It could not have felt more wrong that you couldn't have asked for a more beautiful spring day. The temperature was mild, the breeze gentle, and the sun rained beams of happiness down upon the crowd that had gathered at the graveyard. It was the final insult for Lina, that the world seemed to be joyous despite her loss. The song the birds sang was sprightly and cheerful, their celebration of spring and life cruel, given that Gourry's life had ended. It was such a stark contrast to when Dianna had died and a downpour of rain nearly flooded her funeral. Back then the world had seemed in solidarity with her grief and mourning. But now the world felt coldly indifferent to her pain. And given all the work that she and Gourry had put into saving the world, the fact that it refused to grieve and honor him stung.
One of the toddlers shrieked with laughter, and Lina couldn't help but send Cory a look, and she grabbed the boy and picked him up and started whispering in his ear. Lina took a deep breath as Min put a hand on her shoulder. Her great-grandchildren were too young to understand death, and it was only natural that they would want to play on a beautiful day. But it was painful to hear laughter at the moment the coffin was to be lowered into the grave and their final goodbye was at hand. Lina's stomach twisted.
She had known and traveled with Gourry since she was fifteen. The things they had been through were so unique to them that she could never hope to form another bond with someone the way she had with him. And while it had been undeniable that he had been getting older and frailer for decades, it had been tempered by the fact that Pomona had turned out to be such a gifted herbalist and had pulled him from the brink of death so many times. For awhile Lina had deluded herself into believing that Gourry's lifespan could match hers. Yet one horrible day they realized that Pomona had delayed the inevitable for the last time and there was nothing more that could be done. And their time together ended.
Still. While Lina had not set out to combat the ravages of age, a powerful sorceress such as herself naturally resisted it. That Min and Attie, powerful sorceresses themselves, appeared more youthful than their much younger siblings who did not possess their magical skills illustrated just how powerful the effect was. While Lina was unsure how long she could expect to live, the potential for her to live for decades, even centuries without him seemed too impossible to comprehend. He had been apart of her life for so long that she could not envision a future without him by her side.
Lina buried her face in Attie's shoulder as the coffin was lowered. It was strange to seek comfort from the daughter who had always drawn it from her, their roles now reversed. Even through her sadness Lina realized she didn't want it to stay that way. Yet when Dianna had died she had worked through her grief with Gourry at her side. How was she supposed to move forward now?
Attie slowly walked forward, taking Lina with her. Lina took a ragged breath and dropped a rose onto the coffin, and then she watched with a calmness that would have amazed her a decade ago as Charlie tossed a rose in for Dianna. As the years passed she had come to accept his sporadic presence in their lives, even appreciated the way she was able to reach her daughter through him, albeit in a limited form. Min added one of her own, followed by Attie, Pomona and then Luke. After them the grandchildren lined up to add their own roses, and despite the fact that several of them had inherited Lina's wanderlust, Lina knew that Gourry would have been touched to learn that all of them had made it home for his funeral. Lina's children gathered around her as they watched their children pay their respects, and then the line formed again with the great-grandchildren, some of whom had to be guided or carried by their parents. Finally even the youngest of the great-grandchildren, at a mere five months of age, had paid their respects, and Min took a moment to thank everyone for coming and to offer refreshments back at their house.
Lina hugged herself and resisted Attie's pull to leave. "Mom?" she asked.
"I just need a moment alone." Lina said as her daughters looked at her, their concern evident on their features. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
"You don't need me to wait with you?" Attie asked as Zelgadis came up and grabbed her hand.
"No, go on ahead." Lina assured her as she stared at the grave and reflected that it looked lonely. Somehow it wasn't right that Gourry and Dianna were buried so far apart.
"Given the lives we lived, that all three of us survived to reach old age is an achievement I wouldn't have thought possible when we first defeated Shabranigdu." Zelgadis said quietly. "It was a gift."
"Gift?" Lina repeated, and then she smiled tiredly, "Gourry did say as much once, even when the pains of old age started to become burdensome."
And then she cringed at the thought of how he had lost more and more with each year. He'd not been able to wield a sword for a little over a decade and towards the end being comfortable, and then living without pain became more difficult. While part of her felt selfish for not letting him go earlier, he'd not been in any hurry to leave. And if she was honest there was a part of herself that felt guilty that she was relieved that his suffering was over. Still. She couldn't conceive of how to move on without him.
