodded feeling slightly disappointed, but didn't show it. "Go aid your brother," she smiled.
"Granger?" George tried for the third time, this however gave him Hermione's full attention. Shocked eyes turned to George, but narrowed quickly down until she was glaring at him.
"Don't call me Granger," she said her voice hard.
"Because that's what he used to call you?" he said low but just as hard.
Sighing, she didn't answer.
"I like calling you Granger"
"You don't like calling me Hermione?"
"Sure, but everyone calls you Hermione."
She didn't know if George even knew about her and Fred or how much he knew. She hadn't told anyone but George being Fred's twin probably knew a little if not all.
"We miss you, Hermione," he then said. "And we're worried," he continued. "Ever since you came back from Australia it feels like you have been avoiding us all. Always making excuses, even today! When we needed the whole family together, Ron needed you."
"George please, I know and I'm sorry," she said. "It's just so hard."
Australia. After the war she had needed to get away. Away from everything. So she went to Australia. She had the excuse to go too since her parents would be somewhere in Australia. She had confronted Ron and Harry two months after the war that she wanted to look for her parents. Harry had offered to come with her, but she had told him it wasn't necessary but then he insisted, telling her that he wanted to get away from it all too.
She couldn't deny him that, so he went along with her and helped her look for her parents.
They had been away for a month when they spotted them at the beach before sunset. They had almost given up hope when fate was with them. Her parents were walking along the beach. They looked happy and with no worries.
She sat on a bench watching them. She couldn't confront them. They didn't look like the parents she remembered. Maybe it was because of the handholding and the kisses here and there. Her parents never did that.
They looked so much in love again.
She just sat and watched them.
Harry had left her alone to give her some space and she was grateful for that. She sat there for an hour and watched as they laughed, kissed and sat on the sand holding each other while watching the sunset.
When the sun was down and nearly dark she went looking for Harry. When she found him she told him that they should return home.
He didn't ask any questions, but just accepted that they were going home without her parents.
Again she was grateful.
"Ron still loves you, you know," George slowly said.
She couldn't look at him and just nodded. She had been awful to Ron after the war. She had asked for them to take a break before they went too serious. Ron had looked so hurt.
"Do you love him?"
She looked up at him surprised by the question. "Of course, yes I love him, but George," she said. "You don't understand."
She did love him. But she also loved Fred. She could always have a future with Ron, but with Fred, with Fred that future had ended, before anything had really started.
She just needed time.
She had had a crush on Ron since her fourth year. Had fallen for him in her sixth year. She hadn't known a person could fall for two people but apparently one could.
She had done it.
What hurt the most was that she never had the chance to choose from one another. It was either none of them or Ron.
Fred was dead.
It had hurt so badly when Ron and Lavander were going out. She did the best to ignore them both but when one of them being her best friend, made it pretty hard.
Fred's almost kiss was completely out of her mind until the summer after her sixth year when she saw him again, and she remembered.
That summer was also the summer when Ron finally made a move on her and kissed her. She was happy but whenever she saw Fred, butterflies appeared in her stomach like never before.
"Hermione, you have to move on."
A small teardrop fell from her eye.
"Did you know?" she asked faintly.
George hesitated. "I knew he had had a crush on you since our sixth year. But I didn't know anything happened between you. He never told me." He said slowly "But I kind of figured that something might have happened because of your reaction after the war." He sighed.
She nodded. "Something did happen."
She felt more tears falling down her cheeks.
The wedding was beautiful. Everyone was having a good time and forgetting that a war was raging. Flour and Bill made a beautiful couple and one could tell that they were made for each other. She even had a good time and it was nice to know that even with the war going on life still went on.
Hermione had just stepped outside to get some fresh air when Fred approached her.
"Having fun?" Fred asked and went to stand beside her.
"Very much" she smiled, "the wedding was beautiful".
He turned to look at her and beamed. Curiously she looked up at him and raised an eyebrow in question. He grinned. "Any change you wanna dance with me?"
Butterflies in her stomach, she answered. "Sure."
"But I thought you were with Ron, I thought you were in love with him?" George said confused.
"I was." She quietly said.
"Then when?"
They had gone inside again and they danced. They could have danced forever it felt like. Hermione had never been happier nor more guilty in her life. It was then she realized she was in love with Fred too.
Ron broke them apart thinking nothing of it and she danced with Ron instead. It wasn't until later that evening Fred found her again. This time very nervous. He pulled her away to a corner where no one could see them.
"Granger," he was serious. She could tell by his voice, but also nervous. "I know you are with Ron, but I feel like this is my last change."He paused. Now she was nervous. Her heart had never beaten this fast as it was now.
"I may be the worst brother for doing this," he continued this time softly. "But I just want you to know how I feel about you."
Before she could react he learned forward and kissed her eagerly, and she was fast to kiss him back. He put his arms around her holding her closer to his body. She gasped and he was quick to deepen the kiss passionately.
When they finally broke the kiss it was only because of the lack of air. Fred was still holding her close, his hand around her neck, steadying her head inches from his.
"I'm in love with you," he breathed after a moment of silent.
She beamed. "Fred, I'm in love with you too."
Fred laughed and kissed her again, this time more gently, though it was short this time. They were interrupted by the Patronus of Kingsley Shacklebolt and soon death eaters were at the party.
They broke apart. She squeezed his hand and mouthed "sorry", and left, running to find Harry and Ron.
That was when the three of them left to find the horcruxes and the most confusing time of her life. She missed Fred a great deal but Ron was there, and when he left out of anger she was heartbroken.
Of course she was quick to forgive Ron when he came back. Something about Ron just made her smile but nothing made her heart pound so hard as Fred.
"Hermione?"
"I can't say George," she said sadly. "It just happened. I fell in love with him but I don't know when or how. It just happened."
The last time she saw him was at Hogwarts where the war really began. They didn't speak though only shared a moment glance. Everything went so fast. But when she saw him she knew.
Ron kissed her in the chamber of secret. Last time they kissed was before she had kissed Fred, she didn't realize that before after they broke the kiss. Everything was so hectic. No one knew what was going to happen and she was scared. And she loved Ron too, always had, so she kissed Ron just as fierce as he did her.
She sighs. She doesn't want to remember what happened next. She doesn't want to think about Fred lying emotionless on the ground. She doesn't want to remember the sobs around him coming from his family.
She closes her eyes. When she opens them again she's looking up at George, her eyes wet.
"George," he looks down at her waiting for her to continue. "George," she sobs again. "I would have chosen Fred."
5 years later. She's with Ron and they have a one year old baby girl. Ron had given her a year for herself before he asked her out on a real date and she said yes. They had taking things slow. Two years with dating he asked her to marry her and she said yes.
Hermione never told anyone but George about Fred and he kept his silence too. The two of them became very close. No one really knew how or why but no one put a question on it either.
She visits Fred's grave twice a year, one with the whole family on the day he died and the other time is with George the day Fred asked her to the Yule ball. Sometimes they just sit together silently other times they talk about Fred and sometimes they just talk, laugh and just catch up on each other's lives.
She was happy now and happy to be with Ron. Though sometimes she wonders how life would have been if Fred never died or if things would have been different if she just had said yes when he asked her to the Yule ball so many years ago. Sometimes she touches her lips and thinks back to the day he kissed her and confessed his love for her, other times she just cries, wishes he was alive.
But these days are getting rarer as the time goes by.