"Hey," Zelgadis said as he reached forward and gave her a hug. The gesture caused Lina to laugh a bit through her tears even as she returned the hug.
"That stone heart of yours sure melted." Lina managed to say.
"I learned a lot from him about being part of a family."
Lina felt herself grow a bit warmer as they let go of each other. "It would have meant everything to him that he set such a good example there."
Juliet walked up with Cory, who was bouncing her son as she held him, and Zelgadis reached his arms out and Cory handed him over. Lina watched as he put a hand on Zel's face and he smiled in response. "You sure you'll be fine here on your own?" Attie asked.
"Go on ahead. I'll head over in a few minutes." Lina said, "I just want a moment alone with him."
"Right." Attie said, and then nodded at Cory and Juliet as she wrapped an arm around each of them as they walked back to the house as Zelgadis kept close to his family.
They had been the last to leave, and Lina drew a deep breath as she looked at the grave and said, "We've been saying for years it's been harder to have a moment to ourselves. Always a kid or a grandkid around. And they keep growing in number."
The thought that she would meet the next great-grandchild, or even their first great-great grandchild, without him hit her with the force of a ton of bricks, and she reached forward for something to steady her but nothing was there. She crumpled to her knees, on the one hand hating her inability to appreciate the time they had. How many people got to meet so many of their great-grandchildren after all? They'd had so much time together, but somehow it wasn't enough!
"After all these years, you're still lost without him."
Lina's stomach tightened. She knew that voice far too well, and she had hoped to never hear it again. "What do you want?" she snapped as she somehow scrambled to her feet and turned to face Xellos.
"To pay my respects." He replied as he walked forward to the grave and actually bowed his head respectfully. Lina bit her lip.
"Somehow I doubt that." Lina said. "The last time we met you nearly killed Attie and me."
"Still holding a grudge?" Xellos asked.
"Attie still has the scars." Lina replied.
"Indeed." Xellos said. "Like all humans she is so fragile. And not nearly the sorceress you are."
"Where are you going with this?" Lina asked as she folded her arms across herself.
"Well, I want to understand," Xellos said, "What the point of all this was?"
"Huh?" Lina said.
"Well, it will be a string of deaths for you from here on out, won't it?" Xellos asked, "All that time spent saving the world and the people in it, and for what? To watch them all die one by one?"
Lina felt herself grow tense as he continued, "Sure, Min might outlive you. Her magic might just be as strong as yours. But Attie, Pomona and Luke? You will certainly bury them. And then bury their children, and given your impressive magical capacity, quite possibly many of their grandchildren even."
A sense of panic grew within Lina, especially as it was something she had actually worried about. Burying Dianna had been hard enough. Facing a future where she might have to bury more children without her lifelong companion…
"Should we make bets on who you will outlive, and who will outlive you?" Xellos mused, "As far as outliving you I would bet on Min, Cory and Juliet…"
"I'm not playing such a sick game!" Lina spat.
"You fought so hard to save the world, and yet this is how it repays you." Xellos observed. "One by one you will lose everyone and everything you love. Everything ends. It sounds like a rather poor bargain in the end."
"Are you here to start another fight?" Lina asked as she fought against the tears and tried to hide how badly he had hit below the belt, "Because I really feel the urge to beat someone bloody right now!"
"Your fight makes no sense."
"What's the alternative?" Lina asked.
"If you became a Mazoku, you wouldn't care."
Lina felt the breath leave her body. "So that's what this is about."
"If you become one of us, then you wouldn't feel the pain and loss anymore. And the work that you seek to accomplish would be rewarded with each passing day once the world is returned to Chaos. Unlike the work the went into keeping the world going."
Lina smiled tiredly, "You must really be on your last reserves if you're asking me to join you."
"If you put half the energy working for us that you put to defeating us, then the world will be gone in months." Xellos explained.
"Hm." Lina said as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, "It smells of desperation to me. Especially since you should know I could never betray what Gourry and I fought for like that. Everything may end, but nothing can take away what we created and the memories we made in the meantime."
"What's the point, when you have to live with the grief in the end?"
"You should have popped by after Di had died." Lina mused, "This might have worked before I'd gone down this road once. But now I know, the moments between the grief were worth living for. And I can't take those away from my children and grandchildren, even if they don't outlive me. They deserve to have them."
Then she glared at him as she noticed one of her grandsons come up, "So you better get the hell out of here before I take another stab at killing you!"
"Granma?" Alan asked as he approached, and Xellos vanished.
Lina smiled at him. Like many of their descendants, Alan was the splitting image of his grandfather. He was also one of the rare ones who resembled him in personality. "Yes?"
"Who was that?"
"No one you need concern yourself about." Lina said as she wrapped an arm around him protectively. "I suppose everyone is worried about me?"
"Families need each other during times like these, don't they?" He asked.
Lina's smile was bittersweet as she nodded in agreement, "They do. Now, give me a moment."
Alan waited quietly as she closed her eyes. Farewell my love. I'll take care of everyone here. And you'll take care of the one over there.
When she opened her eyes it was still hard to move, and Alan gently grabbed her arm as he asked, "You ready?"
No. Still, she let Alan pull her away back in the direction of her living loved ones. As they left the graveyard he asked, "Can you believe that Queen Amelia will stop by?"
"Can you believe Queen Amelia fought beside us?" Lina replied.
"You say that, but…"
"But nothing, it's the truth." Lina snapped as she reflected that even though Gourry may be gone, there were still plenty of people in her life who reminded her of him to carry her through. That he lived on through their descendants was undeniable.
"I'll be sure to ask her when I see her." Alan said, "Aunt Min and Aunt Pomona did a wonderful job with the backyard. It's fit for royalty."
"Oh, I was hoping we would have the reception inside!" Lina groaned.
"Why?" Alan asked, the surprise genuine in his voice, "Grandpa loved days like this. It's not too hot or too cold, there's a gentle breeze and he once said it always helped him to appreciate what he had on days like this."
Lina felt her heart race as she remembered Gourry saying as much during their days aimlessly traveling the world. No one enjoyed a beautiful spring day more than he did. Even after his stroke he would sit on the porch for as long as he could and would take a walk with whoever stopped by to visit him.
"Considering it gets so rainy at this time of the year, it's as if the world wanted to celebrate his life with the things he liked." Alan continued as Lina looked up at the clear blue sky as if she was seeing it clearly for the first time.
I see what you're doing now, she thought as she was confronted again with the biggest paradox of her life. If Dianna hadn't died, she and Gourry would never have had Luke, and if Luke had never lived, then Alan never would have been given life either. The child who had given her direction and purpose after losing Dianna had given her a grandchild who was giving her an anchor now that Gourry was gone as she realized that he had left behind plenty of people who could support her through this time. A feeling of peace settled through her as she said, "I hadn't thought of it that way."
"Huh?"
"That the world may be celebrating the fact that he lived." Lina mused. And suddenly, the fact that the sun was shining could not have felt more right.
AN: Hey ya'll, I know I've been warning about this fic for awhile, and it kept getting delayed because I kept adding new parts to this series and exploring directions I never thought I'd explore, but I think I've done all I can with this series, so at long last, here's the conclusion. I'm still surprised this series was as beloved as it was and appreciate the kind feedback given along the way and I hope that this was a fitting conclusion. As always, thanks for reading!
On that note, this might be my last update for awhile. Now that my kids are getting older and going to school full time I've been working on ways to grow my business, and the best way to do that is starting a group therapy thing. I found a topic I'm passionate about working with, yet amazingly there is no curriculum for that topic, so this summer I'm planning to write one while promoting the group and doing screenings/assessments and getting everything ready for the fall, and the writing of a curriculum will unfortunately cut into my fun writing time. I still try to keep my weekends free of therapy stuff but I'm not sure how realistic that will be until the curriculum is written. And then once I get that done and spend a few years perfecting it I can publish it, fill a void in the counseling world, and live off the royalties for the rest of my life so I can just write fanfic to my heart's content, lol, ok, I can dream. But hey, Hajime Kanzaka is continuing the series, perhaps we'll finally get a GOOD anime adaptation of the second novel arc and then some! LOL, we can dream!